You Guys Stop in the Middle for Tea?

After a day of meetings, President Bush rolled up his shirt sleeves Saturday afternoon and headed out to the lawn of the U.S. Embassy to play the cricket with Pakistani students.
Bush took three practice swings with the bat, which is flat on one side and humped on the other. He pretended to knock dirt from his shoes like a baseball player stepping up to the plate, then strode up to the wickets for a few swings.
The president connected with the first pitch, was hit in the shoulder by the second one, and sent a third ball sailing into a tree.
"Put something on that thing," Bush called out to the bowler, the equivalent of a pitcher in baseball. "Do I have my elbow right?"

Lindsey Lohan Nipple Slip

Photographers got more that they bargained for at a Hollywood fashion show Tuesday night when a wardrobe malfunction left one of Lindsay Lohan's breasts exposed on the red carpet. The actress was unaware she was revealing a little too much until a GM 10 event staff member pointed out her boob, but the actress/singer took the slip-up lightly and giggled. She later stunned the audience again when she donned a Valentino gown and joined Eva Longoria and Mischa Barton on the catwalk. Take a closer look.

Playboy Cover Scam

Playboy committed a scam against the horny American public by putting Jessica Alba on their cover. We all know that the Playboy covergirl is naked inside. Not this time. Playboy just used her as one of their sexiest celebrities of 2005. I meant to write about this when I first saw it, but I forgot. Well in addition to me Jessica Alba is pissed too. She is suing the magazine. The studio for "Into the Blue" sold Playboy the photo but they say Playboy was deceptive and unethical in obtaining the photo. While its not a rule, it is implied that the covergirl will be naked, and according to her lawyers the fact that Playboy superimposed the rabbit on her boobie also made it seem that we'd catch a glimpse of her luscious fun bags. Oh well. Willa Ford is naked in the issue. That was cool...five years ago.

I Am Going on a Crooze

Early Sunday morning I will be flying to Puerto Rico to embark on a cruise. We will visit Aruba, Curacao, St. Thomas and St. Maarten. I will return on Selection Sunday. I will miss all of you and bracketology. I will miss Gerry McNamara's Senior Day. I am turning the blog over to JusTON in my absence. I have put a few feature stories away for him to use throughout the week. I've also told him where to look for news. Enjoy.

The Dangers of Freeballing

Texas' Daniel Gibson was not wearing underwear in the game against Texas A&M. Little Daniel popped out to say hello and the picture made the front page of the Bryan-College Station Eagle. The Paper says it was an optical illusion.
"The specific section of the picture in question showed nothing more than the white inside liner of the player's uniform. The color was distorted for a variety of reasons, primarily because of the angle at which the picture was taken, the lighting, orange color of the uniform on the left pant leg reflecting up into the groin area, and the specific moment that was captured."
Judge for yourself.

Bracketology

Keep this in mind over the next 10 days as you are studying the bracketology, these are not predictions of what will happen on Selection Sunday, they are projections of what would happen now. Every game changes the bracket. Just because Syracuse was in before last night's game doesn't mean they didn't need to win. You need to win to keep your spot. Enjoy Championship Week!

No Excuses

SU blew a chance to make the NCAA tournament last night when they lost by 39 to the 15th place team in the conference. If they lose to Villanova and in the first round of the Big East they will be NIT bound. If so, I don't want to hear any excuses. Nothing about schedule strength, or RPI or 4 losses to UConn and Nova. You have to make the tournament on the floor, not on paper. They had a chance to do that last night, but they BLEW IT.

Fighting the McNamara Media Bias

I've always liked Rick Majerus, ever since he was on "Just the Ten of Us." I remember watching him when he was with Ball State and they were a 12 seed that knocked of Gary Payton and Oregon State and LaBradford Smith and Louisville. But last night he broke the McNamara Media Bias. He said Gerry McNamara is not a great shooter. Then Dave Pasch threw out all the bias buzzwods and phrases "he's the focus of the defense," "there's young guys around him," "he was much better when he had Anthony and Warrick." Majerus shot all those down by saying "he missed left last year." His contention is that McNamara misses to the side of the rim, and great shooters only miss short or long. The whole town of Scranton hates Majerus now.

SU Loss Perspective

-Worst loss (by margin) in Coach Boeheim's career
-4th worst loss in school history
-3 points shy of worst Big East loss
-First time allowing 100 points in regulation since 1993

Embarrassing

It's not even over and I'm disgusted about the way Syracuse played against DePaul. In a must win game they played no defense and showed no heart. Worst loss in 15 years, since the first round loss to Richmond in 1991.

