Baddest Bitch in Poker

I've been following this year's World Series of Poker very closely and one player who caught my eye is 23-year-old Loni Harwood. Though she didn't win a bracelet she did make 2 Final Tables taking 6th in a $1,500 Pot Limit Omaha-8 for $39,000 and then a 4th in a $1,500 No Limit Hold Em for $210,000.
Most interesting to me is that Harwood is from Staten Island. And though she wears a Miami Heat hat all the time (though not the same one), she certainly plays like someone from Staten Island. She has pulled off several daring bluffs which would be impressive for any player, but are especially noteworthy because she is a woman, who for lack of a better term, plays like a man.
I have been trying to find out more info on Harwood, such as what neighborhood she's from and what high school she went to, but information on the internet is scarce, and the Staten Island Advance doesn't seem to be aware of her existence. I did e-mail the sports editor there to try to get an article written about her, so we will see if that happens.
If not, we'll just have to hope she wins the Main Event so we can get some positive coverage about our wonderful island.

Song of the Week

"Denise" - Randy and the Rainbows
This was one of the toughest decisions I've ever had. I chose this because I love the doo-wop sound and I think this song though great, is probably unknown to most Poopheads. Mama and Papa Poop say they have friends who named their daughter Denise because of this song.

What Do You Give Me For Rob Kardashian and George Zimmerman?

Kim Kardashian's brother and Trayvon Martin's killer sure have gained a lot of weight since we first met them. Now they look like fat-faced twins.
What do you give me for Rob Kardashian and George Zimmerman?

You Are What Your Record Says You Are

Bill Parcells famously said "you are what your record says you are" and I believe it to be true. The Dodgers are a last place team, and the Pirates are a first place team. Things could change, but for right now the Pirates are great and the Dodgers stink.
The Mets record by month so far this year:
April 10-15
May 12-15
June 11-15

That pretty much means the Mets are exactly what they seem to be, a bad team. A consistent team, but still bad.

A Few Comments About the Gay Marriage Ruling

1) Good, great, grand! I really don't see any reason why gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married.

2) I really don't see any reason why the government has any say in anyone's marriage. The government should get out of the marriage business but not recognizing anyone's unions and by not giving any kind of tax or benefit advantages to married people over single ones.

3) It's disgusting how President Obama is trying to act like he is on the winning side of this one. He ran for President twice, both times on anti-gay marriage platform. In 5 years he didn't make a single actual effort to get DOMA overturned. He did what he always does, took the easiest position at the outset and then took credit at the conclusion.

4) Hopefully this will be the day when all the closeted gay celebrities, athletes and whomever else comes out of the closet. If being gay is not a big deal, then stop making it a big deal. Stop making it a secret for years and only coming out when you get a magazine cover out of it. If you really want to help all the poor gay teenagers who are getting picked on and bullied in schools, just come out already. The more prominent gay people who show no embarrassment about being gay, the easier it will be for society to come to accept gay people.

Song of the Week

"Your Cheatin Heart" - Hank Williams

It's time for everybody's favorite part of the year, when I got back into the archives and find songs from 10, 20, 30, 40 and 50 years ago. But this time I'm taking it 60 years, because 1953, and especially 1954 were the beginnings of the modern era of music.

What Do You Say?

What do you call this woman who is best known for her roles as Stacey Carosi on Saved By the Bell and Carrie Heffernan on King of Queens?

The Universe Wished Me a Happy Birthday

When I was much younger I let my birthday be known to co-workers. They made a huge deal out of it, embarrassingly me terribly, on TV. It was then that I decided it would be better to keep my birthday under wraps and avoid the unwanted attention in the form of people making stupid comments about my age.
But that means no cake. And because last year we bought a Fudgie the Whale cake at home and I ended up eating 19 of the 22 servings (as per the box), I decided I didn't want a cake this year.
As I left for work that morning I reminded Mrs. Poop that I was serious, a cake was not necessary.
Mrs. Poop was ok with that, the Universe wasn't. At work I have a birthday twin. She is not as bashful as I am. Her desk was decorated with about 20 mylar balloons, she was wearing a birthday tiara, and cutting a Fudgie the Whale cake.
So she got the attention she wanted.
And I got the ice cream cake I wanted.

