A Very Happy Birthday

Thanks to all of those who sent along their best birthday wishes, turning 30 was an enjoyable experience.

Mrs. Poop bought me a bunch of things, including a shirt (the short sleeves are particularly short and the guns aren't looking as good as they used to), a new pair of sunglasses (this is a gift for her, she hated looking at my old ones because the paint was starting to chip around the nose) and a scratch-off ticket.

She picked the ticket with the poker theme. Basically you get 5 2-card hands (Texas HoldEm) and the "champion" gets one. You need to reveal the board (flop, turn and river) and beat the champion. I got several junk hands but also got jack-ten of diamonds, one of my favorite suited connectors and ace-7 which figured to be favored over a random hand. Unfortunately the champion was holding ducks meaning I was behind but had two overcards on all five of my hands. A king came in the door, then an ace, putting me ahead, but the champion 2-outed me by hitting a deuce. When a king hit the turn the champion filled up and I was left drawing to 4 outs, a king or an ace for the bigger boat. A 5 hit the river and Mrs. Poop wasted $5 on a scratch off ticket.

My last gift was a GPS system. Since I am always making wrong turns due to bad guesses and inattentive driving this is a welcome if costly gift. It should certainly help us as we begin our summer of Poop (more on that later this week).

The day ended with a Mets victory, which is just about the best way a day can end, so I am happy and hoping my 30s will be as good as my 20s, which started oh so long ago.

I hope Damino who shares a birthday and 30 years ago shared a nursery with me (we were born in the same hospital on the same day), also had a nice day.

Dirk Nowitzki was born on June 19, 1978, but I don't think it was at Staten Island Hospital.

Other June 20th birthdays include:
Nicole Kidman, 1967
Paul Goydos, 1964 - Dirtbag
Dickie Thon, 1958 - Suffered one of the worst sports injuries I ever saw when he got hit in the face by a Mike Torrez fastball.
Cyndi Lauper, 1953 - Best known for "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" but "Time After Time" is a much better song
John Goodman - 1952
Bob Vila, 1946
Lionel Richie, 1944 - The lead singer of the Commodores is unfortunately better known for his solo work and even more unfortunately, he's even better known as Nicole Richie's dad
Terry Funk, 1944 - The King of Hardcore
Brian Wilson, 1942 - Lead singer of the Beach Boys though he did not sing lead on my favorite Beach Boys song, former song of the week, "God Only Knows"
John Mahoney, 1941 - Played Marty Crane on "Frasier" where he was constantly upstaged by the adorable dog, Moose who played Eddie

The Dangers of Ambidexterity

An interesting battle went on during last night's game between the Brooklyn Cyclones and Staten Island Yankees. Pat Venditte is an ambidextrous pitcher for the Yankees, a switch pitcher, if you weeeeel. Ralph Enriquez is a switch hitter, for the Cyclones. When the two got together this is what happened:



I'm not sure that there even is a rule on this. I don't even know what the rule should be, but clearly they can't allow this. I guess the batter should have to decide first, then the pitcher.

Baby Mama Drama

Fox News Channel caught some heat for referring to Michelle Obama as Barack's "baby mama" in an on-screen banner.



At least Fox didn't try to deny it, say it was an accident or a joke that never was intended to go to air. They said someone did it trying to be clever, but it wasn't clever it was insulting and quite possibly racist.

Jerry Manuel is Gangster

In his first game as manager, Jerry Manuel pulled Jose Reyes out of the game in the first inning because of an apparent injury. Reyes objected, threw his helmet, untucked his shirt, shook his head and sulked back to the clubhouse like a little kid. Jerry Manuel was having none of that, so he followed Reyes into the clubhouse for a conversation:

"I told him next time he does that I'm going to get my blade out and cut him. I'm a gangster. You go gangster on me, I'm going to have to get you. You do that again, I'm going to cut you right on the field."

Box Dilemma

For Father's Day, Mrs. Poop bought me a new cologne (Kenneth Cole Reaction, if you must know) but she's objecting to the way I'm using it.
Not that I spray too much, but the fact that I keep the cologne in the box and every morning when I go to use it, I slide it out of the box, then slide it back in.
I do this because in case it should fall from the medicine cabinet, it might not break. And even if it does break, I won't have broken glass everywhere, it will be contained to the box.



I don't even know what her objection is really. I think she feels like the box takes up extra room in the medicine cabinet, which isn't really true. But I think she just hates when I do weird things like this. But to me it makes perfect sense and I can't think of one rational argument against keeping the cologne in the box.

Anna Gilligan's Naked Summer Camp

The extremely hot Anna Gilligan revealed a little too much about her experiences at summer camp as a child on "Red Eye". The brilliant Greg Gutfeld took that information and ran with it.

