According to lore (and since this lore comes from Josh it might not be 100% accurate), when Bernie walked into the Kliq back in 1998, Josh, keenly noting Bernie's Asian descent offered him a choice: he could be called Kristy Yamaguchi or Michelle Kwan. After a year of being called Michelle Kwan (which I do remember), I didn't see Bernie again until Billy and I ran into him in Penn Station several years later.
At that point Bernie had left Best Damn for ESPN Hollywood (read about it here, point #6) because he thought Mario Lopez was cute, but when that show failed he went back to Best Damn. He hosted the show for a segment when the staff team won the show's fantasy football league.
Now Bernie has appeared on the show again this time with an hilarious NFL Draft inspired rap chock full of great cameos.
Here is Bern's first Best Damn NFL Draft rap from two years ago.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Poop's Mock Draft
My almost completely uninformed guesses (which will probably be no less accurate than the experts) for the first 10 picks in the NFL Draft.
1. Jake Long - Dolphins (that's a gimme)
2. Glenn Dorsey - Rams
3. Chris Long - Falcons
4. Darren McFadden - Raiders (fits the Raiders image)
5. Vernon Golston - Chiefs (need to replace Jared Allen
6. Ryan Clady - Jets (This pick will get booed but I don't think the Jets will take a QB)
7. Leodis McKelvin - Patriots
8. Matt Ryan - Ravens
9. Sedrick Ellis - Bengals
10. Chris Williams - Saints
1. Jake Long - Dolphins (that's a gimme)
2. Glenn Dorsey - Rams
3. Chris Long - Falcons
4. Darren McFadden - Raiders (fits the Raiders image)
5. Vernon Golston - Chiefs (need to replace Jared Allen
6. Ryan Clady - Jets (This pick will get booed but I don't think the Jets will take a QB)
7. Leodis McKelvin - Patriots
8. Matt Ryan - Ravens
9. Sedrick Ellis - Bengals
10. Chris Williams - Saints
Tom Brady Poops
Tom Brady is apparently spending the offseason in California trying to get to know the baby he put in Bridget Moynihan.
In the ongoing effort by gossip magazines and websites to prove that the stars are just like us, Brady was photographed buying recycled toilet paper.
Even the Golden Boy poops. My favorite book was right.
In the ongoing effort by gossip magazines and websites to prove that the stars are just like us, Brady was photographed buying recycled toilet paper.
Even the Golden Boy poops. My favorite book was right.
I Would Have Humped Her Leg
Natalie Portman took her dog to a dog run in the West Village and some random dog came over and peed on her leg while she was distracted by her own pooch.
From now on whenever Natalie Portman sees that dog's owner she's going to bring up the time this dog peed on her leg.
From now on whenever Natalie Portman sees that dog's owner she's going to bring up the time this dog peed on her leg.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Oy, I Can't Find Any Margarine
An interesting article in the Wall Street Journal about the confluence of factors which led to a shortage of Kosher For Passover margarine this year.
This presents a huge problem for people because unlike the goyim, butter can't be used as a substitute in many cases because meat and dairy can't be served at the same meal.
Story suggested by Master Bates
This presents a huge problem for people because unlike the goyim, butter can't be used as a substitute in many cases because meat and dairy can't be served at the same meal.
Story suggested by Master Bates
The Choice of the Abercrombie Generation
Three douches in Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirts stood behind Barack Obama during his Pennsylvania concession speech.
Jeremy Schaap is a Dick
I actually like E:60, ESPN's newsmagazine show. It's sort of a poor man's Real Sports, less pretentious, but more of the ESPN bullshit we all hate.
But the one thing I like most about it is that each story is introduced during a contrived producers/reporters meeting.
But if the meetings are contrived the dialogue isn't because twice in two episodes Jeremy Schaap has looked like such a dick.
During the discussion of a story about gymnastics coaches who were accused of molesting their students, Jeremy Schaap rightfully tried to point out that there's a difference between accused and convicted.
But Lisa Salters pointed out that as a parent she didn't care, to her just being accused was enough. She repeated the words "as a parent" about 20 times until Schaap snapped "I know what the words 'as a parent' mean Lisa."
Then when Rachel Nichols was pitching a story Schaap tried to interrupt, leading Nichols to say "stop talking for a second."
Schaap fired back "don't tell me to stop talking."
But the one thing I like most about it is that each story is introduced during a contrived producers/reporters meeting.
But if the meetings are contrived the dialogue isn't because twice in two episodes Jeremy Schaap has looked like such a dick.
