Idea for the 2034 Winter Olympics

Prior to Sunday night's closing ceremonies, NBC ran a 90-minute documentary, "Tonya and Nancy", revisiting the attack on Nancy Kerrigan, 20 years after it happened.
Prior to the 2012 London Olympics Closing Ceremony, NBC aired a documentary on the Dream Team.
If NBC keeps this trend of 90-minute examinations of the most fascinating event at the Games 20 years earlier, surely in 2034 we will be treated to "Bob Costas's Eye Infection: What the Fuck Was That?"

Mrs. Poop is the one agitating for this, she has become obsessed with finding out the real cause. She doesn't think a run of the mill eye infection can last for two weeks with proper medical treatment.
When this documentary airs Mrs. Poop demands that Costas release his medical records.
I hope it includes a retrospective of this great quip delivered by Matt Lauer.



And I want Al Roker to explain why he walked in front of the camera, a television no-no.
They may have to make this thing 3 hours.

Final Olympic Thoughts

NBC did a better job of making more events available live, not just on the internet but on the NBC Sports Network as well. There are some people who just want to watch one 3-hour show per night and see everything important. There are other people who are junkies and want to see everything live, now. It's a fine line, but there is a way to appease all those people.

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I only streamed one event live (Shaun White in the halfpipe) but I recorded almost everything I could find on the other networks and really enjoyed seeing events like the bobsled broadcast live and unedited.

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Thankfully there were no security problems. And though the stray dog extermination really distresses me, it's hard to know how widespread it really was. Same with the hotel problems, which were either isolated or temporary or the product of the whiny media's imagination. Maybe all 3. But before everyone pronounces the Sochi games a huge overwhelming success I should remind you that it was way too warm. All I heard all week during cross-country and alpine skiing as well as the sliding sports, was that warm weather was deteriorating the tracks and preventing athletes from performing at their best. I hope the IOC learns from this and picks colder cities.

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I hate people who claim something they don't like or understand (say skeleton) doesn't deserve to be an Olympic sport. But, the announcers at almost every sport spent so much time talking about all the ways the equipment (ski wax, luges, speed skating suits) make such a difference in time, that you get the impression that the athletes aren't competing, the equipment makers are.

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Yuna Kim is still the Queen. Take those same performances and have them occur anywhere else in the world (neutral ice), and she wins gold. I hope she sticks around 4 more years to win gold in her home country.

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Skier Tina Maze (mah-zay) is my choice for hottest successful Olympian. She has two gold medals and a nice rack to hang them between.

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I liked Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski but think he went a little too far with this outfits. I know this is who he wants to be and tries to be, but he was literally cross-dressing. I don't even mind that as much as the fact that he was doing it for attention, when he is there to comments on the events, not overshadow them with his pink blazer.

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I really enjoyed the Meryl and Charlie Show, even though they went to Michigan. But I get the impression she pines for him and has since they were 9 (when she was too shy to talk to him), but he's dating someone much hotter.

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NBC totally crossed the line with the death interviews. Skeletoner Katie Uhlaender was already in tears because she missed a bronze medal by four-hundreths of a second, and then Lewis Johnson asked her about her dead father whose baseball card she keeps with her. And when she apologized for not winning, instead of being sympathetic like any normal human being would have, Johnson coldly asked about her father.

And I know you have all seen the Bode Miller interview when he was pestered into tears about his dead brother.



But to me the worst was Noelle Pikus-Pace. She finished 4th in skeleton in Vancouver, retired from the sport and got pregnant. But when she lost the baby at 18 weeks she decided to get back into skeleton, which eventually led to her winning a silver medal. The interviewers basically implied that if she'd had the baby she wouldn't have the silver medal. Almost implying it was a good thing. And of course, Pikus-Pace cried, as did everyone else watching, except the NBC producers who were too busy cheering and high giving each other.

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The United States stinks at curling. 3-15 combined record for the men's and women's teams. I think next cycle the Curling Association needs to pick the players individually instead of sending the pre-formed team that does best at the trials. It also might help if our guys were in a little better shape. Look at the Canadian men who won the gold. They are ripped.

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Which reminds me of what the announcer said during the bobsled competition: "In the U.S. the biggest, strongest, fastest athletes are in the NFL. The biggest strongest athletes in Latvia are in this sled.

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Lindsey Jacobellis lost again, I feel horrible for her.

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Lolo Jones lost again. I don't feel badly at all.

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Peter Northug had a bad Olympics, a 17th, a failure to qualify for the sprint, two 4ths in the team events and then an 18th in the 50k race on the Olympics final day. He was also yanked (jerked?) from a race from coaches who doubted his fitness and focus. We know Northug plays poker, reportedly he was playing frequently during the Olympics, another contributing factor to the coaches' decision.

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All in all, it was a great, fun, successful games, and I am very sad they're over.

What Do You Give Me For? Meryl Davis and Princess Jasmine

What do you give me for ice dancing gold medalist Meryl Davis and Princess Jasmine from Aladdin?

Hot Russian Curler

Meet Anna Sidurova, skip of the Russian curling team and one of the hottest Olympians I've seen so far. She turned 23 right before the games started. Even though she fouled a rock (not letting it go) and allowing a steal of 3 she still beat the inept U.S. team. Sidurova was willing to pose in sexy underpants to promote her sport, but one thing she evidently won't do is smile.

Mrs. Poop vs. TON Showdown

By now you may have heard that Mrs. Poop is the most entertaining person to watch the Olympics with. Her non-stop chatter, while annoying during shows that have a plotline, is welcome and amusing during the Olympics when hearing what is said is less important.

In last evening's rant Mrs. Poop declared Henrik Harlaut, freestyle skier from Sweden to be her most hated athlete in the games.

Three reasons:

1) Despite a diminutive frame he wears a quad-X uniform (XXXXL) and it falls off his ass during his run

2) His hair is styled in dreadlocks

3) He keeps a raw egg in his pocket while competing. It reportedly broke when he crashed violently during his opening run.

Mrs. Poop makes a pretty good case.

So why does TON love him more than any Olympic athlete since Peter Northug.



"Wu-Tang is for the children."

Lead By Example

The Sochi Olympics start in 3 weeks and so far all we know is that Russia doesn't want gay people acting gay on its streets. In response to that the U.S. (President Obama) named a delegation of gay athletes, chief among them Billie Jean King and figure skater Brian Boitano. King never played in the Olympics (she did coach) and Boitano wasn't even out until last week when he did so in order to accept this honor.
You see the selection of King, Boitano et al, was based on one factor, they're gay.
And that's what prompted Mario Pescante, an IOC member from Italy to say "it's absurd that a country like that sends four lesbians to Russia just to demonstrate that in their country gay rights have (been established)."
And if I had to choose sides in this debate, I would side with Pescante, but allow me to state his point a little more delicately. If the U.S. is trying to prove that gay people are equal on all counts, including and especially sporting prowess, and therefore we shouldn't judge people or select people for honors based on the sexuality.
Wouldn't it be an outrage to give such an honor only to heterosexuals? So why is it ok to give the honor to only homosexuals?
I know the counterarguments to what I am saying: we have to make an issue of this and bring attention to the harsh policies in Russia and elsewhere. Basically the pendulum is pulled to one side, that we have to pull it to the other side, past the center, if we ever want it to rest in the middle.
That seems completely logical, but I disagree. I don't see how violating the very thing you're fighting for (people and athletes should not be judged by the sexual preference) helps further your point.
In my experience, the best way to influence the behavior of others is to be the person you want them to be.
So the U.S. should have named Boitano, and the usual raft of dignitaries and brown nosers, and made its point all the same, with a little less hypocrisy.