What I Should Have Said Theater

Where was Steve Tasker when the lights went out? In the dark.
CBS did a horrible job updating the fans throughout the entire blackout, but none worse than Steve Tasker, who despite being a television reporter, couldn't coherently report what was going on.
Remember, fans at home saw the lights go out, then 30 seconds or so of ambient crowd noise, then a commercial. We knew nothing, and they came back to Tasker who said "welcome back to New Orleans, I'm Steve Tasker sideline reporter for the uh, Super Bowl 47, if you're expecting to hear our friend Jim Nantz it may be a moment before he gets on. Half the power in New Orleans Stadium, the Superdome here, almost a perfect semicircle of the lights, half the stadium, went out, the scoreboard is also not working as well."

Here's what Steve Tasker should have said:
"I'm Steve Tasker, there has been a power failure at the Superdome. Half the lights are out. There is no power in our broadcast booth where Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are. There are enough lights still on, so no one is panicking. We do not know what caused this, and we do not know how long it will take to fix it. Both teams are just milling around wondering when they will be able to resume play."

Granted, I have the benefit of time, he didn't, but a reporter should always say his most important thing in his first sentence. If he practiced that enough, it would become habit. The first thing he said should have been about the blackout or the lights going out, not about the Superdome and our friend Jim Nantz.

The Super Bowl is Poop

Another Great Game
I feel like I have written this every single year but this was another exciting Super Bowl. I guess I am going to have to let go of the fact that nearly every Super Bowl for the first 20 years of my viewing experience was a blowout. Starting with Rams-Titans, practically every game since then has at least been tense and fun to watch. Now I wouldn’t classify this game as great, not in the class of Giants-Patriots I or Steelers-Cardinals, but it certainly was a lot of fun and a game we will all remember for a long time.

No Such Thing as Momentum
The most popular thing to talk about surrounding this game seems to be how the 49ers were suddenly given a tremendous lift by the unexpected 34-minute blackout delay. The poor Ravens who were dominating the game until that point suddenly lost focus and never regained it. It’s bullshit. Thank god the 9ers didn’t win so we don’t have to listen to this crap for all eternity. Did the long halftime show not give the 49ers a boost? That big pause in the game certainly didn’t help them on the opening kickoff when the Ravens, robbed of their momentum, were still able to muster a kickoff return for a touchdown. And then when the lights came back on, the 49ers failed to convert a 3rd and 13. Momentum didn't help them there. The 49ers came back because they are a good team, and they have fallen behind and come back before. They made plays, nothing to do with the blackout.

Controversial Calls
There were a number of controversial calls by officials and coaches in this game that are worth examining.
Michael Crabtree was clearly held/interfered with on that 4th down pass from the 5-yard line late in the game. I guess there is a new rule, The Golden (Tate) Rule, when officials stop calling penalties late in close games at key situations. Obvious penalty, horrible no-call.

There was also a horrible no ejection when the Ravens Cary Williams blatantly shoved an official.

And how about the horrible call for running into the kicker? David Akers missed the kick, saw a guy behind him and flopped. He was falling even before he was touched. The officials bailed him out and gave Akers another shot, which he made.

John Harbaugh made the right move going for the safety at the end of the game. I also like his fake punt early in the game. It didn't work out but if it had it would have been a dagger in the 49ers back. And the risk wasn't all that great, it still pinned the 9ers deep.
Jim Harbaugh made a questionable decision going for 2 with 10 minutes left. Normally I would say kick and be down by 1 in the first three quarters, but the first part of the 4th quarter is a real gray area. A good case could be made either way.
Jim's biggest failing was the play-calling on that late sequence when the 9ers came up short. With time only a small factor I would have tried a Kaepernick designed run, a draw, to at least get the ball a little closer, if not score the TD.

The voters also made a questionable decision giving the MVP award to Joe Flacco over Jacoby Jones. If it had been a most outstanding player, or most spectacular, Jones would have gotten it, but because of value, the way Flacco controlled the game earned him the award.

A Crazy Game for Box Pools
Almost every Super Bowl spectator participates in some kind of box pool. And I never remember as much intrigue involving the numbers that were seemingly locked up, then ripped away. Obviously the decision to take the safety at game's end stole thousands of dollars from people with 4, 9.
Those of us with 8, 0 got screwed at the end of the 3rd when David Akers was given a re-kick with 3 minutes to go. That might not have mattered had Ray Rice not fumbled a minute earlier. If he holds onto that ball, even if Ravens had to punt, any other 3rd quarter scoring play was unlikely.
The half ended with a FG to give the money to those who held 1, 6, but that wasn't really an unusual or unfair play. Not like the one that happened a few minutes earlier, the aforementioned fake punt, though it came with lots of time to play, it certainly affected the outcome of those crazy box pools.

