Airplanes are Terrrrrrrrrrrible

From this morning's New York Times:

At 6-foot-11 With Bad Ankles, He Wants an Aisle Seat
By BILL WALTON
I'm 6-foot, 11-inches tall — not the tallest guy to have played in the N.B.A., but I still tower over the average traveler. I'm on the road about 200 days a year, trying to contend with airline seats and hotel rooms that, to be honest, were not built with professional basketball players in mind.

Don't get me wrong: I love to travel, especially during the N.B.A. playoffs.

I started flying regularly when I joined the circus that is basketball while I was playing at U.C.L.A. in 1970. I wasn't a stranger to air travel. As a teenager, I bought one of those weekend passes on the old P.S.A. that let you fly anywhere in its network for a few bucks, and we followed the Grateful Dead around California.

When I fly now, I have to be careful not just about the airline I choose, but also the aircraft type. I like an airline with a positive attitude. On domestic flights, I'm a card-carrying Southwest Airlines frequent flier — I love their spirit and their service. I also get the seat that I absolutely must have in order to be comfortable: The right-side, aisle seat. No bulkhead.

I've had 32 operations on my legs, and the ankles in both legs are fused together. My left leg got it the worst, and when I fly, it has to be stretched out. The flight attendants see me coming, and they know me. I can almost hear them say, "Oh no, not him again. The tall guy with the aisle seat. Hot water and orange juice."

And yes, I've had a few run-ins with the beverage cart. The attendants try not to hit the leg.

On longer flights, it's all about the plane. The best aircraft for me is the Boeing 777, a long-range, wide-body jet that is used on a lot of international routes. I find that it has the most room. I also like the Boeing 767, followed by the 757.

The most difficult, for a tall guy, is the MD-80. They're so small that I can't stand up in them. When you fly somewhere and you're not sure what kind of airplane you're going to be in, you find yourself asking questions like: "Will I be able to stand up on this flight? Will I be able to fit into the restroom?"

Hotels can be a challenge, too. You ask for the biggest bed that they have, and you sleep corner-to-corner. And no matter what, you hang off the side of the mattress. Sometimes, the ceilings in a hotel are so low that you can't stand up.

You would think that's the worst thing that could happen to you, but there is one thing that tops it. And that is being handed the keys to a smoking room. The moment you walk through the door, you smell it. You can't breathe. You can almost feel it taking years off your life. It pays to have a good travel agent who can make absolutely sure you get the room and flight you need every time.

I'm not one to complain, though. There are a lot of people who have more serious troubles than I do. When I have to find a place for my left leg, I consider myself lucky that I can still use my legs. And when I'm trying to squeeze myself into an economy class seat, I wonder how people like Yao Ming of the Houston Rockets manage to travel.

I only come up to his shoulders.