The Poop

How Was This Not the Biggest Story in the Country?

2009-12-28T00:22:00.000-05:00

I recently heard a story that I could not believe I missed when it came out a few months ago. Maybe I just missed it, but someone exposed to as much news as I am probably should have heard this one, unless the liberal media covered it up.

The White House released its visitor logs for the first 6 months of the Obama Presidency. The names William Ayers and Jeremiah Wright were both on the list. Ok, annoying, but no huge deal. But wait, there's more. The White House says it's not the William Ayers or Jeremiah Wright you are thinking of. The people who visited the White House are different people with the same names.

No I am not making this up.
It was reported by ABC News, the Washington Post, the New York Times and even the White House's own website.

The Obama Administration has promised to be the most transparent administration ever. Now, I expect all administrations to lie, to cover stuff up (and no this is nowhere near as bad as lying about a reason to go to war) but it is insulting to the American people to feed us this blatant lie and expect us to buy it. I can't imagine even the most ardent liberal Poophead buying this "same name, different person" story.

As we learned with Watergate, it's not the infraction that kills you, it's the cover-up, I guess that's unless you have the entire news media rooting for your success.

Weekly Picks

2009-12-26T11:17:00.000-05:00

Another decent weak thanks to some good luck and good coaching by Mike McCarthy and Mike Tomlin. I could have done even better had Arizona not pooped the bed against Detroit. But typical of my season, I said the Raiders had a chance to cover because JaMarcus Russell wasn't playing, then the guy comes in and wins the game. Anyway, I meant to pick San Diego this week but was too late, so we'll go with these five games.

baltimore +2 1/2 PITTSBURGH
Roethlisberger won't be able to pass for 500 yards against the Ravens and the Steelers have major problems on defense.

MIAMI -3 houston
The Texans lose every single close game.

INDIANAPOLIS -5 1/2 ny jets
I think the Colts are going to be a little more aggressive going after this 16-0 season than most people think. I think Manning stays in the game long enough to put up at least 21 points which should be enough.

minnesota -7 CHICAGO
If the Vikings don't bounce back in this game Brett Favre would be reaching T.O. levels of team destruction through arrogance and selfishness. Because I think Favre is a little better than that, and the Bears defense is terrible, I expect him to have a good game here.

BEST BET
PHILADELPHIA -7 denver
I have no confidence in the Broncos right now, they are 8-6 after a 6-0 start and those wins came against the Giants and Chiefs. Meanwhile, the Eagles are killing people and have a chance to pass the Vikings.

Last week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 33-42 (34 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (8-7)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (7-10)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-2)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (14-14)
Road Underdogs: 3-0 (11-15)
Road Pickem: 0-0 (0-1)

Luther Wright Has His Life...But Not His Toes Back

2009-12-26T00:44:00.000-05:00

A couple years ago I posted the sad story of former Seton Hall center Luther Wright. The link is worth clicking just for Mrs. Poop's insensitive comment.

Now AOL has a Luther Wright update that updates us on the 8-toed big man's life now.

Joseph Isn't Good in the Sack

2009-12-25T23:57:00.003-05:00

A controversial billboard from a church in New Zealand claims to "challenge stereotypes" about the birth of Jesus Christ.

St Matthew-in-the-City Church in Auckland, which erected the billboard, said it had intended to provoke debate.

But the Catholic Church, among others, has condemned it as "inappropriate" and "disrespectful".

Within hours of its unveiling, the billboard had been defaced with brown paint.

The church's vicar, Archdeacon Glynn Cardy, said the aim of the billboard had been to lampoon the literal interpretation of the Christmas conception story.

"What we're trying to do is to get people to think more about what Christmas is all about. Is it about a spiritual male God sending down sperm so a child would be born, or is it about the power of love in our midst as seen in Jesus?"

But Lyndsay Freer, spokeswoman for the Catholic Diocese of Auckland, said the poster was offensive to Christians.

