Song of the Week

"You and Me" - Lifehouse

Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth

Robbie Lawler won't be kissing anyone for a while I presume, because his lip was nearly ripped off his face during his fight with Rory MacDonald.

The old saw "you should have seen the other guy" holds true here as Robbie Lawler actually won the fight and held onto his belt, because he did this to Rory MacDonald's face

Song of the Week

"This Is How We Do It" - Montell Jordan
Billie would have disowned me if I had picked something different for 1995.

Chili Today, Hot Tamale

Why are thousands of men (and presumably a few women) paying attention to the Mexican weather report, even if they live thousands of miles away.

Yanet Garcia and her giant ass are the two reasons.

Song of the Week

"I Want To Know What Love Is" - Foreigner
This exercise in the music time machine is to not only find songs that I like, but also songs that typify the music of the era. No song checks both those boxes better than this one.

I Thought He Was Drunk That Entire Season With the Redskins

Former NFL quarterback Donovan McNabb was arrested on DUI charges last month in Arizona after hitting another vehicle at a traffic light, according to a police statement released Tuesday.

McNabb was arrested just before midnight on June 28 by police in Gilbert, Arizona, after rear-ending the other car, which was stopped at the traffic light.

It marks the second time in less than two years that McNabb has been arrested on DUI charges.

The statement from the Gilbert police did not specify whether McNabb took a field sobriety test and did not state what his blood-alcohol level was.

The Internet Breaks and Kim Kardashian's Ass is Not Involved

Federal authorities raided the home of Subway spokesman Jared Fogle Tuesday morning. FBI sources told CBS4 federal and state investigators were serving warrants at Fogle’s Zionsville home in connection with a child pornography investigation.

The raid started around 6:30 a.m. Tuesday. An evidence truck could be seen parked in the driveway. Investigators from the FBI and Indiana State Police were at the scene.

Earlier this year, Russell Taylor, the former director of the Jared Foundation started by Fogle, was arrested in a child pornography case. He was accused of possessing and producing child pornography. Investigators said a search of Taylor’s home turned up more than 500 videos with images of child pornography. Taylor unsuccessfully tried to kill himself while in jail.

Fogle said the foundation severed all ties with Taylor following the arrest. Investigators wouldn’t say if Tuesday’s raid was connected to that case.

Fogle gained national fame after attributing massive weight loss to eating Subway sandwiches. He was a freshman at Indiana University at the time. He later became a visible presence in Subway ad campaigns, pitching the restaurant’s sandwiches and touting their health benefits.

Song of the Week

"How Long" - Ace
1975 has got to be one of the worst years for music. I really couldn't find anything I liked on the list. And the few good songs were remakes. So I went with this one, even though it technically came out in 1974, it charted long enough in '75 to make the year end list.

Are You There Universe, It's Me, Margaret

A few Universe moments I have been sitting on for a few months:

1) Mrs. Poop messaged me to say a friend of Chase's kept calling Julian "Julius." Then I read this in Sports Illustrated:

On a somewhat unrelated note: how embarrassing is it for Sports Illustrated to make that mistake? And I have seen several other similarly unfathomable mistakes. I wish I could find the time they referred to the Pittsburgh Stealers.

2) I texted Master Bates to tell him that I made some money for The Spinners by playing one of their songs on my show. And he responded by saying he recently heard their version of "I'm Working My Way Back To You" (SOTW, 8/24/11 on the 80s channel because even though it was released in December 1979, it hit the charts in 1980.

3) Mrs. Poop was baking. She was adding sugar to her concoction and I kept saying "lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor." Shortly, after I was watching an episode of "I Bet You" where Phil had to go door-to-door trying to borrow a cup of sugar from Antonio's neighbors.

Meet the Matz

You could hardly hope for a better debut that what Steven Matz did for the Mets. Not only did pitch 7 2/3 innings in his debut, allowing only two runs (both solo homers, one to lead off the game) he helped his own cause with 3 hits and 4 RBI (a new Mets record for a major league debut, position players included).

But all anyone wants to talk about is his grandfather who seemed to say "holy shit" in reacting to his grandson's third hit of the game.



It really was a beautiful moment. A young man living out his childhood dream while his entire family (and one potentially sleazy agent) watched from a luxury box. And you could see the pride in his parents' faces. And when SNY spoke to his parents and it was revealed that his mom still does his laundry, Lori Matz said "he'll always be my baby."

