A dominating performance by the San Diego Chargers saved me from a disastrous week. Through three weeks I'm under .500 overall but by nailing all three of my best bets I've posted a respectable score.
KANSAS CITY +9 1/2 denver
Call me crazy but I like Damon Huard's ability to put some points on the board against a terrible defense. We've seen lots of times this year already when a veteran quarterback comes in, he brings a steady hand and improves the team's performance. The Broncos can score a lot, but they give up a lot as well. This is a big number to get for a home team and I think the Chiefs might be able to cover it with a late score.
atlanta +7 1/2 CAROLINA
I really like what the Falcons have done so far this season. Matt Ryan is playing well but I'm really making this pick because of Michael Turner. If he can churn up 100 yards and 2 TDs they'll definitely be within a touchdown. The Panthers historicaly are a team that disappoints gamblers, when you think they're good they let you down. I can definitely see that happening again.
PITTSBURGH -5 1/2 baltimore
I know the Steelers didn't look good against the Eagles but I just can't believe in the Ravens yet. You're telling me a rookie quarterback is going to go into Pittsburgh on a Monday night and keep it close? I'm still skeptical, but maybe I'll be a believer soon.
san diego -7 OAKLAND
The Chargers, and Tomlinson especially, always seem to dominate the Raiders. And they're still 1-2 so they can't afford a letdown against a bad team.
BEST BET
NEW ORLEANS -6 san francisco
The Saints have been putting a lot of points on the board and Reggie Bush is really emerging as the all-around threat the Texans hoped he wouldn't be when they passed on him in the draft. Sure they don't play much defense but the 49ers aren't exacly world beaters and with the spread under a touchdown, I think the Saints will cover.
Last week: 2-3 (3 points - 10 total)
Best Bets: 1-0 (3-0)
Home Favorites: 2-1 (2-3)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (0-0)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (3-1)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (2-3)
Road Pickems: 0-0 (0-1)
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I Wouldn't Want It Any Other Way
This past week has completely encapsulated the experience of being a Met fan.
There have been exhilaratingly high highs, followed by devastating faith-testing lows.
And another one of those is coming tomorrow. And thanks to some misfortune that befell Reissberg (he has to work) and some kindness from Mama Poop (she's coming to babysit) I will be in attendance.
Hopefully the Mets and Oliver Perez can send Shea Stadium out in style.
But if not, we've lived an entire lifetime as a Mets fan this week, and we'll happily do it again next year.
Let's Go Mets!
There have been exhilaratingly high highs, followed by devastating faith-testing lows.
And another one of those is coming tomorrow. And thanks to some misfortune that befell Reissberg (he has to work) and some kindness from Mama Poop (she's coming to babysit) I will be in attendance.
Hopefully the Mets and Oliver Perez can send Shea Stadium out in style.
But if not, we've lived an entire lifetime as a Mets fan this week, and we'll happily do it again next year.
Let's Go Mets!
Oh Those Pesky Beavers
During Oregon State's monumental upset of USC, those Beaver fans really showed a lot of enthusiasm. They charged the field before the game ended then had to wait on the sidelines as it concluded. And during the celebration, ESPN's cameras caught several creative signs. One appeared to say "Erin Andrews KY Time." All across the internet people were posting on message boards "did that sign say Erin Andrews KY Time?" And Billy even asked me the same thing. But on further review, the sign was folded slightly when it appeared on ESPN's cameras, it actually said "Erin Andrews Sexy Time." Not nearly as funny.
But an even more creative student pointed out the dichotomy of each school's most famous alumnus. USC has O.J. Simpson and Oregon State has Sara Jean Underwood, the beaver who graced the cover of Playboy's girls of the Pac-10 issue.
But an even more creative student pointed out the dichotomy of each school's most famous alumnus. USC has O.J. Simpson and Oregon State has Sara Jean Underwood, the beaver who graced the cover of Playboy's girls of the Pac-10 issue.