"Our Christian tradition of 2,000 years is that Mary remains a virgin and that Jesus is the son of God, not Joseph," she told the New Zealand Herald. "Such a poster is inappropriate and disrespectful."

I hope all had a very Merry Christmas.

Bo Obama Barks at Santa Claus

2009-12-25T08:52:00.000-05:00

Michelle Obama is trying to read stories to children and Bo interrupting by warning the strange man in the red suit to back away from his family.

As much I love Bo that little ham Sasha is still my favorite Obama.

Merry Christmas Mets Fans

2009-12-24T00:07:00.003-05:00

From Omar Minaya to you New York Mets fans, R.A. Dickey, heretofore referred to on this blog as U.R.A. Dickey.

On a related note: any fantasy baseball league that wants me as a member must institure a new rule. All but the last place owner shall contribute money to buy the last place team's owner an R.A. Dickey Mets jersey. It's sort of like Pizza Parlor Derek's paper bag but funnier.

The way this offseason is going for the Mets I can totally see Holliday going to the Red Sox, Bay to the Yankees and the Mets are left with nothing but Carlos Delgado and Pedro Martinez. Both of whom we will bitch about when they get hurt next year. I can't believe Omar missed the boat on Marquis and Vazquez.

Song of the Week

2009-12-23T02:55:00.001-05:00

"Merry Christmas from the Family" - Robert Earl Keen

In the South, when radio stations do their Christmas marathons, this song plays once an hour.

Best NFL Films Mic'ed Up Sound Ever

2009-12-23T00:47:00.000-05:00

NFL Films is pretty much the best thing ever, for 40 years it's been providing incredible access to NFL sidelines. NFL Films Presents is pretty much the best, most underrated show on TV right.
When Steve Sabol calls the clip of Matt Stafford getting hurt then coming back on the field as the Lions beat the Browns 38-37 the most dramatic sound NFL Films ever got, he is not exaggerating.

Chase's Hero is a Male Chauvinist Pig

2009-12-22T07:17:00.000-05:00

Turns out Mrs. Poop and I (and especially Mama Poop) have spent hundreds of dollars turning Chase into a misogynistic, right-wing autocrat.

According to a new study by Professor Shauna Wilton at the University of Alberta, Augustana, female characters are few and far between and the few female trains on the Island of Sodor are marginalized.
Wilton analyzed 23 episodes of “Thomas and Friends” and found only 8 female characters, compared to 41 males.
"The female characters do tend to be a bit sidelined," Wilton says. "The show comes out of a particularly historical time period when society was hierarchical and there was a blind following of authority. I want my daughter to think for herself."
The global Thomas brand of books, video games, movies and a TV series had its beginnings in 1943, when the Rev. Wilbert Awdry in Birmingham, England, started making up stories for his son, Christopher. His 26-book series recreated his boyhood fantasies of talking steam engines outside his home village of Box in Wiltshire.
Wilton concedes Thomas does include some valuable but messages but those messages include a "conservative political ideology that punishes individual initiative, opposes critique and change, and relegates females to supportive roles."
Only Emily, the first female steam engine, is part of the core "steam team," and she didn't arrive in the TV series until the seventh season.
Indeed, descriptions of those characters range from the coaches Annie and Clarabelle, who are old and faithful, to Emily, who is bossy and difficult to work with, to Mavis, an unreliable, feisty young diesel engine that had a lot to learn.
Daisy, the snobbish and highly strung diesel railcar, has been discontinued, and Henrietta, the faceless passenger coach, was nearly turned into a henhouse by the station master. The peripheral Rosie idolizes Thomas and mimics him. And like Rosie, Lady is smaller than the rest of the engines, particularly in comparison to burly Gordon.

I contacted Professor Wilton to ask for the entire study which I received and read. I've broken down her complaints about the show into three categories.

