I Haven't Been to Red Lobster in a While

Red Lobster says it's seen an increase in sales since the release of Beyonce's new song "Formation."
Here's why:



For the hearing impaired, the lyrics go like this:

"When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster
When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster."

Red Lobster said sales surged 33 percent on Sunday, compared with last year’s Super Bowl Sunday.
“It’s clear that Beyoncé has helped create some Red Lobster fans,” Red Lobster’s chief, Kim Lopdrup, said in a statement.

She Gave Wu Some Tang

On Divorce Court, a man accuses his wife of sleeping with the entire Wu-Tang Clan.



I'm sorry but I can't believe this woman. At the very least she performed oral sex on two group members and three security guys.

Sluts at Penn

A very interesting New York Times article sheds light on the new age of sluttiness on college campuses. The author spent an entire school year interviewing 60 female students about their sex lives.
Obviously you can't categorize 60 women into one specific type, but the overall gist is that these driven young women are too focused on schoolwork, extra-curriculars and post-graduation careers to form meaningful romantic relationships. But they don't want to be left out of the fun so they get drunk and have cheap meaningless sex but they try not to regret it in the morning.

“You go in, and they take you down to a dark basement,” Haley, a blond, pink-cheeked senior, recalled of her first frat parties in freshman year. “There’s girls dancing in the middle, and there’s guys lurking on the sides and then coming and basically pressing their genitals up against you and trying to dance.” Dancing like that felt good but dirty, and like a number of girls, Haley said she had to be drunk in order to enjoy it. Women said universally that hookups could not exist without alcohol, because they were for the most part too uncomfortable to pair off with men they did not know well without being drunk. One girl, explaining why her encounters freshman and sophomore year often ended with fellatio, said that usually by the time she got back to a guy’s room, she was starting to sober up and didn’t want to be there anymore, and giving the guy oral sex was an easy way to wrap things up and leave.

I don't remember girls like these when Reissberg and the Conch were matriculating there.

High Hopes For the Blue Jays This Year

When the Toronto Blue Jays were putting together a package to get Cy Young Award Winner for the Mets, they were willing to include the best catching prospect in baseball, Travis D'Arnaud. Why were they willing to part with such a young stud? They already have a catcher, JP Arencibia.
Arencibia's .222/.275/.433, while not terrible for a catcher, certainly isn't very good. But it's Arencibia's appeal with female fans that makes him so valuable (at least according to Red Sox supposed plan to boost TV ratings).

"Hey JP, It's B-Jay Time!"
"JP Check Out My Dugout"

You just can't disappoint devoted fans like those by trading away their favorite player, it's not good for business. So the Jays made the right decision keeping their establish catcher and giving the Mets D'Arnaud.

Ladies' click on JP Arencibia to check out his Google image collection and use the comments section to let me know if you see what they see in JP.

Ain't No Piece of Ass Worth 4300 Text Messages

Arkansas Bobby Petrino brought down in an embarrassing text and sex scandal. Petrino got into a horrible motorcycle accident and told everyone that he was riding alone. He wasn't. The 51-year-old Petrino had his 25-year-old mistress on the back. She was unhurt. But when the truth finally came out not only was it revealed that Petrino was having an affair with Jessica Dorell, we found out he hired her for a job with the football team, just a week earlier, choosing her over 158 other candidates. And she was engaged to some other dude who worked in the athletic department. Their wedding webpage was immediately defiled.






Sure Petrino is a jerk. For cheating on his wife. For using his power to get his girlfriend a job. For lying to his boss about it. For leaving the Falcons in the middle of the season. But the most embarrassing is that he and Dorrell exchanged 4300 text messages of the length of their affair. Is he a fuckin teenage girl? I thought the best part about these affairs is that you don't actually have to talk to the mistress because you might get caught. And Dorrell wasn't the only hot young slut Petrino was texting.

This is Alison Medler:





She's a bikini model/bikini contest winner, I can see why. Petrino also sent her 200 text messages, and it was mutual because she sent him 7 pictures (wish we could see those) over this two month period.

