Sportscaster U.

Shaq spending two days at Syracuse University for a boot-camp in sportscasting.
The program was introduced last year for athletes, Eric Snow and Adrian Griffin were in the inaugural graduating class.
This summer a larger class of NBA athletes will take the 2-day course.
Matt Park and Dave Ryan teach the course.
Shaq scored an interview with new SU quarterback Greg Paulus as part of his coursework.
Shaq even sat at the same NCC newsdesk I once sat behind during NEW 564.

Paulo's Book Club: "War As They Knew It"

It started with a punch -- and ended with a punch.

"War as They Knew It: Woody Hayes, Bo Schembechler and America in a Time of Unrest." by Michael Rosenberg starts with Woody Hayes assaulting one of his own players, and essentially ends when Hayes assaults an opponent.

While purporting to cover the heated football rivalry between The Ohio State University and the University of MIchigan, the changes in America during the late 60s and early 70s and the teacher-student relationship between Hayes and Bo Schembechler, Hayes is such a powerful figure he steals the show.



Having been born a few months before his last game, I only came to know Hayes as a crazed codger who threw tantrums and acted like a boor (sort of Bobby Knight before Bobby Knight).

But this book reveals a much deeper side to Hayes. Hayes was tough, but he loved his players. And he was far from a meathead laser-focused on football. Hayes was a history buff, with an encylopedic knowledge of war and U.S. Presidents. He was also a huge fan of Ralph Waldo Emerson (my favorite transcendentalist author), owning nearly all of his published works. Rosenberg generously sprinkles the wisdom of Emerson throughout the text.

Hayes's antics are the best part of the book. And that's why at times it seems like a biography of Hayes with some other characters thrown in.

Though a powerful character in his own right. Bo Schembechler takes a backseat to Hayes in this book. In fact, he's the third most interesting aspect of the Michigan story.

Most of the focus in the book goes to Michigan's student body's political activism. Michigan is cast as the progressive school with sit-ins and protests while Ohio State is the old stodgy school wanting to remain in the 40s.

But there's also Athletic Director Don Canham who created the famous Big M logo and ushered in a new era of marketing for college sports.

There's a raft of interesting characters mentioned, Bill Ayers, Bobby Knight, Presidents Nixon and Ford and even Dick Vitale is mentioned.

But there's also the football. Each game in the Ten Year War is described in detail and all the dramatics surrounding football blend prefectly with all the dramatics at these schools and in the country during the time when these two great coaches went head-to-head.

Born 7 Minutes Apart, Conceived 10 Minutes Apart

"Out of all the people in America and all the people in the world, this had to happen to me."
-Mia Washington lamenting the fact that her twin sons have different daddies.

Washington began notice that her 11-month old twins, Justin and Jordan didn't quite look alike. When she had them tested the results came back showing there was a nearly impossible chance that the boys had the same daddy.

Then Washington thought back to that night when she cheated on her boyfriend, James Harrison, with another man.
Amazingly Harrison chose to stay with Washington and will raise his kid, and the other guy's as his own.

Authorities say the this is so rare that there are only a handful of known cases across the globe.

According to doctors, if a woman has more than one sexual partner while she is ovulating, there's a miniscule chance that different sperm cells can fertilise two separate eggs. It's called heteropaternal superfecundation.

Dr Chris Dreiling, from the Paediatric Association of Dallas, told Fox News: 'Because sperm cells take a while to travel and eggs take a while to travel there can be an overlap.'

The couple is now coping with the aftermath of the DNA bombshell and plan to tell the twins when they're old enough to understand.

'It was the weirdest thing to think that two little babies could have grown in my stomach together and been born seven minutes apart but yet have different fathers.

'Five months ago we found out that I was pregnant again and our new baby is due to arrive in the autumn."

Can't wait to find out who the daddy is.

How to Impress the Ladies

Shaving tips from Gillette. This is so funny I will only buy Gillette products from now on.



Just kidding Razar (accidentally misspelled until I realized it was a palindrome then I decided it was cooler this way)!

Baby Detectives

A recent incorrect assumption by Mrs. Tall Skott provides us with a great teaching moment.

Immediately after posting the George Brett Shit Story I texted Tall Skott "read the poop asap."

His comment indicated Mrs. Tall Skott took the urgency of my text to mean Mrs. Poop was pregnant.

I don't blame Mrs. TS for her incorrect assumption. It seems to be a common theme among women -- they always want to be the first one to figure out someone is pregnant.