The Only Rule of Parenting

There are many different parenting methods and approaches that can lead to raising happy, healthy, successful, well-adjusted children. And there are many good parents who try hard and the kids still come out screwed up. There is no right way to do it, and even if there were, it wouldn't be a guarantee of success.
But I do have one ruling of parenting everyone must follow: love your kids more than you love yourself.
Put their needs ahead of your own.
That's it, that's the rule. Do that and you've got a good shot. Don't do that and you are pretty much Kim Kardashian and Kanye West naming your baby girl North because you think it's funny or because it will attract more tabloid attention.
I'm still holding out hope that this North West thing is a joke and they actually went with something more normal like Kaydeins. But for a girl who did a sex tape, got pregnant by a gay rapper and wore a tiny bikini while 8 months pregnant, nothing she does will surprise me.

3000 Words

Free Bill Posters!

The Suns center-court logo is perfectly symmetrical so that it appears to be right-side up when viewed from either side of the court.

Say what you want about New Jersey but we do have some beautiful sunsets.

Chemistry Lesson

Pardon the Interruption, PTI, is the best show on television. It's well-produced, they always pick the best topics of the day and discuss them in interesting ways. The format is great, the topics never get stale or boring. And they are not afraid to break format and talk about some ridiculous internet video, or a men's hairstyle. They talk about the same things you and your friends talk about it, in the same way.

Billy sent me this video, sort of an outtake as Mike and Tony were getting ready to do an interview with Brad Keselowski. It demonstrates the main reason PTI works, the amazing chemistry between Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser.

Song of the Week

"I Go To Extremes" - Billy Joel
"I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low, there ain't no in betweens"
Sound like someone you know?

Who Should Go?

Zack Wheeler will make his first major league start today which will force one pitcher from the rotation. Matt Harvey, Dillon Gee and Jon Niese have their spots wrapped up, so it comes down to Shaun Marcum vs. Jeremy Hefner.
By traditional measures you would think Marcum should be demoted to the bullpen or the minors because of his 5.43 ERA, his 0-8 record and his poor performance in his last start against the Cubs, when he could have been said to be fighting to keep his spot.
Meanwhile Hefner while nearly as bad in won-loss record at 1-6, his ERA is 3.96, and he gave up only 1 earned run in each of his last three starts. So clearly Hefner deserves to stay right? Wrong!
Here's why: Marcum's WAR is 1.4 (and he missed at least 4 early season starts), while Hefner is only 0.2, barely above replacement level.
I know some of you distrust WAR, but there are some very good reasons WAR is telling us what it is. There are 2 main things a pitcher has total control over, strikeouts and walks.
Strikeouts per 9 innings:
Marcum 7.74
Hefner 6.72


Walks per 9 innings:
Marcum 1.81
Hefner 2.76

So Marcum strikes out an extra batter per 9, and walks one fewer. It's those pesky things he can't control that are hurting him.

BABIP (batting average on balls in play)
Marcum .329
Hefner .271

So the Mets defense is turning batted balls into outs at a much higher rate for Hefner than they are with Marcum, which causes this:

FIP (Fielding-Independent Pitching)
Marcum 3.06
Hefner 4.69

So basically, because Marcum strikes out more batters, walks fewer and has been victimized by bad defense, his ERA should be close to 3, not five and a half.

Eventually you would expect those things to normalize which means Marcum is more promising for the last three months than Hefner. Especially if you consider that Marcum had four horrible starts to being the season after his injury, and has improved since.

Also throw in the fact that Hefner would likely be a more effective reliever, and Marcum would be more likely trade bait, it's almost a no-brainer to keep Marcum in the rotation and to demote Hefner to the bullpen.

The Mets Really Want David Wright to Be the Starting Third Baseman in the All-Star Game

David Wright is the best third baseman in the National League. It would be a real shame if he didn't get voted into the game as the starter, especially because this year's game is at CitiField.
The Mets have been actively trying to drum up support for Wright, and according to the New York Post they ever reached out to the website cougarlife.com. Apparently the cougars on that site voted David their hottest cub.
A low-level Mets marketing employee allegedly sent this e-mail to someone at cougarlife:

"Wondering if you would be able to blog/post a story asking your users (who apparently admire David and would love seeing him play in the All-Star Game) to go to the below link to vote David and #VoteWrightNow as he needs their help."

The Mets however decided teaming up with the Cougars wasn't in the best interest of the franchise but they did acknowledge a little harmless flirting.
David is engaged to model Molly Beers, clearly no relation to Pa Beers.

Song of the Week

"Keep on Pushing" - The Impressions
I heard this song in a LeBron commercial and couldn't get it out my head.
That great falsetto is the voice of Curtis Mayfield, whom I believe is in the back of this picture.