Sometimes Nothin Can Be a Real Cool Hand
Legendary actor Paul Newman died at age 83. Even though his friends and publicists tried to deny it Newman was sick with cancer for a long time. If you go back over his history Newman has played as many great roles as any other actor in history. But for none is more famous than for "Cool Hand Luke." Here's the scene for which the movie and the character were named.
And here's another great scene from that movie. You will never look at hard-boiled eggs the same way.
And here's another great scene from that movie. You will never look at hard-boiled eggs the same way.
Pinball Machines, Bongos and Corn on the Cob
Hilarious clip that is Safe For Work. Why it's safe for work, is the genius therein.
Diesel SFW XXX - Watch more free videos
Story suggested by Master Bates
Diesel SFW XXX - Watch more free videos
Story suggested by Master Bates
Friday, September 26, 2008
My Favorite Childhood Game
I usually don't like gratuitous end zone celebrations that call attention to the individial and not the team. But this one by the Winnipeg Blue Bombers really was a celebration of team, and of the greatest game of my youth:
Ah Duck, Duck, Goose. One of the greatest things about having a child is that you get the chance to live your life over again. When Chase gets old enough to start playing Duck, Duck, Goose we're going to start training in the backyard with live ducks and geese. The key is pick a slow player, and get a running start.
Ah Duck, Duck, Goose. One of the greatest things about having a child is that you get the chance to live your life over again. When Chase gets old enough to start playing Duck, Duck, Goose we're going to start training in the backyard with live ducks and geese. The key is pick a slow player, and get a running start.
Catch of the Day
The new incredible catch highlight making the rounds is this gem by Edwin Baptiste of Morgan State.
But how does it compare to this classic by Tyrone Prothro of Alabama?
I'm excluding David Tyree from this argument because due to circumstance it's impossible to separate the importance from the degree of difficulty and I believe it would win in a landslide.
But how does it compare to this classic by Tyrone Prothro of Alabama?
I'm excluding David Tyree from this argument because due to circumstance it's impossible to separate the importance from the degree of difficulty and I believe it would win in a landslide.
Chris Rock Kills Two Birds With One Stone
Normally I hate the liberal media bashing of Palin and McCain but Chris Rock is funny and not hateful so I like that.
Listen to what he said about Palin catching Kim Kardashian in the crossfire.
The joke begins about one minute into the clip:
Listen to what he said about Palin catching Kim Kardashian in the crossfire.
The joke begins about one minute into the clip:
My Cupholder is Broken
Robert Half Technology, a California-based company that provides information technology professionals, asked 1,400 chief information officers about the strangest queries their help desks had ever received.
Here's a look at some of the oddest questions that IT executives reported receiving:
-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"
-- "Can you reset the Internet for me?"
-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"
-- "My laptop was run over by a truck. What should I do?"
Some people wanted answers to make their lives a little less stressful. They asked:
-- "How can I block e-mail from my manager?"
-- "Can I open the bank safe using my computer?"
-- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"
-- "I'd like to stop receiving e-mail on Fridays."
And some demanded entirely too much:
-- "I'd like wireless computer access in my motor home."
-- "How long does it take to bake a potato in a microwave?"
-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"
-- "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"
Here's a look at some of the oddest questions that IT executives reported receiving:
-- "My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"
-- "Can you reset the Internet for me?"
-- "Can you rearrange the keyboard alphabetically?"
-- "My laptop was run over by a truck. What should I do?"
Some people wanted answers to make their lives a little less stressful. They asked:
-- "How can I block e-mail from my manager?"
-- "Can I open the bank safe using my computer?"
-- "Can you install cable TV on my PC?"
-- "I'd like to stop receiving e-mail on Fridays."
And some demanded entirely too much:
-- "I'd like wireless computer access in my motor home."
-- "How long does it take to bake a potato in a microwave?"
-- "My daughter is locked in the bathroom, can you pick the lock?"
-- "Where can I get software to track UFOs?"
Couric Traps the VPs
Joe Biden has an interesting take on leadership during tough economic times.
Unfortunately for Biden the market crashed in 1929, and FDR wasn't President. Nor could anyone have gone on TV in 1929, it didn't become popular until much later.
