The Dumbest Thing in Sports

Kyrie Irving: Cavs got extra motivation from Warriors’ ‘chatter'

There is absolutely no way the Cavs were "motivated" by any of the things the Warriors may have said or done. Even if they say it helped motivate them, I am sure it had zero affect on their performance.

For all sorts of reasons, we tend to prescribe value to things that have no value. Particularly when we try to explain drastic differences in performance, we lean on mental factors as a crutch. If being down 3-0 in the Finals wasn't enough to motivate the Cavs to perform at their best, no words from Draymond Green would have helped.

Not even when Steph Curry allegedly pantomimed pooping on the Quicken Loans Arena floor at the end of Game 3.

They Called the Poop Poo

The Isle of Wight Zoo in the UK is opening up a National Poo Museum.

A spokeswoman says “It’s stinky, unpleasant and sometimes dangerous stuff — but it’s all around us and inside us too — and perhaps surprisingly our planet would be a much poorer place without it.”

The museum "is set to be the place to immerse oneself in the wonder of excrement while finding out lots of extraordinary nuggets of information about all things poo-y, kids will love it!” the spokeswoman said.

The museum will feature relics such as freeze-dried poo, poop hanging from the ceiling and poop from various different species like meerkats, foxes, cows, owls and even human babies.

There will even be a 38 million-year-old fecal specimen.

Story Suggested by Razor

Note: this is the 6969th post in the history of The Poop.

Four Little Nuggets

This is the Bio-Bus which operates in England. It seats 40 people and runs on biomethane gas "generated through the treatment of sewage and food waste that's unfit for human consumption."
The waste is processed over 12 to 18 days through a process of anaerobic digestion. The result is a biogas rich in methane. This biogas is further processed before being upgraded to be the same composition as natural gas.

You can also donate your poop (I tried really hard to find out if this was a hoax, but if it is no one has caught on yet). Something called OpenBiome says poop transplants work to for people who have something called C. difficile by introducing new bacteria to their large intestines, via their rectums.
They are offering $13,000 a year for people who can commit to make a solid donation 5 days a week. But you have to live in Medford, Massachusetts, meet some other requirements and be able to go to their lab everyday. As perfect as this job sounds for me, I don't think I have the time.

But I do have the time, and the need, to poop at work occasionally, so this video came in handy:



And though NBC cut away from it just in time, those in the stadium caught Doug Baldwin fake-pooping the football during his touchdown celebration at the Super Bowl.

Stories suggested by Master Bates and Mrs. Poop

There's a Nicer Way To Say It Than That

At the end of the best bit in the history of late night television, Louis CK's "Everything is Amazing and Nobody's Happy" CK marveled about the speed of a cross-country flight by saying "you watch a movie and take a dump and you're home."
Conan O'Brien, playing the straight man, responded with "there's a nicer way to say it than that."

That line popped into my head when I heard announcer Darryl "Razor" Reaugh describe a goal by Jamie Benn on the Dallas Stars.



"Like poop through a diarrhea-infected goose."

Well, that really gets the point across.

I'd Love a Chocolate Sundae

You can't have a blog called the Poop and the logical organic nickname the Poop and expect not to get stories about Poop e-mailed to you. Nails and Master Bates and perhaps others flagged me to this Taiwanese restaurant in the LA-area called The Magic Restroom Cafe, complete with a toilet theme.

You sit on toilets

The food is served in dishes resembling toilet bowls

There are showerheads and urinals decorating the place

And the food has shit themed names like "black poop" (chocolate sundae), "smells-like-poop" (braised pork over rice), and "constipation" (zha jiang mian).

Chase's Lucky Day

They say it's good luck to be pooped on by a bird, well then Chase should play the lottery.
We were walking to school and he said "daddy, something fell on my head."
I asked him if it was a raindrop or an acorn then I looked and saw the poop. First thing I did was take a picture, second thing I did was wipe it off. Third thing I did was tell his teacher, and she took him in the bathroom to wash his hair.
As usual he was totally good-natured about the entire incident and we had a good laugh.

Happy Birthday Poop

You constantly recognize everyone's birthday in this forum so I thought I owed you one. You may not be the easiest little brother on the planet, but I wouldn't trade you for too many others.

In recognition of Paul's 33 years on the planet, if every reader could post a favorite Poop birthday memory or some other funny story about him that would be great.

Happy Birthday baby bro.

And happy half birthday to my oldest daughter. She has amazed me every day for the past six and a half years and has taught me much more than I can ever teach her. Happy 1/2 Birthday munchkin face.

Electronic Road Signs Should Not Be Taken Too Seriously

Normally on this blog I encourage you all to obey any road sign you see, merge left, stop and slippery when wet are especially important to obey.
But here is one road sign you might want to ignore, at least until you get home.



Apparently these electronic road signs are notoriously easy to hack. Actually, I wouldn't even call it hacking if all you have to do is open the panel and type what you want the sign to say, in this case the "hacker" cleverly chose "poop."

Story Suggested by Golzilla

Deja Vu All Over Again

In honor of Mrs. Poop's birthday, I present to you Mona, a beagle mix who earlier this year was the Adoptable Pet of the Game at a minor league Northwest Arkansas Naturals game.

Dog Poops on Field During Naturals Game @ Yahoo! Video

That reminds me of another famous poop on the field incident.

At least those dogs were housebroken. They saw an open patch of grass and did their business. This dog on Regis and Kelly with special guest Beth Ostrosky Stern sees simulated grass and watch what happens:

Chan-Ho Park Explains a Bad Outing

"I had a lot of diarrhea."

I love Mariano Rivera chuckling in the background.