In summary Bobby Petrino is a piece of shit and it's a shame these hot young girls fall for him, especially Dorrell who basically ruined her whole life for this scumbag.

Nothing to Apologize For

Rob Gronkowski has nothing to be sorry about. The Patriots tight end was pictured with porn star BiBi Jones. She was wearing his jersey, he was not.



This created quite a fitrestorm and eventually led to Gronk apologizing to Robert Kraft. Apparently, they think he sullied the Patriots image by allowing a porn star to wear the precious jersey.

The only good part of this fiasco is that the world was introduced to BiBi Jones, who is apparently a major groupie. She says she did not fuck Gronkowski, but she did sleep with Phoenix Coyotes player Paul Bissonette and Dan Uggla (that should get him into the Hall of Fame). She also claims she was used as a recruiting tool for an agent. He took her to spring training in Arizona in 2010 and would take her out to bars at night.

"You know, baseball players would come and I’d introduce myself. And then I got to hook up with baseball players and have fun. It was like a dream come true because I love athletes and baseball’s my favorite sport."

Jones claimed that she slept with "more than 10" players.

But Jones says she didn't fuck Gronkowski even though she wanted to.

Gronkowski should feel remorse about that.

Why Does This Keep Happening?

In a few days Casey Anthony will be released from prison, serving three years for lying to police, but literally getting away with murder – the murder of her 2-year-old daughter Caylee.
This is quite probably the biggest miscarriage of justice since the OJ (I think it’s worse). So the big question is, what is wrong with our legal system? Why does this keep happening?



The culprit I’m angriest about is the idiotic juries. In order to be a juror on a huge case like this, that got so much media attention before the trial started, you basically have to be an idiot. I can’t imagine anyone with a curious mind, capable of deductive reasoning, meeting the standards (the incredibly low standards) required to serve on a jury in a case of such significance. These people tend to be simple-minded, and in this case and the OJ case they fell for far-fetched implausible narratives fed to them by the prosecution.
These same idiot jurors I feel have taken the meaning of the phrase “beyond a reasonable doubt” way too literally. Yes you can have doubts, in a situation of this magnitude, a young woman’s life is at stake, the decision-maker should always have doubts, it’s our minds’ way of making sure we make the correct decision. But are those doubts reasonable? What if they said aliens came down and abducted Caylee and dropped her in the woods 6 months later, then showed tiny footprints and crop circles in the area? Would that be a reasonable doubt? No of course not. But it seems to me these cases have become about keeping score, if the defense can get 2 points on the board, it doesn’t matter if the prosecution wins 98-2, they have to have a perfect shutout. The way I thought about it when I was on a jury was this: is there any reasonable doubt that the prosecution’s version of events is not true? Did the defense team’s evidence and testimony give you a substantial reason to think the events could have unfolded differently? If this jury had applied those standards I think they would have come back with a guilty verdict, or at least a hung jury. Remember, similar to the OJ trial, several of them said they were pretty sure she was involved somehow, but said the prosecution didn’t prove its case. Again, it’s a scorecard, not a right or wrong, fact or fiction, innocent or guilty.