Well, Mrs. Matz, your baby boy done good.

Hopefully this is just the first of many great moments for Matz as a Met.

And it should serve as a reminder to Mets fans during this frustrating season, there is reason to believe great things are in store for this team as Matz is just one-fifth of what could be a great starting rotation for many years to come.

The Watcher

A couple paid $1.3M for a house in Westfield, NJ and now they have fled the house and are suing the sellers for not disclosing that the house is being watched.

Shortly after they moved in the Broaddus family started receiving letters from someone called "The Watcher."

'My grandfather watched the house in the 1920s and my father watched in the 1960s. It is now my time,' wrote The Watcher. 'Do you need to fill the house with the young blood I requested?'
'Once I know their names I will call to them and draw them to me. I asked the (prior owners) to bring me young blood,' the first letter, dated June 5, read. 'And now I watch and wait for the day when they (sp) young blood will be mine again.'
'Have they found what is in the walls yet? In time they will. I am pleased to know your names and the names now of the young blood you have brought to me,' the letter reads.
'Will the young bloods play in the basement. Who has the rooms facing the street? I'll know as soon as you move in. It will help me to know who is in which bedroom then I can plan better.
Here's what drives me crazy about this. They are suing the previous owners for failing to disclose that "The Watcher" had been harassing them too.

The stalker has nothing to do with the house, he doesn't come with the house. It is a criminal engaging in criminal behavior. This is a matter for the police, not for the courts.

I'm sorry for their plight but I have to tag this "frivolous lawsuits."

Song of the Week

"You Were On My Mind" - We Five
This is not the song I expected to choose when I delved into top songs of 1965. I expected to find a bevy of Motown favorites, but this one stood out to me, I like it, and it does seem typical of the time. So let's go with it, 50 years ago, this is what popular music sounded like.

A Thin Line Between Genius and Insanity

At work a woman was eating a huge apple. Perhaps the biggest apple I've ever seen.
I said to her "it's a good thing that apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He wouldn't have been inspired to discover gravity. He would have gotten a concussion and probably died."

After laughing, another co-worker who overheard remarked on what a strange comment it was to make. He said it was funny but seem gobsmacked that my mind worked in such a way that something like that would come out based only on the stimulus of seeing a large apple.
Please vote whether the comment was funny or douchey, but also let me know in the comments if you think that comment is more indicative of genius, or of insanity.

Former Met Darryl Hamilton Killed in Murder-Suicide

Police have identified a man and woman found dead Sunday in a murder-suicide at a Houston home while their child was in in the house.
The bodies were found about 4:45 p.m. inside the house in the 11500 block of Island Breeze, according to the Pearland Police Department.
Police said officers were sent to the home on an emergency call about a disturbance. When they arrived, they found the body of Darryl Hamilton, 50, near the front entry way. The body of Monica Jordan, 44, was found in another part of the home.
Investigators said it appeared Hamilton had been shot more than once and Jordan died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Police said the couple's 14-month-old child was also found unharmed in the home. The infant was turned over to the state's Child Protective Services.

3000 Words

This is what the Stanley Cup looks like when it goes through airport security:

This is the winner's photo after Sam Greenwood won the $1,000 buy-in No Limit Holdem tournament at the World Series of Poker for $319,000. I post this not because of the shirtless men, but because of the girl surrounded by shirtless men who is absolutely mortified.

It's my birthday, bitch! And Mrs. Poop thinks she's Skyler White, minus the Ted incident.

What Do You Give Me For? Bart Chilton and the Painting From "Ghostbusters II"

What do you give me for Bart Chilton, former Commissioner of the CFTC and Vigo the Carpathian of Moldavia, the painting in "Ghostbusters II".

Note: we saw this movie at Damino's 11th birthday party because Mama Damino would not let us see "No Holds Barred."

The Most Exciting Mets Prospect Since Alex Ochoa

Maybe I damned Akeel Morris with faint praise with that headline as I didn't even have time to finish this post before Morris suffered one of the worst debuts in major league history.
I have been following Morris since early 2014 when I unwrapped my first Akeel Morris card in a pack of Bowman baseball cards.

Morris had been unimpressive in 2010 & 2011 and absolutely awful in 2012 going 0-6 with a 7.98 ERA while walking more than 5 batters per 9 innings. Dreadful stats.

