Finally, Another Movie That Lives Up To Its Name

Here's the trailer for "Dumb and Dumber To" due out in November.



It doesn't look as funny as the original (how could it?) and I don't have high hopes, but I'm certainly willing to give it a chance.

Song of the Week

"I Found Lovin" - Fatback Band
The best song from one of the most underrated disco-funk bands of the late-70s.
I can't say for certain but I'm pretty sure your day could use 7 minutes of funk.

Funny or Douchey?

Dan Heimiller won the $1,000 Seniors Event at the World Series of Poker for $627,000. Nothing douchey about that.
He did it while wearing a T-shirt that says "Winner! Winner! Chicken Dinner!"

Even that, I wouldn't say is douchey.
A long time ago Papa Poop told me about a guy he played blackjack with in Atlantic City. Every time the guy got an ace he said "king of hearts." After 20 times, he finally got the king of hearts and said he called it.
That's what Heimiller does with the shirt. He wears it every single time in the hopes of finally winning?
Is that douchey?

You Knew This Was Coming

Baseball lifer Don Zimmer died this week at age 83. Zimmer played for the famous 1955 Dodgers, and the infamous 1962 Mets. He coached or managed for 40 years after his playing career most famously with the Cubs and Yankees. It was as Joe Torre's bench guru that he got involved in the incident that will stay with him to his grave.
And just to prove it, here is Don Zimmer charging Pedro Martinez in a brawl during the 2003 ALCS, and getting thrown to the ground like a sack of potatoes. An act by the way, for which Pedro deserves no blame.

Song of the Week

"Summer" - Calvin Harris
I predict this jam will be huge this summer.

All That for Kenyon Martin

Lewis Katz, owner of the Philadelphia Inquirer and former owner of the then-New Jersey Nets, died in a plane crash this weekend.
In keeping with The Poop's tradition of memorializing people in death with their silliest moments in life, I present to you Lewis Katz's reaction upon winning the 2000 NBA Draft Lottery.

If Michael Did This He'd Be a Serial Killer

One night in July 2012 Aaron Hernandez was Cure Lounge in Boston. While he stood near the dance floor, Daniel Abreu, dancing nearby, bumped into him, causing him to spill some of his drink. Abreu, who had never met Hernandez, smiled and kept dancing.
Hernandez was livid. At 2:30 a.m. July 16, Hernandez followed the BMW Abreu was driving and fired five shots into the sedan, killing Abreu and his friend Safiro Furtado, according to police.

If everyone in New Jersey behaved liked this there would be zero men aged 21-35 in the entire state. One time Michael had just purchased a $13 vodka and Red Bull and as soon as he turned around some douche danced right into him, spilling at least 11 dollars worth.

Then there was one time Billy was wearing a white shirt, and I don't remember the circumstances but somehow a cranberry juice drink got splattered all over his back. He looked as if he was covered in blood. But it was on his back, so Michael and I just told him that you couldn't even notice.

Not to make light of a serious situation, but it is kind of funny in a macabre way just how fuckin nuts Aaron Hernandez was and probably still is.

Awful First Pitch

The Mets are very excited about the June 14th postgame concert by washed up rapper Curtis Jackson aka 50-Cent.
To promote his appearance they had him throw out the first pitch wearing a Jackson #50 jersey.
Joining the likes of Mariah Carey, Carl Lewis and Mayor Mark Mallory, 50 unleashed this awful pitch.



But I'm giving the crown of worst first pitch ever to Canadian cutie Carley Rae Jepsen

Song of the Week

"Classic" - MKTO
I am sure most of the people who like this song don't even know who Marvin Gaye and Donny Hathaway are.

Better Fake Protest Sign

Sometimes the internets like to have fun with things.
For instance, some clever person photoshopped a sign into the famous Martha Burk-led protests against the Masters. Amidst all the women with signs arguing for gender equity, nestled inconspicuously in the back is a sign that says "Iron My Shirt Bitch."

I e-mail Mrs. Poop that picture every time I need my shirts ironed.

We also have this sign, in a monitor behind Fox anchor Shepard Smith. The banner on the screen reads "Biggest Protest in Canadian History in Progress" and the protester in the monitor is holding up a sign that says "I Am a Little Upset."

Animal Cruelty at CitiField

I went to the Mets game yesterday and came across an unconscionable act of animal cruelty. A dog sitting on a rug, dressedin a Mets shirt and hat, wearing sunglasses and somehow holding a pipe in its mouth.
Most of you know I hate animals in clothes, so just walking by this poor pooch made me uneasy. But I went back and took a picture because I thought I should expose this.

But turns out when I googled this, many people had previously written about this dog, Coffee, not just for the clothes, glass, pipe and the fact that he's forced to perform to raise money for a lazy human who is too stupid to get a real job, but some observers think he was wearing a shock collar which his irresponsible human owner could use to shock him if he got up, or moved.

