What Do You Give Me For? Shaun White and Animal

What do you give me for Shaun White and Animal?

Note: I don't necessarily think every WDYGMF? is a 10. Most times I post them because I think they are funny.

Maybe Jason Bay Would Bang Eve Muirhead

Jason Bay's biggest splash in spring training so far came when he explained the rules of curling to the baseball writers.
Bay's high school in Trail, British Columbia, Canada didn't have a baseball team, so he played on the curling team instead.
"I was the lead," Bay said. "I was the least important guy who threw the first two."
Then Bay was asked if the lead's rocks are the ones that simply get knocked out of the way, so he explained a recent rule change allowing a free guard zone to create more action.
"It's like shuffleboard, but what it used to be before they made these rules is that the guys that are really good, they would just play tic-tac and they would just take out every single rock for ten ends or nine ends and whoever hit the last rock would just win 1-0, so it was boring," Bay said. "So they made a rule that of the first three rocks, you can't hit them off the board. If you do, they put them back. You lose your shot and they put it roughly back to where they thought it was."


Bay is an avid fan of curling, and for a few years he curled alongside his father, Dave, in a Tuesday night league in his hometown. While many people around the world discover curling only every four years, Bay is a year-round fan of the sport, and has been following Canada’s teams in the Vancouver Olympics.

“It’s mesmerizing,” he said. “It’s a strategy game and it’s great on TV. You can see everything transpire. When the championships are on TV in Canada, you can’t turn it off.”

Bay is just one of several stars loving curling this Olympics, Wayne Gretzky, Carl Lewis and Donald Sutherland have all been spotted watching curling, and Vernon Davis is the honorary captain of the U.S. men's team.

We've Lost Our Boner

Actor Andrew Koenig, who had been missing since February 14, committed suicide.
Koening is best known for playing Richard "Boner" Stabone, Mike Seaver's best friend in "Growing Pains."
His body was found Thursday in a park in Vancouver, British Columbia.
The poor stiffy.

Love is Blind

Heroes star Hayden Panettiere and heavyweight champ Wladimir Klitschko.
He's 33 and Russian, she's 20 and a Hollywood starlet.
Good for him!

Karmic Retribution

Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer losing gold in the most heart-breaking fashion possible. Kramer is the best long-distance speed skater in the world. He already won the 5,000 and thought he had won the 10,000 after cruising to the finish line 4 seconds ahead of his nearest competitor.

But when he finished he found out he was disqualified. With 8 laps to go Kramer started to switch to the outside lane as he was supposed to. His coach gesticulated wildly and told him to get to the inside lane. Oops. He skated the remainder of the race in wrong laned, got DQed, blamed the entire thing on his coach (rightfully so) and even shoved the guy as he tried to console him.



I happened to catch this because I was DVRing the coverage and the announcers had no idea what happened at first. How did they not see Kramer almost stop and briefly argue with his coach about the proper lane to be in. And how did they not know he had skated two consecutive laps on the inner?

Anyway, the coach Gerard Kemkers must feel like the biggest piece of shit alive right now, but it could be all Kramers fault.

Check out what happened after Kramer won the 5,000 nearly a week before.



He called the poor lady from NBC stupid because she wanted him to state his name, country and sport. Tape identification, pretty standard, but he took it has a huge insult since he'd just won the gold medal and everything. The lady should have just said "I'm here with Sven Kramer of the Netherlands who just won gold in the 5,000 meters speedskating" and she might have saved everyone, a lot of embarrassment.

But maybe next time Kramer will handle it a little better and avoid the karmic bitchslap which cost him gold.

He Calls Em Like He Sees Em

ESPN has suspended host Tony Kornheiser from his television talk show "Pardon the Interruption" for two weeks because of comments he made on the radio last week about SportsCenter anchor Hannah Storm's clothing.

Kornheiser announced the suspension on his Washington D.C. radio show Tuesday morning, calling his remarks about Storm intemperate and stupid.

"As the result of this, I have been sent to the sidelines of PTI for a while," Kornheiser said.

What Kornheiser said, on his weekday local radio show on ESPN's Washington, D.C. affiliate Friday, was that Storm was on-air in a "horrifying outfit" with "red go-go boots" and a skirt "way too short for somebody her age." And her shirt was too tight and looked "like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body." He added the kicker: "She's what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point."