Michael Douglas Recants, Says Catherine Zeta-Jones's Pussy Didn't Cause His Cancer

Michael Douglas caused a shitstorm around the world, and most likely in his own bedroom when he said, of his throat cancer "this particular cancer is caused by something called HPV, which actually comes about from cunnilingus."
Douglas was forced, presumably by his wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones to retract that statement. Now he says he meant that other people get throat cancer this way. His was caused by something completely different.
Except that's not what the statistics say. According to the CDC, Each year in the U.S., HPV is thought to cause an estimated

2,100 vulvar cancers,
500 vaginal cancers,
600 penile cancers,
2,800 anal cancers in women,
1,500 anal cancers in men,
1,700 oropharyngeal cancers in women,*
6,700 oropharyngeal cancers in men.*

*Note: Other factors, notably tobacco and alcohol use, may also play a role with HPV to cause these cancers.

So even the CDC says thousands of men get exactly this type of cancer from HPV every year.



You may remember that Farrah Fawcett died of anal cancer, likely from HPV, almost assuredly from the diseased cock of Ryan O'Neal.

The lesson as always kids: be careful out there.

A Gr-ate Day

Today is an amazing day, two incredibly beautiful women who share my love, also share a first name, a birthday and a cup size.
Happy birthday to Mrs. Poop and Kate Upton.



And by the way, this is not a nipslip. It's not even an areola slip. It got close, but I really think it's irresponsible of the tabloids to use that term for a false alarm/near miss. If the cat daddy video didn't do it, there's no way some frolicking on the beach will.

What Do You Give Me For? Magic Johnson's Gay Son, EJ and Roz from Monster's University

What do you give me for Magic Johnson's Gay Son, EJ and Roz from Monster's University?

Should the Mets Call Up Zack Wheeler?

Given the incredible success of Matt Harvey, and the complete lack of success of every other player the Mets have called up from the minor leagues in the past 5 years, Mets fans are dying for Zack Wheeler, the player acquired for Carlos Beltran, to come up and dominate like Matt Harvey is doing.
But they should wait. Just a couple more months. Three reasons why the Mets should wait to bring him up.



1) Performance
Wheeler is not dominating in the minor leagues. He's 4-1 with a 3.86 ERA in 58 1/3 innings. His FIP is even higher meaning he's benefiting slightly from good defense. He's striking out 9.1 batters per 9 innings which is excellent. He's allowing 1.23 homers per 9 innings which is horrible. But the smaller ballparks and thinner air of the Pacific Coast League are certainly contributing to that and he would surely find CitiField to be a friendlier place to pitch. But his walk rate of 3.76/9 innings is also too high and that has been consistently high his entire minor league career no matter where he's pitched. It's pretty likely he will always be that way, but the point is, he is not dominating the minor leagues to the point where an immediate call-up is necessary.
2) Reality
The Mets stink. There is no reason to rush a player to the major leagues in the middle of another disastrously bad season. No reason to subject him to the bad defense and anemic offense that is holding Matt Harvey's win total at 5, despite the excellent season he is having.

Since Wheeler can't help the Mets win (enough), and he's not blowing away the competition in the minors, the Mets should wait to bring him up.

Wait until when?

July 6th.

3) Money
If the Mets bring up Zack Wheeler now, after his second full season in the majors (2015) he would likely be eligible for arbitration under a rule called "Super-2." Most players aren't arbitration eligible until after their third full season, except for Super-2s. How do you become a Super-2? By being in the top 22% of players in your class, but you must also have at last 86 days of service, which he couldn't get if he's called up on July 6th.

I know some of you are turning up your noses at my suggestion that the Mets use the tactics favored by small-market teams like the Rays and the A's, when they play in the largest market in the country.

Look at it this way, if the Mets bring him up in the next 30 days, they will likely have to pay him a much higher salary in 2016 than they would if they keep him down. So they would be trading whatever performance he's going to deliver in 5 or 6 starts in the middle of this dreadful season for millions of dollars down the line, if he has the career we hope he will.

If you would still call him up now, you are thinking with your heart and not your head. And that type of thinking dug the hole the Mets are still trying to escape from.

I think we can wait one more month to get Zack Wheeler and Matt Harvey back together at CitiField

Song of the Week

"Turn on the Lights" - Future
You may not like this song but at least the cat has a different style, which I find interesting.