Created By Robert Kraft

In our ongoing efforts to bring you all the Super Bowl news you need to know, from the ridiculous to the sublime (this is both), here is the theme song for the new ABC sitcom "Growing Pats."



What makes it even funnier is that my favorite Patriot, Julian Edelman was the OP (original poster) of this video.

I Disagree With the Two Bills Here

Here is my favorite announcer Bill Walton giving birthday gifts to his friend and colleague Dave Pasch:



Billy sent me this video because he thought it was funny. Normally if the two Bills like something, I love it too.
Not this time.
Here's why: Walton gives Pasch a book on Darwin and says "we want to make sure you believe in evolution." Pasch replies "I don't." Clearly they have had this dicussion before.
Personally I do believe in evolution but that's not the point here.
The point is Dave Pasch does not deserve to be mocked for his views. On national TV no less, with the Twitter trolls watching.
I feel that liberals often feel that anyone who disagrees with only does so because they don't understand the real issue.
And liberals seemingly have unending tolerance and sympathetic catchphrases (like "Genetic Sexual Attraction" for people who date their biological parents) for everyone in the world, except someone who disagrees with them.
One example I would give is the #blacklivesmatter hashtag. This seems to imply that if you don't want to riot in the streets because Michael Brown got killed after robbing a store and punching cop, then you are a racist who doesn't care when black people die.
It seems to me this is just another example of how liberals just can't possibly understand how anyone could see the issue differently.

Note: I'm not saying conservatives aren't like this too, I just perceive it less often and less hostile.

Built In Excuse

The Patriots and Bill Belichick made a huge mistake in trying to shield responsibility and feigning ignorance about the current deflated balls scandal. All they should have said was the balls were inflated to the proper PSI and then Vince Wilfork tripped and fell on them.

I Got My Legos

Back by popular demand a 2015 version of Bad Lip Reading. Not as funny as the original but because I found it while it's still in the embryonic state og 301+ youtube views, I figure I would share and be early for once:

DeflateGate

First of all, adding -gate to every scandal has gotten tired. It should only be used if it involves a problem with an actual gate or with former Charlotte Hornet David Wingate.
Second of all, if the Patriots purposely deflated the ball to less than what it is supposed to be in an attempt to gain an advantage that is cheating. It doesn't matter if they would have won anyway, it doesn't matter if there was no real advantage. If they did something against the rules in the hopes of getting an advantage, that's cheating.
What should the punishment be?
They NFL will never, never, never, never, never, never, never (SOTW, 3/21/12) disqualify the Patriots from the Super Bowl and replace them with the Colts, or replay the game. That is never going to happen. And I think that is a little too severe.
I also think the NFL is going to purposely drag out this sham investigation until after the Super Bowl to alleviate any discussion of the matter.
But the league absolutely has to throw the book at the organization. $1m fine, a forfeited first round draft pick and a minimum of a 4-game suspension for Bill Belichick.
He was the mastermind of the biggest cheating scandal (such as it was) in recent NFL history with Spygate (damn!) and now this.
But if anyone deserves to lose to a cheater it's Pete Carroll who cheated his way through USC and then used the same blind eye to ignore rampant drug abuse (Adderrall) on the Seahawks.
These two scumbags deserve each other.
Whoever said "cheaters never win" was wrong.

Song of the Week

"That's How I Got to Memphis" - Tom T. Hall
This song was a central figure in the final episode of "The Newsroom."
Memphis is a stand-in for wherever you are in life.

Good Headline, Lousy Details

Former New York Knicks guard Greg Anthony was arrested in a prostitution sting in Washington DC over the weekend.
Cops busted him at the Doubletree Hotel.
Charges say he used a computer so he probably went on an escort site, ordered up a honey and got a cop instead.
Now I really want to make fun of the guy but I really couldn't care less about this.
Anthony is not married, he travels a lot, he makes a lot of money, he wants to have sex so he hires a girl to have sex with him. I really fail to see the giant cultural harm here.
It is against the law though, and unless this was some act of civil disobedience, then he knowingly broke the law.
But he is going to pay the price professionally, as CBS/Turner has banned him for the rest of the college basketball season.