1) The male-female dynamic. Wilton has a point here. The show’s characters are mainly males and the few females in the cast are smaller physically or dependent on the males, as is the case for Annie and Clarabel. But that doesn’t mean something nefarious is going on here. I think it’s ok for kid’s show to have a majority of male characters, or more female characters but if her point is that not only are there fewer females, but they’re also marginalized, I can see that.
2) The show breeds a fear of authority. Wilton claims the show’s reverence for Sir Topham Hatt, the conductor of the railroad, discourages children from challenging authority. Once again she has the right information but draws the wrong conclusion. Sir Topham Hatt runs the railroad on the Island of Sodor, the engines should listen to him and take his word as law. I think, and I’m sure most parents and teachers would agree, respect for authority is an important lesson to teach kids. And if they need to learn to challenge those sacred figures it would probably be pretty easy to pick that up later in life.

3) The class system. Once again, Wilton’s analysis is absolutely right: there is class warfare between Thomas and the other steam engines (“steamies”) and the Diesel engines. But once again this doesn’t teach kids to be racists, it causes conflict which any TV show or story needs, and in the end is usually resolved with everyone working together and realizing each other’s usefulness.

In short Thomas may be a sexist pig who teaches children not to question and authority and to reject anyone different than them, but we already spent too much money on these damn toys to take them away now.

Where Does the UFC Go From Here?

2009-12-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

BJ Penn's total destruction of Diego Sanchez exposed 2 things:

1) Sanchez's skull

Here's a couple pictures of Diego Sanchez's nasty cut:

2) A major problem in the UFC right now

The champions in all five weight classes are just too good, no one can touch them.

Lightweight: BJ Penn (five straight wins as a lightweight) didn't just beat Diego Sanchez and Kenny Florian he dominated them. As the great Joe Rogan pointed out, who at 155 now can be expected to challenge Penn? No one. So what's next for him? Maybe a third shot at GSP? If Rogan is right and Penn is better conditioned now then maybe I could see it. If not, will Penn keep busting his ass in training to fight guys he can beat in his sleep?

Welterweight: While there are no questions about Georges St. Pierre's (6 straight wins) training habits he faces the same questions about upcoming opponents. Dan Hardy is a good striker but I don't like his chances against GSP's wrestling. GSP has a way of taking on guys who have built reputations as pit bulls and completely taking away their will to fight.

Middleweight: That's the same thing Anderson Silva (10-0 in the UFC) has done to the middleweight division. He's even had to move up to 205 to find challengers and he's embarrassed them too. But he doesn't want to fight for the title at 205 because he considers Lyoto Machida a brother.

Light Heavyweight: Machida (16-0, 8-0 in UFC) right now rules (tenuously) the deepst weight class in the UFC right now. The old veterans who just won't quit (Liddell, Ortiz, Coleman, Couture and Wanderlei) are there along with some guys who've still got it (Henderson, Evans, Shogun and maybe Griffin) as well as some young guns (Darth Bader and my personal favorite Bones Jones). But I really don't think any of them will beat Machida because if they go after him aggressively he'll counter and kill them, and if they are too patient Machida will do enough to outpoint them because he can't be hit.

Heavyweight: This is why Brock Lesnar's illness may be the best thing to happen to the UFC. No one can beat Lesnar. No one can stop his takedowns and no one can get up once he's on top of them. And because he lost that first fight to Mir by submission when he got sloppy, he is so patient and so cautious so as not to get caught again. A winning strategy, but a boring one. But without him around there are some intriguing heavyweight fighters who could put together some big bouts (Nogueira, Mir, Carwin, Velazquez) and in time maybe Roy Nelson and Stefan Struve too.

A string of uninspiring main events will likely continue into the new year and I really don't know what fight they could book to really get fans excited again.

Rap Battle: Blitzen vs. Santa

2009-12-21T02:27:00.003-05:00

A smack-talkin Blitzen (Lupe Fiasco) calls up Santa and starts talking some mess. Santa (brilliantly voiced by KRS-One) and his buddies, the Nike Kobe and LeBron puppets aren't gonna take that.

