Ron Darling wonder which Met relief pitcher would step up and "put his finger in the dike?"
I know there is another meaning to that but Mrs. Poop and I could not stop laughing at that one.
Friday, August 08, 2008
I Guess Erin Andrews Was Really Shaken Up By All This Dress Talk
After a newspaper reporter questioned Erin Andrews integrity by pointing out the attire she wears to games may be designed to get millionaire baseball players to notice her, Andrews reacted angrily, and didn't change a thing.
This is the outfit she wore while covering the Yankees-Rangers game (you didn't think she was gonna miss a chance to get ogled by Jeter and A-Rod did you?). Unfortunately, full-length shot not available.
This is the outfit she wore while covering the Yankees-Rangers game (you didn't think she was gonna miss a chance to get ogled by Jeter and A-Rod did you?). Unfortunately, full-length shot not available.
I Officially Hate Rampage Jackson
A pregnant woman who was injured when Quinton "Rampage" Jackson sideswiped her SUV last month has had a miscarriage.
The woman, Holli Griggs, suffered what were believed to be minor injuries in the July 15 crash, after which Jackson led police on a chase. It is not clear whether the crash directly led to the miscarriage, but her fiance, Bill Krebs, said doctors were immediately concerned when they noticed a significant loss of fluid in Griggs' womb after the accident.
Dealing with the loss of a child in this way is bad enough, but when you believe that someone's else irresponsbile actions are the cause of your pain, it must be ten times worse.
At least, Mrs. Poop and I were able to chalk it up to bad luck and move on. Whenever this couple thinks about this incident they will always get angry at Rampage.
I hope Holli Griggs gets pregnant again as soon as possible and has a happy healthy baby very soon.
The woman, Holli Griggs, suffered what were believed to be minor injuries in the July 15 crash, after which Jackson led police on a chase. It is not clear whether the crash directly led to the miscarriage, but her fiance, Bill Krebs, said doctors were immediately concerned when they noticed a significant loss of fluid in Griggs' womb after the accident.
Dealing with the loss of a child in this way is bad enough, but when you believe that someone's else irresponsbile actions are the cause of your pain, it must be ten times worse.
At least, Mrs. Poop and I were able to chalk it up to bad luck and move on. Whenever this couple thinks about this incident they will always get angry at Rampage.
I hope Holli Griggs gets pregnant again as soon as possible and has a happy healthy baby very soon.
Saddest Story Ever
The Mayor of Berwyn Heights, Maryland had his home invaded by a SWAT team who tied up his mother-in-law and shot and killed his two dogs, Black Labradors named Payton and Chase.
Last week, a FedEx delivery was dropped off at Cheye Calvo's house. It was addressed to his wife so he picked it up and brought it inside.
Police had been tipped off to the package when it was flagged by a bomb-sniffing dog. Now police say drug smugglers used Calvo's wife's identity to send the package (containing 32 pounds of marijuana) to her address and hoped to pick it up before she was able to.
But as soon as Calvo brought the package in the house, the SWAT team invaded.
Calvo said he was brought downstairs at gunpoint in his boxer shorts, handcuffed and forced onto the floor with his mother-in-law near the carcass of one of dead dogs.
"I noticed my two dead dogs lying in pools of their own blood," Calvo said.
Police say they shot the dogs because they felt threatened but Calvo said the dogs were tracked down by the cops and one was shot in the back as he was running away.
Last week, a FedEx delivery was dropped off at Cheye Calvo's house. It was addressed to his wife so he picked it up and brought it inside.
Police had been tipped off to the package when it was flagged by a bomb-sniffing dog. Now police say drug smugglers used Calvo's wife's identity to send the package (containing 32 pounds of marijuana) to her address and hoped to pick it up before she was able to.
But as soon as Calvo brought the package in the house, the SWAT team invaded.
Calvo said he was brought downstairs at gunpoint in his boxer shorts, handcuffed and forced onto the floor with his mother-in-law near the carcass of one of dead dogs.
"I noticed my two dead dogs lying in pools of their own blood," Calvo said.
Police say they shot the dogs because they felt threatened but Calvo said the dogs were tracked down by the cops and one was shot in the back as he was running away.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Did He Steal Juice's Gimmick?
Mets Weekly often profiles strange or devoted Mets fans. One fan they chose to profile is a guy who goes by the name, "The King of Brunch."