Weekly Picks

Keen observers of The Poop will recognize that although I am only 5-3 in the playoffs with a best bet loss (close games though), I have correctly identified all 8 winners from my pre-playoffs straight winners post.

green bay +7 1/2 SEATTLE
I know this seems crazy because Aaron Rodgers is hurt but the Seahawks just don't seem that invincible to me. Yes they are good. Yes they should be able to run all over a weak Packers defense that they dominated in Week 1. But as we point out many times in this space, if everything that happened in the NFL, happened the same the next week/game, it would be a lot easier to pick winners than it is right now.
BEST BET
NEW ENGLAND -6 1/2 indianapolis
This is a tricky one because Andrew Luck has been playing so great, but I believe he is still capable of making that one bad mistake that could cost his team. Tom Brady won't do that. It would be poetic if this young kid came in and knocked off two legends (one of whom may retire) on the way to the Super Bowl, but life, and the NFL, don't always work that way.

Last week: 3-1 (2 points)
Season: 46-47 (40 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (8-11)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (16-20)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (12-12)
Road Underdogs: 2-0 (16-14)

Nik Stauskas Underestimated the Power of the Internet

We know that people who went to Michigan generally aren't that bright but former UMich Wolverine and current Sacramento King made a huge mistake. It all started when a female high school student asked how many retweets she needed to get for him to got to the prom with him.
He then got his girlfriend involved which prompted some enterprising student to ask how many retweets he needed to take her to the prom.
Stauskas said 10,000.
Ten minutes later he had 8,000. A few minutes after that, Taylor Anderson was promised as the prom date to Jamie Guerra.

Now at this point you are probably wondering what Miss Anderson looks like.

I really don't see how this is relevant but I'm here to give the people what they want.

Now you're next question is probably, does he get to sleep with her?
For the full prom experience, I would assume she would have to. But since Stauskas says he is going a long as a chaperone, I am going to guess the answer will be no.
But perhaps the Eiffel Tower is not out of the question.

Song of the Week

"Finally Moving" - Pretty Lights
One of at least three recent songs to sample Etta James's "Something's Got a Hold on Me."

It Was the Right Call

I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I hate Cowboys fans. I hate them when they are whining about calls. Especially when they got a favorable call just last week. And especially when the call they are griping about was absolutely correct. 

According to the rule book it is absolutely clear that Dez Bryant's catch was not a catch at all. 

Bryant did not make a "football move" or a move "common to the game" after catching the ball. He did not take a step or steady himself or juke a defender. He fell to the ground. And the rule states that you must retain control while falling to the ground. He clearly did not. The ball hit the ground and popped out. Period. End of story. Incomplete pass.

Now you may have a valid complaint if you don't like the rule but you can't intelligently claim it was misapplied in this case.  

And I think it is a good rule because we want to take as much gray area out of it as possible. Forcing receivers to keep possession as they fall to the ground makes it easier on officials to discern a completion. 

And though it didn't really work to quell controversy in this example I think it is the best way to avoid judgement calls by officials becoming the determining factor in big games. 

In fact I have said for years that the biggest threat to the NFL isn't concussions or wife-beating players, it's too many games being decided by penalties and rulings by officials. 

I think it ended the NBA's 90s revival when big games and championships were decided by questionable calls and clearly a fixed game (Kings-Lakers).

If this continues with the NFL where the playoffs are constantly shrouded in controversy and fans feel cheated it will lead to a decline in its popularity. 

News Flash: I'm Immature Too

The winner of this year Golden Globes golden globes award is Jennifer Lopez.

This actually created controversy this year because her co-presenter Jeremy Renner made a joke about her having the globes.

Apparently people on twitter didn't like this. It is sexist to notice women's breasts even when they are practically falling out of their dress.

But I guess I am not the only one with such a refined sense of humor. Welcome aboard Mr. Renner.

Weekly Picks

Not a great start to the playoffs but not terrible either. I got my best bet, almost got a sick backdoor cover from the awful Cardinals. But I got all four winners from my playoff predictions.

baltimore +7 NEW ENGLAND
I think the Patriots will win but I think Baltimore is a good enough playoff team to keep this close.

indianapolis +7 DENVER
I actually think the Colts are going to win this game and everyone is going to talk about the changing of the guard.

