The Best Prank in TV History

Whenever there's a disaster someone tries to call a local station and yell out BabaBooey or something similar. It happened during the OJ chase, it's happened to Ali Velshi, it's happened millions of times, but never this spectacularly.



KTVU in San Francisco got duped into reporting the "names" of the four pilots involved in the Asiana 214 Crash

Sum Ting Wong (Something Wrong)
Wi Tu Lo (We Too Low)
Ho Lee Fuk (Holy Fuck)
Bang Ding Ow (Bang Ding Ow)

I'm still holding out hope that this didn't really happened and we've all been duped by an elaborate hoax.

I Told You That Bitch Crazy

Everyone thought it was funny when Kris Benson and his then hot young wife Anna told Penthouse Magazine that they like to have sex at stadia and in parking lots. Except Pirates manager Llyod McClendon who said he doesn't care what his players do between the sheets, only what they do between the lines.

Most people found it amusing when Anna told Howard Stern that if Kris ever cheated on her she would fuck the whole team as revenge.

Fewer people were laughing when she showed up at the Mets Christmas party for underprivileged kids with her boobs hanging out.

Almost no one is laughing now, as Anna Benson is accused of barging into Kris's house with a gun and a metal baton, wearing a bullet-proof vest and making threats. You can listen to the 911 call he made while she was in his house.

The couple is going through a difficult divorce right now and she says she doesn't have any money and he says she was demanding he pay her $30,000.

All I know is, like Anna Benson herself, this story is only going to get uglier.

Matt Harvey Naked

Mets pitcher Matt Harvey agreed to appear in ESPN Magazine's The Body Issue, which every year features naked athletes, their bodies obscured only by the tools of their trade.
I really have no opinion on it, I think it's a desperate ploy to get attention for their magazine, not an artistic statement about the beauty of the human form. I don't think looking at the dudes for say three seconds automatically makes you gay. And I don't think the chicks they've had in here have even looked that great, even though many of them are very hot in other contexts.
So here it is Matt Harvey fans, our ace for the next 10 years, with no clothes on:

Maybe they should have had him pose with his girlfriend Anne V.

She's done some similar modeling

Song of the Week

"That Lady" - Isley Brothers
Probably the Isleys best known song, hit #6 on the U.S. chart in 1973. Lot of other good contenders from this year but I love this one because it was an early forebear of the great disco funk music to come. It's also one of Chase's favorites because it's in Swiffer commercials.

I Have an Eye For Talent

Very early on in the career of Jon Bones Jones, after I knew he had two brothers at Syracuse, and after I'd seen him fight a couple times, I knew he was destined for greatness. Jones has fulfilled his promise so now I'm on to a new prodigy.
Just hours after I wrote about the great World Series of Poker Loni Harwood was having, the Staten Island native took her seat in the final $1500 No Limit Hold Em event of the summer.
Two days later, Harwood took down the bracelet and the $609,000 first prize, pushing her total winnings for the summer to roughly $875,000.

Thanks to her victory in this event, I was able to learn a little more about her through this WSOP interview. She is born and raised in Staten Island but after college moved to Miami (that explains the Heat hat). But I still don't know why Staten Island Advance hasn't done a story on her yet. Maybe this (plus my e-mails and tweets) will get their attention).

Here's Harwood's winner interview with the very lovely Lynn Gilmartin.



Maybe she was just nervous but girls from Staten Island usually talk a lot more than this.

Just for the record, Harwood did get very lucky to win this event. She was all in with 7 players left holding AK against her opponent's pocket aces. But she caught a queen and a jack on the flop and a 10 on a river. She didn't mention that particular hand in the interview but did acknowledge "a lot of rungood." But in this event and in the previous one when she finished 4th, I noticed excellent, aggressive play from her.

Very impressed with her play and happy to call her my homegirl.