I guess his first appearance was successful because they decided to give him another try.
After watching him the second time, something struck me, his mannerisms, his pattern of speech, his phraseology, are all eerily similar to Juice.
Lines to watch for:
"I brunch on Wednesdays."
"We're a cross between Barbra Streisand and the Wu-Tang Clan."
"Why don't they make this or this in adult sizes? Imagine me in a Mets onesie."
"Sort of like an iced out Mets logo. I'd wear this."
In case embedding isn't working.
And here's his second appeance:
"I was gonna get a pedicure, I'll cancel it."
"It's like a Bar Mitzvah, it's just exciting."
In case embedding isn't working.
I guess his first appearance was successful because they decided to give him another try.
After watching him the second time, something struck me, his mannerisms, his pattern of speech, his phraseology, are all eerily similar to Juice.
Lines to watch for:
"I brunch on Wednesdays."
"We're a cross between Barbra Streisand and the Wu-Tang Clan."
"Why don't they make this or this in adult sizes? Imagine me in a Mets onesie."
"Sort of like an iced out Mets logo. I'd wear this."
In case embedding isn't working.
And here's his second appeance:
"I was gonna get a pedicure, I'll cancel it."
"It's like a Bar Mitzvah, it's just exciting."
In case embedding isn't working.
A Modest Proposal
Here's my plan to improve (not fix) the Mets:
I think they should move Aaron Heilman into the starting rotation and make Pedro Martinez the closer.
I think this would work because Pedro is an experienced enough pitcher to adapt to the pressures of the role. Also, his biggest weakness currently as a starter is that he is not able to go deep into games.
As for Aaron Heilman, he's a terrible relief pitcher, they really have nothing to lose. He wants to be a starter, and he's had success as a starter, and moving him out of the bullpen might actually be addition by subtraction.
This will never happen because the Mets have no guts or imagination but difficult times call for creative solutions.
I think they should move Aaron Heilman into the starting rotation and make Pedro Martinez the closer.
I think this would work because Pedro is an experienced enough pitcher to adapt to the pressures of the role. Also, his biggest weakness currently as a starter is that he is not able to go deep into games.
As for Aaron Heilman, he's a terrible relief pitcher, they really have nothing to lose. He wants to be a starter, and he's had success as a starter, and moving him out of the bullpen might actually be addition by subtraction.
This will never happen because the Mets have no guts or imagination but difficult times call for creative solutions.
Celeb Sighting
As I was parking my car in the underground garage and waiting for the slow attendant to give me my ticket, I noticed a black Escalade pulling in, trailed by 15 to 20 paparazzi.
They were snapping pictures of the car as it pulled into the garage.
Garage security stopped the photographers from entering and two security guys got out of the Escalade, and ushered a woman into a side door.
I asked the attendant who it was and he said "Madonna."
I didn't get a good look at her because she was ducking her head and standing between two large men, but I guess it could have been her.
They were snapping pictures of the car as it pulled into the garage.
Garage security stopped the photographers from entering and two security guys got out of the Escalade, and ushered a woman into a side door.
I asked the attendant who it was and he said "Madonna."
I didn't get a good look at her because she was ducking her head and standing between two large men, but I guess it could have been her.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
The First Rule of The Poop
We don't talk about The Poop on Facebook.
On Facebook I am friends with a lot of people I work with, all of whom for many reasons, do not know about The Poop.
And I'd like to keep it that way.
Given the nature of Facebook and the way everyone can see everything, it's better not to mention the Poop.
On Facebook I am friends with a lot of people I work with, all of whom for many reasons, do not know about The Poop.
And I'd like to keep it that way.
Given the nature of Facebook and the way everyone can see everything, it's better not to mention the Poop.
I'm Not Sure I See the Connection
A flight attendant is suing Victoria Osteen, wife of televangelist Joel Osteen.
Sharon Brown claims Victoria Osteen pushed her against the bathroom door and elbowed her in the breast during a confrontation on a flight to Vail in 2005.
Brown says the fight started when Osteen called over a flight attendant to clean a spilled drink off her armrest.
Osteen has already paid a $3,000 fine from the FAA for interefering with a flight.
But now Brown wants her to pay even more. She is suing Osteen for 10% of her network in punitive damages.
She also wants an apology.
Now here's the kicker: Brown claims the incident caused her to lose her faith. She also says the incident caused her hemorrhoids to flare up.