Joe Millionaire
Joe Flacco picked a pretty good time to have the best postseason for any quarterback in history. He's a free agent and likely to get a long-term deal with average annual salaries of $20M. The guy is not a great regular season quarterback, he's very good but has never had more than 25 TDs or fewer than 10 interceptions. He's not in the class of Peyton Manning, Drew Brees or Aaron Rodgers. But now all four of these quarterbacks have exactly one Super Bowl ring. Flacco has won at least one playoff game in all 5 of his NFL seasons. With Ray Lewis retiring (he says) and Ed Reed leaving (possibly), the defense may be weakened to the point where the Ravens offense will have to produce even more. But now they know they have a quarterback who can perform well enough to win the Super Bowl. And that's why they're going to lock him up for big money.

The End of the Road
The career and personal life of Ray Lewis is complicated and varied. Yes, he was involved in a horrible incident, but there's no reason to believe he did anything other than aid his friends, which on its face isn't that bad, except when you realize he helped them avoid apprehension for a murder. But since then, he has been an exemplary character, a great player and a good ambassador for the league. He may have taken a questionable substance so he could more quickly return to health for this "last ride" but that remains to be seen. I will always remember Lewis as a great player, a dominant linebacker and a fun player to watch and listen to.

Super Bowl Ads

I thought this was a pretty weak crop this year. No real standout laugh out loud funny ones.

"Brotherhood" - Budweiser
They always have a good Clydesdales ad, this one was really sweet.



"Miracle Stain" - Tide
I love this satire of the dumbest thing in American culture in the last 10 years, the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. "Stain on a stick!"



"Fashionista Daddy" - Doritos
Fathers who have daughters can relate to this one.



"Whole Again" - Jeep
Narrated by Oprah Winfrey, a pretty nice ad.



"Space Babies" - Kia
Pretty funny description of where babies come from.



"Goat 4 Sale" - Doritos



"Deion Sanders Returns" - NFL
Leon Sandcastle



"Prom" - Audi
It was totally worth it.



"Viva Young" - Taco Bell
"Nosotros somos jovenes." I guess the song really was in Spanish. I didn't pick this up the first time.



"Get Happy" - VW
The only borderline racist commercial in this year's Super Bowl. I didn't find it offensive, actually found it mildly amusing, but not necessarily a great ad for VW. "Respect bossman!"



"Big Kiss" - Go Daddy
I read where they had to do 65 takes of this.

Super Bowl Prop Bets

This is always a fun post to do, check out the props and pick some of your own in the comments section.

MVP: Colin Kaepernick 8/5
I think the 49ers are going to win the game and if they do there is a very good chance Kaepernick will win the MVP. Even if the defense dominates, it’s unlikely there will be one standout. And by default the idiots who pick these things will go with the quarterback on the winning team.

First Player to score a TD: Anquan Boldin 17/2, Torrey Smith 17/2
I think these are pretty long odds, for these guys. I know running backs are always surer things but I’ll take both of them and see what happens.

Longest Reception – Torrey Smith: Over 28 ½ yards (-125)
I know the Ravens are at least going to try to go downfield to Smith. 29 yards doesn’t seem that long to me.

Total Tackles and Assists - Ray Lewis: Under 11 1/2 (+105)
That's a lot of tackles. In order for this to happen the 49ers would have to be running the ball up the middle a lot.

Total Rushing Yards - Colin Kaepernick: Over 50 1/2 (-115)
He had a huge game against the Packers, and barely ran against the Falcons. This is a tricky number because he will probably have to break one long one (20+) to get there, but I say he will.

Will Michael Crabtree score a touchdown: No (-115)
I feel this is going to be a low scoring game, with more of the focus on the 49ers running game. Sure it's possible Crab will grab one, but at nearly even odds, no looks like a good bet.

Who will have more receiving yards? Torrey Smith +12 1/2 Michael Crabtree (-115)
Maybe I'm mistaken here but I see the Ravens throwing the ball a little more often, and going deep more often. One big one for Smith makes this a good bet.