Song of the Week

"Teenage Love Affair" - Alicia Keys
This is a great song with a sweet sentiment and some cool lyrics. The video is pretty good too. It reminds me of the video for "You Don't Know My Name", in which she tells Mos Def that she makes his hot chocolate with milk, even though the manager tells her to use water.
Anyway, this song expresses some of those nice feelings about new, young love.
"I write your name in my book, your last, my first, I'm your Mrs."
I also like the line "it's a matter of extreme importance," that really expresses a sense of urgency, doesn't it?

I already shared my thoughts on Alicia Keys when I made "Fallin" the song of the week, so I won't repeat them here.

And I'm breaking from format here because I want to use this song, and the video version of it, but none of those available on youtube allow embedding so you will have to click on the Record Label Link. Do it soon because this song is being played so often on the radio you're bound to get sick of it very soon.

The Sword of Damocles Falls on Willie Randolph

The Mets finally fired Willie Randolph. And along with him they got rid of Rick Peterson and Tom Nieto.
Jerry Manuel will serve as interim manager and Ken Oberkfell, Dan Warthen and Luis Aguayo were named as new coaches.
Oberkfell was the manager of New Orleans, the Mets Triple A affiliate. He'll be the new bench coach. Warthen was the pitching coach for New Orleans, he'll replace Peterson.

Ok, so now that that's out of the way, here are my thoughts:
First of all, Willie was not being evaluated on a day to day basis so the fact that the Mets won the last two games, and three of four has nothing to do with it. It makes the timing a little weird is all. But he was fired because of a huge collapse, followed by half a season of mediocrity. Does anyone think the Mets suddenly turned it around in the last few games? No, they just happened to win a few, because they're a .500 team, not a .000 team.

The best time to make the move would have been last Monday, on an off-day, after a devastating sweep. I have no idea why they waited. Maybe a different manager could have squeezed out an extra victory on the homestand with better bullpen management, but I doubt it.

I really have almost no hopes that these changes will lead to a sudden and drastic turnaround. The problems with this team are on the field, the players are the ones who have to improve.

That makes Willie an unfortunate fall guy, hut I'm glad he's gone.

I'm glad Willie is gone because he's so stubborn and refuses to make any major changes that might help the team. "Keep battling" is not a plan for improvement, it's the definition of insanity.

I also think he is a bad strategical manager, especially when it comes to using the bullpen. He is also not aggressive enough with base runners, and too often plays for one run with the sacrifice bunt at inopportune times.

To repeat, I'm glad they made this move, I think it's unlikely to start a drastic turnaround but it had to be done because there were no other ways available to make a major change to this team.

Wilboner

Pardon the Interruption's Mike Wilbon had quite the night on the town after Game 3 of the NBA Finals in Los Angeles.

He was photographed with "Girl Next Door" Kendra Wilkinson" which is fine.



But he also was with porn star Carly Parker.



And JA Adande cuddled up next to Lisa Lipps.



And of course the next day PTI had to have some fun with it.

PTI Final
by bsap11

Fat Guy Falls on Ball Girl

An unruly Texas Rangers fan goes too far in reaching for a foul ball, and crushes the ball girl.

Erin Andrews's Dress Helps Cancer Patients

Humorous exchange between Erin Andrews, Dave O'Brien and Rick Sutcliffe, where Sutcliffe basically says "the hell with my cancer treatment, let's talk more about Erin's dress."

Sutcliffe
by bsap11

I don't have a problem with telling a woman at work that she looks nice, but that's where it should end. In any other line of work Sutcliffe may have taken this too far. I know we can't pity Erin Andrews because she has a great life, a great job, she's gorgeous and everyone loves her, but she does have to put up with a lot of shit. We know she's hot, we got eyes, you don't need to keep bringing it up.

Someone Worth Rooting for at Shea

One of the great things about interleague play is when players from other teams that you might never get to see, come into town.
When the Texas Rangers visit, Mets fans will get to see the greatest story in baseball, Josh Hamilton.
I love Josh Hamilton so much and want to be just like him that I'm considering developing a drug addiction and getting tattoos of flames on my forearms.



If you haven't read the Sports Illustrated article or seen the Real Sports piece, I'll give you the quick update.
Ten years ago Hamilton was considered one of the best high school baseball prospects ever. But he was a little overprotected by his parents who followed him around the minor leagues. When a car accident injured him and his mom, his parents moved back to Raleigh, leaving him alone in Bradenton, Florida without his parents and with too much time on his hands.
He started hanging around a tattoo parlor, 26 tattoos and a near-deadly drug addiction later, Hamilton finally got clean.
After being out of baseball for 3 years he came back with the Reds last year.
Now he's with the Rangers and on pace for 169 RBI.



He never goes out with teammates, seldom goes out at all, never carries more than $20 in his wallet, and is usually accompanied by his shadow/babysitter/caretaker.



But he's a great guy to root for, especially compared to the rest of the guys at Shea.

