Super Bowl XLVIII Is Poop

Worst Super Bowl Ever?
It seems that nearly every year recently we debate if the just completed Super Bowl is the best ever. We don't have to have that argument this year, but this stinker certainly has a case for the worst. I'd still have to say San Francisco 55 Denver 10 is the least competitive, but this game was nearly as bad. For almost the entire game Denver could not move the ball against Seattle, nor could they stop Seattle from scoring. They gave up 4 turnovers and just played as bad a game as you can play.

Manning's Legacy
I was one of the people saying that Peyton Manning has cemented his legacy before this game. He's one of the all-time greats, and he just had one of the best seasons a quarterback has ever had leading a team to the Super Bowl for a third time. But his performance in this game was so bad, and so unlike how he normally plays that I think it's fair to reconsider whether he chokes, ok maybe not chokes, but performs poorly in big games often enough that it really is a thing and not just a random outcome or a product of facing good teams with good defenses.

Trent Dilfer Won a Super Bowl, Too
I have never been a big fan of Russell Wilson and nothing he did in this Super Bowl changed my mind. I think he is a great quarterback for this team. He very seldom makes mistakes and very often makes some great plays. But I insist that a team relying on Wilson to generate points wouldn't go very far. He needs to be on a team with a defense and a running game. That's exactly what he's got, so he's a deserving Super Bowl champion. But put him on the Redskins or the Jets, and I just don't think you get results anything like what he is doing in Seattle.

Turning Point of the Game
First play of the game, Peyton Manning comes steps up to the line, his center misinterprets the movement (just Manny being Manny), snaps the ball, it goes over his head and into the endzone for a safety. And that was it. There have been many great plays in Super Bowl history (Lynn Swann's catch, Marcus Allen's run, The Helmet Catch, etc) and there have been some memorable disasters (Garo Yepremian and Leon Lett come to mind though both of their teams won those games), but I can't think of a play as strange or as weird that had such a huge impact on a Super Bowl as this one. Based on everything else that happened I would say odds are still very high that the Broncos would have gotten creamed anyway, but after that Denver looked totally discombobulated and sunk.

Nice Super Bowl Goodell, Don't Ever Fuckin Do It Again
The NFL pulled a fast one and got away with it. They took a gamble playing a Super Bowl, outside, in a cold-weather city and it paid off. Temperatures were a comfortable 40 degrees and the weather had no influence whatsoever on the outcome or the way the game was played.

In fact, the worst part of the potential cold weather was Joe Namath's fur coat.

Note: I blame the referee for the coin toss snafu, he stepped back and stopped talking, making Broadway Joe think he was supposed to toss the coin.

If this was a one-time thing to reward the Jets and Giants and the area for building such an expensive stadium, that is ok. But if the NFL tries this again, in New York, or Chicago or worse Green Bay or Minnesota, they are courting disaster. Had Monday's snowstorm come a day earlier not only would the game have been affected, it would have been unsafe for people going to and coming home from the game. An outdoor Super Bowl in a cold-weather city worked out, once. Once!

Picture of the Week
Super Bowl MVP Malcolm Smith does a confetti angel on the field after the game.

Could This Be the Start of Something Big?
Because the Seahawks are so good and so young, and because there's a history of young Super Bowl winning teams going on to win at least one more, there is talk about whether these Seahawks could be embarking on a dynasty. I say no. The quarterback isn't good enough, the defense is great, but relies a lot on turnovers which involved a huge amount of luck, and today's NFL makes it tough with free agency (even though a lot of key players are locked up) to keep a Super Bowl winning team together. I would be surprised if the Seahawks won 2 more Super Bowls in the next 5 years.

Super Bowl Commercials

Maybe it was the quality of the game that soured me, but I can remember a single commercial that I actually liked.

"Puppy Love" - Budweiser



"Cowboy Kid" - Doritos



"Time Machine" - Doritos



"The Phone Call" - Radio Shack



"Dad's Sixth Sense" - Hyundai



"Gracie" - Cheerios



"Empowering" - Microsoft



"Going All the Way" - Coca-Cola



"The Spill" - Danon Oikos Greek Yogurt



"Nice" - Hyundai



"Doberhuahua" - Audi



"The Truth" - Kia

Weekly Picks

At least if I get this game right I will be exactly .500 for the season, which I guess isn't so bad.


Denver -2 1/2 Seattle
This matchup has been well-established as offense versus defense. And invariably when presented with those options (or hitting versus pitching) I choose defense. But I am going with my gut here and trusting in Peyton Manning. I think he has the tools and the weapons to at least move the ball, and score enough, on any defense. I think they will stay away from the outside and Seattle's great cover corners, and instead use motion and matchups to attack the heart of the defense. Russell Wilson doesn't make mistakes, and he does make plays, but I doubt his ability to make enough of them to keep up with Peyton Manning.

Last Week: 1-1 (0 pointa)
Season: 47-48 (36 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (6-14)
Home Favorites: 1-0 (20-22)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (2-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (13-11)
Road Underdogs: 1-0 (13-13)

Super Bowl Prop Bets

Who cares who wins the game? What we want to know is, what color will the Gatorade be? So here are some prop bets for this year’s Super Bowl from Bovada.com:

SUPER BOWL MVP
Peyton Manning 11/10
There really is no other choice here. If the Broncos win he’s the MVP. If you believe the Broncos win slightly more than 50% of the time, this is a good bet.