But in 2013, something clicked. They gave up on using Morris as a starter and moved him to the bullpen, his walks fell (though 4.6 per 9 is still not great) and his strikeouts rose, to 12 per 9. His traditional stats were awesome too, a 1.00 ERA in 45 innings.

In 2014, he was even better 0.63 ERA, 3.47 BB/9 and more than 14 K/9. It was during this season, after I got the card, that I started to follow him and read more about him. He throws hard, hitting 95, and also has a great changeup.

After which the Mets added him to the 40-man roster so they wouldn't risk losing him in the Rule 5 draft.

But I was shocked when he started the season at single-A again. But once again he was dominant with a 1.69 ERA and striking out 13 men per 9.

That was good enough to get the call-up when the Mets needed someone and even though he was in single-A he was one of the few available healthy choices that wouldn't require them to bump someone from the 40-man to make room.

As soon as I saw the promotion I immediately went on eBay and bought 80 more cards for 12 bucks.

It was only for a couple days, what could go wrong?

Well everything that could go wrong did. A clearly nervous Morris couldn't locate his change-up and walked the first two batters. A potential double play was thwarted then a ridiculous bunt was misplayed, then a grounder snuck through the infield and then BOOM! a three run homer. Five runs, two outs in his major league debut. 67.50 ERA.

I still have hope my investment could possibly pay off. He still has good stuff. He still dominated the minor leagues and now he has a big league experience to build on.

The Chick That Got Panda In Trouble

Pablo Sandoval was benched for one game for clicking "like" on some instagram photos during the game. Kung Fu Panda says he grabbed the phone on the way to the bathroom during a game. And he admitted liking a couple photos. The professional shit-stirrers at Bar Stool Sports noticed this and immediately ratted out Sandoval.

Pabs knows a fine is coming and completely admits that he fucked up by violating a rule banning the use of electronic devices during the game. But he just couldn't resist the photos of diva_legacy.

We can see two big reasons he liked the pictures.

We don't know much about Miss Diva_Legacy yet, except that she likes selfies, eyebrow grooming and push-up bras. We also know she is not the former Mrs. Sandoval.
Nor is she Dubcy Romero who was purportedly Sandoval's girlfriend as recently as last year.

You can blame the guy for liking big-tittie latina hunneez but he needs to learn a thing or two about being discreet.

Where Was ThePoop When the Lights Went Out?

In the dark. The lights briefly went out in my office (though the computers stayed on) when a 20-year old woman lost control of her car, took out a utility pole and the transformers exploded.

The car was engulfed in flames but some brave policemen pulled the driver from the burning car.

Amazingly she escaped with injuries that weren't considered serious.

Look at that car, she is lucky to be alive never mind not permanently disfigured. None of the rescuers were injured.

The "P" Stands for Player

LeBron James deserves to be MVP of the NBA Finals. And it’s an absolute travesty.
If you’re saying the award has to go to the best player on the winning team you are adding factors into the voting that don’t exist.
There is a team award. It’s called the Larry O’Brien Trophy. The Warriors won it. Commissioner Adam Silver gave them that trophy. I saw it. Here’s a picture:

The MVP is different. It is an individual award given to the player (the P in MVP) whose contributions were most (M) valuable (V).
And even if there were a natural bias towards a player on the winning team (as there should be) shouldn’t this be the one exception – where one player is so transcendent and the disparity of the teams is so great that even his best efforts can’t overcome it.
He averaged 35.8 points, 13.3 rebounds and 8.8 assists. Yes his shooting percentage was poor, but again a big part of that is htat he had to take all those shots. Who else was gonna do it? You want him to give the ball to JR Smith in a key spot?
Plus, LeBron is only competing for MVP against other players in this series. He is not competing against your memories of Michael Jordan, or what you read about Bill Russell and how they single-handedly carried inferior teams to victory (they didn’t) because they are “winners.”
He was competing against Andre Iguadola who averaged less than half as many points, rebounds and assists. And he was credited for his defense on LeBron. Who still averaged nearly 36 points!!!!

The basic summary is this: if you don’t think LeBron was the MVP of this series you are stuck in a decades-old mindset where we were unable to separate individual performance and contributions from team results.
It is the same thing we fought over nearly three years ago when voters robbed Mike Trout of the MVP Award.
Individual awards should be given based on individual performance.
Having the championship title taken away from him when Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving got hurt was bad enough -- don’t steal the MVP too.