Now I don't see how that's possible. Can someone explain the link to me between the altercation and the hemorrhoids? And if there were a legitmate link, wouldn't it be best to leave it out of the lawsuit to save yourself some embarrassment?
Sharon Brown claims Victoria Osteen pushed her against the bathroom door and elbowed her in the breast during a confrontation on a flight to Vail in 2005.
Brown says the fight started when Osteen called over a flight attendant to clean a spilled drink off her armrest.
Osteen has already paid a $3,000 fine from the FAA for interefering with a flight.
But now Brown wants her to pay even more. She is suing Osteen for 10% of her network in punitive damages.
She also wants an apology.
Now here's the kicker: Brown claims the incident caused her to lose her faith. She also says the incident caused her hemorrhoids to flare up.
Now I don't see how that's possible. Can someone explain the link to me between the altercation and the hemorrhoids? And if there were a legitmate link, wouldn't it be best to leave it out of the lawsuit to save yourself some embarrassment?
A Hole in My Heart
After 30 years of keeping them at bay insidious cavities have invaded my heretofore perfect teeth. During my latest visit to the dentist, 2 cavities were discovered, meaning I am no longer a member of the one-percenters (my name for the group of people who have never had cavities or braces -- I'm not sure if it's really one percent of the population, but it sounds good). A few years ago my gums started to deteriorate and I was told it was because I was brushing too often. So I cut back from five times a day, to twice or three times. And this is what happened.
cavities
cavities
Song of the Week
"Need U Bad" - Jazmine Sullivan
I just love the smooth sound of this, especially on the hook.
I think she sounds like Lauryn Hill.
I just love the smooth sound of this, especially on the hook.
I think she sounds like Lauryn Hill.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
TON's Kill List: Cynthia Good
We're unveiling a new feature here on the Poop called TON's Kill List. Previously it has existed only in his demented mind but I hope to make a regular feature here.
Take it away TON.
"Cynthia Good (the editor of "Pink magazine" based in Atlanta) wants "Men at Work" signs to be gender neutral and say things like "Workers Ahead". I don't have a problem with that. The problem is that it'll cost $1000 to repaint the signs. No big deal you say? Well she wants to take this idea nation-wide. So if it's $1000 for just Atlanta, I'll take a totally random stab at this, and say that'll be about $500,000-ish for the rest of the country.
Wouldn't that money be better spent elsewhere? Can't a whole crapload of starving African kids be fed for 20 cents a day? Actually, screw the kids...even if that $1000 bux per city was just used to plant a few more trees, it would be more beneficial than satisfying Cynthia Good.
Cynthia, if you want equality, the first step is to not give a crap about stupid, inconsequential things like this. Drive by, see the sign, bitch about it for a minute, and move on with your life. It's acts like yours that actually support thoughts about men being superior. While you're moaning and groaning about stuff that doesn't matter, most guys are out there ignoring a whole bunch of crap equally inconsequential, and moving on to more important things in life.
It's not like some woman's boss was driving to work, saw a sign that said "Men Working" and thought "Hell yeah, that's right...MEN!...screw Linda and her promotion." If anyone comes back with a stat about fewer women in high ranking positions; it's not because of any straight up gender bias, it's because of all the Cynthia Goods out there getting caught up on things that don't matter. Ignore the crap, move on. The national industry guidelines suggest gender-neutral road signs. Take that as comfort that somone else already bitched them onto the same page as you for new signs in the future.
Note: The 'Kill List' is used for fun. I have no plans to harm you, Cynthia. Please don't sue me. Also, to other women out there, I know many of you are superior to me, so don't take this seriously. But if you're Cynthia Good, please do take it seriosuly, because you're on TON's Kill List.
Take it away TON.
"Cynthia Good (the editor of "Pink magazine" based in Atlanta) wants "Men at Work" signs to be gender neutral and say things like "Workers Ahead". I don't have a problem with that. The problem is that it'll cost $1000 to repaint the signs. No big deal you say? Well she wants to take this idea nation-wide. So if it's $1000 for just Atlanta, I'll take a totally random stab at this, and say that'll be about $500,000-ish for the rest of the country.
Wouldn't that money be better spent elsewhere? Can't a whole crapload of starving African kids be fed for 20 cents a day? Actually, screw the kids...even if that $1000 bux per city was just used to plant a few more trees, it would be more beneficial than satisfying Cynthia Good.
