I Just Watched a 7-Hour, 20-Inning Baseball Game

David Wright and Jason Bay are horrible. Bay to me represents everything I hate about the Mets. They get pressured by talk radio and the newspapers to sign mediocre free agents and they always come here and suck.

Francisco Rodriguez is another example. Two years and two blown saves in two of the most agonizing ways possible.

Jose Reyes's thyroid problem was definitely caused by HGH use and now that he is being regulated he sucks.

Seriously, why is it so hard to score against the other team's infielders?

Boy did LaRussa botch this game. Twice he let a pitcher hit while he still had a bench player. Then he let Ludwick run (presumably) with Pooh Holes up. They might have been able to win the game in the bottom of the 19th.

Wright, Bay and Francouer combined to go 1 for 20. Frenchy's average fell from .457 to .381 in this game.

This is the fourth longest game in Mets history and the longest one of my lifetime.

Manuel a little more desperate, bringing in Pelfrey. Why couldn't sucK-Rod pitch two innings?

On the bright side, the Mets won. The win isn't as important as avoiding a horrible loss.

And Mets pitchers gave up only 5 runs in the last 37 innings.

The Bane of Mrs. Poop's Existence

The worst part of living in Bergen County is obeying the archaic rules forbidding stores from being open on Sundays.
Now Governor Christie is looking to repeal those laws as a way to generate millions in new sales taxes. I actually think this could work because a lot of people from Manhattan do come to this part of Jersey for shopping.
The old grumps in favor of keeping the "blue laws" enjoy the peacefulness of Sundays without the traffic we see on Saturdays.
But I contend there wouldn't be as much congestion on Saturdays or Sundays if people could shop on both days.
Also, people with strange schedules like us need the extra flexibility.

"The blue laws have been in effect in Bergen County since the 1950s to give our citizens ... one day of rest from the traffic jams, noise pollution and accidents that are a nightmare on Saturday and long weekends," according to Bergen County Executive Dennis McNerney.

The last attempt to overturn the blue laws came about 10 years ago and was defeated by quite a wide margin but I don't think anyone under the age of 70 would vote against it this time around.

The law bars retail shopping on Sundays, except for necessities like gasoline and food. Consumers can't buy clothes or electronics on Sunday, but they can get a case of beer or lunch at a diner.

A Silver Medal And Her

Team USA hockey goalie Ryan Miller played great during the Olympics but still feels the sting of allowing the game-winning goal to Sidney Crosby in overtime of the gold medal game.
But maybe a romp in the sack with his girlfriend, Indian-American actress Noureen DeWulf will make him feel better.

Did Keith Hernandez Get Scolded by SNY?

Recently I was speaking to a Red Sox fan about their awful announce team of Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy. He said Remy was reprimanded for making too many mentions of his outside business interests during broadcasts.

I think a similar thing may have happened to Keith Hernandez.

On Tuesday Gary Cohen said he was surprised to see Keith eating a Shake Shack burger during Sunday's game.

"I forgot my uh my diet," Keith replied.

Gary told him "its ok, you can say it."

So Keith said "I left my NutriSystem lunch at home.

But it seemed like he was reluctant to mention the brand name.

My suspicion was confirmed Wednesday. After they showed a shot of Jason Giambi in the Rockies dugout Gary Cohen commented on his gray beard. Keith said "I don't want to get into details but there's a commercial about that."

It seemed an obvious reference to the Just For Men campaign ("your beard is weird") he does with Clyde Frazier.

I don't know about the rest of you but I enjoy hearing about Keith's outside interest including his dog Duncan, his front lawn and the time the JFM folks called him to tell him his mustache was getting too gray.

Keith also made a TV faux pas, speaking while he didn't realize they were back from commercial:



I just had to sit there and just stare at her.

