From Carrying Battier's Jock to Carrying Obama's Breath Mints

Former Duke basketball player Reggie Love, like many other Dukies never found much success in pro basketball.
But lately Love is getting more attention for his play on the court than he ever did while at Duke.
Love is now Barack Obama's "body man" or personal assistant, and his most public of chores is teaming up with Obama during pickup games, so Obama can rack up the assists.
Love also has a lot of other chores, all of which would seem menial, were he not doing them for the future President of the United States.
He makes sure Obama doesn't leave anything in his hotel room. During speeches he holds Obama's jacket, and brings him water.
But mostly Love is just there to run interference with crazed fans and to make sure the candidate gets to where he needs to be on time.



In the time between when I conceived this story and actually got around to writing, E-60 did a good, 12-minute long piece on Love and Obama.

Jason Beastly

Jason Priestley obvious isn't angling for a role in the new "90210" with this Grizzly Adams beard he's got going on. I swear it took me quite a while to figure out who this was.

At Least They're Funny

Chris Cooley hosted the Washington Redskins fantasy draft, and recorded the whole thing. Jason Campbell, Santana Moss and Mike Sellers had teams, so did Chris Cooley's wife, who is really fuckin hot, but it was Fred Smoot who stole the show.

The video is 7 minutes long, but well worth it. And the way it's edited, I'm not certain if the picks are represented in the proper order. I hope not anyway.

Funny or Douchey?

Pizza Parlor Derek is Commissioner of the Main Event Fantasy Football league, comprised mostly of Poopheads. Each year at the draft, PPD presents the winner (this year it was Billy) with his prize money, and a large mock check, like you see when corporations donate money to charity.
This year PPD went above and the call of duty and actually went to FedExKinko's and printed the check. Then he mounted it on a foam board provided by El Greco.



While I admire his hard work, I think it's a little too far to go for fantasy football.

A Bad Start

The Redskins were awful last night losing 16-7 to the Giants. It took almost the entire first half before they earned a first down or completed a pass.
And as far as the offense is concerned, the second half wasn't much better. Jason Campbell looked horrible, and they didn't get much of a running game going either.
The defense got run over by Brandon Jacobs and run past by Plaxico Burress (whom they could not cover.
Key offseason addition Jason Taylor got shoved around by the Giants run blockers, and didn't do much of anything as a pass rusher either.
I have some other problems with this game too, including a couple of dropped interceptions and the galling lack of urgency they exhibited on the late 4th quarter drive.
But I'm not ready to give up on Jim Zorn, Jason Campbell or Jason Taylor just yet, because it is only one game.

Progress Is His Middle Name

Was Goldie Wilson a good mayor of Hill Valley?
His detractors point to the fact that Hill Valley was a serene, clean place in 1955 but when he was Mayor in 1985, Hill Valley was overrun with homeless people and Libyan terrorists.
But Wilson evidently used his later term or terms to restore Hill Valley to its pristine nature once again by 2015. At that time his son was mayor, further proof he was popular because why would they have elected the son if the father wasn't any good?
And when his grandson, Goldie III, tried to sell hover conversions for $39,99.95, he invoked the first Mayor Wilson in his ads, another example of his popularity among the people of Hill Valley.
Also, many have praised Mayor Wilson's efforts to get federal relief money for Hill Valley after a fire destroyed much of the town square.

My Two Dads

ABC's Terry Moran makes a funny goof when trying to be profound about Barack Obama's background.

Funny or Douchey?

Mrs. Poop and I had an argument about my newest $8 t-shirt. I say "It's Not My Fault I'm Awesome" is funny, she thinks it's douchey. You decide.

2008 NFL Season Predictions

NFC East: Dallas Cowboys
NFC North: Minnesota Vikings
NFC South: New Orleans Saints
NFC West: St. Louis Rams
NFC Wild Cards: Seattle Seahawks, Philadelphia Eagles

AFC East: New England Patriots
AFC North: Pittsburgh Steelers
AFC South: Indianapolis Colts
AFC West: San Diego Chargers
AFC Wild Cards: Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans

Super Bowl: New England Patriots over Dallas Cowboys

Offensive Player of the Year: Tom Brady
Defensive Player of the Year: Jared Allen
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Darren McFadden
Defensinve Rookie of the Year: Chris Long
Coach of the Year: Scott Linehan

Think I'm crazy? Step up and make your own picks in the comments section

Growing Old

Earlier this season, I saw a trivia question during a baseball game that asked which pitcher holds the AL rookie record for strikeouts.
I immediately knew the answer was Herb Score, set in 1955.
When Dwight Gooden broke Score's Major League record in 1984, 1955 seemed like old-time baseball to me.
But by the time Chase is as old as I was when that happened, 1984 will be as far away to him, as 1955 was to me.
Damn, I'm old.

Strange Baseball Plays

Jim Edmonds Finds Two Balls...But Not In His Pants


Minor Leaguer Dupes the Catcher

She Never Should Have Left New York

Julie Donaldson left New York and SNY for Boston, and ended up in an abusive relationship.
Her Boston boyfriend, Ivan Lattimore, a professional slamball player, is in jail awaiting trial for beating her up.