Cynthia, if you want equality, the first step is to not give a crap about stupid, inconsequential things like this. Drive by, see the sign, bitch about it for a minute, and move on with your life. It's acts like yours that actually support thoughts about men being superior. While you're moaning and groaning about stuff that doesn't matter, most guys are out there ignoring a whole bunch of crap equally inconsequential, and moving on to more important things in life.
It's not like some woman's boss was driving to work, saw a sign that said "Men Working" and thought "Hell yeah, that's right...MEN!...screw Linda and her promotion." If anyone comes back with a stat about fewer women in high ranking positions; it's not because of any straight up gender bias, it's because of all the Cynthia Goods out there getting caught up on things that don't matter. Ignore the crap, move on. The national industry guidelines suggest gender-neutral road signs. Take that as comfort that somone else already bitched them onto the same page as you for new signs in the future.
Note: The 'Kill List' is used for fun. I have no plans to harm you, Cynthia. Please don't sue me. Also, to other women out there, I know many of you are superior to me, so don't take this seriously. But if you're Cynthia Good, please do take it seriosuly, because you're on TON's Kill List.
From Indifference To Admiration in Two Words
I never watch SportsCenter so I don't really care too much about their anchors. I despise Stuart Scott, but towards everyone else (including Scott Van Pelt), I maintained a healthy indifference. Although I know the internets love him because of his classic voicemail.
But in one fell swoop SVP became my favorite SportsCenter anchor.
I was listening to the first few minutes of "Tirico and Van Pelt" on ESPN Radio while walking Diesel.
Mike Tirico was off so Van Pelt was hosting with Michelle Tafoya. Tafoya was speaking of her recent trip to Vegas and told Scott he took her advice and placed $20 on red as soon as she got there.
She won that bet but ended up down $60 during her stay at the roulette wheel.
Then she remarked that she did much better at craps.
Scott Van Pelt yelled out "dolla yo!"
And that's why I love Scott Van Pelt.
But in one fell swoop SVP became my favorite SportsCenter anchor.
I was listening to the first few minutes of "Tirico and Van Pelt" on ESPN Radio while walking Diesel.
Mike Tirico was off so Van Pelt was hosting with Michelle Tafoya. Tafoya was speaking of her recent trip to Vegas and told Scott he took her advice and placed $20 on red as soon as she got there.
She won that bet but ended up down $60 during her stay at the roulette wheel.
Then she remarked that she did much better at craps.
Scott Van Pelt yelled out "dolla yo!"
And that's why I love Scott Van Pelt.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Happy Birthday To My Car
Seven years ago, I went to the dealership and picked up my first car.
Seven years and 55,000 miles later, we've been through a lot together, marriage, parenthood, 2 apartments and a house, and through it all you've been there. You welcomed Mrs. Poop (even though she spills Snapple on you), Diesel (even though he gets his hair all over you) and even Chase (he hasn't done much to you yet but probably someday he'll poop inside a makeshift potty in the back of you) without ever once complaining.
There have been doubters (J-Slinn said I wouldn't still love you when I was 30, but I do) but you never had any doubts.
From the time I saw you from the top of a roller coaster at Great Adventure to the time an icy road almost killed us both, you've always been there for me.
And like these pictures indicate, through the best times, you've always been content to stand in the background.
Well, Mello Yello, on your 7th birthday I want to say this to you, "It might have appeared to go unnoticed, but I've got it all here in my heart. I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it. I would be nothing without you."
Seven years and 55,000 miles later, we've been through a lot together, marriage, parenthood, 2 apartments and a house, and through it all you've been there. You welcomed Mrs. Poop (even though she spills Snapple on you), Diesel (even though he gets his hair all over you) and even Chase (he hasn't done much to you yet but probably someday he'll poop inside a makeshift potty in the back of you) without ever once complaining.
There have been doubters (J-Slinn said I wouldn't still love you when I was 30, but I do) but you never had any doubts.
From the time I saw you from the top of a roller coaster at Great Adventure to the time an icy road almost killed us both, you've always been there for me.
And like these pictures indicate, through the best times, you've always been content to stand in the background.
Well, Mello Yello, on your 7th birthday I want to say this to you, "It might have appeared to go unnoticed, but I've got it all here in my heart. I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it. I would be nothing without you."