During the discussion of a story about gymnastics coaches who were accused of molesting their students, Jeremy Schaap rightfully tried to point out that there's a difference between accused and convicted.
But Lisa Salters pointed out that as a parent she didn't care, to her just being accused was enough. She repeated the words "as a parent" about 20 times until Schaap snapped "I know what the words 'as a parent' mean Lisa."
Then when Rachel Nichols was pitching a story Schaap tried to interrupt, leading Nichols to say "stop talking for a second."
Schaap fired back "don't tell me to stop talking."
Maybe He'll Cut The Donald's Hair
OJ Simpson has been in touch with the producers of Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice" and is interested in appearing on the show.
"Simpson really wants to do it. Trump and NBC are thinking about it, but are being very cautious," a source said. "There's a certain amount of heat associated with Simpson."
Yeah, imagine some people might not find it all that funny that a double murderer is cavorting around on TV. But if he tells Omorosa "you think you can steal my shit and sell it?" then I might be in favor of the experiment.
"Simpson really wants to do it. Trump and NBC are thinking about it, but are being very cautious," a source said. "There's a certain amount of heat associated with Simpson."
Yeah, imagine some people might not find it all that funny that a double murderer is cavorting around on TV. But if he tells Omorosa "you think you can steal my shit and sell it?" then I might be in favor of the experiment.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Song of The Week
"Daydreamin" - Lupe Fiasco featuring Jill Scott
A nice smooth beat, excellent use of an excellent sample, good lyrics and the magnificent singing voice of Jill Scott.
A nice smooth beat, excellent use of an excellent sample, good lyrics and the magnificent singing voice of Jill Scott.
The Day the Whammy Died
When I was a kid the best part of being home sick from school was watching "Press Your Luck."
I must not have been sick on those days in June 1984 when the episode featuring Michael Larson aired.
Larson figured out the pattern to the Big Board and absolutely dominated the game.
Here are all 5 parts of the special 2-part episode of "Press Your Luck."
His domination begins 3 minutes into Part 2.
Read the story behind it all here.
I must not have been sick on those days in June 1984 when the episode featuring Michael Larson aired.
Larson figured out the pattern to the Big Board and absolutely dominated the game.
Here are all 5 parts of the special 2-part episode of "Press Your Luck."
His domination begins 3 minutes into Part 2.
Read the story behind it all here.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Citizens on Patrol
A lawyer in Oregon, Eric Bryant, issued a series of citizen-initiated violations to a cop who parked illegally, right in front of a no parking sign, in order to go to a restaurant and pick up some food.
I'm sort of torn about this. I don't like uptight douchebags, but I don't like abuse of power either.
I don't think cops should be above the law, but I don't think a cop should have to park 3 blocks away, just in case there is an emergency.
I'm sort of torn about this. I don't like uptight douchebags, but I don't like abuse of power either.
I don't think cops should be above the law, but I don't think a cop should have to park 3 blocks away, just in case there is an emergency.
Friday, April 18, 2008
He Can't Say Nuclear, But He Knows Awesome
Listen carefully to what George W. Bush says to the Pope after his speech.
If you hate President Bush this is probably an example of why. If you like President Bush this is probably an example of why.
If you hate President Bush this is probably an example of why. If you like President Bush this is probably an example of why.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Please Move to the Center of the Car
I had always heard that in Japan people were employed to stand on the platforms and shove subway riders into the cars. But I had never actually seen it happen.
Man Dies at Shea Stadium
A man attending a New York Mets game with his family lost his balance on an escalator and fell two stories to his death, police said.
Antonio Nararainsami, 36, and several relatives, including his two young daughters, were leaving the stadium at the end of Tuesday night’s game against the Washington Nationals when he fell in a section below the left field stands and landed on a concrete floor. Nararainsami, a Guyanese native who lived in Brooklyn, was taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead half an hour later.
The Mets held a moment of silence for Nararainsami before their game against the Washington Nationals on Wednesday night.
The fall was still being investigated Wednesday, police said.
Kevin Prashad, a cousin who attended the game, said Nararainsami was walking down the escalator, which wasn’t moving, and was holding the hand rail when he “lost his footing.”
The Mets said in a statement that they had been “advised of a tragic accident that resulted in the death of a fan.” They said team officials and police were investigating.
“Our deepest and heartfelt condolences go out to the fan’s family,” the team’s statement said.
The death of Nararainsami, who was wearing a Mets cap when he fell, appeared to be an accident, and no charges had been filed, police said.