Thanks for the tip Juice

The Asian-American and Pacific Islander Communities Thank Him for His Efforts on Their Behalf

Kal Penn went from the White Castle to the White House, abruptly being written off House when he accepted a position as Associate Director of the White House Office of Public Engagement. Officially he was a liason to the Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities.
That heady work was not enough to keep Penn from being lured back to Hollywood to play his most famous character in "A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas."
Jon Cho will be back, so will Neil Patrick Harris.
Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, the screenwriters of the original and Harold & Kumar Go to Guantanamo Bay, have already turned in the script.
Warner Bros is planning to possibly shoot the sequel this June, but no director has been hired. There are rumors this movie could go 3-D.
This to me seems like Jon Hurwitz grasping at straws now that he has been one-upped by his more successful college roommate, Josh Heald, writer of the smash hit "Hot Tub Time Machine."
Hurwitz is a talentless hack who made his money parodying his friends for the Harold and Goldstein characters.

Song of the Week

"Today Was a Fairy Tale" - Taylor Swift
The official song of "Valentine's Day." I'm telling you, Taylor Swift is already a star, in five years she'll be a super-duper-star of music and movies. Remember I said this.

With an Ass Like That I Guess We Shouldn't Be Surprised

While researching something unrelated I came across this picture of a girl named Nikki Giavasis.
An asprising actress who has had some roles but nothing major, her ass and her dating history all her biggest claims to fame.



During the 90s Giavasis dated Bobby Cutts, the black former cop who killed his white pregnant girlfriend Jesse Davis.

She also dated Tweety from Next and eventually filed a restraining order against him. She claimed to have poured $300,000 into his career (what did he do with all that Next money?).

She is also one of Shawn Kemp's baby mamas.

She sure knows how to pick em.

A Celebrity Couple I Never Would Have Predicted

John Tesh and Oprah?

A new unauthorized biography of Oprah written by Kitty Kelly (who else?) says they briefly dated while they were both working at the same TV station in Nashville.
But Tesh couldn't handle the pressures of an interracial relationship in the 1970s South.



"He said one night he looked down and saw his white body next to her black body and couldn't take it anymore," one of Tesh's unnamed ex-girlfriends told Kelley. "He walked out in the middle of the night. ... He told me he later felt very guilty about it."

Now that the news has leaked Tesh confirms the story: "Oprah and I were cub reporters in Nashville nearly 40 years ago and we dated for a short time. We remain friends to this day.”

Tesh refused to confirm reports that he wrote the "NBA on NBC" theme song while lamenting his lost love.

Stick to Basketball, Pal

President Obama looked halfway decent shooting a basketball with Clark Kellogg, but he obviously knows nothing about baseball.
The latest of his baseball related embarrassments occurred on Opening Day when he threw out the first pitch at the Nationals game then joined the announcers, Bob Carpenter and Rob Dibble in the booth:



Three big problems here:
1) He continues to call it "Kaminsky Park"
2) He can't name a single White Sox player. Why not say "I didn't move to Chicago until later in life when they had Frank Thomas." Give us something.
3) He throws like a girl. But he did show marked improvement compared to his All-Star Game debacle last year.

The Abridged History of Incorrectly Spelled Jerseys

San Francisco Giant Eugenio (Ay-ooh-hey-nee-oh) Velez became the latest major leaguer to wear an incorrectly spelled jersey during a game.
Velez's jersey transposed the C and S resulting in "San Francicso" adorning his jersey.



That of course brought to mind last year's debacle when Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Dunn wore "Natinals" jerseys.



What's amazing is not that it happens, we all make mistakes, but that these things go unnoticed. How many times does it happen and a player says wait, Cincinnati has 3 Is not just two, as Aaron Harang should have done before take the field in a "Cncinnati" jersey.


I mean seriously, how does no one noticed Adam Riggs playing in an "Angees" jersey. Anyone can tell that just doesn't look right.


And this one is my favorite. Joe Carter, this has to be old school. I am almost positive Mama Poop was in Toronto (or "Torotno") when this happened and she cut this out of the paper for me. I might even still have it in her house. Perhaps if she knew this one incident would start a lifelong obsession of mine about misspelled jerseys, maybe she would have thrown the paper away and never mentioned it.