Proving His Point

Earlier this year I wrote about Milton Bradley Syndrome, where I suggested that Bradley was actually overrated because every time a story about his bad behavior was told, the qualifier was that he'd be such a great player if he could control his emotions.
This year, Bradley was starting to prove me wrong by hitting like one of the best players in baseball.
So on Wednesday he decided to prove the Kansas City Royals play-by-play announcer right.
Bradley who was DHing that day happened to be in the clubhouse and heard these comments from Ryan Lefebvre.



Now I agree with everything Lefebvre said, but Bradley was so mad that he decided to prove Lefebvre's point.
After the game, at least he waited until after the game, he stormed up four flights of stairs to meet Lefebvre, but was stopped by Rangers GM Jon Daniels who had to chase him up the steps.
Bradley's point is that Lefebvre never met him so he shouldn't be talking about his personality like that. That's a fair point in general but that wouldn't have proven anything because Lefebvre was only talking about his outbursts of temper, not his day to day behavior.

Even worse about this is that the Rangers are excusing Bradley's actions, probably because they don't want to make him angry (you wouldn't like him when he's angry).

Daniels said: "It's a situation you want to avoid, but I don't see where disciplinary action is warranted. I was there the whole time. There was no aggressive action. There was no foul action, nothing of the sort. We move on."

Rangers President Nolan Ryan said: "we're disappointed that things were said that upset Milton. From my observations since spring training, he is really trying to change the part of his life that has plagued him during his career. We're very supportive of that, and we feel as if he's made great strides. It's an incident that came up, and I think it was handled properly. Milton was upset and disappointed about it, but I'd like to think this is behind us and we'll move on."

If Bradley is trying to change, then why didn't he try for once ignoring something or someone he didn't like.

So he said you have no self-control. So an umpire said you were a piece of shit. So a fan threw a bottle at you. That's no reason or excuse to act like that.

I actually feel badly for Bradley. I'd hate to go through my life where everything bad someone said about me or did to me, caused me to break into a violent rage.

Diphallic Terata

A baby in China was born with two penises, one on his back.



The condition is actually called Fetus in Fetu and the extra penis was successfully removed in surgery.

3,000 Words

The Stanley Cup looks huge next to Verne Troyer. Chris Osgood brought the Cup to the premiere of "The Love Guru."



You can get a pretty good look at a t-bone steak by sticking your head up a tiger's ass.



Donald Trump's hair doesn't hold up too well on a windy day

That Impression Was Horrrrrrrrrible

I've spent years perfecting my Bill Walton impression ("get a rebound"), and I think Jeff Van Gundy needs more practice.

Song of the Week

"Lollipop" - Lil Wayne
In honor of Mrs. Poop's birthday I decided to go with her suggestion this week,



Record Label Link

Slimming Down Before the Wedding

Most women, and some men, want to lose a couple pounds before their wedding to look good in the pictures and on the honeymoon. Manuel Uribe needs to lose a couple hundred.
The 700-lb Mexican has lost 550 el bees since he was named Guinness's fattest man in the world.
Now he wants to lose even more weight so he can walk for the first time in years.
And the first place he'll walk is down the aisle with his bride.

30 Years Ago Today

On June 10, 1978 Affirmed edged out Alydar at the Belmont Stakes to win the Triple Crown, a feat no one has been able to duplicate since.



Also on June 10, 1978, Mrs. Poop was born. Also a feat no one has been able to duplicate since.

Happy Birthday!

Sex and the City Portrays Women as Sluts, In Other Words, Accurately

The New York Daily News did the math on "Sex and the City" and this is what they found:
During 94 episodes the four sluts slept with 94 men, and one woman.
Samantha fucked 41 men, and the aforementioned woman.
Carrie and Charlotte were tied at 18 and Miranda had 17, 16 more than credulity would allow.
Compared to the average American woman who only fucks 9 guys in her whole life, never mind just a few years, according to Durex condoms, a trusted source of surveys.
But New York women are believed to sleep with twice as many girls as the average slut.
Then the News interviewed some local sluts to get their opinion.
"I stopped counting at 56," says Christine, 35, a locations director from Bayside who lives in SoHo. "There are so many opportunities to meet men here - bars, restaurants, clubs, walking down the street, the deli. Men are everywhere."
Brooklynite Linda, who has been with 13 men, agrees. "I'm married now, but when I was single, I had a blast. Sex was empowering. I once had sex on [the] F train. It was three in the morning and the car was empty. So we were like, 'Why not,'" says the 39-year- old Carroll Gardens artist.
"The women on 'Sex and the City' went through so many guys they devalued sex," says Crystal, 22, an exotic dancer at Rick's Cabaret in midtown. "I've seduced thousands of men, but my actual number of sex partners is one, maybe one and a half. Sex should be special."
There is no way a stripper only banged one dude. What does half mean? She's obviously not counting the ones who paid her for it in the V.I.P.