The blessing and curse of DNA evidence. There is no doubt modern technology aids us in almost every aspect of human life. But in some cases it becomes a crutch. Facebook, twitter, bbm, this blog. I haven’t spoken to a human being in years. I rely on the technology. And such is the case with DNA evidence. I am sure DNA evidence has cleared many innocent people, and save many more from wrongful convictions, but in this case it got Casey Anthony off the hook. Basically, the new standard has become, if you can’t tie the accused to the murder scene with DNA, you can’t get a murder conviction. This is why many experts say the prosecution overreached in its charges, a legal stratagem I don’t feel equipped to discuss.
But I think that’s intellectually lazy on the part of these jurors (whom I doubt are all that smart to begin with). Casey (or the “real killer”) was obviously very careful to not leave any evidence, and in the most important aspect of the entire case, the body was hidden so well, it was not discovered for 6 months at which time the autopsy was of little help. Though it did initially say the cause of death was homicide, it was unable to come up with a definitive cause of death to the satisfaction of the jurors. During this intervening 6 months, any trace of a heart-shaped sticker (if there ever was one) wore off the duct tape, eliminating a potential smoking gun.
When I was on a jury (again I am basing a lot of my feelings about these idiots on my own experiences) the judge told us our job as a jury was to listen to conflicting accounts of the same events and to decide which person was telling the truth. It seems these jurors heard differing accounts, and punted. They chose not to believe either person, and just pointed at the lack of DNA evidence as a failure by the prosecution to score enough points.
For instance, Cindy Anthony says she was the one who Googled “chloroform” on the family’s home computer. The prosecution introduced evidence showing Cindy was at work when those searches were conducted. Instead of throwing out Cindy’s testimony has that of a desperate woman trying to save her daughter, they seemed to just ignore the obvious: Casey googled it, then used it to kill her daughter.
And then there is the smell of the car. Before there was even a case, there was the car. The mother, the brother and I think even a clerk at the impound yard, all said it smelled like a dead body. Even some cockamamie test the prosecution ran out there said the odor was consistent with that of a decomposing body. But because no hair fiber, or other DNA was ever found in the trunk, the jurors ignored this evidence too. This to me is one of the bigger pieces of evidence in the case. This convinces me there was a dead body in the car. How else could all these people (in their honest moments, before lying to protect Casey) say the trunk smelled like a dead body, scientific testing say there was a dead body and there have been no dead body? What the hell else was it? Did Casey hit a deer and put it in the trunk? Did she park it at the same valet Jerry used during the B.B.O. episode? Does that sound “reasonable” to you?
The other big mystery in this case was how did the body of Caylee end up tied up in the woods if she simply drowned in the family pool? The defense blamed George Anthony (World War II was his fault also according to Jose Baez) and the prosecution never really challenged it. And if she drowned and they were going to dispose of the body, why did they put duct tape on her mouth? Again these were complete lies thrown out there by the defense, unchallenged by the prosecution which obviously felt it didn’t need to disprove the outrageous lies of Casey’s lawyers, it only needed to bolster its own case.
There is no overall presentation score in a murder case. I have often complained about boxing and MMA scoring when the officials’ decision does not match up with what every spectator can plainly see with his or her own eyes. Similar to the legal system, in boxing the judges are asked to score each round separately, and add those up for a winner. Using the 10 point-must system not all 10-9 rounds are equal. So sometimes you can have a guy lose the majority of the rounds close, and dominate those he wins, but by the numbers, he comes up short.
That’s sort of what happened here, thanks to everything I mentioned above. The defense scored enough points, and the prosecution had enough holes in its case. But if you had to choose one story which of these would you believe (oversimplified for your reading pleasure):
A young woman who had an unplanned pregnancy (likely the result of a one-night stand with a now deceased man) at age 19, was desperate to move out of her parents’ home (likely a dysfunctional one) so she killed her two-year old daughter. She researched chloroform and neck-breaking on her computer then used what she learned to kill her daughter. She stashed the body in the trunk of her car. And when the smell got too great she dumped the body in the woods. She was very careful in plotting this crime – thus the lack of DNA evidence, but also the DA’s desire to get her for Murder 1, the premeditation of the crime – and left no smoking gun evidence of her crime. During the next month she moved in with at least two boyfriends, went out partying with friends, including the now infamous hot bodies contest. She even got a tattoo – Bella Vita – Italian for “beautiful life.” She also wrote in her journal of things being better this way.