Weekly Picks

2009-12-19T17:59:00.004-05:00

The only thing I had success with last week is picking against Dallas in December so we will try that again this week.

NEW ORLEANS -7 1/2 dallas
I think the Saints are going to go strong to the wire and I think Dallas is going to fade. Plus the Saints technically need one more win to clinch home field.

atlanta +4 NEW YORK JETS
This seems just about the right time for the Jets to start breaking their fans' hearts. Not sure what the weather will bring for this one. The snow is supposed to have stopped by now but it could be cold and windy. Sanchez will probably start so maybe the wind could blow the ball to his own receivers for a change.

oakland +14 DENVER
Too many points here. The Raiders are actually pretty good when Jamarcus Russell is not starting. I think the spread would be 7 if Bruce Gradkowski were playing, so we'll see what happens with Charlie Frye but I think as long as Russell doesn't toucht the ball the Raiders will keep it close.

ARIZONA -12 1/2 detroit
The Cardinals will bounce back from a 7 turnover performance and put a hurting on the Lions then rest Kurt Warner for two weeks in lieu of competing for the 3rd playoff spot over the 4th.

BEST BET
green bay +2 [corrected] PITTSBURGH
The old trap game where the handicappers trap you into picking one side by making the spread so ridiculously wrong. I always lose these games but the Steelers have recently lost to the Browns, Chiefs and Raiders, how can they beat the Packers who are playing great defense lately? Not sure, but I have a bad feeling we might found out.

Last week: 2-3 (3 points)
Season: 30-40 (30 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (7-7)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (7-9)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-2)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (14-13)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (8-15)
Road Pickem: 0-0 (0-1)

Happy Hanukah From Your Favorite Mormon Senator

2009-12-19T07:12:00.001-05:00

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch is known for two things in his personal life: he's a Mormon and he's a song-writer. After years of writing Christian songs someone joked that he should write one for Hanukah. 10 years later Hatch finally did and collaborated with a Jewish singer to record it. And now "Eight Days of Hanukah" is an internet hit.

Hatch tells Imus the story of the song.

I hope everyone had a happy and joyous Hanukah.

Time's Running Out

2009-12-19T06:56:00.003-05:00

College football bowl season snuck up on me this year and I forgot to set up our group for ESPN's bowl mania. Look for the group called "The Poop" and get your picks in today before the first game is played. You'll still be able to get your picks in after the first few games but they'll saddle you with losses.

I Just Jlearyed/TallSkotted an Old Lady

2009-12-18T11:44:00.002-05:00

I was standing in line in the bakery with the rest of the Jews preparing to make my Shabbos order: two challot and two large black and white cookies. But I noticed they only had small ones. While I was contemplating their relative circumfrences to determine whether I should order 8 or 10 the old lady in front of me ordered 8, making my decision obvious.

I ordered 9.

And I had the audacity to type this post while standing next to her. Oooh the effrontery!

One of the Good Ones

2009-12-17T10:31:00.001-05:00

Through my job I've gotten to meet a good number of celebrities and an even greater number of people who thought they were celebrities when they really weren't.

Here's how you tell the good ones from the bad ones:

When you meet a celebrity extend your hand and offer your name. If they reply with their own name as if you'd never heard of them before, that's good. Sure you know their name and they know you know their name, but if they just say hi, they're probably an arrogant pompous jerk.

This morning I met Steve Schirripa aka Bobby Bacala. I stood up and as I was being introduced to him I said "I'm Paul, pleased to meet you.". He said "Steve. Nice to meet you too."

He's one of the good ones.

During this time our teleprompter also wanted to meet him too but she was prompting. I said "Michelle wants to meet you too but you can't distract her while she's prompting."

So Steve proceeds to tickle her.

He did other friendly and courteous things during the five minutes I saw him including posing for pictures.

Note: I considered asking him to take a picture with me but I always think that's cheesy and unprofessional and maybe a little gay when you're talking about two dudes.