Kornheiser said he had called Storm to personally apologize for the remarks.

"If you put a live microphone in front of somebody, eventually that person will say something wrong," Kornheiser said on his show Tuesday. "This was one of the times I said something wrong."



I can see the point that Storm is Kornheiser's colleague (even if only in name) and one should not comment about the physical appearance or dress of a colleague, especially in a derogatory way. But everything Kornheiser said is true. Storm consistently dresses like she's a hot young thing.
Let me tell you something Hannah Storm, I've googled Erin Andrews, I've studied pictures of Erin Andrews, I've seen Erin Andrews naked, and you are no Erin Andrews.

I'm sure Storm didn't like the comments but she could have prevented this by looking in the mirror before she left the house, then looking at her driver's license and realizing she's 47 years-old.

I ask you lady Poopheads (and gay Poopheads) don't you pretty much agree with everything Kornheiser said? Which is possible even if you think he probably shouldn't have said it.

Song of the Week

"Have a Little Faith in Me" - John Hiatt

Just Crazy Enough to Work

Jerry Manuel is crazy but his latest idea to bat Jose Reyes third while Carlos Beltran is out, isn’t crazy. It actually makes a lot of sense. But first let’s look at the arguments against it:

1) Castillo sucks.

2) Your fastest guy should bat first so he can get on steal bases and score on two outs.

3) Getting the early lead on so-called “Reyes runs” is a big psychological advantage for Mets pitchers.

Well Castillo does suck, I strongly believe this. But he had a great year last year. His on-base percentage was .387, which is better than anything Reyes has ever done, even in his best season. Now if you want to say he won’t be able to repeat that, I can’t argue, but you can’t prove it either way, you just have to see.

But that brings me to my next point. Saying the fastest guy should bat leadoff is a relic from a bygone era of baseball thought which included such gems as you judge a hitter by his batting average. Sophisticated baseball thinkers say the lineup order is really not all that important. But instead of speed first, the most important thing out of a leadoff hitter is on-base percentage. Also, the stolen base is incredibly overrated as a run producing technique especially because Reyes gets caught stealing more than you would like.

As for the psychological advantage, generally so-called mental benefits and intangibles are things people use when they have no real facts to support their argument.

And here’s the biggest reason why this Reyes experiment might work. With Beltran out he’s no worse than the third best hitter in the Mets lineup. They can’t afford to waste his bat buried behind the 8th and 9th place hitters.

All that being said there are two reasons I wouldn’t make this move. First of all, with Beltran hopefully coming back soon I wouldn’t cause so much commotion for a temporary fix. And Reyes is not patient enough, doesn’t see enough pitches to be a third place hitter.

They Don't Call Him Bobby Bucks for Nothing

The following is not an example of the Mets ineptitude:

After Bobby Bonilla was playing cards with Rickey Henderson in the locker room during Game 6 of the NLCS, the Mets dumped him. But instead of paying his $5.9m salary up front, with Bonilla’s permission the Mets agreed to pay him $1.2m every July 1st for 25 years starting in 2011 and going until 2035.

Though that seems like a bad deal Master Bates ran the numbers and the Mets would have need roughly 8% return on their money (somewhat reasonable) to make this pay off for them.

For Bonilla it’s a guaranteed rate of return and large payments well into his later years.

The other angle for the Mets is this: in 2000, at the height of the dot-com boom Wilpon was probably putting all his money with Madoff. He probably thought he could turn $5.9m to $30m in about 5 years, not 25.

But once again, just to set the record straight, amid all the signs of the Mets’ incompetence, this is not one of them.

Story suggested by Juice

I've Been Meaning To Go To a Cyclones Game

The Brooklyn Cyclones, the Single A affiliate of the Mets, will host Jersey Shore Night or Jersey? Sure Night as they call it.
On July 21, the team will be giving away limited edition jerseys that will feature the Cyclones logo on front and a picture of the team’s mascot in a fist-pumping pose on the back.
The night will include GTL (“gym, tan, laundry”) gift certificate giveaways as the team has partnered with a local gym, tanning salon and laundromat.
The team also plans to bring a special station on the ballpark’s concourse level that will allow fans to have their hair styled “like a good fastball –- high and hard” like Pauly D.
Cyclones management says it will invite Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to take batting practice and ground ball drills with the team.