Nararainsami installed heating and air conditioning systems for a living, loved sports and was the captain of a local cricket club, his relatives said. His wife, pregnant with their third child, had stayed home while he attended the game.
I don't see how this could have happened unless the guy was fucking around. There are a lot of unexplained details here. Did he just fall down the escalator? Or did he fall over the side? I think he was probably messing around on the escalator and his family is covering it up so they can file a lawsuit.
Antonio Nararainsami, 36, and several relatives, including his two young daughters, were leaving the stadium at the end of Tuesday night’s game against the Washington Nationals when he fell in a section below the left field stands and landed on a concrete floor. Nararainsami, a Guyanese native who lived in Brooklyn, was taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead half an hour later.
The Mets held a moment of silence for Nararainsami before their game against the Washington Nationals on Wednesday night.
The fall was still being investigated Wednesday, police said.
Kevin Prashad, a cousin who attended the game, said Nararainsami was walking down the escalator, which wasn’t moving, and was holding the hand rail when he “lost his footing.”
The Mets said in a statement that they had been “advised of a tragic accident that resulted in the death of a fan.” They said team officials and police were investigating.
“Our deepest and heartfelt condolences go out to the fan’s family,” the team’s statement said.
The death of Nararainsami, who was wearing a Mets cap when he fell, appeared to be an accident, and no charges had been filed, police said.
Nararainsami installed heating and air conditioning systems for a living, loved sports and was the captain of a local cricket club, his relatives said. His wife, pregnant with their third child, had stayed home while he attended the game.
I don't see how this could have happened unless the guy was fucking around. There are a lot of unexplained details here. Did he just fall down the escalator? Or did he fall over the side? I think he was probably messing around on the escalator and his family is covering it up so they can file a lawsuit.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Baseball is Poop
I Believe the Children Are Our Future
Tampa Bay Rays third baseman Evan Longoria is off to a pretty good start to his major league career. After spending the first two weeks of the season in the minors, Longoria was called up and in 3 games he is batting .444 with a homer and 2 RBI. While I expect Longoria to have his ups and downs just like any other play I firmly believe from what I've read (last night was my first chance to see him play and I slept through it) that he is going to be a star in this league for many years to come.
Justin Upton of the Diamondbacks is also going to be a star with Longoria through the next decade. And the Reds have a centerfield prospect named Jay Bruce who is rated higher than both of them, and he could be called up soon, if they can move Ken Griffey.
Don't Tase Me Bro
Tampa Bay pitcher Al Reyes tried to celebrate his 38th birthday in style. On April 10th he and some friends went out to a bar and got into a fight with some other patrons. Reyes fell against a ceramic pot in the bar then picked a fight with the guy he thought pushed him. During the fight got punched in the face, then when police arrived he had to be Tasered twice. That night he pitched two thirds of an inning and got the win in a game against the Orioles.
Reyes was charged with affray, a legal term for a brawl, which I had never heard before.
Cool Picture of the Week
Randy Johnson is back, allowing 0 earned runs over 5 innings. No birds were harmed in the throwing of this pitch.
Tampa Bay Rays third baseman Evan Longoria is off to a pretty good start to his major league career. After spending the first two weeks of the season in the minors, Longoria was called up and in 3 games he is batting .444 with a homer and 2 RBI. While I expect Longoria to have his ups and downs just like any other play I firmly believe from what I've read (last night was my first chance to see him play and I slept through it) that he is going to be a star in this league for many years to come.
Justin Upton of the Diamondbacks is also going to be a star with Longoria through the next decade. And the Reds have a centerfield prospect named Jay Bruce who is rated higher than both of them, and he could be called up soon, if they can move Ken Griffey.
Don't Tase Me Bro
Tampa Bay pitcher Al Reyes tried to celebrate his 38th birthday in style. On April 10th he and some friends went out to a bar and got into a fight with some other patrons. Reyes fell against a ceramic pot in the bar then picked a fight with the guy he thought pushed him. During the fight got punched in the face, then when police arrived he had to be Tasered twice. That night he pitched two thirds of an inning and got the win in a game against the Orioles.
Reyes was charged with affray, a legal term for a brawl, which I had never heard before.
Cool Picture of the Week
Randy Johnson is back, allowing 0 earned runs over 5 innings. No birds were harmed in the throwing of this pitch.
Animals Love Matzah
Animals at the Tel Aviz Zoo are eating matzah this week as zookeepers prepare for Passover.
Circus elephants like matzah too.
Circus elephants like matzah too.