It's nice when you see someone on TV and develop a theory about them (in this case I thought he was a struggling actor who never got jobs because he was too fat until his big break after which he got a lot of success but never became spoiled by it) and he turns out to be just as nice and funny as you expected. Or more.

AutoTuning Kanye, Charlie and Balloon Boy

2009-12-17T00:46:00.000-05:00

Some of the best videos in the history of the internet (not sure about the banana one) redone in newest fad, autotune.

What the Mets Should Do This Off-Season

2009-12-17T00:01:00.001-05:00

1) Forget Matt Holliday. Never has an offensive player left Colorado (even in the humidor era) and continued to produce on a level commensurate with his performance there. He was horrible with Oakland and had one ridiculous month batting behind the Mangnanimous Pooh Holes before coming back down to earth. He's terrible on defense (see NLDS Game 2) and wants Mark Teixeira money. He's not worth it.

2) Sign Jason Bay. I know I'm against the big splash but I don't really consider him in that category, the one that will win over angry fans newspapers. He's a good solid .900 OPS guy who could easily bat 5th in this lineup. At 5-years $80 million, sign him today.

3) Sign a good pitcher to a short contract. I like Joel Piniero but I wouldn't give him 4 years. Even 3 year contracts can seem like forever (see Perez, Oliver). I really like the idea of Jason Marquis as a hometown (nice, Jewish) boy makes good story. Give him 2 years at 10 million per (that's what Randy Wolf got per year) and maybe a club option for 2012. There are several good pitchers scheduled to hit the market after this season. Even if Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee sign extensions, Brandon Webb, Josh Beckett, Matt Cain and Javier Vazquez could be available maybe as early as July for Webb.

4) Hope. If Santana is healthy and they import a serviceable number two, only one of Pelfrey, Maine and Perez needs to step up to make it a solid trio at the top of the rotation. I think they have to put Perez in the rotation as the 5th starter. He has too much ability and too much money coming to him to just give up on him. Maybe he's like a worse Bret Saberhagen. Instead of one good year, one bad year he does one good, two bad.

5) Don't give Bengie Molina three years. I'd want him for one maybe two but he's a free swinger who doesn't get on base enough. Other catchers can nearly equate his production without standing in the doorway for Josh Thole.

6) Give up on giving up on Luis Castillo. A year ago at this time the Mets passed Orlando Hudson because they didn't want to dump Castillo. Then the guy has a great year reaching base -- getting on 38.7% of the time (though his dropped popup is one of the more infamous plays in Mets history) and they want to dump him as if he's Tiger Woods and they're a sponsor. (Note: I hate jokes like that when people on a completely different topic throw in a jab or weak analogy just to seem like they're hip to what's happening in the world. I only did it to prove how stupid and cheesy it is to do that.). Let the guy bat second behind a healthy Reyes and in front of a healthy Beltran and he'll be the least of our worries. I hate Castillo too but Master Bates convinced me the upgrade from him to Hudson is so small it doesn't even rank among the Mets top 5 priorities.

7) Let Daniel Murphy play first and bat 8th. He was horribly miscast last year as a run producer. He should hit line drives and get on base. He was learning a new position as well and seemed to show flashes. I do not want Carlos Delgado back striking out all the time and I don't want to make a long term commitment to someone else because Ike Davis is supposedly the real deal and coming in 2011.

2010 Mets lineup
Jose Reyes
Luis Castillo
Carlos Beltran
David Wright
Jason Bay
Jeff Francouer
Bengie Molina
Daniel Murphy

Starting Rotation
Johan Santana
Jason Marquis
Mike Pelfrey
John Maine
Oliver Perez

Bullpen
Frankie Rodriguez
Bobby Parnell
Pedro Feliciano
Sean Green
Brian Stokes

Graveyard Dead Maam

2009-12-16T19:40:00.000-05:00

I've heard a lot of 911 calls in my time but few are as dramatic as the one Donna Jackson of Oklahoma made when someone was trying to break into her house.