Baddest Bitch in Poker

I've been following this year's World Series of Poker very closely and one player who caught my eye is 23-year-old Loni Harwood. Though she didn't win a bracelet she did make 2 Final Tables taking 6th in a $1,500 Pot Limit Omaha-8 for $39,000 and then a 4th in a $1,500 No Limit Hold Em for $210,000.
Most interesting to me is that Harwood is from Staten Island. And though she wears a Miami Heat hat all the time (though not the same one), she certainly plays like someone from Staten Island. She has pulled off several daring bluffs which would be impressive for any player, but are especially noteworthy because she is a woman, who for lack of a better term, plays like a man.
I have been trying to find out more info on Harwood, such as what neighborhood she's from and what high school she went to, but information on the internet is scarce, and the Staten Island Advance doesn't seem to be aware of her existence. I did e-mail the sports editor there to try to get an article written about her, so we will see if that happens.
If not, we'll just have to hope she wins the Main Event so we can get some positive coverage about our wonderful island.

Song of the Week

"Denise" - Randy and the Rainbows
This was one of the toughest decisions I've ever had. I chose this because I love the doo-wop sound and I think this song though great, is probably unknown to most Poopheads. Mama and Papa Poop say they have friends who named their daughter Denise because of this song.

What Do You Give Me For Rob Kardashian and George Zimmerman?

Kim Kardashian's brother and Trayvon Martin's killer sure have gained a lot of weight since we first met them. Now they look like fat-faced twins.
What do you give me for Rob Kardashian and George Zimmerman?

You Are What Your Record Says You Are

Bill Parcells famously said "you are what your record says you are" and I believe it to be true. The Dodgers are a last place team, and the Pirates are a first place team. Things could change, but for right now the Pirates are great and the Dodgers stink.
The Mets record by month so far this year:
April 10-15
May 12-15
June 11-15

That pretty much means the Mets are exactly what they seem to be, a bad team. A consistent team, but still bad.

A Few Comments About the Gay Marriage Ruling

1) Good, great, grand! I really don't see any reason why gay people shouldn't be allowed to get married.

2) I really don't see any reason why the government has any say in anyone's marriage. The government should get out of the marriage business but not recognizing anyone's unions and by not giving any kind of tax or benefit advantages to married people over single ones.

3) It's disgusting how President Obama is trying to act like he is on the winning side of this one. He ran for President twice, both times on anti-gay marriage platform. In 5 years he didn't make a single actual effort to get DOMA overturned. He did what he always does, took the easiest position at the outset and then took credit at the conclusion.

4) Hopefully this will be the day when all the closeted gay celebrities, athletes and whomever else comes out of the closet. If being gay is not a big deal, then stop making it a big deal. Stop making it a secret for years and only coming out when you get a magazine cover out of it. If you really want to help all the poor gay teenagers who are getting picked on and bullied in schools, just come out already. The more prominent gay people who show no embarrassment about being gay, the easier it will be for society to come to accept gay people.

Song of the Week

"Your Cheatin Heart" - Hank Williams

It's time for everybody's favorite part of the year, when I got back into the archives and find songs from 10, 20, 30, 40 and 50 years ago. But this time I'm taking it 60 years, because 1953, and especially 1954 were the beginnings of the modern era of music.

What Do You Say?

What do you call this woman who is best known for her roles as Stacey Carosi on Saved By the Bell and Carrie Heffernan on King of Queens?

The Universe Wished Me a Happy Birthday

When I was much younger I let my birthday be known to co-workers. They made a huge deal out of it, embarrassingly me terribly, on TV. It was then that I decided it would be better to keep my birthday under wraps and avoid the unwanted attention in the form of people making stupid comments about my age.
But that means no cake. And because last year we bought a Fudgie the Whale cake at home and I ended up eating 19 of the 22 servings (as per the box), I decided I didn't want a cake this year.
As I left for work that morning I reminded Mrs. Poop that I was serious, a cake was not necessary.
Mrs. Poop was ok with that, the Universe wasn't. At work I have a birthday twin. She is not as bashful as I am. Her desk was decorated with about 20 mylar balloons, she was wearing a birthday tiara, and cutting a Fudgie the Whale cake.
So she got the attention she wanted.
And I got the ice cream cake I wanted.

The Only Rule of Parenting

There are many different parenting methods and approaches that can lead to raising happy, healthy, successful, well-adjusted children. And there are many good parents who try hard and the kids still come out screwed up. There is no right way to do it, and even if there were, it wouldn't be a guarantee of success.
But I do have one ruling of parenting everyone must follow: love your kids more than you love yourself.
Put their needs ahead of your own.
That's it, that's the rule. Do that and you've got a good shot. Don't do that and you are pretty much Kim Kardashian and Kanye West naming your baby girl North because you think it's funny or because it will attract more tabloid attention.
I'm still holding out hope that this North West thing is a joke and they actually went with something more normal like Kaydeins. But for a girl who did a sex tape, got pregnant by a gay rapper and wore a tiny bikini while 8 months pregnant, nothing she does will surprise me.