The Anti-Mrs. Christie

Andrei Kirilenko has been granted restricted free agency - by his wife.
Masha Lopatova, a former Russian pop star who has been married to the Jazz forward for nearly six years, understands the temptation NBA players are faced with as they travel around the country for seven months a year. And she believes that forbidding something only makes it more tempting. That's why, she revealed in a story in the current issue of ESPN The Magazine, she allows Kirilenko an "allowance" of one night per year with another woman.
"What's forbidden is always desirable. And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered," Lopatova said before the Jazz's loss to Charlotte on Wednesday. "It's the same way raising children - If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,' what does he want more than anything? Pizza.
"So this is the arrangement that Andrei and I have," she said, adding, in the spirit of openness, that she does not have a reciprocal agreement with her husband. "If I know about it, it's not cheating."
Kirilenko, according to the magazine story written by Salt Lake City freelance writer Chad Nielsen, has no plans to exercise his "allowance."
"Of course it was a surprise," Kirilenko said. "I'm not planning to do anything. But she said, 'If you want to do it, you can do it.' "
Lopatova said she doesn't worry about revealing something so personal, even in conservative Salt Lake City. "Me and Andrei, we're very open people. I barely have secrets. It's not like I'm one person in Salt Lake City and a different person in Moscow. My whole life is on the surface," said Lopatova, a celebrity in Russia who has a 4-year-old son, Fedor, with the Jazz veteran. "I find that people in this country are really interested in athletes and their [families], for some reason. They don't want to know what kind of books I read, but they prefer to know what kind of underwear I wear."
Now that the not-so-secret is out, Lopatova joked in the ESPN story, "Girls will be lining up outside his hotel door."

Now this makes Masha seem like the coolest wife ever, and she's probably right up there. But it has always been my belief that wives of pro athletes are resigned to the fact that they are going to cheat. They view it as the cost of doing business. But few would handle as well as Masha. Good for her and continued success in her music career. Mrs. AK47 rules.

Bouncing Boobies

This British company wants to show you how great their sports bras are. Enter your cup size and activity and the Bounce-o-meter will show. Link is sort of NSFW, it's animated, but still naked breasts.

Coach K is a Little Bitch

With Duke trailing Florida State 77-72 JJ Redick missed a three-pointer. Florida State got the rebound and the fans stormed the court. Problem is, there was 1.7 seconds left. So they had to clear the court, gave Redick two free throws, but then FSU had 2 free throws to shoot also. Before that Coach K had security escort his starters off the court to the locker room. I guess its ok for his backups to get trampled.

Real World: Key West

The Real World: Key West just started, I didn't see the first episode but I saw the casting special. Coral looks ridiculous, her boobs are swelling. She can't even move. Anyway they have an interesting cast for this season, and the hurricanes played a major role and should be pretty interesting to see how the real world intrudes on the "Real World"





Svetlana is a Russian Jew who doesn't like being called Russian. She's pretty hot, and definitely wants attention. In her audition tape she held up a dry erase board with reasons to pick her. Reason number 1 was "tigolbitties" accompanied by a drawing. Then she jiggled her boobies and said they were real. I hope she's real too, real slutty.

Paula is a cute blond from Connecticut. First from Connecticut on the show. She seems crazy and will definitely compete with Svetlana for attention. On her audition tape she pulled her pants down (wearing only a thong, or g-string) and had the words pick and me written on her asscheeks. She has bullimia which seems like its going to play a major role. Kate called her a headcase after 30 seconds of watching her.

Janelle wants to do makeup, and not go to law school. She is half-black, but she likes to date within her race, which means only black guys. So she's just like every other white woman. Seems like a trouble maker. Her boobs are fake

Zach is a dorky Jewish guy with horrible hair. Doesn't drink. Will probably act gay.

Tyler will definitely act gay. His audition tape was so stereotypical gay I actually questioned it briefly. He was doing high leg kicks.


I'll group Jose and John together because they will be the generic good looking dudes duo who like to drink and hook up. They follow in the footsteps of Big Ran and Brad, MJ and Landon and of course Wes and Nehemiah.

Should be a fun season.

Urine Trouble

This would have been a good Ask the Concierge, but Peter King posed this question and got the answers:

Friends came in from Boise, Idaho, to see their grandchildren in Manhattan last week, and my wife and I dined with them in New York on Wednesday night. Nice meal, though over-the-top pricey, at Le Bernardin on West 51st.

Midway through the meal, Brian, a native Canadian and one of our dining mates, came back from the men's room and announced: "I have just seen something I've never seen before in my life.''

What, pray tell?

"Well, the urinals in the bathroom went all the way down to the floor,'' he said. "And the bottom of the urinals, in addition to the mint all urinals have, was full of ice cubes. Have you ever seen that?''

"Can't say that I have,'' I said.

"What would be the purpose?'' he said. "I'm racking my brain, and I can't figure it out.''

"I have no idea,'' I said.

About 45 minutes later, it was my turn to use the facilities. I went into the men's room, and, unless I was mistaken, there was a fresh batch of ice cubes packing the bottom of the urinal. I asked a restaurant employee, a man who appeared to be in charge of the facilities, but he didn't speak English very well, so the mystery was on. Back at the table, more conversation ensued about the Case of Ice Cubes in the Urinal. We solved nothing.

"I'll tell you what I'm going to do,'' I said. "I write a column called Monday Morning Quarterback and I'll raise the question in the column this week. I'm sure one of my readers will solve this one.''