But even Biden didn't look as bad as Sarah Palin did while trying to explain her foreign policy credentials.
First of all, Putin is usually in Moscow, so he flies west to get to most points in the U.S. And her argument about being next door to Russia didn't make much sense either.
Unfortunately for Biden the market crashed in 1929, and FDR wasn't President. Nor could anyone have gone on TV in 1929, it didn't become popular until much later.
But even Biden didn't look as bad as Sarah Palin did while trying to explain her foreign policy credentials.
First of all, Putin is usually in Moscow, so he flies west to get to most points in the U.S. And her argument about being next door to Russia didn't make much sense either.
You Sound Like A Damn Fool When You Say It Wrong
You will hear a lot over the next day (or two if the Mets should win again) about the team's resiliency. Only problem is, resiliency isn't really correct. You'll see it in most dictionaries, but the more correct term is "resilience."
Other words you often hear that don't exist are "laxadaisical" and "irregardless."
The correct words are "lackadaisical" and "regardless" or perhaps "irrespective."
Other words you often hear that don't exist are "laxadaisical" and "irregardless."
The correct words are "lackadaisical" and "regardless" or perhaps "irrespective."
Ya Gotta Believe
It disappoints me how many Poopheads who call themselves Mets fans missed out on the joy of last night's victory by giving up on the team. At least three of you said you didn't or wouldn't watch.
As I warned you, no matter how much the Mets let you down, you gotta keep watching, cuz something else great is coming.
Now I have no delusions about this team, and still expect them to miss the playoffs, but there's just something about them you just have to watch.
Let's Go Mets!
As I warned you, no matter how much the Mets let you down, you gotta keep watching, cuz something else great is coming.
Now I have no delusions about this team, and still expect them to miss the playoffs, but there's just something about them you just have to watch.
Let's Go Mets!
Does This Look Like a Lesbian to You?
One thing I've never understood about the gay and lesbian community is the dichotomy of their tastes. Gay men, who wish to have sex with other men, tend to pick the most effeminate men they can find. Whereas lesbians seem to typically be mannish women.
So it's no surprise that I find Lindsay Lohan's coming out to be a little incongruous with the rest of the lesbian community.
I think we all know that Lohan is a little fucked up in the head so maybe that could explain her turning to lesbianism for the happiness she can't seem to find elsewhere.
She also has an unsatisfying relationship with her father, which can be a major predictor as to which women will turn towards promiscuity or in this case lesbianism.
In this picture of Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson you can see that Ronson looks like a lesbian, and Lohan is all made up with her tits hanging out.
This seems like a look men would like, but women, not so much.
I think Lohan has sucked so much dick in her life that she just got tired of it and decided she'd like something else for a change. I think this carpet-munching phase is just a ruse perpetrated by her management team to make her more attractive to men. In 6 months she'll be back in a major movie role, dump Ronson and do a People magazine cover with the headline "I Like Cock Again!"
Mark my words.
So it's no surprise that I find Lindsay Lohan's coming out to be a little incongruous with the rest of the lesbian community.
I think we all know that Lohan is a little fucked up in the head so maybe that could explain her turning to lesbianism for the happiness she can't seem to find elsewhere.
She also has an unsatisfying relationship with her father, which can be a major predictor as to which women will turn towards promiscuity or in this case lesbianism.
In this picture of Lindsay Lohan and her girlfriend Samantha Ronson you can see that Ronson looks like a lesbian, and Lohan is all made up with her tits hanging out.
This seems like a look men would like, but women, not so much.
I think Lohan has sucked so much dick in her life that she just got tired of it and decided she'd like something else for a change. I think this carpet-munching phase is just a ruse perpetrated by her management team to make her more attractive to men. In 6 months she'll be back in a major movie role, dump Ronson and do a People magazine cover with the headline "I Like Cock Again!"
Mark my words.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Who Are These Guys?
