Pissed Off

Poker legend Antonio Esfandiari was disqualified from a poker tournament for urinating at the table.
Esfandiari was involved in a large prop bet (rumored to be $50,000) with hedge fund manager and poker whale Bill Perkins.
Starting at midnight on Saturday, Esfandiari could not walk, he had to lunge everywhere for the next 48 hours.

He spent most of the first day lunging to the bathroom in his hotel room.
But Day 2 he had to play the $5,000 buy-in Main Event at the PCA (Pokerstars Caribbean Adventure).
He was allowed to take the shuttle from his hotel to where the tournament was being held, but had to lunge all the way to his table.
Well that walk evidently took a lot out of him, because at least 8 hours later his legs were so shot that he didn't think he could make it to the bathroom and back.
He got a bottle, a towel and a bunch of people to stand around him.
Someone saw, and he was disqualified from the tournament for "a major breach of etiquette."
Afterwards Antonio was apologetic. But not sorry for waiting out the rest of the bet on a couch with Sarah Herring.

I Would Have Humped Her Leg

Natalie Portman took her dog to a dog run in the West Village and some random dog came over and peed on her leg while she was distracted by her own pooch.
From now on whenever Natalie Portman sees that dog's owner she's going to bring up the time this dog peed on her leg.

Taking One For The Team

With just seconds left in regulation and K-State lined up to inbound the ball and run a last second play, Bill Walker was overcome with an urge too strong to control. He stepped to the sideline and relieved himself with several towels



If you follow these things closely you might remember that Bill Walker and OJ Mayo transferred together to a high school in Cincinnati for their junior years and lived with some guy (agent, AAU coach, whatever), but really they lived in the apartment alone. After that year, Walker had used up his eligibility and went on to Kansas State, then Mayo moved back to West Virginia.

He's a Pisser

Yesterday, on my way out the door I stopped off in the bathroom as I normally do. I used the urinal next to someone who was on the cell phone. I think he was speaking to a voicemail because he said "Did you just call me? I'm indisposed at the moment, I'm, uh, I'm, uh, I'm in the restroom. I'm leaving now so if you need me call back in a few minutes."
Then he looked at me and said "You can never stop working."
I laughed and said "I'm never going to borrow your cellphone."
He said "Well, I didn't want her to hear the splashing and wonder where I was."

This is not the same person as the blatant pooper.

The Brewers Also Have Cool Fans

As Billy Madison taught us, peeing in your pants is the coolest. If the Brewers make the playoffs hundreds of Brewers fans have pledged to makes themselves cooler than Miles Davis.
Pee Your Pants For the Brewers is taking pledges from Brewers fans who are pledging to wet themselves if the Brew Crew makes the playoffs.
The online pledge form has some funny questions such as "last time you peed your pants." One woman replied "sneezing when pregnant."

Pissed Off Passengers

Two planes had to circle for 18 minutes because the lone air traffic controller at the airport in Manchester, New Hampshire used the bathroom.
The only other employee in the tower was a trainee and not certified to handle takeoffs and landings.
Passengers on the aircraft were probably not informed of the reason for the delay.
During the controller's break, a pilot on one of the planes radioed the tower and spoke to a trainee, who was not certified to conduct controller operations. The trainee told the pilot he would have to wait 10 minutes for the controller to return.
The pilot replied that he had "lungs on board," preparing to be transplanted.

Urine Trouble

This would have been a good Ask the Concierge, but Peter King posed this question and got the answers:

Friends came in from Boise, Idaho, to see their grandchildren in Manhattan last week, and my wife and I dined with them in New York on Wednesday night. Nice meal, though over-the-top pricey, at Le Bernardin on West 51st.

Midway through the meal, Brian, a native Canadian and one of our dining mates, came back from the men's room and announced: "I have just seen something I've never seen before in my life.''

What, pray tell?

"Well, the urinals in the bathroom went all the way down to the floor,'' he said. "And the bottom of the urinals, in addition to the mint all urinals have, was full of ice cubes. Have you ever seen that?''

"Can't say that I have,'' I said.

"What would be the purpose?'' he said. "I'm racking my brain, and I can't figure it out.''

"I have no idea,'' I said.

About 45 minutes later, it was my turn to use the facilities. I went into the men's room, and, unless I was mistaken, there was a fresh batch of ice cubes packing the bottom of the urinal. I asked a restaurant employee, a man who appeared to be in charge of the facilities, but he didn't speak English very well, so the mystery was on. Back at the table, more conversation ensued about the Case of Ice Cubes in the Urinal. We solved nothing.

"I'll tell you what I'm going to do,'' I said. "I write a column called Monday Morning Quarterback and I'll raise the question in the column this week. I'm sure one of my readers will solve this one.''

And so now it's in your hands, lovers of the NFL. Please e-mail me, hopefully on Monday, if you know why a restaurant would put ice cubes in the bottom of a urinal. Maybe there's a restaurant professional out there -- or a urinal professional -- who knows what in the world is going on out there. I'd love to be able to give out a prize for solving this, but we're not that kind of Web site. (What would I give out, anyway? A scale-model ceramic urinal with an NFL logo?) Thanks in advance for your help.

AND YES, WE HAVE SOME ANSWERS TO THE ICE-IN-THE-URINAL QUESTION. From Paul of Boston: "Found this on answers.com. 'Some establishments, often bars, pubs or nightclubs, fill their urinals with ice cubes during peak hours. As the ice melts it serves to slowly flush the urinal and also cools the urine to prevent smells from rising during use. The ice may also provide entertainment to patrons as they urinate.' "

Entertainment! I never thought of that.

HE ACTUALLY LABELED THIS RESPONSE, 'ICE CUBES -- URINAL.' From Andrew Ryall of Minneapolis: "I believe this practice is done in fine dining establishments to reduce/eliminate splashing that may occur from the downstream impact of hitting the porcelain and back onto the pants and shoes of the urinating person.''

Interesting. I never thought I would see "urinating person'' in my column. "Urinator," maybe, but not "urinating person."

YOU KNOW IT'S A SERIOUS ISSUE TO READERS WHEN SOMEONE FROM NOVA SCOTIA CHECKS IN. From Edward Bungay of Arichat, Nova Scotia: "Long-time reader and love the column. In response to your urinal question, I was eating at a Jack Astor's Restaurant in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and they had the same thing (long urinals to the floor with ice cubes in them). I asked our server about it and the response he gave us -- we were also curious -- was that the ice cubes aid in extinguishing any odor that may arise from the urine. He said that the cold from the ice cubes interacts with the heat of the urine and that reaction kills any odor that may linger after urination. Hope this helps and please let us know if Mary Beth is part of any sports teams. Hopefully all is well for her at Colgate.''

Thanks, Edward. No, Mary Beth has put her glove and field-hockey stick away. She's a volunteering sort. If you've got any kids interested in going to college where it's about two degrees right now, you'll be able to get a nice Colgate tour from Mary Beth.

THIS HAPPENS IN ARGENTINA, TOO. From Mike Luca of Washington, D.C.: "I have the answer to the urinal question and it is two-fold. They do this a lot in Argentina and other countries with bizarre plumbing. One, it keeps the smell of urine down; the melting of the ice from the heat of the urine dilutes the urine and washes it down the drain. Two, the ice keeps the urine from splashing back onto your pants from the porcelain of the urinal.''

What great readers I have. Thanks. I am told I had hundreds of responses to this question.