Why is This More Offensive Than the Rest of The Performances?

It wouldn’t be the Olympics without a figure skating controversy. But this one doesn’t involve crooked Russian judges. It involves the costume for the Russian pair, Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabilin. For the second of three dances, the original dance, the theme was folk dances. Teams were asked to perform a traditional dance from a world culture, not necessarily their own.

Some teams performed something from their own country, like the Israeli team (the brother and sister duo of Roman and Alexandra Zaretsky who performed to “Hava Nagila.”

Others paid tribute to different cultures like Tanith Belbin and Ben Agosto’s Moldovian folk dance.



But Domnina and Shabilin did an Australian aboriginal dance complete with face paint and leaves. And they were criticized for culture theft. The pair researched aboriginal culture and what they came up with seems no different than the portrayal of aboriginees in other outlets I’ve seen. It also seemed no more hokey and contrived than any of the other dances.

On a side note, Domnina is a Poop favorite though possibly unbeknownst to most of you. The Oksana Domnina nipslip picture I linked to years ago has been a great source of hits for this blog. In the weeks leading up to and including the Olympics I’d say at least 100 hits per day are directly related to her nipple. Imagine if I got a Tanith Belbin nip slip!

Tanith Belbin's Badunkadunk

Four years ago we fell in love with U.S. ice dancer Tanith Belbin. But little did we know we were contributing to her disordered eating. According to a New York Times article Belbin has spent the last four years getting stronger and adding weight, 10 pounds supposedly, from 105 to 115 (she's 5'6"). Now she is better able to hold herself up since her legs and core are stronger.

"She never binged, purged or used laxatives, she said, but she restricted her calories to the minimum. She would eat a small breakfast, then later snack on celery or a few almonds to get her through the day. After practices, she was too weak to lift her arms. Once in her apartment, she would stare blankly ahead, sapped of energy.

When she could not control her hunger, she would eat a huge dinner and find herself two pounds heavier. It horrified her."



Here's what she looked like in 2006, bones and ribs visible:



And here's what she looks like now, not a major difference but a little more to her:

Reason Why I Love Mrs. Poop #415,779

While watching the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show Mrs. Poop sent me this e-mail:

"I think the man doing the announcing for the dog show is getting too much pleasure out of calling the female dogs bitches."

What's The Point of Winning a Bronze Medal if You Can't Use It To Get Girls to Pantomime Fellatio?

U.S. snowboarder Scotty Lago was sent home from the Olympics after some pictures surfaced of behavior unbecoming of an Olympian. At least according to the USOC. Lago and a female posed for photographs with the bronze medal he won in the halfpipe. Perhaps in a bit of Maplethorpian photography, the picture shows Lago with his shirt up, the girl on her knees, and the bronze medal precariously close to his junk.

Ice Dancing Is Like Kissing Your Sister

Of the 23 couples who will be competing in ice dancing at the Olympics, four are brother-sister combinations. That can be complicated when the compulsory dance is the sensuous tango.
All you need to know about how weird this will be is evidenced in this picture of John and Sinead Kerr:



The Wall Street Journal explains how these teams deal with the awkwardness.

Valentine's Day Review

I never listen to reviewers because they don't have the same tastes as I do and they aren't looking for the same things as I am.

That said, I still can't understand how anyone would have hated this movie.

There were no blue people in it which I guess is a bad thing.

The story was a little discombobulated because there were so many concurrent plots, but not so much that it was confusing or jarring.

It wasn't even that sappy. The only fair review I saw said it was too cynical about love, which it might have been despite the fact that every storyline ended with a kiss pretty much. And if you're going to hate a RomCom because it has a happy ending, then you should probably stay home. And take a bath. While making toast.

I would have added a little for eye candy for the fellas. There was McSteamy, Wolfboy and some other guy shirtless but Jessica Biel's giant ass was totally wasted.

Anne Hathaway was the sexiest female in the movie but she just doesn't do it for me.

