Song of the Week

"December" - Earth Wind & Fire
They literally changed two words from "September."

Digital Good Samaritan

Trusted friend, caring sister, beloved Aunt and former shaving products magnate Razor is adding a new title to her long list of superlatives, she is now a digital good Samaritan. Over the weekend she found instagram posts threatening the police like one from "Woodgramflexinn" which said he was on his way to New York to kill two more cops. She forwarded it to a tipline for the NYPD, which then alerted authorities in his area (Tennessee) which went to the guy's house and determined the threat was not serious. The Fox affiliate in Memphis contacted Razor and eventually wrote this article about the incident.

Weekly Picks

I'm really disappointed because I was going to pick the Bengals as my best bet last week because I really don't believe in Johnny Football as an NFL QB. I feel the same way I did about Tebow, great college player who won't translate. He can throw better than Tebow but has less size and almost none of the intangibles, not that I really care too much about intangibles.

CAROLINA -4 cleveland
I'm actually a little concerned here because I think everyone is going to pick against Cleveland and I really think Manziel is going to be better, because he can't be worse. But Carolina actually has something to play for and the spread is not that big.

atlanta +6 NEW ORLEANS
I don't trust the Saints to do what they're supposed to do. Especially at home this year, which seems weird.

SEATTLE -8 1/2 arizona
I find that whenever a spread seems too big because of an injury or something, the favorite usually covers anyway. My only concern about this pick is agreeing with Mike Francesa. Of Ryan Lindley he said, "I don't want to pick on the kid but -- he stinks! He's terrible."

new england -10 NEW YORK JETS
You don't think Bill Belichick wants to shove it up Rex's ass in their last-ever meeting as head coaches?

BEST BET
green bay -11 tampa bay
Another huge spread, especially for a road team, but I like to ride with the teams that disappointed the previous week. And I really do believe the Packers are the best team in the NFL.

Last week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 36-39 (31 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (5-10)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (12-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (11-10)
Road Underdogs: 2-1 (11-13)

Funny or Douchey?

This has the potential to be the most controversial Funny or Douchey ever. I know many of you will vote douchey without giving it a second thought. But I know at least a couple of you will find this to be quite clever and humorous.

Song of the Week

"Baby It's Cold Outside" - Cee-Lo Green featuring Christina Aguilera
This song about date rape is a perfect fit for accused sexual predator Cee-Lo.

Funny or Douchey?

An Australian colleague had a birthday and on the card I wrote "Happy Birthday! I hope you have a G'day."

Weekly Picks

The secret to my success: pick against the Jets. They stink. Though I will deviate from that strategy this week and leave them alone for a week.

KANSAS CITY -10 1/2 oakland
I actually wanted to make this game my best bet but this is just too many points for a team like the Chiefs.

jacksonville +13 1/2 BALTIMORE
I just don't like the Ravens. They surprised me last week by beating the Dolphins but I expect them to have a stinker against a weaker team.

san francisco +9 1/2 SEATTLE
I know this pick doesn't look too good but I just have a feeling there won't be too many points scored at all.

cincinnati +2 CLEVELAND
Brian Hoyer didn't lose all those games by himself. And I just have no confidence that Johnny Football is actually an NFL quarterback at this point.

BEST BET
green bay -4 1/2 BUFFALO
I just love the Packers and think they're awesome. They played a close game last week and allowed a lot of points. Their defense should do better against the Bills.

Last week: 4-1 (5 points)
Season: 33-37 (29 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (5-9)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (11-15)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 2-0 (11-9)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (9-12)

Song of the Week

"Open Your Eyes" - Bobby Caldwell
When Bobby Caldwell was new to the music industry in the 1970s, there was no internet, so if you heard a song you liked on the radio it was very hard to find out what the person who sang it looked like.
Caldwell sounded "black" but he is white and according to his Wikipedia page "Caldwell's management took certain steps — such as portraying the artist only in silhouette on the cover and in advertisements — to hide the fact that he was white."

Still this is a cool jam, sampled expertly by Common on "The Light.".

A New Kind of F or D

Rams coach Jeff Fisher sent out 6 players for the opening coin toss against the Redskins, they happened to be the six players active for Sunday's game who were acquired via the trade for RGIII. They are Stedman Bailey, Michael Brockers, Greg Robinson, Janoris Jenkins, Zac Stacy, and Alec Ogletree.

I definitely think the answer is dickish. If RGIII were playing well and Fisher wanted to say "we like our side" I would say it's funny. But doing it just to show up the Redskins now that things have gone so badly, that's just kicking a guy when he's down.

Good Guesses

I told Mrs. Poop that LeBron's new running mate was named Kevin and his last name is a verb that I do to her. She guessed "Kevin Hump" and "Kevin Annoy" before giving up.

How to Handle Fleeting Success

Thomas F. Wilson is famous for playing Biff Tannen and his progenitors and progeny in the Back to the Future movies.

Because those movies are so good and so timeless Wilson is constantly being stopped by adoring fans who ask him the same, dumb questions over and over again. He decided to print this FAQ to hand out rather than answering these mindless queries 100 times a a day.