Mrs. Poop is constantly saying things like "she touched her stomach, women don't call attention to their stomachs unless they're pregnant," "she didn't drink any alcohol," "I think that's a maternity top" or "she farted, pregnant women are gassy."

90% of the time she says this she is wrong, but that other 10% has emboldened her to believe she is the nation's foremost expert at sleuthing out a pregnancy before the pregnant woman is ready to tell the world about it.

And every time a friend tells us she's pregnant before Mrs. Poop predicted it, she always tells me she knew but didn't tell me because she didn't want me to make fun of her.

I said at the beginning that this post would be a teaching moment.

And here's the lesson: girlz is dumb.

Flirty Sanchez

New York Jets new quarterback Mark Sanchez (aka Flirty Sanchez) hasn't thrown an NFL pass yet, but he did make one pass that was received.
Sanchez is now dating Hilary Rhoda, the smoking hot model who appeared with him in a now famous photo shoot for GQ.
The pictures were taken three months ago and the couple has been dating ever since.

Song of the Week

"Bernadette" - The Four Tops
Razor has a Facebook friend who had some very slutty pictures, so I decided to friend her too so I could see the slutty pictures.
Then the slutty-picture friend post this video.
I absolutely love this song and even tried to convince Mrs. Poop to name a female child Bernadette in honor of this song.

"That's why I treasure you and place you high above
Cuz the only joy in life, is to be loved."

Cameron's House

A suburban Chicago home made famous in 1986 movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is up for sale for $2.3 million.

The 5,300-square-foot Highland Park house was the fictional home of Ferris Bueller's friend, Cameron Frye, played by actor Alan Ruck. In the movie, Frye accidentally sends his father's Ferrari through one of the house's glass walls and into the woods outside.

Sudler Sotheby's International Realtor Meladee Hughes says being in the home is like living in the tree house. She says there's been a lot of interest from buyers already.

Hughes says there's a wall dedicated to the movie in the home's steel and glass pavilion overlooking a ravine. The wall includes behind-the-scenes photographs of Ruck and Matthew Broderick, who plays Bueller.



This is a pretty sweet house. Check out the real estate listing to see all the photos.

I Pity the Pirates

Mr. T throws out the first pitch at a Cubs-Pirates game, and sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" too.



Here's the video, starts with highlights first, Mr. T comes in about halfway through.

Jose Canseco's MMA Debut

After a couple of failed attempts at boxing, Jose Canseco takes on 7'2" Hong Man Choi, a Korean kickboxer.

Note: The best youtube video of the fight I found happens to be the one with the entire buildup, including walkout. The fight starts about 5 minutes into this clip.




Poor Jose Canseco, the guy is the Woodward and Bernstein of the steroid era yet he mismanaged his finances so poorly that even with two successful books, he still has to get his ass kicked by freakish giants in order to pay the bills.

She Lit the Gas

Patricia Demauro set a new record for longest craps roll. I believe this only applies to U.S. casinos.

She rolled for (get this!) 4 hours and 18 minutes (starting at 8:13pm and ending at 12:31am). She rolled 154 times (holy fucking shit) before sevening out.

The officials at Borgata verified this, otherwise I wouldn't believe.

I have had some legendary rolls, the longest of which probably lasted 20 minutes.

The Borgata wouldn't say how much Demauro won, but she only started with $100.

She says this is the only second time she's ever played craps so perhaps she wasn't betting as aggressively as she should have been.

Still, I would say it's almost impossible for her not to have won at least ten grand.

I think if I had been on a similar hot streak I'd be house shopping this morning.

I do have some more questions so I'll be on the lookout for more information on the story.

1) How much money did the casino pay out from that table during her streak?
2) Was anyone stupid enough to leave the table during the roll?
3) Did she ever roll the dice off the table? (As you know, you're guaranteed to seven out on the next roll after the dice hit the floor).
4) How many dolla yos did she play?
5) How many hardway bets did she win?
6) Were people fighting over a place at the table?
7) Did any asshole bet "don't come" the whole time figuring she'd seven eventually?

What Do You Give Me For? Manu Ginobili and Balki Bartokomous

What do you give me for Manu Ginobili and Balki Bartokomous (as played masterfully by Bronson Pinchot?)

Baseball is Poop

Welcome Back John Lackey
Angels pitcher John Lackey's season debut lasted only two pitches. The first one sailed behind Rangers second baseman. When the second one plunked Kinsler, umpire Bob Davidson ejected Lackey.
Lackey said he didn't intend to hit Kinsler or send a message, he was just too keyed up for his debut.
Kinsler did hit two homers off the Angels the night before, but other than that there doesn't seem to be a reason why they would be going after Kinsler.
Lackey didn't have to wait a full five days for his spot in the rotation, he started 2 days later.