Here's a more detailed transcript of the call which shows that not only did the 911 operator not tell Jackson not to kill the intruder, she advised Jackson that she was within her rights to do so.

Jackson will not be charged with a crime because Oklahoma has a "stand your ground" law. I do however wish she had shouted to the intruder "go away, I have a gun, I will shoot you" and maybe even fired a warning shot.

Why The Mets Will Always Suck

2009-12-16T03:14:00.000-05:00

Every off-season you can count on two things, the Mets will be coming off a disappointing season and the newspapers, talk show hosts and fans will want them to make a big trade or big free agent signing.

And if there were a third certainty of baseball's hot stove season it would be me using this space to preach a more prudent approach.

I think I am going to punch the next person who says the Mets need to make a "big splash" to win back their fans. As stupid as Mets fans are, they want a winning team. I don't think any of them are going to games thinking "I owe the Wilpons my ticket money because they made a big splash signing some past-his-prime veteran who is now on the disabled list." And if they put some good young players on the field no one is going to stay home due to the lack of the big splash.

The other fallacy we need to address is that the "big splash" wins. It's a hard argument to make right now because the Yankees became World Champs by signing everyone in sight. But Mets fans need to face facts, we can never, should never and will never spend as the Yankees do. But we don't have to. Look down the list of World Series winners before 2009, other than Manny Ramirez twice, few of those teams made a big splash, and it took the Sox five years and a lot of young players for that to happen.

Remember the Yankees kissed a lot of toads (Kevin Brown, Jason Giambi) before they found CC Sabathia and Mark Teixeira. And let's review the Mets recent history with the big splash: Pedro Martinez (one of the worst free agent signings in history), Carlos Beltran (I'm one of very few Mets fans who still likes this deal) and Johan Santana (they wasted two prime years already with no playoff appearances).

The Mets still have a good, young nucleus to build around (Reyes, Wright) and some good veterans who still have some years left (Beltran, Santana) so I preach measured patience.

Song of the Week

2009-12-16T02:02:00.002-05:00

"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" - Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
I have an affinity for male/female duets and in the history of the world no one did them better than Marvin and Tammi.
I do however wish the song hadn't become so overplayed in movies like its trite usage in "Remember the Titans."

A Carry, A Travel and a Flagrant Foul

2009-12-15T05:30:00.002-05:00

LeBron James gets two steals on this play, the ball, and a theft of a couple french fries from a kid in a Kevin Durant jersey.
Steal of the Night indeed.

Note: this video encapsulates a new problem I'm facing. Do I post the user-friendl youtube videos or take them directly from the source and make Poopheads sit through an ad. I decided to go with the nba.com version because I think it's the honest thing to do, plus it won't get taken down in a few hours. I like having these videos for posterity and for the Poopheads who only check the blog once a week or less. If you are a daily reader who hates sitting through 30 second ads to watch a 20 second video, blame the idiots who refuse to check this blog everyday.

Gossip Girl: Staten Island

2009-12-15T01:46:00.002-05:00

Saturday Night Live jumps on the recent wave of anti-guido sentiment with a kind of funny skit called "Gossip Girl: Staten Island." The incredibly hot Blake Lively saves the sketch.

Proper Train/Subway Ettiquette

2009-12-15T00:43:00.000-05:00

Any of you who take mass transportation to work might have noticed that some riders view finding a newspaper on a seat akin to finding buried treasure.
Many days I bring a paper with me to leaf through and to do the crossword puzzle. I don't like to leave my mess for other people to clean up and I like to make sure my newspaper ends up in the proper recycling bin, so I always take it with me and dispose of it on the platform.
But every night I ride in with a guy named Jose who scours the cars looking for a free paper. Would I be a more courteous train rider if I left my New York Post on the train for someone else to read?

Happy Hanukah

2009-12-14T21:13:00.000-05:00

Happy Hanukah from the Poops