Update: Reports of Derrick Coleman's Demise Not Exaggerated At All

Near the end of 2008, Derrick Coleman denied internet reports he was broke saying a liquidation sale at his former house was solely to get rid of things he no longer needed, not because he needed the money.

But now the truth comes out. Coleman filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy protection last month, saying he owes his creditors nearly $4.7 million.

He earned tens of millions during his 15-year career but listed assets of just $1 million in papers filed with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court.

Coleman’s desire to invest in the Detroit area after his playing career ended contributed to his financial problems, Coleman’s bankruptcy attorney Mark B. Berke said Friday.

Among Coleman’s ventures is a struggling Detroit development called Coleman’s Corner, an attempt to revive one of the city’s most downtrodden neighborhoods. Coleman defaulted on loans related to the mall last year.

“Mr. Coleman was focused on investing in various communities throughout the city of Detroit by developing real estate, creating jobs and revitalizing business opportunities,” Berke said. “Due to the state of the economy, including the decline in the real estate market, Mr. Coleman’s investments could not be sustained.”

Colemen’s other business interests include ownership stakes in the Hilton Garden Suites hotel in downtown Detroit, a Tim Hortons Inc. doughnut shop franchise and Hungry Howie’s Pizza store, according to court papers.

Coleman filed for Chapter 7 protection in March but only recently provided details of his assets and debts. The Chapter 7 filing indicates that the onetime New Jersey Nets forward intends to liquidate his assets in order to pay back creditors.

Among Coleman’s largest debts is $1.3 million owed to Comerica Bank in connection with a lawsuit and a $1 million loan on property in Michigan from Thornburg Mortgage Home Loans.

Coleman also owes Detroit mayor and fellow Syracuse legend Dave Bing $50,000 from a loan granted last year.

Among the assets that could be available for creditors is an eclectic mix of automobiles: a 1957 Buick convertible, worth $20,000; a 1970 Chevrolet Nova, worth $5,000; and a 1997 Bentley convertible, valued at $50,000.

Coleman also listed two Seadoo watercraft, his $90,000 NBA pension and two chinchilla fur coats.

I'm Calling for a Boycott of Carlsberg as a Show of Solidarity

The workers at Carlsberg brewery in Copenhagen are striking this week after management imposed unfair demands on them by changing a long-standing policy without first consulting the union.

Since the company was founded its workers were permitted to drink as much beer as they wanted throughout the day, so long as they were not drunk.

Carlsberg suddenly and without prior notification instituted a ban on drinking on the job other than during a 30-minute lunch break. That gives them time to pound three maybe four beers tops without being drunk after lunch.

Seems like the strike was necessary to combat the heavy-handed tactics of management.

If this happened in America Poop on Me would sue Carlsberg so fast they wouldn't even have time to chug three beers at lunch.

Btw, truck drivers are exempt. Since it's not advisable to drink and drive and all their trucks were equipped with ignition control devices, the drivers were never subject to the all you can drink rules. And since they often eat lunch away from headquarters they were given three beers to take on the road with them, a policy that will not change. But as a show of solidarity the truck drivers are striking too.

And we should follow their lead until Carlsberg's management loosens these draconian rules.

I'd liked this story if it were just about the beer policy, but I love this story because the workers are striking over it.

David Wright's New Personal Trainer

To rebound from his 10 homer 140 strikeout performance, David Wright is working out with a new fitness guru.



David Wright and The Situation, classic. Seems a little gay too me though ("harder, David, harder") but maybe that's what Vitamin Water was going for.