How To Get the Other Team's Best Hitter Out of the Lineup
Tampa Bay Rays third baseman and best player, Evan Longoria didn't get to play in a game against the Indians, even though he was listed in the starting lineup.
Rays manager Joe Maddon intended to have Longoria DH so he could rest, but he mistakenly put a 5 next to his name in the lineup card.
After Ben Zobrist took the field at third during the first inning, Indians manager Eric Wedge brought the mistake to the attention of the umpires who ruled the Rays should lose their right to have a designated hitter, forcing pitcher Andy Sonnanstine to bat -- in the third spot in the lineup.
Longoria was not lost for the game though, he could have replaced Zobrist at that point.

Kaz Matsui Doesn't Need Help Making Outs
Houston Astros outfielder Michael Bourn singled to lead off the game against the Brewers, and that's when Ned Yost emerged from the dugout to protest. The official lineup card had Matsui first, so he was called out. The single was taken off the board but Bourn got to hit again. He walked, and eventually scored.

Yankee Haters Mourn
Things were going so well for us Yankee haters, A-Rod was juiced, disgraced and injured. The team's high-priced free agents were underperforming, and Joe Girardi was about to get fired. But now they Yankees have won 10 out of 11 -- four walkoff wins -- including 3 in a row. An entire series won in their final at bat. And more amazingly, they would have needed to double that to break the major league record for most consecutive walkoff wins. The 1986 Houston Astros won 5 games in a row on walkoffs, including 2 against the New York Mets.

Games Might End Before Midnight
Major League Baseball has announced that starting this year World Series games will begin before 8pm Eastern Time. What a long overdue change this is. Pretty much anyone who has a job (with normal hours) and lives on the East Coast cannot stay up for weekday World Series games anymore. Also this might give kids a chance to see at least a few innings. Brilliant move by Major League Baseball, once I hope bears itself out in the ratings.

The Next Big Thing
With the first pick in the 2009 Major League Baseball Amateur Draft the Washington Nationals will select Stephen Strasburg, pitcher, San Diego State University.
For being so shitty last year the Nats get the chance to draft the guy some are calling the best pitching prospect ever. Strasburg can hit 102 mph on the gun and he is 13-0 with a 1.24 ERA and 180 strikeouts this season. The only things possibly interfering with his destiny is a back injury (believed to be minor) and his contract demands (believed to be major). Strasburg is represented by hardass agent Scott Boras who reportedly wants to get his client a major league worthy deal -- somewhere around $50 million for the 6 years before he goes to arbitration. And the Nationals have almost no choice but to draft him, and pay him that money. And if they do he could be up with the big club by September, which is why I think anyone in a fantasy keeper league should pick Strasburg up right now.

George Brett's Shit Story

Kansas City Royals Hall of Fame third baseman George Brett tells a shit story -- not sure if he knew the thing was on camera.

Best part is, he just rolls up on someone and says "I shit my pants last night."

But even better, he says he does it at least twice a year -- and the story he tells is not even the one from last night.

LeBron James is a Murderer

Unbelievable game-winning shot by LeBron James. This shot completes his transformation from really talented player to all-around superstar who can carry a team on his back.
When a guy can do that there's almost no way to beat him.

After Turk hit his shot TNT was showing crowd reaction shots of devastated young Cavs fans, now those kids love LeBron even more. In 20 years those kids will say "I was there LeBron hit 'the shot'"

Incredible.

Scott Schoeneweis's Wife Died

The wife of Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Scott Schoeneweis was found dead at her home Wednesday.

The Maricopa County Sheriff's Office said deputies found the body of 39-year-old Gabrielle Dawn Schoeneweis on the floor of the master bedroom in the family's suburban home shortly after noon.

Authorities said her 14-year-old daughter called the sheriff's office to report that she had found her mother lying there and unresponsive.

"At this point, anything we can do to support Scott and his family, will be our focus," said Diamondbacks general manager Josh Byrnes, who was with the team. "I have talked to Scott Boras, the agent, a few times. We're trying to get the facts the best we can. It's devastating news. Everyone is taking it very hard."

Scott and Gabrielle Dawn Schoeneweis celebrated their 10th anniversary in January. They had three children together, and she already had a daughter when they were married.