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Erin Andrews Dresses For Success
Erin Andrews is hot, we know this. So why does it keep coming up? Pardon my pun. Mike Nadel of a newspaper in Peoria, Illinois ran into Andrews in the Cubs clubhouse before a game and thought her presence and the reaction to it warranted a column.
"Erin Andrews, the ESPN “it” babe who clearly isn’t afraid to flaunt it, sauntered around the visiting clubhouse, flitting from one Cubs player to another. Her skimpy outfit — designed to accentuate her, um, positives — had players leering at her. Some made lewd comments under their breath. Others giggled like 12-year-olds. More on that later, as the scene was just one part of Bizarro Wednesday at Miller Park.
Moments later, the blonde reporter was chatting with Alfonso Soriano. At one point, she placed her hand suggestively on Soriano’s left biceps. Was I reading too much into all this? I don’t think so. I’ve been a paid observer for a long time ... and I wasn’t exactly the only one who noticed. As two Cubs stood near their lockers, one asked the other: “Hot? Or just attractive? Does she do anything for you?” The inquisitor then made eye contact with me as if saying — to use a term my uncle might have — “Hubba-hubba!”
This went on for at least an hour. Finally, Piniella emerged from his office, ready for his dugout media session. As he turned the corner, there was Andrews in all of her bare-legged, high-heeled, low-necklined glory. “Hey, hey, hey! Look at this!” Piniella said, loudly and excitedly. “Are you doing a baseball game today or a modeling assignment?”
Did she really feel playing the sexpot was necessary to practice journalism? She is good-looking enough and has enough of a high-profile job that she would get plenty of interviews and attention even if she showed up in a burlap sack."
A couple points about this before we move on to Erin's response and then the pictures (of Erin Andrews! yay!):
1) It does seem a little weird that she is now wearing dresses as opposed to more traditional female TV reporter attire like a pants-suit, but it is the summer and she's working outdoors.
2) Guys will be guys, it's not her fault guys want to ogle her. I guess the real judgment here is how much she courts this attention and how much she shuns it. I'd guess a little more courting than Andrews would have us believe.
3) The burlap sack remark is 100% accurate. The fact is, she's a gorgeous woman, even in that burlap sack she'd look great and guys would leer at her. It's not the dresses that demand the attention, it's the body in the dresses.
Erin felt strongly enough that her journalistic intergrity was being questioned so she fired back with a statement full of lies:
“These players are not into me like that. (Lie #1) If anything, I think these guys look at me like a little sister or one of the guys. (Lie #2) I don’t look at myself as a sex object. (Lie #3) I’ve never carried myself in that way. (Lie #4) I’m a girl that loves sports. I’m a tomboy. That’s the last thing on my mind when I’m in the clubhouse — worrying about players checking me out. I’m no dummy. I’m conscious that every day I have to prove myself. Being a woman, I thought at some point we were all past this. I’m not going to change. I can’t change. ESPN puts me on the best games not because of the way I look (lie #5), but because they trust me. The cool thing for me is that I trust ESPN with everything I have. I think that if I was conducting myself in a wrong manner, this would have been an issue a long time ago.”
It's true that she doesn't behave in an egregiously inappropriate way but she knows she's hot, everyone knows she's hot and she's happy to take advantage of that fact when it suits her needs.
I do feel badly that she has to deal with this constantly but there's a lot worse things to have to deal with.
"Erin Andrews, the ESPN “it” babe who clearly isn’t afraid to flaunt it, sauntered around the visiting clubhouse, flitting from one Cubs player to another. Her skimpy outfit — designed to accentuate her, um, positives — had players leering at her. Some made lewd comments under their breath. Others giggled like 12-year-olds. More on that later, as the scene was just one part of Bizarro Wednesday at Miller Park.
Moments later, the blonde reporter was chatting with Alfonso Soriano. At one point, she placed her hand suggestively on Soriano’s left biceps. Was I reading too much into all this? I don’t think so. I’ve been a paid observer for a long time ... and I wasn’t exactly the only one who noticed. As two Cubs stood near their lockers, one asked the other: “Hot? Or just attractive? Does she do anything for you?” The inquisitor then made eye contact with me as if saying — to use a term my uncle might have — “Hubba-hubba!”
This went on for at least an hour. Finally, Piniella emerged from his office, ready for his dugout media session. As he turned the corner, there was Andrews in all of her bare-legged, high-heeled, low-necklined glory. “Hey, hey, hey! Look at this!” Piniella said, loudly and excitedly. “Are you doing a baseball game today or a modeling assignment?”