And so now it's in your hands, lovers of the NFL. Please e-mail me, hopefully on Monday, if you know why a restaurant would put ice cubes in the bottom of a urinal. Maybe there's a restaurant professional out there -- or a urinal professional -- who knows what in the world is going on out there. I'd love to be able to give out a prize for solving this, but we're not that kind of Web site. (What would I give out, anyway? A scale-model ceramic urinal with an NFL logo?) Thanks in advance for your help.

AND YES, WE HAVE SOME ANSWERS TO THE ICE-IN-THE-URINAL QUESTION. From Paul of Boston: "Found this on answers.com. 'Some establishments, often bars, pubs or nightclubs, fill their urinals with ice cubes during peak hours. As the ice melts it serves to slowly flush the urinal and also cools the urine to prevent smells from rising during use. The ice may also provide entertainment to patrons as they urinate.' "

Entertainment! I never thought of that.

HE ACTUALLY LABELED THIS RESPONSE, 'ICE CUBES -- URINAL.' From Andrew Ryall of Minneapolis: "I believe this practice is done in fine dining establishments to reduce/eliminate splashing that may occur from the downstream impact of hitting the porcelain and back onto the pants and shoes of the urinating person.''

Interesting. I never thought I would see "urinating person'' in my column. "Urinator," maybe, but not "urinating person."

YOU KNOW IT'S A SERIOUS ISSUE TO READERS WHEN SOMEONE FROM NOVA SCOTIA CHECKS IN. From Edward Bungay of Arichat, Nova Scotia: "Long-time reader and love the column. In response to your urinal question, I was eating at a Jack Astor's Restaurant in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and they had the same thing (long urinals to the floor with ice cubes in them). I asked our server about it and the response he gave us -- we were also curious -- was that the ice cubes aid in extinguishing any odor that may arise from the urine. He said that the cold from the ice cubes interacts with the heat of the urine and that reaction kills any odor that may linger after urination. Hope this helps and please let us know if Mary Beth is part of any sports teams. Hopefully all is well for her at Colgate.''

Thanks, Edward. No, Mary Beth has put her glove and field-hockey stick away. She's a volunteering sort. If you've got any kids interested in going to college where it's about two degrees right now, you'll be able to get a nice Colgate tour from Mary Beth.

THIS HAPPENS IN ARGENTINA, TOO. From Mike Luca of Washington, D.C.: "I have the answer to the urinal question and it is two-fold. They do this a lot in Argentina and other countries with bizarre plumbing. One, it keeps the smell of urine down; the melting of the ice from the heat of the urine dilutes the urine and washes it down the drain. Two, the ice keeps the urine from splashing back onto your pants from the porcelain of the urinal.''

What great readers I have. Thanks. I am told I had hundreds of responses to this question.

How Does He Do It?

Mets first baseman Julio Franco is 47 years old and still going strong. He hopes to play until he's 50. Here's how he does it:

-eats 5 or 6 meals a day, 5,000 calories (on the day the New York Times visited him he ate 20 egg shites, oatmeal and a glass of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice
-sometimes he adds peppers or spinach to his egg whites
-likes scooped-out bagels -- cinnamon raisin
-he drinks a shake of beets, cauliflower, celery, broccoli, garlic and an apple
-lifts weights siz days a week
-weekly sessions with chiropractor and massage therapists
-three rules: eat well, work hard, get proper rest

The Choker and the Tomato

Olympic snowboarding gold-medalist Shaun "the flying tomato" White finally got his wish to meet figure skating silver-medalist Sasha Cohen.
The duo spent about an hour chatting Tuesday night in the VIP room of Hollywood's LAX club, where White was hosting a victory party attended by 200 snowboarders, skaters, punk rockers and other friends, People magazine reported.
"She's cool, I just wanted to meet her in person," White, 19, told People.
He said the media during the Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy, "made a big deal" about his having crush on Cohen, 21.
"I think she's cute, I just really wanted to meet her, that's all," he said. "It's just cool meeting another athlete. It was rad."

Even More American Idol Lookalikes

Coach K Sure Does a Lot of Commercials

Very funny spoof of Coach K as corporate pitchman. Pay attention to the drawing of The Concierge's favorite former NBA player, Johnny Dawkins. Disappointed the Thomas Hill face didn't make an appearance. There was clearly an opportunity for it.

Giants Idol Day 2

Apparently this softer side of Bonds is making its appearance in conjunction with ESPN cameras following him around for a reality show. So even when he's nice to people he's doing it out of self-interest. By the way, did anyone look at yesterday's pictures and say to himself "no way did that guy take steroids?" Anyway, I don't know if they even crowned a winner, but the charade did raise $6,000 for charity.

Episodes of the reality show will air each week on one of the ESPN networks until Bonds passes Ruth at 714. The first show of the series, entitled "Bonds on Bonds," is slated for an hour slot on ESPN2 at 8 p.m. ET April 4, a day after the Giants open the season in San Diego's PETCO Park. It will be aired in lengths of either 30 to 60 minutes each Tuesday.
It could be renewed for another 10 hours of production if and when Bonds closes in on Aaron, with all the composite episodes being edited to a 100-minute documentary film that will illustrate the events that transpired both on and off the field as Bonds made a run at one of baseball's most cherished records.