I really wish PETA would get involved and protest this cruelty, or put enough pressure on the Mets to ban him from the premises. Surely panhandling on private property is grounds for ejection.

Song of the Week

"Fancy" - Iggy Azalea
I'm actually not a big fan of hers, I think she's a white Nikki Minaj.
Which makes me uncomfortable when a white girl comes into a genre dominated by black men and becomes an instant overnight success.
Also, I don't think she's hot. And her boyfriend, Nick Young aka Swaggy P is the biggest douchebag in the NBA.

Time's Up Macklemore

Ironic that a guy who preaches tolerance and acceptance of everyone would be an anti-Semite.
But that's what happened when Macklemore came out for a performance in a disguise, big nose, bushy beard very similar to offensive caricatures of Jews used by the Nazis and others.

And just by pure coincidence he wore this get-up while singing Thrift Shop, a song about going to such great lengths to get a bargain that you will sleep on sheets that smell like piss.

Once he realized his mistake, he quickly apologized. Oh no, wait he didn't, he blamed the beholder.

"Some people there thought I looked like Ringo, some Abe Lincoln. If anything I thought I looked like Humpty Hump with a bowl cut....I wasn’t attempting to mimic any culture, nor resemble one. A 'Jewish stereotype' never crossed my mind."
He said it was "surprising and disappointing" that the disguise was slammed as anti-Semitic.
"I acknowledge how the costume could, within a context of stereotyping, be ascribed to a Jewish caricature," Macklemore wrote. "I am here to say that it was absolutely not my intention."
And when he got called out by courageous famous Jews like Seth Rogen he responded with ""A fake witches nose, wig, and beard = random costume. Not my idea of a stereotype of anybody."

I actually think he was trying to dress as Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory.

Good Gracious Ass is Bodacious

Greg Hardy reportedly beat up his girlfriend Nicole Holder.
The couple has been dating on and off since the end of last year and even moved in with each other.
Until the other night when according to the police report "the victim stated she was lying in bed with the defendant and he just snapped. The victim advised the defendant physically threw her into the floor, and then tossed her into the tile bathtub. The victim stated the defendant then slammed her into a futon that had several guns and machine guns lying on it causing her to cut her arm on the end of one of guns."

Why was Hardy so mad?
Holder told the police that when her and Hardy broke up in March she had a "short lived relationship with the entertainer Nelly."
In layterms, she fucked Nelly, one time, maybe twice.

Now, that's certainly not an excuse to beat her ass but I can see how that would be an impediment to their reconciliation.

From this, the only picture of her online, she doesn't look that hot. I guess she just hangs out in the right places (she's supposedly a waitress at some nightclub) and makes herself available. And if the choice is between her and nothing, I guess I would take her.

Headline suggested by Michael.

3000 Words

Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin on the cover of Life Magazine.

Macaulay Culkin wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin on the cover of Life Magazine.

Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt of Macaulay Culkin wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Ryan Gosling wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Macaulay Culkin on the cover of Life Magazine.

Song of the Week

"Waves" - Mr. Probz (Robin Schulz remix)

Jasmine Jordan Graduates

Michael Jordan attended his daughter Jasmine's graduation from Syracuse University over the weekend.
Jasmine was a sports management major in the David B. Falk College of Sport and Human Dynamics.
David B. Falk happens to be Michael Jordan's agent, seated to his right in this picture.

I couldn't find a picture or any information about MJ also attending the Sunday ceremony in the Carrier Dome, only the smaller "college" one on Saturday.

But congratulations to Jasmine. Let's hope she hooked up with CJ Fair and will someday send their prodigious offspring to SU.

If a Picture is Worth 1,000 Words How Many Are in a Youtube Video?

Gawkers catch the collapse of a massive sinkhole in Baltimore:



This is why we don't bring Diesel to Chase's baseball games:



And this is why Billy preaches safety first:

Song of the Week

"The Man" - Aloe Blacc
This song is so weird. It starts out as an Elton John cover, then it transitions into some serious soul music and ends as a choral gospel number.
He was the singer on Avicii's ubiquitous "Wake Me Up."
I'm pretty sure he's a member of the Crips because it's well known that members of that gang use CC in lieu of CK because CK could stand for "Crip Killer."

No Wonder Eric and Jack Fought Over Her

If you remember the final season of "Boy Meets World" you will recall that Jack and Eric welcomed a hottie-hot-hot, tall, red-headed roommate named Rachel Maguire played by Maitland Ward.
We haven't seen very much of Ward since then. Until now. When we saw almost all of her.
Ward wore an incredibly hot sheer dress to a movie premiere.
Question: do you think she had to wax her pussy to wear this?
If so, what did the old Korean lady think of the 4-leaf clover tattoo that seems to be positioned just to the right of her happy place?