Dishonest TV People

NBC didn't report the news of the parade accident, instead they showed footage of the M&M's balloon from last year. On an even more surprising note, the father of the two girls who got hit in the head by the falling lamp says it was an accident and they do not plan to sue.

Good News for Derek

The New York Post says bitter food servers are teaming up to out bad tippers. Waiters and waitresses post the names of bad tippers at bitterwaitress.com. The names go into the site's Shitty Tipper Database or STD for short.
The Post says celebrities like J.lo, Barbra Streisand and Barry Manilow have all been outed, as well as thousands of regular folks.
Howard Stern was praised for being a good tipper.

Mets Need to Get Wagner

The Blue Jays signed B.J. Ryan to a 5 year, $47.5m deal. This is one year longer than the Mets are offering Wagner, at a little less per year. Seems fair to me. Ryan has better potential, but Wagner has proven it. The crops don't grow on cloudy days.

Great Pickup Line

This story was originally told to me by Jeremy. Dikembe Mutumbo used to walk into parties at Georgetown and say (in his deep baritone): "Who Wants to Sex Mutumbo?" or "Who Wants to Sex Dikembe?" I have heard both versions. Now some joker is trying to capitalize by selling t-shirts. Beers is pissed he didn't think of it first.

But They Was Fine Hos

Nelly and Jermaine Dupri reportedly felt so guilty about a night at a strip club that they decided to spend $10,000 on toys for needy kids, to match what they spent on lap dances at the club.

Subway Idiots

Ever see those people while waiting for a subway, who crane their necks to see down the tunnel to find out when the train is coming. Well, one idiot got hit in the head by the train, for the second time. Great quote from the article: "It was unclear Monday what led to either incident." It's clear to me. This moron keeps sticking his head in front of oncoming trains. Case closed.

Good Call by Derek

When Rex Grossman suffered his second consecutive season ending injury earlier this year, Pizza Parlor Derek sent Billy a text message, sarcastically saying Kyle Orton would win Offensive Rookie of the Year. Turns out PPD might be a clairvoyant.
Orton is not putting up big numbers but he is winning, and other rookies aren't doing so well.
Alex Smith never plays, Cedric Benson is hurt and out for a while.
Cadillac Williams will probably win if he stays healthy. He already has 632 yards and 3 TDs.
Ronnie Brown has 731 yards and 3 TDs, but he may not have prominence because he is splitting time with Ricky Williams.
Matt Jones is my personal favorite, but he only has 331 yards and 4 TDs.
Orton does have 8 TDs and 11 INTs and only a 62.5 QB rating but he is winning games. I wonder if that will count for something.

Silver Lining from a Black Cloud

One good thing did come out of SU's loss to Bucknell. I learned that Darryl Watkins is called Mookie by his friends and family. He is now Eric's favorite player on the team.

How Do You Pronounce This Name?

I saw this guy's name on the bottom line on ESPN. I can only hope that Stanford has a big season and he becomes a prominent player so we can hear his name pronounced often, maybe even by David Stern at the Draft.

Working for 15%

Derek explains what it's like to be a waiter. Knowing Derek I can honestly believe he saved every note from a female customer written on the back of the check. Derek took the post down for fear of repercussions. Let's just say this: single moms love him. One left a $50 bill for a $7 meal.

Weekly Picks

4-2 last week, 22-14 overall. Evidently Mike is reading these, judging by his big move in the standings. We can only wonder what Josh is reading.

DALLAS +1.5 denver: Thanksgiving games are tough. Dallas usually comes to play on Thanksgiving. Denver is due for a loss. But I'll take the Broncos on the theory that you always take the better team if you can get points too.

CINCINNATI -9.5 baltimore: This is one of those made for me games. This game has everything I'm looking for. A bad team coming off a big win. A good team coming off a tough loss. Though I'm not convinced about the Bengals yet, they do have a good offense, and a good enough defense to hold a crappy offensive team to 13 points or fewer. I don't worry about the big spread. I take the Bengals.

ARIZONA +3.5 jacksonville: Crappy teams generally don't beat better teams two weeks in a row. But the Jaguars went 58 games without scoring more than 30 points, then did it two weeks in a row. I'll take the Jaguars and pray they don't burn me with another field goal victory.

OAKLAND -7.5 miami: This is just too many points for one crappy team to give to another. Unless the Raiders are like last year's Bills (a bad team that makes a move late in the season and comes up just short) there is no way they are winning this game by more than a touchdown. The Dolphins sucked last week but I think they can run the ball well enough to stay in the game.

PHILADELPHIA -4.5 green bay: This game is impossible to call. I really think the Packers still stink but it's hard to pick the Eagles minus Nabb and TO until they show you something. I think this might be the week the rest of the Eagles get a dead cat bounce.

JETS -0.5 saints: Hello! Don't pick the Jets under any circumstances for the rest of the season. That only leaves one team left in this game, the Saints.