Story Suggested by Juice

My Best Days Are Over...And They Weren't Even That Good

In a landmark episode of "Boy Meets World" (landmark because it signaled Topanga's emergence as a hot chick from a creepy weirdo) Cory Matthews describes the "haircut cycle of shame."
"You look terrible for six weeks, then you look good for like a day, and that's how you know it's time for a new haircut."
I spent the first 21 years of my life (or thereabouts) as an awkward, gangling, four-eyed geek.
Now I am fat and increasingly bald. Or bald and increasingly fat.



Somewhere in the middle I got contacts, went to the gym and looked good for about five minutes.
I wish I had known it was going to be so fleeting. I would have taken more pictures.
In fact I can’t even find a good old picture of myself to use with his post.

Don't Be Fooled

Don’t be fooled by the Mets stirring comeback from a 6-1 deficit to tie the game against the Marlins.

1) They lost. The Mets have the amazing ability to do just enough to lose.

2) John Maine sucks. I’m not sure his career is even salvageable anymore. This is the big problem with guys who don’t strike people out. They can’t get out of innings. Games always get out of control with him because he can’t strike anybody out. Hits and runs seem to come in bunches against him.

3) They still can’t get a clutch hit. The Mets got their six runs on 2 walks, 2 sacrifice flies, a groundout and a balk. And they could have gotten on more on a wild pitch if the Marlins hadn’t made a perfect play, though I don’t think Tatis should have been running. In the 7th, 8th and 9th innings the Mets combined to go 0 for 5 with runners in scoring position. That includes Francoeuer, Bay, Barajas, Cora and Matthews. And if you notice none of those guys have been with the team for more than one year. So no matter who the Mets get, no matter their past history, they will come to Mets and suck, especially in crucial late game situations.

I Think I Ruined Chase's Chances with Sarah

Chase seems to have a little girlfriend at school, Sarah. The first time Mrs. Poop met Sarah's mom she told her Sarah never stops talking about Chase. Since then I think their love affair has grown (especially since the rest of the boys in their class are pussies who constantly cry for their mommies).
I've had to pick Chase up a couple times and I noticed Sarah's mom was checking me out. The first time I thought maybe it was an accident but the second time she was really staring.
I came home and told Mrs. Poop that I thought she was trying to get a glimpse of what Chase would be in 30 years. That was troublesome considering in a pouring rainstorm I was wearing a t-shirt (no jacket), sweatpants and socks with sandals.
But she must have liked what she saw because this week she told Mrs. Poop that Sarah frequently expresses her desire to someday marry Chase.

Quick Questions

Song of the Week

"Window Seat" - Erykah Badu
The most controversial song in America right now.



I'm totally against cheap gimmicks like this. I love Erykah Badu, and I even like the song but I don't want to hear about art, or sending a message, she did this just to get attention. She purposely didn't seek the proper permits to shoot a music video at the JFK assassination site, basically trying to get arrested.
Two major issues here: nudity in a public place and that public place being where President Kennedy was assassiniated.
First of all, no one should be naked in a public place, it's against the law. Although I don't think seeing a naked lady is going to do permanent damage to a young child I think it's totally inappropriate.
But damn she got a badunkadunk. And I love that she'll totally take off her bra and panties in a big crowd but won't remove her headwrap.
I really don't care about this being done at the Dealey Plaza. I can actually see that being a message, especially in the context of the video (her mock assassination and the words "they are quick to assassinate what they don't understand") but I can see why some people would consider it disrespectful, once again seeing it as a shameless attention grab.

Should I Pre-Order My Jersey Now?

The Redskins finally have a quarterback I can root for. Not since Heath Shuler have I been this excited about a Redskins QB. They gave up only a 2nd round pick this year and a conditional 3rd or 4th next year.

Normally I would be against a bad team acquiring an old quarterback but McNabb only has 1 year left on his contract (at $11.2m) and there is no cap and likely no season the following year so the commitment to him is minimal. That said, I hope they don't sign him to a big extension, which I don't think they will because of the labor uncertainty beyond this year.