LeBron James Rebounds & Assists -3 1/2 Ray Lewis Tackles and Assists (-120)
Again this is a play on Lewis having only about 8 or 9 tackles. LeBron could easily mess around and get a triple double against the Raptors.

Blake Griffin Points and Rebounds pick'em Ray Rice receiving yards (-115)
I'm looking at 25 easy for Griffin and there's a good chance Rice only gets one or two short receptions.

How long will it take Alicia Keys to sing the National Anthem? Under 2:10 (-160)
It's actually a very short song and even the long drawn out versions seldom last more than 2 minutes. I think this line is easily exploitable.

Will Beyonce be joined by Jay Z on Stage during the Super Bowl Half Time Show? Yes (-105)
I have read that Jay-Z is going to be there and requested $5,000 worth of booze for his dressing room. I also read that Beyonce demanded that Blue Ivy's $20,000 crib be shipped from New York and that a room for her be kept at 78.8 degrees and filled with rose-scented candles. But if he's going to be there, he might as well do "Crazy in Love."

How many times will Jack Harbaugh be shown on TV? Under 2 1/2 (+135)
I've been following props like this for some time and seems like the Super Bowl production teams just don't do this as much as we think they would. Now, if one of the quarterbacks were dating Katherine Webb, that would be a different story.

How long will the post game handshake/hug last between Jim & John Harbaugh? Over 6 seconds (-120)
This is a no-brainer. It starts from the moment they touch until the moment they release. So if they handshake, hug, then break while still holding, they could easily break 10 seconds.

What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team? Red 13/2
I am thinking the 49ers are going to win, so I'll hope some clever 49ers sideline guy will have a bucket full of Red gatorade.

Darren Rovell tweets on Super Bowl Sunday? Over 104 1/2 (-115)
Not sure if you follow him but Rovell is the most prolific narcissist on Twitter. He might even do 200.

This is How You Do Local News

I have a lot of respect for local news reporters who go out in the field everyday and report, often with morons, trying to get into their shots to be on TV. We've seen reporters insult and even assault these morons, but nothing beats what Jessica Sanchez did to this moron on Bourbon Street.



"So how long have you had an STD?"
Brilliant!

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted

Sharon Osgood wired $5,900 to a man in Florida in exchange for 4 Super Bowl tickets.
Instead she got an envelope with a piece of paper with a picture of both Super Bowl quarterbacks on it. The message underneath read: "Enjoy the game!!!! Go Ravens!!! LOL."
I'm sorry Osgood got robbed (and it is a crime) but I don't really feel badly for her because she should have fuckin better known better.
1) She bought them on Craiglist
2) She was asked to wire the money
3) The seller lived in Florida but claimed to be a Ravens season ticket holder
4) The seller couldn't go to the game because his wife is 8 months pregnant
All of those things combined should have made it a dead giveaway that this was a scam. To make matters worse, this moron is now getting rewarded for being such a dupe. The CEO of Ticketmaster is giving her 4 tickets. That's a very bad message to send, be a moron, don't worry if you get scammed, just get some media attention for your plight and someone will pity you.
I say let Mrs. Osgood and all other fools out there learn this lesson the hard way. Tough love.

Giselle In Training

Last year after the Super Bowl the hottest Patriot wife, Giselle, popped off angrily about the other Patriots, including Wes Welker, being unable to catch the ball.
After the AFC Championship game this year, it was the second hottest Patriot wife, Anna Burns Welker who ran her mouth off on Facebook:

"Proud of my husband and the Pats. By the way, if anyone is bored, please go to Ray Lewis' Wikipedia page. 6 kids 4 wives. Acquitted for murder. Paid a family off. Yay. What a hall of fame player! A true role model!"

She later apologized but Ray Lewis responded anyway, using a Bible verse of course, but not the one about the weapon. "Even a fool is counted wise until he opens his mouth."

But as far as I am concerned Mrs. Welker can do wrong. But, those aren't brains:

The Harbaugh Mantra

We're going to hear a lot about the Harbaughs in the next 10 days or so, and eventually it may get tiresome, but here's a story I love.
Jack Harbaugh, the patriarch of this coaching coterie, used to ask his kids "who's got it better than us?" and the only correct response was "Noooooooo-body."
I love that, a positive uplifting message. The origin supposedly comes from Jack's own youth when he used to play with his friends all day and all night, and they used to repeat that refrain.
But now it has become a rallying cry for both teams.



And even a slogan for merchandise and t-shirts.