Beer Pong, Part III

As promised here is Part III of Dartmouth's series on beer pong. This final chapter follows the evolution of women in beer pong. They are now accepted as beer pong players, especially when they lose get drunk and make out with each other. This article does not mention the former Kate Foley's crushing defeat in a one-on-one match to the man who later became her husband. Odds are she wished she had never played that night.

Mets Get Delgado

According to Newsday the Mets acquired Carlos Delgado for Mike Jacobs and Yusmeiro Petit.
I'm not a huge fan of this trade because Delgado didn't want to come here last year, and he doesn't want to be here now. Big hitters don't do well in Shea Stadium. So if he starts off the season poorly the fans will boo and the pressure will make it impossible for him to do well.
The Mets jinx is going to claim its next victim.

Jerry from Queens

Seinfeld was very funny on WFAN with Steve Somers yesterday.
On the difference between Mets and Yankees fans: Mets fans have a personality, Yankees fans need one. The Yankee fan was is well-dressed and confident. The Met fan is just trying to keep the shirt in the pants. There's a mustard stain. I identify more with that group of people.

On Billy Wagner: I want him but was not asked to help recruit him. The Knicks once asked me to tape a message to Tim Duncan to try to convince him to come to the Knicks. I said "San Antonio or New York. Enough said."

On Carlos Beltran: Larry David once said to me "some hitters are scary on other teams, but when they come to your team they're not scary anymore.

On the New Seinfeld DVD: The Marine Biologist is one of my favorite episodes.

On his favorite comedian: Harold Reynolds on Baseball Tonight. Hearing him break down the intricacies of the hidden ball trick.

Enjoy Your Stay Tiger!

Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and Vijay Singh are all competing in the Grand Slam of Golf at the Poipu Bay Golf Course at the beautiful Grand Hyatt Resort in Kauai. Mrs. Poop and I stayed there on our honeymoon. Nicest hotel ever. Golf course looked great, but I think greens fees were about $250. I hope Tiger has the root beer float at the clubhouse restaurant. Although when we were there they had no root beer so they made us Coke floats and didn't charge us. I also hope Tiger gets the effeminate waiter who laughed at my pirate's booty t-shirt.

Being Right All The Time Really Sucks

Yesterday I predicted that SU would lose to Bucknell. As always, I was right, 74-69 in the Carrier Dome.
I also predicted that Gerry McNamara would be to blame for the loss. I didn't see the game, but I did read the boxscore. 6-19 shooting (4-13 from downtown) and 4 assists and five turnovers.
So far this season he is 17 for 74 shooting. That's 23%. Why does anyone still believe that he is a good player? He is awful. He is 11 for 45 on 3-pointers, 24%. I don't want to hear that he is forcing shots. He did the same crap last year when he had Warrick around to pass to. He just isn't a good player.

How to Get Free Food

McDonald's is launching a gift card promotion just in time for the holidays. After the holidays they'll promote it as a cashless way to pay.
Here is what they are doing to promote the idea:

McDonald's will give away $22 million in promotional Arch Cards starting Nov. 29 to make a splash for the marketing campaign, including 5 million $1 cards handed out to Southwest Airlines Co. customers at 61 U.S. airports through Dec. 13 and on board Southwest flights from Dec. 14-28.

Customers at McDonald's restaurants can receive a $1 Arch Card from Nov. 29 through Dec. 5, while the $9 million in cards last, with the purchase of Chicken Selects strips or a Premium Chicken Sandwich. Another 8 million $1 cards will be given away through an American Express consumer card mailing.

I strongly recommend the Chicken Selects with the buffalo sauce. And even though its only $1 at McDonald's that can buy you something tasty. So I guess this story is news you CAN use.

Cop Takes Nude Photos

Interesting case going on in Staten Island. Stacia Lipka, a stripper and the step-daughter of David Bowie, who was raped says the cop investigating her rape took nude photos of her in her hospital room.
The photos were found in the cop's locker.
He claims she gave them to him when he visited her house to investigate the crime. She also said "here's my sexy detective," then dropped to her knees and offered to blow him.
Unfortunately for the detective he also took a photo of another woman's nipple ring after she left the scene of an accident. He said he was required to take photos of all distinguishing marks like tattoos and piercings.
One interesting side note: The Assistant District Attorney prosecuting this case is named Autumn Levine. We went to high school with an Autumn Levine but someone told me she got implants and worked at Hooters. Maybe she was just paying her way through law school. Anyone with more information is asked to post it in the comments section.

Pudge Padilla?

Terror suspect Jose Padilla was charged yesterday, basically for being a terrorist. Todd says he looks like Tigers catcher Pudge Rodriguez. I give it a 7. Post your ratings in the comments section.

Program Alert!

My father called to tell me that Jerry from Queens will be joining Steve Somers today at 6:30 on WFAN.