Best Tea Party Sign Ever

Thousands of tea party protestors turned out at rallies last week to denounce big government. While the liberal media tries to portray all these people as racist homophobes who compare the President to Hitler (yes, there were some of those, but let's not forget 8 years of Bush-Hitler comparisons) at least one tea partier used a very creative thoughtful way to express her displeasure with President Barack Obama.

Soulmates

There are 6 billion people in the world and ur likely to meet perhaps 1 one-millionth of them, or 6000 people. Half of those will not be of your preferred gender so you're talking about 3000 possible mates. So the chances of finding your soulmate seem pretty slim.

But I feel like I've been lucky in life because I found my soulmate.

Meet Veronica:



Mrs. Poop is actually something of a misnomer. She hates poop. Whenever I call her to check out one of my prodigious ploppers she refuses. And often makes me turn the fan on to dissipate the smell.

They say your large intestine is 30 feet long. Mine is 31.

Seems Like He's Ready

This weekend we began potty-training Chase.
Our pediatrician told us to wait until he showed signs of being ready for it and we think these three things he did recently are the hints we needed:
1) Mid-poop he looked at me and said "Poopies coming out of my butt daddy"
2) He actually told us he had to Poop and made it to the potty in time for a successful poop and received his M&M reward
3) He was too late with the next poop but before we knew was happened he had removed his pants, and his diaper, got on his stool and dumped the poop in the toilet. He even wiped his ass (with his shirt). And he expected M&Ms for this.

So the potty training started Saturday. It's a three-day method that requires Mrs. Poop to basically be looking at him every second for signs he has to go. He's been doing pretty well, but he's not quite there yet, only a few accidents each day and no gross poop stories, so we think he's doing all right. It was supposed to have clicked by now and we can't say for sure if it has, but he is definitely on the right track.

3000 Words

Think of this next time you want to complain about your job (Chase looked at this and said "he going poopies daddy"):


Joannie Rochette, the most memorable Olympian of the 2010 Winter Games:


Lego Stephen Hawking:

Dog Ejected from Game, Watch Video to Find Out Why

The Greensboro Grasshoppers use a dog as a bat girl (Babe Ruth) so they decided to try out her younger brother, another black lab, Master Yogi Berra, as ballboy. Except maybe Yogi wasn't quite ready for prime time.

I know I have stated before that the new Poop would have stories several days after anyone else but this is not that case. I saw this story days ago but couldn't find the appropriate pictures to go with it, so I held off hoping it would come on youtube. It finally did, but with a weird freeze for the first 40 seconds. Please, please, please, if you love me, scan through the first 40 seconds then watch this video.




After this incident the umpire ejected Master Yogi Berra. He didn't quietly say to his handler "maybe we shouldn't use the dog anymore." He gave him the full finger point heavo-ho. Hysterical. A dog pooping behind second base. They don't eject David Wright everytime he takes a crap on home plate with runners on base.

Barack Obama Uses Our Favorite Word

In speaking to children at Chicago elementary school Barack Obama was asked about the new puppy he's planning to get for his daughters.

"I want to make sure my daughters take care of this dog, and if they do their business, and you've got some poop, you don't just leave it there."

Jessica Alba Appreciates the Finer Points of Parenthood

Jessica Alba may have a reputation for looking glum in paparazzi pics, but she says life has been filled with nothing but joy -- and joyfully overflowing diapers -- since the arrival of daughter Honor in June. "Everything is cute, everything is fun, including the explosive diarrhea -- the best ever."

I couldn't agree more. Especially about the poop. It's hysterical.

They Don't Call Her Mrs. Poop For Nothing

There are few things in the world more boring than baby showers. Wedding showers are bad too, except there's usually one old lady who spices things up by giving the bride-to-be a pair of crotchless panties and a riding crop.
Anyway, baby showers are so boring that women usually have to create a series of inane games just to prevent the guests from saying "here's the gift, now please let me go home."
Reflecting on that, it actually makes some sense. What makes no sense is that men play drinking games, do we really need something to make drinking more fun?
But I digress, the point is Mrs. Poop is the best baby shower-planner ever. Instead of Word Scrambles, she plays "Taste the Poop."
She took 6 chocolate bars, melted them in the microwave, and put them in diapers. The object of the game is to guess what the chocolate bar is. Despite the fact that it's just chocolate, because it's brown and mushy and in a diaper, people get grossed out and refuse to touch or taste the Poop.

Poopheads, Literally

SHIZUKA new york Spa is run by master aesthetician Shizuka Bernstein and offers the latest trend in skin care, the Geisha Facial. The new facial treatment is made from Nightingale droppings and has been coined the Bird Poop Facial by fans and curious spectators.

The Geisha "Bird Poop" Facial "is made with all natural ingredients, including Japanese Rice Bran to brighten and soften skin complexion using natural enzymes," explains Bernstein. "The most important ingredient is Uguisu no Fun, or powdered Nightingale Droppings, which is an old secret ingredient of the traditional kabuki actors and Geisha used to remove makeup."

The Geisha Facial is named after the Geisha who have always been known for their clear porcelain, unblemished complexion. This beautiful appearance was later found to cause chronic skin problems because of the zinc in their facial powder. Geisha found a unique remedy when they discovered that the Uguisu no Fun could not only be used to remove makeup but also to brighten, heal and retexturize their skin.

"At SHIZUKA new york, the Geisha cosmetic secret is artfully revitalized for modern skin care treatment," says Bernstein. "The Uguisu no Fun is sanitized through exposure to ultraviolet light to kill bacteria before being finely milled into powder and is safe to use on the skin."

Tom Brady Poops

Tom Brady is apparently spending the offseason in California trying to get to know the baby he put in Bridget Moynihan.
In the ongoing effort by gossip magazines and websites to prove that the stars are just like us, Brady was photographed buying recycled toilet paper.
Even the Golden Boy poops. My favorite book was right.