Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The NFL is Poop - Week 15

Let It Snow
Snow and other winter weather played havoc with several games this weekend.

New England 20 New York Jets 10
Wind and rain put a crimp in the Patriots style and any chance they had to pound the insolent Jets into submission by an NFL record margin of victory. But they did move the ball effectively on the ground which is something some people said they couldn't do. On the other hand, the Patriots offense had no touchdown drives of more than 4 yards. And the Jets had a few chances to get in this game.
But, of course the most important part of the game was the postgame handshake between the coaches. It was cordial and Belichick said "great game."



Jacksonville 29 Pittsburgh 22
A warm weather team goes on the road and pounds the supposed cold weather bullies. Fred Taylor rushed for 147 yards, the most ever for an opposing running back in Heinz Field. David Garrard threw for 197 and 3 touchdowns. Leading 10-6, Jacksonville got the ball to start the second half. They went on a 20 play drive that took up 9 minutes and 35 seconds and ended in a touchdown pass. Then they forced Pittsburgh into a 3 and out, and on the first play of the next drive, Garrard threw a 55-yard touchdown to Dennis Northcutt. Two drives, one 20 plays in 9:35, the other 1 play in 10 seconds. But the Steelers stormed back helped by an interception by Garrard to Anthony Smith, who didn't guarantee anything, but spurred the comeback with his 50 yard return. But the Jags came right back with a long touchdown drive to seal the victory and cement their reputation as a dangerous team.



Carolina 13 Seattle 10
A strong wind hampered the passing game for both teams in this one. The score was 0-0 after three quarters. In the fourth the teams went wild scoring 23 points. The Panthers put the game away by recovering a Hasselbeck fumble and turning it into a touchdown on a 35 yard run by DeAngelo Williams with 1:38 left. But trailing by 10 the Seahawks came down the field and scored a touchdown with 1 second left to make the score 13-10.

Cleveland 8 Buffalo 0
This was the game where weather had the biggest impact. The whole game was played in a snowstorm that made passing almost impossible. The two quarterbacks combined to go 22 for 57 for 261 yards. But the running backs were able to get some traction, Marshawn Lynch gained 82 yards, but that was only half as many as Jamal Lewis who got 163. He pounded the Bills into submission. The Browns got their scores on a safety (bad snap) and two field goals by Awesome Phil Dawson, one of which hit the extension bar that connects the crossbar to the post.

Phil Dawson kicks field goals in the snow
Jamal Lewis powers the Browns to a snowy win over the Bills
Derek Anderson slides in the snowy end zone to celebrate the Browns victory over the Bills

But the Sun Shined on the Dolphins
The Miami Dolphins avoided historical ignominy by finally winning a game. They came back from a 13-3 deficit to take a 16-13 lead against the Baltimore Ravens. But the Ravens were able to take the ball all the way down to the 1 yard line before kicking the tying field goal. In overtime, the Ravens drove the ball downfield, but Matt Stover missed the field goal that would have sent the Dolphins home losers once again. On the next possession the immortal combination of Cleo Lemon to Greg Camarillo (the 4th catch of his career) hooked up for a 64-yard touchdown.



That started a massive celebration the likes of which you will not see when the Patriots win the Super Bowl this year. Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga cried. And the old curmudgeonly 1972 Dolphins can get back to focusing on the task at hand...putting the jinx on the Patriots.




She's a God Damned Succubus
With his new girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, sitting in a luxury box, Tony Romo had one of his worst days as the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, completing only 13 of 36 passes and throwing 3 interceptions.

Jessica Simpson in her pink Tony Romo jerseyThe sight of Jessica Simpson's huge boobies causes Tony Romo to have the worst game of his career
Tony Romo may look sad, but he's going home to fuck Jessica Simpson

Does Jon Runyan Read The Poop
Last week in this space, I criticized Jamal Lewis for scoring a late touchdown when falling down at the 1 would have given his team the chance to put the game away.
It appears that Eagles lineman Jon Runyan saw my column and passed it on to Brian Westbrook. With the Eagles holding on to a 10-6 lead with 2:19 to go Runyan told Westbrook that he should not try to score, he should just take a knee. Sure enough, Westbrook ripped through the line and ran 24 yards, but stopped on the one to seal his team's victory. Westbrook said he wasn't sure about it but he heard Runyan running after him yelling and he didn't want to piss the big guy off. It was the right decision because no matter how unlikely a field goal, an onside kick, a touchdown and a 2-point conversion in 2 minutes are, a fucked up kneel down is even less likely. Kudos to Runyan for being a Poophead. Kudos to Westbrook for not padding his stats. Kudos to all the fantasy owners who overcame Westbrook's selflessness to win their fantasy playoff games anyway.

Brian Westbrook does the right thing and takes a knee at the 1

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
Finally, the Redskins played a great game and made the big plays when they needed to. Now, I love Jason Campbell but over the past 2 weeks Todd Collins has been able to do things Campbell couldn't over the previous 12. Collins completed only 32% of his passes in difficult conditions at the Meadowlands but the ones he did complete were big. In a game that started off as a field position battle the Redskins got the first advantage after a fumble. After turning that into a field goal, Collins hit Santana Moss for 36 yards and Todd Yoder for 30 on consecutive plays to set up another field goal. And the Redskins touchdown was set up by a 34 yard pass to Moss. That drive culminated in an interesting play. On 3rd and 9 from the 14, Coach Gibbs was content to settle for field goal and a 9-0 lead, calling for a draw play. Ladell Betts took it to the endzone for a 13-0 lead. Then the Redskins spent the second half sitting on a 22-3 lead. The Redskins only got 2 first downs in the 4th quarter, which has been their biggest problem, which caused several blown leads, but the last one kept the ball away from the Giants and salted away the game.

Cheerleader of the Week
Crystal H. of the Washington Redskins Cheerleaders
Crystal is a makeup artist (or what I would call an aesthetician) when she is not entertaining Redskins fans.
She participated in Maxim's 2007 Hometown Hotties contest.
But this line from her bio is why I chose her this week: "I love...playing poker. Maybe one day you'll see me on the World Series of Poker!!"
She wants to play the WSOP, that's why I love Crystal. And these pictures are nice too.








Game of Next Week
Washington Redskins at Minnesota Vikings

NBC flexed this game so for the second week in a row I can watch the Skins live in prime time. If the Redskins lose they are eliminated from the playoffs. If they win they would still need to beat Dallas in Week 17 (playing for homefield in the title game) and have New Orleans lose a game. If Minnesota wins they'd still need a New Orleans loss to clinch.

If The Super Bowl Were Played Today
New England Patriots 34 Green Bay Packers 21
I'm assuming that Jessica Simpson wouldn't miss the NFC championship game.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous2:56 PM

    how could you not mention the Giant game as impacted by the weather. Isn't the wind the reason the Giant receivers claimed they dropped 10 passes?

    Also, the weather had an impact on my tailgate as well. The BBQ was doubling as a handwarmer

    ReplyDelete