Did she really feel playing the sexpot was necessary to practice journalism? She is good-looking enough and has enough of a high-profile job that she would get plenty of interviews and attention even if she showed up in a burlap sack."
A couple points about this before we move on to Erin's response and then the pictures (of Erin Andrews! yay!):
1) It does seem a little weird that she is now wearing dresses as opposed to more traditional female TV reporter attire like a pants-suit, but it is the summer and she's working outdoors.
2) Guys will be guys, it's not her fault guys want to ogle her. I guess the real judgment here is how much she courts this attention and how much she shuns it. I'd guess a little more courting than Andrews would have us believe.
3) The burlap sack remark is 100% accurate. The fact is, she's a gorgeous woman, even in that burlap sack she'd look great and guys would leer at her. It's not the dresses that demand the attention, it's the body in the dresses.
Erin felt strongly enough that her journalistic intergrity was being questioned so she fired back with a statement full of lies:
“These players are not into me like that. (Lie #1) If anything, I think these guys look at me like a little sister or one of the guys. (Lie #2) I don’t look at myself as a sex object. (Lie #3) I’ve never carried myself in that way. (Lie #4) I’m a girl that loves sports. I’m a tomboy. That’s the last thing on my mind when I’m in the clubhouse — worrying about players checking me out. I’m no dummy. I’m conscious that every day I have to prove myself. Being a woman, I thought at some point we were all past this. I’m not going to change. I can’t change. ESPN puts me on the best games not because of the way I look (lie #5), but because they trust me. The cool thing for me is that I trust ESPN with everything I have. I think that if I was conducting myself in a wrong manner, this would have been an issue a long time ago.”
It's true that she doesn't behave in an egregiously inappropriate way but she knows she's hot, everyone knows she's hot and she's happy to take advantage of that fact when it suits her needs.
I do feel badly that she has to deal with this constantly but there's a lot worse things to have to deal with.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Things I Thought Today
Those of you who are Facebook users know all about the "status updates" where you tell people what you're doing or what you're thinking.
Since I constantly have 10 million thoughts running through my head but I don't want to keep changing my status, I'm going to put some pithy thoughts in here, because this is why I created these freakin blog in the first place. I might update this throughout the day.
Note: all these should be read starting with my name first...
1) Thinks God is obviously sick and tired of me cutting the grass he helps grow. I went outside to mow and he made it start pouring. Instantly.
2) Wonders why the only bit of dog training that actually stuck with Diesel is indifference to thunder.
3) Wonders how much I'll save on my electric bill by turning off the air conditioning for two days while the wife and kid are away. 80 degrees really ain't that hot.
4) Wants to reassure everyone who checked The Poop earlier today and got an error message, I have fixed the problem.
5) Can't eat because he doesn't know how to work the child locks on the cabinet with the pots and pans.
6) Is not kidding about #5.
Since I constantly have 10 million thoughts running through my head but I don't want to keep changing my status, I'm going to put some pithy thoughts in here, because this is why I created these freakin blog in the first place. I might update this throughout the day.
Note: all these should be read starting with my name first...
1) Thinks God is obviously sick and tired of me cutting the grass he helps grow. I went outside to mow and he made it start pouring. Instantly.
2) Wonders why the only bit of dog training that actually stuck with Diesel is indifference to thunder.
3) Wonders how much I'll save on my electric bill by turning off the air conditioning for two days while the wife and kid are away. 80 degrees really ain't that hot.
4) Wants to reassure everyone who checked The Poop earlier today and got an error message, I have fixed the problem.
5) Can't eat because he doesn't know how to work the child locks on the cabinet with the pots and pans.
6) Is not kidding about #5.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Strip Club Ettiquette
I ran across these rules of strip club ettiquette and thought I would share them:
A trip to the local "Gentlemen's Club" can be a lot of fun, but it can also be intimidating for first-timers unsure of how to handle themselves. Here are six tips on proper strip club etiquette . . .
#1.) BE CLEAN. If an almost-naked stranger is going to be kind enough to give you a lap dance, the least you can do is shower and put on some deodorant beforehand.
This is a rule not just for strip clubs, but for life.
