Things I Thought While At Dan's Bachelor Party

I hate the Phillies, I hate the Eagles, so why do we keep going to Philadelphia for these things?

Our waitress at the Fieldhouse had huge boobies. I wanted everyone to talk quietly so she had to lean in closer to hear.




Why were so many people fucking with Kevin? I've never noticed it before. But I think it happened at least four times this weekend.

My aim is still as good as ever.

Even though it was Dan's bachelor party, he wanted us to have a good time. I wanted Dan to have a good time, and the only way to do that was for me to have a good time. So I had a good time. And I think Dan had a good time.

You know you're eating too much when 15 people at the table ask you if you've seen "The Great Outdoors," then they start talking about the scene when John Candy eats the Ol' 96er.

Syracuse basketball is pretty embarrassing right now. They're sloppy on offense and horrible on defense. There was one fast break when no one even turned around.

Seeing Jack was the best part of the game. Though SCZA was a little furious that Jack stuck his hand in his beer, spilling about two dollars worth.

The lemon ices were the second best part of the game.



Josh has a strange obsession with Kevin's face. First he wanted to fuck it (and start www.fuckkevinsface.com) then he wanted to punch it. Kevin's dad was not amused.

Somehow I ended up sitting next to SCZA at the game and at dinner. And we had a great time. Two Jewish superpowers who once held a years-long feud now get along swimmingly.

Trey is a misbehaving dog. But how can you get mad at a face like that?

I really wished Josh and Erin had given their dog a different name. I was so confused. At one point I thought Kevin the person had a slipped disc and Kevin the dog was taking his picture with two lesbians.

It should surprise no one that Billy and I dressed for the game almost exactly the same. What should surprise you though is that Alison seems to enjoy pointing out these similarities.

There was a cute girl sitting in front of me at the game, she was probably an SU freshman or maybe sophomore. She kept turning around to talk to me, and at one point she said "I'd love to be in the locker room at halftime." I gave her a puzzled look and she added "to yell at them." I said "oh, I thought you meant something else." Billy found this very funny, but I don't know why. It was a simple misunderstanding.

SEPTA really needs to enter the 21st century and do away with tokens.

McFadden's was like Faegan's South for one afternoon.

When your fraternity disbanded 12 years ago it's time to stop calling people "brother" and asking their numbers.

I love surprise guests. Especially when the surprise guest is Donald Mark Brierley, armed with an evil-looking goatee and some great life-after-divorce stories.

Spanish people call salad tossing, "el beso negro."

But the number one thing I thought this weekend: I'm getting too old for this shit.