It brings up an old question: if your team is not good enough to win the Super Bowl (World Series, NBA title) should you still look to acquire talent to get better now? Is it worth the price to get McNabb to make us into an 8-8 team? Normally I would say no, but for Donovan I am willing to make an exception. Would you rather lose with guys you like than with guys you hate?

My only worry is that Donovan will get killed behind a very weak offensive line. I also wonder what the Redskins will do now with the 4th pick in the draft. There are three top players (Bradford, Suh and McCoy) putting the Skins in a tough position. I think they may draft Jimmy Claussen and let him learn behind Donovan for a year.

If ever a team deserved to be cursed by a certain player it would be the Eagles after their fans’ horrible treatment of McNabb. They booed him the minute he was drafted and spent the next 12 years trying to convince themselves he sucked so they would be right. I hope they never win another game. At the very least if the Redskins go 2-14 this year I hope they win the two against the Eagles.

Idol Chatter

Two big reasons this will be the last good season of American Idol: the talent pool is thin and getting thinner, and Simon is leaving.

Even though I don’t think the talent is as bad as most people say (there are always good people and always bad people) the perception is out there, and with some of the horror shows still left I know why people are thinking that way.

As for Simon, I still cannot stand his inside jokes (leaning on Kara, bickering with Ryan) and insist they aren’t funny to anyone else but him. But I do admit he makes the show in the earlier audition rounds. You can’t have some guy squeal and screech his way through “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and have four judges look at him and say “oh sorry honey.” You need an obnoxious jerk. I’m sure they’ll get someone to fill that role, but I’m sure that someone won’t be as good as Simon at it.

What I would like to see next year is basically getting rid of the judges once we get to Top 12. Face it, they never have anything constructive to say. When someone sings a song too close the original they say “take risks” or “make it your own.” When they change it up the judges say “you didn’t need to do that.” And half the time they are not making sense, like when Kara’s lips are moving.

Of all the weeks I should have loved this one, I mean R&B/Soul with Usher as the mentor, that’s a recipe for Poop happiness, but I was underwhelmed for several reasons.

First of all Usher’s performance on results night was kind of weird and I didn’t even love Ruben Studdard.

Also, the choices of songs were a little off “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted” is a great song but not when sung by a whiny narrow-assed white girl. I still have no idea why Didi was crying. Why was this song so personal to her? And why bring it up then not explain. I have never been happier to see the most attractive female contestant get the boot. I don’t even think she’s that hot, I think it was a version of press-box hot because the other girls are Crystal and Siobhan.

Tim Urban on Anita Baker’s “Sweet Love?” Aaron Kelly on “Ain’t No Sunshine?” Katie Stevens singing “Chain of Fools?” Totally did not fit.

And as much I love Mike Lynche and India.Arie I didn’t think “Ready for Love” was the right song for American Idol. You should pick songs people know and usually up-tempo songs to get the crowd involved. A great song to listen to, but not a great song to sing in front of thousands of people.

He should have taken a hint from Casey James who picked a perfect song in Sam and Dave’s “Hold On, I’m Coming.”

My second favorite moment of the night was when Chase yelled out “I have to pee” and took off for the bathroom and I yelled back “Hold On, I’m Coming.”

My favorite moment though was Crystal Bowersox’s performance of “Midnight Train to Georgia.” I honestly think it was the best performance at this stage of the competition in the history of American Idol. I love that she did it a little differently than Gladys, I love that she had her version of the Pips and I love that she looked like a normal person for once. I really thought it was awesome and I really wouldn’t have a problem if any of the trio of Crystal, Lee and Mike won the whole thing, just so long as it’s not that weirdo Siobhan.

My least favorite moment was when they showed Justin Bieber in the audience. I had been taking great pains to avoid ever seeing him or hearing his songs. Until that moment I had never seen him, thankfully I've still never heard him.

I wish I could say the same about Puffy Daddy, I mean P.Diddy, I mean Diddy, I mean Diddy Dirty Money, what the fuck is that? I have always said that guy sucked, and now everyone has to agree.