3000 Words

Free Bill Posters!

The Suns center-court logo is perfectly symmetrical so that it appears to be right-side up when viewed from either side of the court.

Say what you want about New Jersey but we do have some beautiful sunsets.

Chemistry Lesson

Pardon the Interruption, PTI, is the best show on television. It's well-produced, they always pick the best topics of the day and discuss them in interesting ways. The format is great, the topics never get stale or boring. And they are not afraid to break format and talk about some ridiculous internet video, or a men's hairstyle. They talk about the same things you and your friends talk about it, in the same way.

Billy sent me this video, sort of an outtake as Mike and Tony were getting ready to do an interview with Brad Keselowski. It demonstrates the main reason PTI works, the amazing chemistry between Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser.

Song of the Week

"I Go To Extremes" - Billy Joel
"I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low, there ain't no in betweens"
Sound like someone you know?

Who Should Go?

Zack Wheeler will make his first major league start today which will force one pitcher from the rotation. Matt Harvey, Dillon Gee and Jon Niese have their spots wrapped up, so it comes down to Shaun Marcum vs. Jeremy Hefner.
By traditional measures you would think Marcum should be demoted to the bullpen or the minors because of his 5.43 ERA, his 0-8 record and his poor performance in his last start against the Cubs, when he could have been said to be fighting to keep his spot.
Meanwhile Hefner while nearly as bad in won-loss record at 1-6, his ERA is 3.96, and he gave up only 1 earned run in each of his last three starts. So clearly Hefner deserves to stay right? Wrong!
Here's why: Marcum's WAR is 1.4 (and he missed at least 4 early season starts), while Hefner is only 0.2, barely above replacement level.
I know some of you distrust WAR, but there are some very good reasons WAR is telling us what it is. There are 2 main things a pitcher has total control over, strikeouts and walks.
Strikeouts per 9 innings:
Marcum 7.74
Hefner 6.72


Walks per 9 innings:
Marcum 1.81
Hefner 2.76

So Marcum strikes out an extra batter per 9, and walks one fewer. It's those pesky things he can't control that are hurting him.

BABIP (batting average on balls in play)
Marcum .329
Hefner .271

So the Mets defense is turning batted balls into outs at a much higher rate for Hefner than they are with Marcum, which causes this:

FIP (Fielding-Independent Pitching)
Marcum 3.06
Hefner 4.69

So basically, because Marcum strikes out more batters, walks fewer and has been victimized by bad defense, his ERA should be close to 3, not five and a half.

Eventually you would expect those things to normalize which means Marcum is more promising for the last three months than Hefner. Especially if you consider that Marcum had four horrible starts to being the season after his injury, and has improved since.

Also throw in the fact that Hefner would likely be a more effective reliever, and Marcum would be more likely trade bait, it's almost a no-brainer to keep Marcum in the rotation and to demote Hefner to the bullpen.

The Mets Really Want David Wright to Be the Starting Third Baseman in the All-Star Game

David Wright is the best third baseman in the National League. It would be a real shame if he didn't get voted into the game as the starter, especially because this year's game is at CitiField.
The Mets have been actively trying to drum up support for Wright, and according to the New York Post they ever reached out to the website cougarlife.com. Apparently the cougars on that site voted David their hottest cub.
A low-level Mets marketing employee allegedly sent this e-mail to someone at cougarlife:

"Wondering if you would be able to blog/post a story asking your users (who apparently admire David and would love seeing him play in the All-Star Game) to go to the below link to vote David and #VoteWrightNow as he needs their help."

The Mets however decided teaming up with the Cougars wasn't in the best interest of the franchise but they did acknowledge a little harmless flirting.
David is engaged to model Molly Beers, clearly no relation to Pa Beers.

Song of the Week

"Keep on Pushing" - The Impressions
I heard this song in a LeBron commercial and couldn't get it out my head.
That great falsetto is the voice of Curtis Mayfield, whom I believe is in the back of this picture.