Or
A loving mother who lives with her parents is so distraught by a terrible accident – her daughter drowning in a pool – that she goes out and does all those above activities to hide her guilt. She does this at the behest of her father who had been molesting her (and possibly forcing her to have sex with her brother) for years. This same father was the one who left the backdoor open and the ladder by the pool and he was the one who suggested the whole cover-up plan because he felt guilty. And even though he denied all this you can’t believe him because he is a suicidal adulterer.
Which one do you believe? And do you believe it beyond a reasonable doubt? Could you send a woman to likely death based on your belief?
I could, these jurors couldn’t which to me means Pascal’s Wager is probably the biggest reason for a not guilty verdict.
The jurors did what came at little cost to them. Maybe they were 90% sure, 95% or even 99% percent sure Casey did it, or was involved somehow. But they figured if they let her go, she’d probably never do anything like this again, meaning an acquittal comes with very little cost. Maybe a little guilt for letting her get away with murder, maybe the fear that someday she would kill again and you set a murderer loose, but that’s unlikely. But looking at it the other way, that small chance that they sent an innocent woman to Death Row (and not the really awesome record label) would have probably kept them up at night. So they took the easy way out. They let Casey Anthony get away with murder.

Did I Say Gang-Raped? Sorry, I Meant Gang-Banged

An 18-year old Hofstra student reported to police that she had been gang raped by five dudes in a bathroom stall at one of the school's dorms.
One Hofstra student had signed in his four friends, and police immediately arrested all five.
One of the men, thinking defensively or trying to get proof of this amazing story, recorded part of the incident on his cell phone.
This immediately refuted the girl's claims that she had been tied up and raped by five guys.
Turns out she was just a drunk slut who willingly banged five guys (though a few of them claim they never did her).
She claims she made up the story when her boyfriend (maybe now her ex-boyfriend) asked what she had been doing and why she was walking funny.
But the worst part of this whole incident is this photograph of the alleged rapists upon their release from prison.

The Concierge's Bachelor Party Location: Denmark

The Denmark tourism bureau makes its pitch to host the Concierge's bachelor party:

Link to the video on HuffPo

This is not a real story, this is a viral marketing campaign from the Denmark tourism bureau. Basically, their pitch is "come sleep with our hot slutty women."

Born 7 Minutes Apart, Conceived 10 Minutes Apart

"Out of all the people in America and all the people in the world, this had to happen to me."
-Mia Washington lamenting the fact that her twin sons have different daddies.

Washington began notice that her 11-month old twins, Justin and Jordan didn't quite look alike. When she had them tested the results came back showing there was a nearly impossible chance that the boys had the same daddy.

Then Washington thought back to that night when she cheated on her boyfriend, James Harrison, with another man.
Amazingly Harrison chose to stay with Washington and will raise his kid, and the other guy's as his own.

Authorities say the this is so rare that there are only a handful of known cases across the globe.

According to doctors, if a woman has more than one sexual partner while she is ovulating, there's a miniscule chance that different sperm cells can fertilise two separate eggs. It's called heteropaternal superfecundation.

Dr Chris Dreiling, from the Paediatric Association of Dallas, told Fox News: 'Because sperm cells take a while to travel and eggs take a while to travel there can be an overlap.'

The couple is now coping with the aftermath of the DNA bombshell and plan to tell the twins when they're old enough to understand.

'It was the weirdest thing to think that two little babies could have grown in my stomach together and been born seven minutes apart but yet have different fathers.

'Five months ago we found out that I was pregnant again and our new baby is due to arrive in the autumn."

Can't wait to find out who the daddy is.

ANOTHER teacher has sex with a youngin

OMAHA, Neb. - A former teacher pleaded guilty Wednesday to fleeing to Mexico with a 13-year-old student so she could have sex with him. Her plea was part of a deal to ensure she'll spend less than a decade in federal prison.

Full story here


(AP Photo)


Once again, I can't help but ask myself...."where the hell were teachers like this when I was in the 7th-8th grade?!?!" In this case, she's not exactly attractive, but hey, better than nothing at that age.

Teenage Sluts

A group of 17 girls all ages 16 under are pregnant at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts. Because this is 4 times the school's normal rate of pregnancy one school official suggested the girls entered into a "pact" to get knocked up at the same time. Now there is some doubt about whether there actually was a pact, but there are still several questions that are bothering me.