Melo Gets a DUI
NBA All-Star Carmelo Anthony was arrested early Monday on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, hours after his worst game of the season.
The Denver Nuggets forward was arrested on Interstate 25, police said. He was alone in the car and pulled over for weaving and not dimming his lights.
Detective Sharon Hahn said Anthony failed a series of sobriety tests. He was charged with DUI and then taken to police headquarters before being released to a "sober responsible party," Hahn said. Anthony is due in court May 14.
Mark Warkentien, the Nuggets' vice president of basketball operations, said the team was aware of the situation but declined comment. The Nuggets did not practice Monday and Anthony wasn't available. He's expected at practice Tuesday.
Anthony's attorney, Dan Recht, said his client consented to a blood test, but results won't be available for about two weeks.
"Carmelo apologizes to his fans, the Denver community, his teammates and the Nuggets organization for the distraction this is causing them," Recht said.
The Denver Nuggets forward was arrested on Interstate 25, police said. He was alone in the car and pulled over for weaving and not dimming his lights.
Detective Sharon Hahn said Anthony failed a series of sobriety tests. He was charged with DUI and then taken to police headquarters before being released to a "sober responsible party," Hahn said. Anthony is due in court May 14.
Mark Warkentien, the Nuggets' vice president of basketball operations, said the team was aware of the situation but declined comment. The Nuggets did not practice Monday and Anthony wasn't available. He's expected at practice Tuesday.
Anthony's attorney, Dan Recht, said his client consented to a blood test, but results won't be available for about two weeks.
"Carmelo apologizes to his fans, the Denver community, his teammates and the Nuggets organization for the distraction this is causing them," Recht said.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
The Yankees Spare No Expense in Fighting Curses
The New York Yankees have stopped an attempt by a Red Sox fan to jinx the team's new stadium by burying a Red Sox jersey in the new ballpark.
Construction workers drilled through the last few inches of cement on Sunday to uncover and remove the torn jersey, a number 34 for David Ortiz.
The white shirt was apparently buried by a construction worker -- and Red Sox fan -- who was working as a subcontractor on the site in recent weeks.
A Yankees spokesperson initially denied there was any truth to the story.
"We don't think it happened," Yankee spokeswoman Alice McGillion said. "We think it's a tall tale, and there is no sign that it happened. There is a lot of authentication of concrete and other construction materials, and there are standards in place to prevent things like this from taking place."
But when two construction workers came forward on Saturday morning and said they had witnessed the incident, Yankee officials sent teams searching through the construction site -- next door to the current ballpark -- looking for the supposedly cursed jersey. Two supervisors identified the exact location Saturday afternoon and started drilling through the two feet of hard cement to uncover the shirt.
"I read an article the other day that said Derek Jeter said 'I hope that somebody digs it out' and that gave us our motivation" said Frank Gramorosa, one of the site supervisors that helped yank the jersey out of the hole.
The Yankees now plan to donate the jersey to charity.
"We are gonna send it up to Boston, to the Jimmy Fund, to help cure kids with cancer," Yankee President Randy Levine said. "We hope the Jimmy Fund will auction it off, and we will take an act that was a very very bad act and turn it into something beautiful."
Construction workers drilled through the last few inches of cement on Sunday to uncover and remove the torn jersey, a number 34 for David Ortiz.
The white shirt was apparently buried by a construction worker -- and Red Sox fan -- who was working as a subcontractor on the site in recent weeks.
A Yankees spokesperson initially denied there was any truth to the story.
"We don't think it happened," Yankee spokeswoman Alice McGillion said. "We think it's a tall tale, and there is no sign that it happened. There is a lot of authentication of concrete and other construction materials, and there are standards in place to prevent things like this from taking place."
But when two construction workers came forward on Saturday morning and said they had witnessed the incident, Yankee officials sent teams searching through the construction site -- next door to the current ballpark -- looking for the supposedly cursed jersey. Two supervisors identified the exact location Saturday afternoon and started drilling through the two feet of hard cement to uncover the shirt.
"I read an article the other day that said Derek Jeter said 'I hope that somebody digs it out' and that gave us our motivation" said Frank Gramorosa, one of the site supervisors that helped yank the jersey out of the hole.
The Yankees now plan to donate the jersey to charity.
"We are gonna send it up to Boston, to the Jimmy Fund, to help cure kids with cancer," Yankee President Randy Levine said. "We hope the Jimmy Fund will auction it off, and we will take an act that was a very very bad act and turn it into something beautiful."
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