Richard Sherman 20/1
Sherman is good for a long shot. The odds are way shorter than they should be because of all the hype surrounding him, but that could also increase the chances voters choose him. If Seattle win 17-10 and Sherman has a key pick, he could definitely win the award. Dexter Jackson and Larry Brown are two defensive backs who have won Super Bowl MVP Awards.

Player to Score First Touchdown
Julius Thomas 8/1
He seems to be Manning’s go-to target in the red zone. But the odds are tricky because Denver has so many weapons.

Total Passing Yards – Peyton Manning
Under 290 ½ (-125)
I think the Broncos will struggle at times in this game, especially hitting long passes. Their offense will be methodical in both passing and running games.

Total Receiving Yards – Wes Welker
Over 57 ½ (-125)
I think the Seahawks are going to clamp down on the outside receivers and I expect a lot of short passes over the middle to Welker.

Total tackles and assists – Richard Sherman
Under 3 ½ (-125)
Teams just don’t throw at him enough.

Total Sacks – Michael Bennett
Over ½ (+120)
Manning doesn’t avoid sacks with his feet, he avoids them by throwing the ball. I think we can count on at least one or two from the Seahawks and Bennett is a pretty good guess.

Who will catch a pass first? Andre Caldwell or Jermaine Kearse
Jermaine Kearse -150
Caldwell is barely even an option for Manning. Kearse is emerging as one of Wilson’s preferred targets.

Renee Fleming National Anthem
Under 2 minutes 25 seconds (+110)
I think every year I take under and lose. But this is an incredibly long drawn out version of the Anthem

Will Renee Fleming Wear Gloves?
Yes (-300)
Easy money. It’s not going to be a freezing blizzard, but it will definitely be cold enough for gloves.

How Many Times will Eli Manning be shown on TV during the game?
Under 1 ½ (+110)
The networks actually don’t overdo this during the Super Bowl. And I am sure Eli will try to stay out of sight.

Who will be seen first after kickoff? Erin Andrews or Pam Oliver
Erin Andrews (-140)
Please God don’t show Pam Oliver. There are children watching.

How many times will Peyton Manning say Omaha?
Under 27 ½ (-105)
He said it 31 times during the AFC Championship, but obviously it’s just a decoy now, and not all that funny anymore.

Which Song will Bruno Mars perform first?
Treasure 5/1
In my extensive knowledge of his catalog I think this is his most up-tempo number.

What will Bruno Mars be wearing on his head at the start of his performance?
Fedora – Even
Like taking candy from a baby

Will Wes Welker drop a pass?
No – Even
The guy drops one pass in a Super Bowl, on a poorly thrown ball and you never let him forget it.

What color will the Gatorade be?
Orange – Even
If Broncos win it will surely be orange.

Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first in his speech?
Teammates – Even
It’s Peyton Manning and team comes first to him.

How many average viewers will the game have?
Under 112 million – Even
If the game isn’t close audience will drop off towards the end.

Overactive Tear Ducts

This video of Knowshon Moreno crying before a game earlier this season has been getting a lot of play recently. But all anyone wants to talk about is why Moreno is crying.
I want to know who the fuck cries like that?

You Don't Want to See How the Sausage is Made

Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch loves Skittles. His nickname is Beast Mode. (That's for the lady Poopheads). Oh and I guess I should also mention the Seahawks are the Super Bowl.
The Seahawks introduced a Beast Mode burger, which came with a bag of Skittles, on the side.
But that just wasn't good enough for one butcher in Seattle. He decided to just dump an entire bag of Skittles into the sausage.



It might not be so bad if Skittles still had lime instead of that awful green apple.

The Sherman-Crabtree Incident

Richard Sherman is an asshole. He is a trash talker, and an awful jerk.
Look at what he did to poor Erin Andrews after the NFC Championship game.



"Well, I'm the best corner in the game, when you try me with a sorry receiver like Crabtree that's the result you gonna get. Don't you ever talk about me."
"Who's talking about you?"
"Crabtree. Don't you open your mouth about the best. Or I'm going to shut it for you, real quick. LOB (Legion of Boom)!"

He eventually gave a calmer interview with Ed Werder and was completely composed during his postgame press conference when he continued to call Crabtree "mediocre."

Fine, if this is how Sherman wants to be and it makes him happy, that's fine with me.

But the righteous indignation when someone comes back at him is where he really pisses me off. Trent Williams punched Sherman, Sherman went after Skip Bayless, and there are other incidents, and each time Sherman wants to play the innocent victim.

This time he tried to blame Crabtree for allegedly trying to fight him at a charity event. Do you think Crab did that for no reason? They'd never met before? They play twice a year and Sherman does the same shit but Crabtree can't react during the game so he waited until he got to a place where he could beat Sherman's ass.

Sherman is a very good player, and he is a smart guy. But being a Stanford graduate doesn't make you a saint. He's not charming, he's seldom funny. He's just a trash-talking asshole who starts shit and then likes to complain that he was victimized.

Remember if he hadn't derisively patted Crabtree on the ass, this wouldn't have happened. If he hadn't given that ridiculous pro wrestling interview to Erin Andrews, this wouldn't have happened. And then, even with the advantage of hindsight he stuck to his guns.

So now the situation has gotten way out of control, and he's becoming a huge villain and even his coach and teammates are calling him a distraction, now he wants to apologize.

It's a little too late buddy. Next time just shut your mouth and play.