Who are the fathers? One of them is reportedly a 24-year-old homeless guy. What did these girls do, go into an alley and ask the homeless guy if he wanted to fuck? I'm sure if this is anything like high school, no more than 10 dudes are responsible for these 17 pregnancies.

Where's the justice in this world? With so many older, responsible, married women having such difficulty getting, and staying, pregnant, why do these whores find it so easy? I'm sure if you took a group of 30 year old women who were all trying to get pregnant at the same time, at least a couple would be a few months behind, or not be able to get pregnant at all.

The school is now saying there was no pact and that once the girls found out they were pregnant they banded together and agreed to raise their kids together. What about the girls who were high-fiving when their pregnancy tests came up pregnant?

I spoke about this story to my neighbor who runs the daycare for a local high school. She takes care of the students' kids. She says her program has room for 24 kids, and each year her school has 80 pregnancies. She already has 6 incoming freshman who have applied for the service for September. That's 14 year olds.

What the fuck is this world coming to?

Sex and the City Portrays Women as Sluts, In Other Words, Accurately

The New York Daily News did the math on "Sex and the City" and this is what they found:
During 94 episodes the four sluts slept with 94 men, and one woman.
Samantha fucked 41 men, and the aforementioned woman.
Carrie and Charlotte were tied at 18 and Miranda had 17, 16 more than credulity would allow.
Compared to the average American woman who only fucks 9 guys in her whole life, never mind just a few years, according to Durex condoms, a trusted source of surveys.
But New York women are believed to sleep with twice as many girls as the average slut.
Then the News interviewed some local sluts to get their opinion.
"I stopped counting at 56," says Christine, 35, a locations director from Bayside who lives in SoHo. "There are so many opportunities to meet men here - bars, restaurants, clubs, walking down the street, the deli. Men are everywhere."
Brooklynite Linda, who has been with 13 men, agrees. "I'm married now, but when I was single, I had a blast. Sex was empowering. I once had sex on [the] F train. It was three in the morning and the car was empty. So we were like, 'Why not,'" says the 39-year- old Carroll Gardens artist.
"The women on 'Sex and the City' went through so many guys they devalued sex," says Crystal, 22, an exotic dancer at Rick's Cabaret in midtown. "I've seduced thousands of men, but my actual number of sex partners is one, maybe one and a half. Sex should be special."
There is no way a stripper only banged one dude. What does half mean? She's obviously not counting the ones who paid her for it in the V.I.P.

From Slut to Mormon, Thanks Carrie

A young girl who went from slut to Mormon is blaming her whole ordeal on "Sex and the City."
ABC News has the story of "Lisa" who was a 14-year old living on Long Island when she got hooked on "Sex" which led to her getting hooked on sex, lowercase.
It was that year that she lost her virginity, snuck into bars to order Cosmos and cheated on her boyfriend, with 7 guys, in one week.
"Carrie smoked, so I smoked, Samantha looked at hooking up with random people as not a big deal, so that's what I did too," says Lisa.
Lisa remembers re-enacting one particular Samantha scene in her own life: Season 3, episode 39, in which the bachelorette-for-life scrunches her face up at her latest suitor and tells him she doesn't like the way he...tastes.
"That was something that happened to me. I used her exact words: 'You have funky spunk.'"
Lisa left her "Samantha" ways behind at 19, when she moved to Utah, became a Mormon, married a man within the church and gave birth to two children. For the first year of her marriage, her husband forbade her to watch "Sex and the City" for fear that it would lure her back to her habits of sex, drugs and cosmos.
"I had to sell my DVDs on eBay," she said.