Player A: .293 BA 20 HR 90 RBI
Player B: .285 BA 21 HR 87 RBI
Player C: .289 BA 27 HR 111 RBI
Player D: .286 BA 23 HR 86 RBI
Player E: .285 BA 29 HR 75 RBI
Player B: .285 BA 21 HR 87 RBI
Player C: .289 BA 27 HR 111 RBI
Player D: .286 BA 23 HR 86 RBI
Player E: .285 BA 29 HR 75 RBI
Putting the Ass in Assault
Jose Cruz, not the former baseball player, but the drunk from West Virginia, is charged with farting on a police officer.
Cruz was pulled over when he was seen driving without his lights on. After he failed several field sobriety tests, he was taken to the station.
While being fingerprinted, Cruz "lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Patrolman Parsons. The defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear, onto Patrolman Parsons. The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature."
So in addition to the drunk driving charge, the cops added a battery charge for the fart.
Cruz was pulled over when he was seen driving without his lights on. After he failed several field sobriety tests, he was taken to the station.
While being fingerprinted, Cruz "lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Patrolman Parsons. The defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear, onto Patrolman Parsons. The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature."
So in addition to the drunk driving charge, the cops added a battery charge for the fart.
The Phillies Blow Up Hot Dogs
The discovery of several hot dogs in packages outside Citizens Bank Park brought the bomb squad out and forced the temporary evacuation of the stadium Wednesday evening.
About two hours before the game, fans inside the stadium were evacuated, but players remained on the field during the incident.
Bomb squad members further investigated the packages and determined they were simply several hot dogs in foil wrappers. Sadly, the wieners were detonated as a precaution.
"It was clear from when we looked at it at first glance and when you looked at the debris afterwards, there was packaging and duct tape; I don't see many hot dogs sold here with duct tape," Phillies VP of Operations Michael Stiles said. "We just did what we felt was appropriate."
About two hours before the game, fans inside the stadium were evacuated, but players remained on the field during the incident.
Bomb squad members further investigated the packages and determined they were simply several hot dogs in foil wrappers. Sadly, the wieners were detonated as a precaution.
"It was clear from when we looked at it at first glance and when you looked at the debris afterwards, there was packaging and duct tape; I don't see many hot dogs sold here with duct tape," Phillies VP of Operations Michael Stiles said. "We just did what we felt was appropriate."
How Dare You Sir!
There are few things in the world more annoying to me than the constant complaining by women when men notice their good looks.
The latest example came when Pakistan's new President, Asif Zardari, made the following incredibly offensive and tasteless comment to Sarah Palin. He told her she was "gorgeous" and said "Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you."
Where does he get the effrontery?
The fact is, women spend hours and millions trying to look their best so people (especially men) will think they look gorgeous. Then when it happens, they bitch about being judged only on their looks.
Now I understand why it's important for Palin (who it should be noted accepted the compliments graciously and is not complaining about them) to be taken seriously, but I refuse to accept that men view women as either good-looking or smart.
I know plenty of women whom I view to be both. I even married one.
The latest example came when Pakistan's new President, Asif Zardari, made the following incredibly offensive and tasteless comment to Sarah Palin. He told her she was "gorgeous" and said "Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you."
Where does he get the effrontery?
The fact is, women spend hours and millions trying to look their best so people (especially men) will think they look gorgeous. Then when it happens, they bitch about being judged only on their looks.
Now I understand why it's important for Palin (who it should be noted accepted the compliments graciously and is not complaining about them) to be taken seriously, but I refuse to accept that men view women as either good-looking or smart.
I know plenty of women whom I view to be both. I even married one.
You Have Reached The Mets Fan Suicide Hotline
Mets Nation is in panic right now as the number of calls, e-mails and texts I've seen from fans who hate this team, are never watching again or are planning to commit suicide is at a shockingly high rate right now.
Back in 1999, I read a great article about what it's like to be a Mets fan. I believe it was called "Metaphysics and the Mets."
The article detailed all the heartache the Mets have put their fans through over the years and why 1999 was going to end in the same painful fashion.
But the last line said (I'm quote from memory here) "But I think this year is different, we may just win this thing."
I thought it was perfect.
That's what its like to be a Mets fan, to be have your hopes built up so high, only to have them dashed.
