Disappointment

Despite our best efforts (and hers) Pizza Parlor KeriAnn did not make the Celtics Dance team. The info is shoddy at best right now but this picture is of the new team, and KeriAnn isn't in this picture. She must be terribly disappointed right now.

Fight Complacency

Thanks to our grassroots campaign Pizza Parlor KeriAnn has vaulted into second place in the voting on Celtics.com.
We must not give up the fight. Continue to vote for PPKA and wish her well in Thursday's final audition at Avalon.

Don't Disrespect Pizza Parlor KeriAnn

Despite what the fuckin assholes at Bar Stool Sports have to say someone liked Pizza Parlor KeriAnn during her Celtics Dance Team tryout. She is one of the finalists who will be competing at the Final Audition at Avalon on July 12th. The Celtics selected five finalists and put them to a vote. I don't think the vote has any say in who gets selected, but it would be nice for KeriAnn if we all voted for her and showed the Celtics brass how much we want to see her in one of those skimpy green outfits next season like her hot friend Alexis.
I love KeriAnn's most embarrassing moment, The Concierge can relate.

That's Fucked Up

First barstoolsports rips Pizza Parlor Derek and fires him for a B- column, then they make fun of Pizza Parlor KeriAnn's looks at her Celtics Dance Team tryout. This means war. If you think they're going to get away with this then you haven't met Pizza Parlor Mr. Lynch (we show respect). I expect Pizza Parlor Daren is flying back from Columbus to shove a pommel horse up somebody's ass.

Miss New Hampshire 2007

Something was lacking in this year's Miss New Hampshire pageant. For the first time in several years Pizza Parlor KeriAnn would not be competing. That really took a lot of the fun out of it for Pizza Parlor Derek, and therefore he did not name a Miss Derek's Room. Which means he never got to rename the award Miss Derek's Apartment, even though he finally moved out of his parent's house.

Last year's winner was Emily Ann Hughes, no relation to jhughes, thankfully for her.



Sarah Bixby looks a little too old for this pageant crap. She looks like she's in her mid-30s. And her talent is a clog dance. I can't be sure what that is, but it sounds noisy.



Miss Deerfield Fair, Justine Barker is hot. And not in the pristine pageant way, in the sort of slutty, drink a few beers kinda way. And unlike most of the contestants who want to teach kids how to read, and how to not be obese, or how to read food labels so they are not obese, Justine wants to be on Entertainment Tonight and she calls Mary Hart a "TV icon." She does like Rascall Flatts though? Who is Rascall Flatts? Can someone tell me? Why does every hot girl like him so much?



Allyson Welsh, graduated from Penn State (big deal), and lists dramatic monologue as her talent. I believe she performed this selection from "The Vagina Monologues."

"That’s why I began this piece. I was worried about vaginas. I was worried what we think about vaginas. And I was even more worried that we don’t think about them. I was worried about my own vagina. It needed a context, a community, a culture of other vaginas. There is so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them, like the Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there. In the first place, it’s not even easy to even find your vagina. Women go days, weeks, months, without looking at it. I interviewed a high-powered businesswoman, she told me she didn’t have the time. Looking at your vagina she said, is a full day’s work. You’ve got to get down there, on your back. In front of the mirror, full-length preferred. You’ve got to get in the perfect position, with the perfect light, which then becomes shadowed by the angle you’re at. You’re twisting your head up, arching your back, it’s exhausting. She's too busy. She didn’t have time. So, I decided to talk to women about their vaginas."



I like Jennifer Hatem, because her name reminds me of "He Hate Me." Her platform is "advocating for our elderly" which means she probably likes older dudes and has daddy issues. Awesome!



Rachel Barker went to Hofstra so she probably gets drunk and makes out with other chicks. Her favorite actress is Reese Witherspoon. I guarantee you ask 1000 pageant competitors who their favorite actress is and 900 say Reese Witherspoon and not a single one mentions Eva Longoria. It's not clear if Justine Barker and Rachel Barker are related.




I know they award ancillary prizes for "Miss Congeniality", "Best Talent", I'm not sure if they have one for "Biggest Rack," Caitlin McGlinchey would win.



Alicia Rossman sort of looks like Rachel from Real World: Austin. The most influential person in her life is Shania Twain because "she is a mother, daughter, wife, friend, entertainer, and much more." She's not your friend. And of course her favorite actress is...Reese Witherspoon.




My personal favorite is Erica Lehman. She doesn't have a profile so all I know is that she's hot is a sort of mysterious way. And her platform/charity has a cool, punny name, "Pencilling in a Better Future: Write Here, Write Now." I imagine they teach kids how to write.





So Erika Lehman is my choice. Who do you think should win (the pageant already happened)? I'll post the winner and some other Miss NH news in a few days.

Little Sisters Are So Cute

Pizza Parlor Keri-Ann, little sister to Pizza Parlor Derek and Pizza Parlor Daren evidently has a lot to learn about the birds and the bees.




I'm also awaiting comment from PPKA on Kelly Pickler, whom she loves, and how Pickler spent her new found riches. Hint: it was on more than just shoes.