#2.) HAVE MONEY. If you're only going to bring enough cash for the cover and a few beers, what are you doing at a strip club? Sure, technically you're allowed to ogle the strippers for free, but bring money for tips, a lap dance, or both.
These girls work for a living. They have kids and unemployed boyfriends to feed.
#3.) A STRIPPER IS NOT A THERAPIST. The girl giving you a lap dance is usually nice enough to pretend to be interested in you...but doesn't mean she wants to hear about your problems. Just shut up and enjoy the dance.
No one enjoys talking to strippers more than the Concierge. And maybe Smokey, but he just wants them to get their lives back together.
#4.) DON'T TREAT STRIPPERS LIKE PROSTITUTES. There's a big difference between stripping and prostitution . . . so never assume a stripper does both. No matter how much you're enjoying the dance, don't ask her to go home with you.
This one I can't agree with. They can always say no. Normally, they'll jump at the chance to earn a little extra cash.
#5.) NO TOUCHING. Most strip clubs post this rule...in case you get carried away and forget. Let the dancers handle how much physical contact takes place...or you can expect to be contacted by one of the bouncers.
Follow the strippers lead and a lot of times she'll take you where you want to go.
#6.) ALWAYS TIP. Sure, you already paid for the dance, but if you can tip a waitress for a job well done, you can tip a stripper. Besides, if word gets around that you tip well, expect hotter dances as the ladies try for even more of your cash.
Yeah, that's what you need at a strip club, all the girls to know you're a good tipper. This was obviously written by a strippers' rights group.
A trip to the local "Gentlemen's Club" can be a lot of fun, but it can also be intimidating for first-timers unsure of how to handle themselves. Here are six tips on proper strip club etiquette . . .
#1.) BE CLEAN. If an almost-naked stranger is going to be kind enough to give you a lap dance, the least you can do is shower and put on some deodorant beforehand.
This is a rule not just for strip clubs, but for life.
#2.) HAVE MONEY. If you're only going to bring enough cash for the cover and a few beers, what are you doing at a strip club? Sure, technically you're allowed to ogle the strippers for free, but bring money for tips, a lap dance, or both.
These girls work for a living. They have kids and unemployed boyfriends to feed.
#3.) A STRIPPER IS NOT A THERAPIST. The girl giving you a lap dance is usually nice enough to pretend to be interested in you...but doesn't mean she wants to hear about your problems. Just shut up and enjoy the dance.
No one enjoys talking to strippers more than the Concierge. And maybe Smokey, but he just wants them to get their lives back together.
#4.) DON'T TREAT STRIPPERS LIKE PROSTITUTES. There's a big difference between stripping and prostitution . . . so never assume a stripper does both. No matter how much you're enjoying the dance, don't ask her to go home with you.
This one I can't agree with. They can always say no. Normally, they'll jump at the chance to earn a little extra cash.
#5.) NO TOUCHING. Most strip clubs post this rule...in case you get carried away and forget. Let the dancers handle how much physical contact takes place...or you can expect to be contacted by one of the bouncers.
Follow the strippers lead and a lot of times she'll take you where you want to go.
#6.) ALWAYS TIP. Sure, you already paid for the dance, but if you can tip a waitress for a job well done, you can tip a stripper. Besides, if word gets around that you tip well, expect hotter dances as the ladies try for even more of your cash.
Yeah, that's what you need at a strip club, all the girls to know you're a good tipper. This was obviously written by a strippers' rights group.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I'm With the Casino On This One
Yes, Michael Wax stunk. He's the first to admit it. The 440-pound Brooklyn man said he was playing poker at the Borgata for 17 hours and didn't have time to clean up. He understands why grossed-out gamblers complained about his body odor, but said he didn't deserve stinky treatment from the casino that asked him to leave.
Wax said he told casino officials: "There's no question I stink. I'm not denying it. I do have an odor. I've been playing for 17 hours."
He said a poker room manager followed him into the restroom and informed him that patrons at his table were complaining about his body odor.
When he tried to re-take his seat at the table, he said a manager told him he couldn't play anymore and to leave. He said he asked for a free room to freshen up, and the casino refused.
He promptly filed a complaint about his treatment with the Casino Control Commission. His complaint will be reviewed to determine whether any state gambling laws or regulations were violated, a commission spokesman said Wednesday.
Wax said his instincts tell him to find a different casino to patronize, but he likes gambling at the Borgata. He said the casino was out of line to tell him he stinks in front of other patrons.
