My Red Carpet Special

Because I am so good looking and so well-dressed, who better than me to criticize the way some of the most beautiful women in the world look, and what they are wearing. But this is what people want on the internet the morning after the Oscars.

Natalie Portman looked the best out of the women I saw. She is too skinny to be considered really hot, but she looked great.



A couple of hot women and Poop favorites, Jessica Biel and Maria Menounos wore nice dresses, but dresses that didn't exactly complement their ridiculous figures.



What the fuck is that shit on the bottom of Maria's dress?



On the other hand, Beyonce. Some women didn't exactly love the design of this dress, but no one can argue that it accentuates her curves.



Look at that ass, good lawd, don't hurt nobody.



Isla Fisher looked a little pale in this red dress.



This is Alicia Keys, who is learning what she needs to do to become a mainstream artist



Sophia Loren, not bad for 74. I'm considering a WYB?



Then there's Goldie Hawn, who is beginning to show all of her 63 years. Mrs. Poop said she was "a hot mess."



Phoebe Cates looks a lot better in a red bikini than in a red dress. The years have not been kind to her.



Jennifer Grey must have the same plastic surgeon as Mickey Rourke. She doesn't look like the same person who danced her way into our hearts as Baby in "Dirty Dancing."



Sarah Jessica Parker was by far the most disgusting looking woman at the Awards. She has really tiny tits, so I have no idea what kind of bra she was working with but these things were pushed up so high and so wide.