Here's the Boston Globe story:

Since she and Lattimore started dating, Donaldson said, there have been at least four violent episodes. The first, she said, occurred at the Super Bowl in Arizona and resulted in bruises on her arms. "I wore a long sleeve shirt and didn't tell anyone," she said.

The second attack was more serious, she said. After a Celtics game against the Miami Heat on March 30, Donaldson said that she lied to Lattimore about her whereabouts and that he was waiting for her when she returned to her apartment.

"He grabbed me by my hair and took my hands by my wrists and made me punch my face," she said, adding that she had to miss work the next day because of bruises on her face. A few months ago, she said, another fight ensued after a night of drinking at Sonsie on Newbury Street.

Donaldson said the latest assault took place in Donaldson's Exeter Street apartment after a night of dancing and drinking at the Back Bay nightclub Saint. On June 27, Lattimore's 32d birthday, Donaldson said she, her boyfriend, and another man went to the club. They drank several shots of liquor, she said, and bought rounds of drinks for others at the bar. [Note: Donaldson said she drank two bloody Marys at lunch, three glasses of sangria and four shots in the afternoon, a Vodka drink with dinner, and several shots at Saint]. At closing time, she said, Lattimore paid the $386 bar tab, and the drunken crowd spilled out onto the street. Wanting to "keep the party going," Donaldson said, she invited a group of six young women back to her apartment around 2 a.m. on June 28.

One of the women, Sounsano Phouthavoq, testified yesterday that Lattimore groped one of her friends at the apartment. Alarmed, the women tried to leave, Phouthavoq said. She said Lattimore became angry and grabbed her by the hair. When Donaldson tried to calm him, Phouthavoq said he threw his girlfriend approximately 5 feet against a wall.

"He snapped and went into a rage," Donaldson said.

Donaldson said she ran to her bedroom and locked the door, but Lattimore kicked it in. He punched her in the face at least twice, she said, and also bit her on the left cheek. "I remember a slow motion punch coming from the right side of my face," she said, weeping.

Donaldson said she managed to escape to the street, where she was met by the six young women and the police.

"She was crawling around the corner, saying, 'He's coming after me; he's going to kill me," Rosalyn Pen, one of the women, said in court. "It was like a Lifetime movie. I'd never seen anything like it."

Lattimore claims he has a sex tape of him and Donaldson which was filmed right before the alleged altercation. He plans to use it in his defense. If all this is true this will test my theory that all evidence presented in court cases is in the public record and can be attained through a freedom of information act request. I'd gladly fill out the paperwork and pay a handling fee for a Julie Donaldson sextape.








Story Suggested by SCZA

Song of the Week

"My Baby Daddy" - B-Rock and The Bizz

Drink Your Orange Juice

One of my favorite commercials of all-time featuring one of the most random celebrity endorsements of all-time. I was going to save this until Robert Loggia dies but I hope that doesn't happen for a really long time.

Last Year on the Poop

My favorite Chase t-shirt



Also, I discussed name possibilities and preferences.

What Do You Say?

What is your favorite insult beginning with the word ass?

Most Anticlimactic No-Hitter Ever

The Milwaukee Brewers are asking Major League Baseball to review a scoring decision, that if changed, would retroactively give CC Sabathia a no-hitter.
To lead off the 5th inning, Andy LaRoche hit a weak grounder back to Sabathia, he tried to bare-handed but couldn't make the play and it was immediately ruled a hit.
I agree it probably should have been scored an error at the time.
But I don't see how you can overturn this. First of all, wouldn't that be the type of instant replay Bud Selig vowed to resist?
Secondly, couldn't it open up a Pandora's Box to every self-obsessed hitter petitioning the league office everytime he reaches base on a questionable error?
Can they go back and reverse what is widely known as a generous call that allowed Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak to extend to 43 games back in 1941?
I think the official scorer should have until an hour after the game to review his judgments, and that's it.
In this case, even if Sabathia is awarded a no-hitter, he's still robbed of the special feeling of sitting alone in the dugout between innings, of getting a standing O after leaving the mound every inning, and of celebrating with his teammates.
Plus, there's no guarantee he'd have pitched the rest of the game hitless had he actually been going for a no-hitter. I think overturning the ruling would cause a lot more problems than it would fix.

Why I Recommend the Video Monitor

For those of you about to have children or will have them at some point in the more distant future, I have one product recommendation for you: a video monitor.
Most people get the audio monitor, which is perfectly fine for serving the monitor's intended purpose which is, monitoring your child.
But the unintended benefits make the video monitor worth the extra money.
One of my favorite moments of Chase's first year is the time I heard a strange noise coming from his room, and when I looked at the monitor, I saw him lying in his crib clapping.
And the other night he woke up and started crying, so I grabbed the monitor. I saw him sit up, reach down and grab his pacifier and put it back in his mouth. Then he toppled over and fell asleep with his head on the ground and his ass in the air.