SEATTLE -12 1/2 carolina
I want to make this my best bet but I think the spread is just a little too large and the Panthers defense is just a little too good.

BEST BET
GREEN BAY -5 1/2 dallas
The more people jump on Dallas's bandwagon (including Chris Christie) the more I think they are going to lose, and probably go down in flames while doing so.

Last week: 2-2 (4 points)
Season: 43-46 (38 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (8-10)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (15-19)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (12-12)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (14-14)

Fuck Football, He Should Have Been on the Swim Team

Former Syracuse running back Rob Konrad survived a boating accident by swimming 9 miles to shore. Somehow he fell out of the boat (he was fishing alone) and couldn't get back to it (it was on autopilot). He left at 10am and his friends noticed he was missing when he didn't show up for dinner so they contacted the Coast Guard which sent a helicopter to look for him. Police found him on the beach at 4:40am when he somehow contacted them. He was treated for hypothermia (he was in the water for 10-12 hours) and was released.

Now We Can Call Her Ma'am Again

Sen. Barbara Boxer will not seek a new term when hers expires in 2016.
This seems like a good time to bring up this famous clip:



This has to be one of the pettiest, nastiest things any human being has ever done in such a public forum.
"I worked so hard to get that title."
Oh yeah bitch, he's a fuckin general in the Army. I'm pretty sure that was a harder title to attain.
And by the way, in the military, ma'am is how you show respect for a female superior.

Mrs. Poop is So Immature

Mrs. Poop asked me to take this picture of her in front of Animal Kingdom at Disney World.

Song of the Week

"Coco" - OT Genasis
It shows you how bad hip-hop music has become that this is the best thing out there right now.

The Universe Thinks My Art Sucks

As most of you know, The Poops moved into a new house this summer, we actually bought it just a couple days after Mrs. Poop's birthday.
Because we don't normally exchange big gifts, and we were spending a lot of money on the house, repairs, additional furnishings etc, I decided a gift heavy on sentiment, light on cost would be ideal.

So I drew Mrs. Poop a picture of our new abode.

Looks pretty good compared to the original though right?

But evidently the Universe didn't think my artwork is good enough because the gift from our realtor, sitting on the shelf the day we closed, was this picture of the house, drawn by a professional.

Ok, I readily admit it is better, but mine was drawn with love and colored with crayons.

And since then we've had the house re-sided, and it looks completely different.

Booyah!

I did not like Stuart Scott. I met him once, he seemed like a nice guy but I didn't really know him. All I knew of him was his on-air persona, which I hated.
I hated his ridiculous catchphrases and his jock-sniffing. And I almost never watched him.
I didn't watch the ESPYs and although I knew he had cancer, I didn't realize how close to death he was.
I was genuinely shocked and saddened by the news when I heard it.
The more I read and saw about it, I do admire the way he handled his battle and I respect him as a man.
And he was very nice and cool and funny when I met him during my Stump the Schwab appearance.
But as a SportsCenter anchor he sucked.

Weekly Picks

Now is the time to make up for a mediocre (maybe bad) regular season. 11 in a row here we come.

arizona +6 1/2 CAROLINA
I was waiting for this for months when it became evident that a bad team would be hosting a playoff game and everyone would say "remember the Seahawks!" when they were 7-9 and beat a much better Saints team in the first round. But then every Cardinals QB got hurt and the Panthers defense came to life. But maybe the Cardinals can pull this off or at least keep it close.

baltimore +3 PITTSBURGH
These games never go how you think they should. Plus, I'm pretty sure the Steelers will win by 3 and everyone loses.

DALLAS -6 1/2 detroit
Hard to believe in either of these teams based on past performance. This is a lot of points but the Lions just don't seem like a team that has figured out how to win big games.

BEST BET
INDIANAPOLIS -3 1/2 cincinnati
I gave the Bengals the benefit of the doubt here on the spread because I don't want two pushes marring the weekend. Eventually someday Andy Dalton may play a good playoff game. But I don't think that's going to be today. Andrew Luck should be able to will his team to victory.

Last week: 2-3 (4 points)
Season: 41-44 (38 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (7-10)
Home Favorites: 1-2 (14-18)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-1 (12-12)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (13-13)