Chase's Life as a Dog

Every parent worries. We all hope our child will grow up to become a happy, healthy person. With Chase, I just hope he grows up to be a person.
He seems to be going through an identity crisis right now. He has at least 5 imaginary dogs (his girlfriend Sarah once said to Mrs. Poop after school "Chase's mommy, can I come to your house and play with your three dogs), so he thinks he is a dog, this manifests itself in the following ways:
1) he pantomimes pooping in the grass and demands that we pick up his poop
2) he pantomimes urinating on trees by lifting his leg
3) after doing 1 and 2 he kicks the dirt to spread his scent
4) he refuses to hold hands while crossing the street because he insists he is on a leash
5) everyday when I get home he is lying under the table barking "arf! arf!"
6) he sleeps on the floor and not his bed
7) he thinks his Kix are kibbles