"His world was just rocked. He and his kids, his family, his extended family, his in-laws, everybody's lives are changed forever. He took it as expected, very hard," Diamondbacks manager A.J. Hinch said. "As I told the team, just give him as much support as you can. Really, tell people that you love them if you do. You can never expect something like this to happen."

Francisco Rodriguez, who teamed with Schoeneweis in the Angels bullpen in 2002 and 2003, said he was "speechless" when he heard the news.

"I'm sad for him," Rodriguez said. "I can't imagine what he's going through right now, all the pain he's going through."

Former Mets teammate Ryan Church added: "He's always been able to battle through adversity because he's had cancer before. Everybody needs to be thinking about him and his family and just pray, pray a lot."

Mets manager Jerry Manuel said he still considers Schoeneweis part of his family. "I mentioned that to our people, that we've got to reach out and do all we can to help support him at this time," Manuel said. "And whatever he needs from us, we'll be here for him."

Ron Hodges is a Dick

In this day and age of the internet it seems there is nothing we don't know about our favorite athletes. And even the guys who aren't so good, we end up learning a lot about them too.

But what about those players from the past, anonymous guys mostly whose personalities are never revealed.

Two recent books I read shined a new light on former Mets catcher Ron Hodges.



In "The Torre Years" Joe Torre recounts his days as manager of the Mets. In 1978, Torre was the manager, Bob Gibson was pitching coach and Ron Hodges was backup catcher. One night Torre and Gibson were walking through the hotel lobby and they saw Hodges and another player at the hotel bar.
According to Torre's rules the hotel bar was off-limits to players. But instead of going over there himself and "catching" them, Torre sent Gibson to tell them to finish their drinks and leave. Without using these words Torre hints that Hodges told Gibson to go fuck himself and refused to leave the bar.
A backup catcher insulting one of the greatest pitchers of all-time.

Lest you think that was one isolated incident, there's this from "The Complete Game" by Ron Darling.
Before Darling's first major league game in uniform (he was not due to pitch, just sit on the bench), he got dressed in his brand new white Mets uniform and was so proud of himself that he made it to the big leagues.
Darling sat on the end of the bench to steer clear of the veterans who would actually be playing that night. Hodges walked the full length of the dugout, spit tobacco juice on Darling's leg and walked away.

Ron Hodges was a career .240 hitter. Imagine what an insufferable son of a bitch he would have been if he were actually a good player.

Update: Keith Hernandez recently told the following Ron Hoges story but prefaced it with "He isn't going to be happy I'm saying this." Hernandez said when he was with the Cardinals it was well-known that Hodges wasn't disguising his signs well enough and it was too easy to see which pitch he was calling. Hernandez said as soon as he got traded to the Mets, he told Hodges about his pitch tipping.

Adam Lambert Goes Down

In the most shocking upset in American Idol history (though Jordin over Blake was surprising) Kris Allen prevailed over Adam Lambert.

This morning people grasp at straws for answers and invariably come up with what I predicted months ago: America just isn't ready for a drag queen idol. A gay idol maybe, but not a drag queen.

There may be a certain element of revenge here. The gays getting their comeuppance for what they did to insanely hot Carrie Prejean, Miss California.

Actually, in truth I think Lambert lost because he absolutely sucked and people were tired of listening to his awful screeching.

Many times over the years I have wished Sam Cooke would rise from the dead, but none more so than when Lambert turned his most famous song (A Change is Gonna Come) into a gay anthem full of high pitched squeals, so he could reach in Lambert's throat and rip his vocal cords out.

I predict no long-term success for either Lambert or Kris Allen and I think the biggest star from this season might be Katrina Darrell thanks to her brand new fake titties.

The Fabulous Life of Zack Greinke

Could Zack Greinke's life be any better right now?
He is 7-1 with a 0.60 ERA and pretty much has the American League Cy Young Award locked up.
He's also battled back from anxiety issues that caused him to walk out of spring training a few years ago.
But more importantly he is leading the resurgence of the Outsiders (Master Bates's fantasy team) and almost impossibly, he's making JLeary look smart.

And he gets to have sex with Emily Kuchar. The former Miss USA and model was so jealous of Greinke appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated that I pray the magazine tabs her for next year's Swimsuit Issue's Players' Wives feature.

Greinke and Kuchar are engaged and will get married in the offseason.

Song of the Week

"You're Still the One" - Shania Twain

This song was probably popular 10 years ago when Mrs. Poop and I got together, she's still the one and this song is still played at weddings across the south.