"I would like an apology," Wax said.
If you remember a similar incident happened at the 2005 World Series of Poker where a smelly dirty British guy who yelled a lot was told he smelled because he had been wearing his lucky David Beckham jersey without washing it. The floor tried to intervene but evidently found that there was nothing in the rules regarding a player's offensive body odor.
Wax said he told casino officials: "There's no question I stink. I'm not denying it. I do have an odor. I've been playing for 17 hours."
He said a poker room manager followed him into the restroom and informed him that patrons at his table were complaining about his body odor.
When he tried to re-take his seat at the table, he said a manager told him he couldn't play anymore and to leave. He said he asked for a free room to freshen up, and the casino refused.
He promptly filed a complaint about his treatment with the Casino Control Commission. His complaint will be reviewed to determine whether any state gambling laws or regulations were violated, a commission spokesman said Wednesday.
Wax said his instincts tell him to find a different casino to patronize, but he likes gambling at the Borgata. He said the casino was out of line to tell him he stinks in front of other patrons.
"I would like an apology," Wax said.
If you remember a similar incident happened at the 2005 World Series of Poker where a smelly dirty British guy who yelled a lot was told he smelled because he had been wearing his lucky David Beckham jersey without washing it. The floor tried to intervene but evidently found that there was nothing in the rules regarding a player's offensive body odor.
Baseball is Poop - 108-Game Checkpoint
With most teams playing 108 games, two-thirds of the season, now's a good time to check in on some players and forecast where their statistics might up end for the year.
Josh Hamilton
While Hamilton has fallen off recently, he still has 25 homers and 104 RBI, putting him on pace for 38 and 156, phenomenal numbers.
Interesting side note: In June, Josh Hamilton hit .278 with 27 hits in 97 at bats.
In July, Josh Hamilton is hitting .278 with 27 hits in 97 at bats but the Rangers have one more game to play.
Adam Dunn
His 32 homers and 74 RBI translate into 48 homers and 110 RBI (because the Reds have actually played 109 games so far). Those would be new career highs for him and he's only pace for his fewest strikeouts over a full season.
Ryan Howard
Just like Adam Dunn, but without all the walks and with better players hitting in front of him. He's on pace for 45 homers and 142 RBI. But he's on pace for 212 strikeouts which would break his own single-season record.
Brad Ziegler
Hard to construct his pace since he wasn't up for the whole season but he now has a string of 30 consecutive scoreless innings to begin his career.
20-game Winners
Aaron Cook, Brandon Webb, Cliff Lee and Joe Saunders all have 14 putting them all on pace. Mike Mussina and Edinson Volquez both have 13 meaning they'd have to pick up the pace just a little to get there.
Josh Hamilton
While Hamilton has fallen off recently, he still has 25 homers and 104 RBI, putting him on pace for 38 and 156, phenomenal numbers.
Interesting side note: In June, Josh Hamilton hit .278 with 27 hits in 97 at bats.
In July, Josh Hamilton is hitting .278 with 27 hits in 97 at bats but the Rangers have one more game to play.
Adam Dunn
His 32 homers and 74 RBI translate into 48 homers and 110 RBI (because the Reds have actually played 109 games so far). Those would be new career highs for him and he's only pace for his fewest strikeouts over a full season.
Ryan Howard
Just like Adam Dunn, but without all the walks and with better players hitting in front of him. He's on pace for 45 homers and 142 RBI. But he's on pace for 212 strikeouts which would break his own single-season record.
Brad Ziegler
Hard to construct his pace since he wasn't up for the whole season but he now has a string of 30 consecutive scoreless innings to begin his career.
20-game Winners
Aaron Cook, Brandon Webb, Cliff Lee and Joe Saunders all have 14 putting them all on pace. Mike Mussina and Edinson Volquez both have 13 meaning they'd have to pick up the pace just a little to get there.
Extraordinary Commercial
Here's a new ad by True North:
Turns out True North is a new division of Frito-Lay. They want you to taste their nuts and this "extraordinary nutsack" campaign is a pretty good gimmick. The announcer actually says "snack" but anyone under the age of 50 would hear "sack."
Turns out True North is a new division of Frito-Lay. They want you to taste their nuts and this "extraordinary nutsack" campaign is a pretty good gimmick. The announcer actually says "snack" but anyone under the age of 50 would hear "sack."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)