The other day I heard Ice Cube on the radio talking about how he had to fire his bus driver because he was drinking on the job. Angie Martinez asked if the bus driver was a childhood friend. He said no, that he had very few friends on his payroll, only the ones "that got sense." Since all of my friends ain't got no damn sense, I'm going to give most of you a job, anyway.
If I were a rapper...
The Concierge would be Business manager
As crazy as he is, no one is better at organizing the small details and foreseeing problems that no one else would predict. He's the guy that always remembers to bring toilet paper on a camping trip.
jusTON would be Technical coordinator
He's already the technical coordinator for this blog so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to add lights, pyrotechnics and sound to his duties.
SCZA would be DJ
He's the DJ, I'm the rapper. He gets this job on experience alone. I never liked Faegan's but if you did, and wanted to hear Sweet Caroline at 1:30 and thought "New York, New York" was a great way to cap off an evening, then the SCZA is your man.
Mrs. Poop would be Video Ho
A funny video ho.
Josh - Hype man
If I ever needed someone to implore a crowd to get "get on your mutha fuckin feet" or "put your hands together" no one screams louder than Josh.
Jeff - Backup singer
Every rap concert has some unknown guy who hangs out on stage and shouts into the microphone, important phrases like "yeah" and "oh yeah." But mostly this guy has to dance around like a fool, and if you saw Jeff's performance of La Bamba you'd know how well-suited he is for this job.
TallSkott - Tour bus driver
He was my official chaffeur for about 5 years at the end of high school and into college. We even evaded a pinch for speeding thanks to his faux nervousness.
Bill - Backup dancer
He's a little less flexible and a little less willing than he was in his younger days, but the way he moves, without splitting his pants, incredible. And if you've never seen Bill do the Harlem shake shake-it, well, then you haven't lived.
If you're wondering PPD, EZE, Club Beers, The Greco, and Coach SMF were once members of Fake Paul's entourage at one point but were brutally gunned down in a lyric feud gone violent between Fake Paul and DMX. We are resting in peace with Lil' Saint.
ReplyDeleteHey, there wasn't enough room for everyone. This is a bidness. My career ain't no charity case. You have a blog, why don't you find roles for those 5 people. I also left out Face, Focks and Leary, but Leary doesn't even know how to use the internet, so I guess he doesn't count.
ReplyDelete