How I Became Friends With a Cell Phone Screamer

So I'm sitting on the train on the way into work minding my business, checking my blackberry and reading my book (more on that later).

The girl behind me is on a cell phone carrying on a civilized conversation -- at least it started that way. All the sudden she starts talking progressively louder, saying "Don't ask me that. I really really really don't like when you ask me that. Don't asking me what I'm wearing, you're not my fucking boyfriend."

Then she hangs up, but evidently the creep on the other end wasn't done because a few minutes later she was screaming again. "You're a psycho. Why would I want to be friends with a psycho? You're too emotional. I think you need a therapist."

Since there were very few of us on the train, and fewer still exiting at Secaucus I ran into our little screamer at the ticket gates. Still rattled by her argument she was yelling for help from a ticket agent (though no one was around). I guided her through the gate by instructing her to place her ticket in the gate with the green arrow, rather than the one with the red X. After saying "I feel like the biggest idiot right now," we both proceeded to the platform to wait for our train -- which as usual was 5 minutes late.

We got on the same car and when we arrived at Penn Station she asked me "is this Penn Station?" I replied that it was then proceeded up the steps. After hearing footsteps behind me I decided she might be in need of further assistance, so I turned around and she said "don't worry, I'm not following you."

I asked her where she was going and she said she'd never come in Penn Station that way before and didn't know how to get out. I pointed her to 7th Ave and she followed me up the escalator, and this is where it got weird.

She said "is that a book on poker you'reading?"
I answered yes, because it was.
She claimed to recognize Gus Hansen whose picture is on the book cover. She said her boyfriend makes her watch poker all the time.
I recommended the book (because I really like it, Paulo's Book Club to follow) and she ended our little conversation with "I heard he's a really good player."

I said good night, walked to the subway and perhaps wished I had been so helpful in the first place.