Southwest Has More Problems With Hot Chicks

Southwest Airlines which once kicked a slutty slut off a flight for dressing slutty, booted two more booties and banned them for life.
Nisreen Swedberg and friend Sarah Williams claim the flight crew was rude to them from the moment they stepped onto the plane at Tampa International Airport on February 14.
Swedberg said she asked a flight attendant for a bottle of water and was told she could wait until the rest of the flight was served.
“And I patiently waited and then when they came around with water, they skipped me,” Swedberg said.
At one point, Williams had to use the plane's bathroom. She saw another passenger in it, and when he hadn't come out 15 minutes later, she knocked on the door.
When he came out, Williams says the man came over to her seat and yelled a profanity at her. Williams admits she yelled a profanity back at him but was puzzled when she says the flight crew only questioned her.
“I think they were just discriminating against because we were young decent-looking girls. I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us except us,” she said. “[The flight attendants] were like older ladies. We were younger. Who knows, they could have been just jealous of us because we were younger.”
Southwest defends the incident, saying the women caused a disruption on the flight.
When the plane landed in Los Angeles, the women were escorted off by four uniformed police officers and later questioned by the FBI.

Police Misconduct

Police in Elkhart, Indiana had a lot to be thankful for last Thanksgiving. A driver who was stopped and found to have been driving drunk was picked up and his hot passenger, who was not charged with a crime, was brought to the police station. While she was waiting for a ride, the slut in the miniskirt got friendly with the officers. First, she leaned over the counter and got a drink from an officer. Then things started to escalate, and while the cops were taking cell phone pictures of her, the security cameras were taking pictures of them.

Future Employees of Hooters in Carousel Mall

A student at Cicero-North Syracuse High School named Michael Wixson was arrested in early December and charged with distributing nude pictures of female students.
About 12 girls, age 11 to 14 (at the time the pictures were taken, they are older now), took naked cell phone pictures of themselves and sent the pictures to their boyfriends.
The boyfriends somehow banded together and put the pictures on a disc, which they were selling around school.
That's where Wixson comes in. It's not clear if the pictures were sent to him, or if he bought the disc from some other kids, but Wixson is the one who created a website called “Girls Gone Wild at C-NS,” which has been taken down.

Slutty Sideline Reporters

Fox Sports West Reporter Christine Nubla defines Freudian slip:



Now I've seen some cock-hungry whores in my time but nothing like this. Rebecca Haarlow who does sideline reporting for the Portland Trail Blazers, looks positively wet for these interviews. Look at the smile she gives when she's talking to LaMarcus Aldridge. I honestly believe she is stroking his cock the whole time. And what kind of reporter keeps her hair in a ponytail? Only one who doesn't want to get jizz in her hair.



And of course we have to give glory to Jane Skinner and Sheppard Smith, the man who started it all.

A New Twist on the Kiss Cam

Stephanie Simpson wanted to spice up the timeout entertainment at a recent Memphis Grizzlies game at FedEx Forum. When she saw herself on the Jumbotron during a pan of the crowd she did what any woman starved for a male attention in a male dominated environment would do, she showed her tits!
The 10,000 people in attendance saw Simpson's cans (she lifted shirt and bra), which means another 8,000 - 10,000 ticket holders missed the most exciting Grizzlies game in years.
And she actually got arrested for this.
Of course the local news went nuts over this.

Adultering Anchor Punches Cop

Alycia Lane, no longer trying to pursue Rich Eisen, punched a cop this weekend according to the New York Post.
Lane was in a cab with three other people when their cab got stopped behind a cop.
One of the men with Lane yelled "I don't care if you're a cop, drive faster!"
The cops then got out of their car to question the man at which point Lane started snapping pictures right in the cops' faces. A female cop told her to step back and that is when Lane said "I don't care that you're a cop - dyke bitch!" and punched the cop in the face.
Lane's lawyer says she didn't think they were cops and that she never hit anyone.
We'll see.
Lane was reportedly in the cab with her new boyfriend, Chris Booker who hosts a radio show in Philly.
This comes after a short romance with New York TV News Anchor (CBS 2) Chris Wragge.
Wragge is still married, but separated from Swedish sexpot Victoria Silvstedt.
And of course Lane is most famous for sending pictures of herself in a bikini to Rich Eisen.