Three reasons to go see Valentine's Day:
1) Shirley MacLaine's arms. I can't explain you just have to see on the big screen.
2) Taylor Swift's performance. Seriously she like totally stole the show. I wish five years ago I bought stock in Taylor Swift. Now she's 200 a share like Apple but I still see her becoming the biggest star of song and screen in the next 10 years.
3) The outtakes during the credits. Its a 2-hour movie but give it two more minutes, the last one is really subtly funny.

Since its only fair to judge movies against their peers and what they're trying to accomplish I give it 3 stars as a romantic comedy. It was entertaining, not boring, not annoying, not cheesy, not bad.

What the Fuck Are the Knicks Doing?

The Knicks are trying to clear enough cap space to sign two players to maximum contracts this offseason.
That was Donnie Walsh’s stated goal when he arrived and he is willing to spare no expense to do it.
Essentially Walsh traded Jordan Hill, the right to swap 1st rounders in 2011 (unless it’s #1 overall) and the 2012 1st round pick (top 5 protected) to get Jared Jeffries $6.9m contract for next season off the books.
He also got rid of problem child Nate Robinson but that wasn’t a salary cap move.
In the two deals the Knicks got Tracy McGrady, Sergio Rodriguez, Eddie House, Bill Walker and JR Giddens all of whom come off the cap at the end of the year.

So did Walsh accomplish his goal?
He has $17.7m committed next year to Eddy Curry (yikes!), Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler and Toney Douglas.
A max player like LeBron will get $16.7m.
If the cap falls to around $53m (expected because of the recession) the Knicks wouldn’t be able to sign two max players (they’d still need to sign at least 6 more players to at least the NBA minimum).
They could sign a max guy and another guy to just short of the max, maybe LeBron and Joe Johnson. Or instead of Johnson, David Lee for $10m per season and still have $4.9m to spend on another player.

Here’s the list of guys potentially available this year:
LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Amare Stoudemire, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Tyson Chandler, Manu Ginobili, Richard Jefferson, Joe Johnson, Tracy McGrady, Yao Ming, Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Redd.

Best case scenario LeBron, David Lee and a serviceable point guard.
Worst-case (reasonable): Amare and Ray Allen. They need to use this money to build for the long-term.
Even better case: when Curry’s money comes off after next year they use it to sign Tony Parker.

As much as it kills me to give up basically four years of first round picks (though we will have one in 2011) the Knicks have to go for this 100%, if they half-ass it their chances of landing LeBron or Wade diminish. I think this is the right move for the long-term health of the franchise, go scorched-earth and make your best effort to sign the best player in the league.

TON's Favorite Olympian Ever

Meet Norwegian cross-country skier Petter Northug, bronze medalist in the individual sprint.

I Told You Not to Fuck With Me

An argument on a bus in Oakland escalates after the older white gentleman asks the younger black man "how much you charge me for a spit shine?"
The black guy thought he was tough, thought:



Damn that guy got knocked the fuck out. Not sure what happened before the chick started recording but it seems like this guy may have made a racially insensitive remark. I still think the black guy pushed it too far and I'm glad he got his comeuppance. Number one rule of street fights: Strike first, strike aggressively.

Great Scottie

Perhaps the biggest favorite in dog show history, Sadie the Scottish Terrier, winning the Westminster Dog Show.

Sadie has won 112 Best in Show Ribbons in her illustrious career.



While I prefer a bigger dog like 2006 champ Rufus and Mrs. Poop prefers one with floppier ears like 2008 champ Uno, we know greatness when we see it.

Unfortunately Sadie’s moment was ruined by some people from PETA. While I don’t hate PETA the way most people do (I appreciate their mission and think they have good humor on most topics but they should chose their battles better, ie stick with hot naked chicks in anti-fur ads) I’m angry that they chose to upstage Sadie. Their signs said “Mutts Rule” and “Breeders Kill” protesting the fact that dog show dogs are purebreds in an effort to encourage people to adopt mixed breed dogs from shelters instead of buying purebred dogs from often unscrupulously breeders.



But it’s not Sadie’s fault she’s a purebred or that’s she’s dominating the dog show circuit. I guess there will always be haters.