And since he has transitioned to stand-up comedy, here's his musical comedy routine addressing the same topic:

Weekly Picks

I'm running out of things to say about my performance. Lots of big spreads this week.

new york giants -1 1/2 TENNESSEE
I can't see the Giants losing two weeks in a row to two of the worst teams in the NFL. But if they do they have the Redskins next week so they're playing 3 horrible teams in a row, hopefully they lose all 3.

MIAMI -3 baltimore
After a subpar performance and a squeaky win against the Jets, I expect the Dolphins to rebound with a win.

buffalo +10 DENVER
I actually think there is something seriously wrong with the Broncos.

new england -3 1/2 SAN DIEGO
The Patriots aren't losing two weeks in a row.

BEST BET
MINNESOTA -5 new york jets
I actually don't think the Vikings are that bad and the Jets as we know are putrid.

Last week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 29-36 (24 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (4-9)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (10-14) Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 1-3 (9-9)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (8-12)

I Love Everything Except the Name

I would have gone with Jew-ber. But Schlep is pretty funny too.

I Have Considered Executing a Similar Stunt

But I'm pretty sure Mrs. Poop would never forgive me if I fake-killed Julian.

Song of the Week

"Suspicious Minds" - Elvis Presley
Only the second Elvis SOTW ever after "The Wonder of You" (SOTW 9/9/09)

Those Aren't Brains

Pokernews.com's Caitlyn Howe interviewed poker player Jonathan Jaffe after day 3 of WPT Montreal, an event he went on to win.
Clearly Howe was not hired because of her poker knowledge, her reporting skills and certainly not her bullshit detector.



"I'm working for the core of engineers in Vermont, I'm studying, there's an indigenous population of squirrels that are being eaten by a new invasive species of bird."
"That's incredible. What a virtuous pursuit."

There are two big reasons she got the job. You can see them here.



And here.



But she was not the only one to get duped by Jaffe. The ESPN crew (technically an outside production company working in association with ESPN) broadcasting the 2013 World Series of Poker Main Event got fooled.



Jaffe ended up finishing 42nd and ESPN eventually admitted its gaffe in not fact checking Jaffe and not giving the photoshopped picture of him feeding a dolphin closer inspection.

Enough about him, this post is really about Caitlyn Howe.

Weekly Picks

I'm 9-6 over the past 3 weeks and thankfully I finally got a best bet right. I really wanted to pick the Lions on Thanksgiving but I totally forgot to actually make it so.

new york giants -3 JACKSONVILLE
I think the Giants are a little better than their record. As long as Eli doesn't turn it over a bunch of times I expect them to beat the Jaguars easily.

cincinnati -3 1/2 TAMPA BAY
Another case of a decent team playing a bad team on the road and getting a reasonable price.

ST. LOUIS -6 1/2 oakland
The Raiders are not winning two games in a row. The only question is whether the Rams will beat them by enough. I went with the lower spread of the two choices just to avoid a potential push.

denver -2 KANSAS CITY
I thought I had it with the Broncos last week after that huge comeback but they allowed that backdoor TD to crush my dreams. Normally I would avoid picking against a good team coming off a horrible loss, but I'm not so sure the Chiefs are a good team.

BEST BET
miami -6 1/2 NEW YORK JETS
The Jets are just the worst. And the Dolphins are good, coming off a bad loss, and they need this game. Again I selected the lower of the two spreads to avoid a push.

Last week: 3-2 (4 points)
Season: 27-33 (23 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (4-8)
Home Favorites: 3-2 (9-14)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (8-6)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (8-12)

Song of the Week

"A Sky Full of Stars" - Coldplay
I have always said that had I not been a teenager on Staten Island when Wu-Tang's 36 Chambers came out "I would be listening to Coldplay like the rest of the white kids."
But it did, so I wasn't. I hated Coldplay.
But I made up my mind before I knew Coldplay sang this song. I guess I wasn't familiar enough with them to know the voice of their singer (who is more palatable now that he's not married to that pretentious copper nanotube anymore.)
Maybe I didn't know their style well enough either, though I think this is a departure from their normal genre.
I would be hypocritical if I didn't post a good song I liked just because I didn't want to seem like a cheesy white kid like Focks.

Weekly Picks

Not a bad week except for losing my best bet again.

BUFFALO -2 1/2 new york jets
I don't care when and were this game is being played. As long as there are people assigning value to something that doesn't really matter, I will pick against those schmoes.

CHICAGO -5 tampa bay
The Bears are a hard team to figure but they do have a lot of talent and I could see them rattling off a few wins now that the schedule got a little easier. Plus the ECPs had a big win last week and I don't expect them to win two in a row on the road.

DENVER -6 1/2 miami
You think they're going to hold Peyton Manning to 7 points two weeks in a row? I don't.

HOUSTON -2 cincinnati
I don't like this matchup of Andy Dalton versus the Texans defense.

BEST BET
SEATTLE -7 1/2 arizona
This is probably the biggest spread a team with the best record in the league has ever faced this deep into the season. It makes sense for some reasons but it's also designed to attract those people who are living in the past, evidently, like me.

Last week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 24-31 (19 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-8)
Home Favorites: 2-0 (6-12)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (8-6)
Road Underdogs: 1-2 (8-12)

Song of the Week

"Don't" - Ed Sheeran
Kind of a cool funky sound that we don't normally hear in pop music.
Video is also different and interesting.