And then be given a little bit more hope. And have it dashed one more time.
The best example of this is last year, when the Mets lost 5 in a row as part of the great collapse of all-time. But on that last day, with hope barely alive, the Mets won 13-0 and John Maine almost pitched a no-hitter.
With Pedro Martinez on the mound and no starter announced for Saturday, things don't look good this time around.
But we've still got Wright, Reyes, Delgado and Johan, so maybe we can win this thing.
Back in 1999, I read a great article about what it's like to be a Mets fan. I believe it was called "Metaphysics and the Mets."
The article detailed all the heartache the Mets have put their fans through over the years and why 1999 was going to end in the same painful fashion.
But the last line said (I'm quote from memory here) "But I think this year is different, we may just win this thing."
I thought it was perfect.
That's what its like to be a Mets fan, to be have your hopes built up so high, only to have them dashed.
And then be given a little bit more hope. And have it dashed one more time.
The best example of this is last year, when the Mets lost 5 in a row as part of the great collapse of all-time. But on that last day, with hope barely alive, the Mets won 13-0 and John Maine almost pitched a no-hitter.
With Pedro Martinez on the mound and no starter announced for Saturday, things don't look good this time around.
But we've still got Wright, Reyes, Delgado and Johan, so maybe we can win this thing.
The Sky is Blue and Other Brilliant Observations
Syracuse University football is 8-31 since hiring Greg Robinson as its head coach. Keep that in mind when reading these comments from Athletic Director Dr. Daryl Gross.
"It isn't working out."
"It's very disappointing."
"He has some work to do out in front of him."
Gross made these comments in an unsolicited phone call to ESPN after Lee Corso ripped him in a Gameday piece Saturday morning.
Corso is right about one thing, Gross is trying to turn Syracuse into USC East. I don't have a problem with that, if it works. No plan will work however if they don't start recruiting better. That's the number one factor in college sports and right now Syracuse is getting killed on the recruiting trail. Gross reportedly is considering bringing in former USC assistant and current Raiders head coach Lane Kiffin, if he is fired by Oakland (which could happen any day now). Maybe a coach with an NFL resume (no matter how checkered) will have the name recognition to start bringing some players back to SU.
"It isn't working out."
"It's very disappointing."
"He has some work to do out in front of him."
Gross made these comments in an unsolicited phone call to ESPN after Lee Corso ripped him in a Gameday piece Saturday morning.
Corso is right about one thing, Gross is trying to turn Syracuse into USC East. I don't have a problem with that, if it works. No plan will work however if they don't start recruiting better. That's the number one factor in college sports and right now Syracuse is getting killed on the recruiting trail. Gross reportedly is considering bringing in former USC assistant and current Raiders head coach Lane Kiffin, if he is fired by Oakland (which could happen any day now). Maybe a coach with an NFL resume (no matter how checkered) will have the name recognition to start bringing some players back to SU.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I Wonder If They'll Talk About This on Mike & Mike in the Morning
Notre Dame tight end Will Yeatman and center Mike Golic Jr., son of the ESPN host of the same name, were among 41 people arrested during a raid on a house party in South Bend, Indiana.
Both of them got charged with being minors consuming alcohol, not the worst thing in the world, and not at all surprising for college students. Neither of them spent the night in jail.
But I can't imagine Mike Golic is happy about his son's arrest.
The charge could be more serious for Yeatman, who was arrested in January on a charge of driving drunk on a campus sidewalk. For driving on the sidewalk? And they agreed to plead that down? Crazy. I think this Yeatman guy will be forced to walk the plank and Golic will get a good ass-kicking from his father.
Both of them got charged with being minors consuming alcohol, not the worst thing in the world, and not at all surprising for college students. Neither of them spent the night in jail.
But I can't imagine Mike Golic is happy about his son's arrest.
The charge could be more serious for Yeatman, who was arrested in January on a charge of driving drunk on a campus sidewalk. For driving on the sidewalk? And they agreed to plead that down? Crazy. I think this Yeatman guy will be forced to walk the plank and Golic will get a good ass-kicking from his father.
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