Weekly Picks

Damn, I can't seem to get anything going. But I do have a new guiding theory this week -- there aren't just two types of teams in the league (the really good and the really bad) there's also those that are good enough to beat the really bad but not good enough to beat the really good. The hard part is deciding which teams fit in that category, do the Giants?

INDIANAPOLIS -9 houston
The Colts are definitely one of those top teams. They played poorly last week but the offense will rebound this week.

ATLANTA -9.5 washington
I can't explain how bad the Redskins are but we're going to find out as they get into a tougher stretch of schedule.

detroit +10 SEATTLE
I think this is too big for a bad team like Seattle to cover. Even against a bad team like Detroit.

PHILADELPHIA -3 dallas
Dallas's last three wins came against Kansas City, Atlanta and Seattle, they might be one of those teams I was talking about. Or maybe the Eagles are. But with Philly's newfound firepower I think they can outscore Dallas.

BEST BET
SAN FRANCISCO -4 1/2 tennessee
The Titans burned me last week but I am trusting my read here. They did it all with the running game and I think the 49ers have a much better defense than Jacksonville. They played a pretty good game against the Colts but couldn't get the win. They should have better luck this week.


Last week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 19-21 (19 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (4-4)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (5-4)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (8-7)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (5-9)

This is Why I Created the "Oversensitive Babies" tag

Suicide prevention groups aren't laughing over a scene in "The Office" where Steve Carell's character tries to scare young children by struggling in a hangman's noose.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and other mental health organizations say NBC and other entertainers should stop using suicide as a punchline. They worry that depiction of a method of suicide might encourage mentally ill people to take their own lives.
"We try not to be zealots about this," said Robert Gebbia, the foundation's executive director. "But this one ... kind of crossed the line."
"The Office" Halloween episode last Thursday opened with the paper company hosting a haunted house for young children. Carell's socially clueless office manager Michael Scott promises a scare, and pops out with his depiction of a hanging.
Afterward, Scott speaks like an exaggerated public service announcement: "Kids, just remember, suicide is not the answer. It is the easy way out."
Gebbia said it's impossible to imagine a death due to breast cancer, for example, being used as a joke. He said he wants entertainers to be aware of the impact of their work.
Two years ago, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention protested a General Motors commercial that showed a robot leaping off a bridge, and a Volkswagen ad with a man standing on a ledge threatening to jump.
"We're not trying to be censors or fall into the trap of wanting everything to be PC, politically correct," Gebbia said. "But on the other hand, it's offensive to some people who have lost relatives to suicide by hanging.



I'm so sick of this crap. How do you depict a socially inept character if you can't have him do socially inept things?

Soccer Catfight

Unbelievable catfight at a women's soccer game between BYU and New Mexico.



What the hell does Elizabeth Lambert have to do to get a redcard?

The Worst Train Ride of My Life

I don't normally consider myself a friendly or outgoing person. I'd much prefer quiet and the comforts of my own thoughts to the awkward conversation of a stranger.

But I do try to be helpful and last night that put me on the worst train ride of my life. Even worse than when a suicidal teenager delayed my commute by two hours.

A British gentleman asked me which side of the tracks our train was arriving on. Then he asked which direction we'd be going, should he transfer at hoboken or secaucus and what time we'd arrive at Penn Station. When I answered all his questions he decided he'd just follow me to Penn Station.

Problem was, he didn't stop talking for 45 minutes. I tried to look disinterested. I pecked away at my blackberry, I stared out the window but nothing deterred him. Eventually I gave in and here's what I learned about David:

-he's Jewish but he didn't put on his yarmulke until I told him I was too
-as a kid his family used to go to a hotel every year for Pesach
-Dinkins was a bad mayor
-Giuliani was a good mayor (but he misses the working girls he used to see on the West Side of Manhattan)
-Koch was a good judge on "The People's Court"
-he was in the diamond business, which took him to India where he got his shirts custom-made
-the diamond business went south and now he is working at Jared (and I should come see him if I want to buy something nice for the Mrs.)
-he's recently divorced (why is he telling me this?)
-her father was a thief (he stole one of the custom-made shirts from India in a story eerily reminiscent of a run-in I once had with Pizza Parlor Derek)
-he thinks his former father-in-law is a cunt, or so he said five times (again, why is he telling me this?)
-him and his ex-wife never had much of a sex life. She just didn't turn him on, he faked headaches, pretended to be tired and she even accused him of being gay (seriously, can anyone tell me why?)

But this is the worst thing he said "I'll be taking this train every night from now on, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow night."

The Two Things I Hate About the Yankees and Their Fans

1) Right after the game YES Network fonted Derek Jeter as "5-time World Champion."
2) Everything else

Note: Every comment posted by TallSkott, the fakest Yankees fan ever will be deleted as soon as possible.

Congrats to Michael, for correctly guessing the winner of 6 of the 7 playoff series in our playoff predictions game.

Pizza Parlor Derek got 5 out of 6 but lost because the World Series was not canceled due to an H1N1 outbreak. Though I appreciate his plucky optimism.

Should I Give Her a Dollar?

For my birthday, Mrs. Poop got me this awesome Mitchell and Ness Mets jacket.



Because my birthday is in the summer I hardly if ever wore it until recently. One day when I came home from work Mrs. Poop asked if anyone at work liked my jacket. No one had said anything yet. The next day a Mets fan did say he liked my jacket. The day after that someone else complimented me on it as well. But the best compliment came from the crazy homeless lady who lives on 32nd street. I was so surprised at her "nice jacket" that I walked right by and didn't think about it until later that I probably should have given her a dollar.

Actually, I had been considering giving her money from an incident a couple weeks earlier (yes, I do see her every single day). As she was begging for money she said something to the effect of "please help me, I'm destitute."

A homeless woman with a good vocabulary and a love of the Mets, should I give her a dollar?

Penn State Pushes Christianity

Penn State's White Out T-shirts are emblazoned with the sign of the cross.
The vertical blue line intersects with the words "Penn State White Out" to create an unmistakable image of the cross.



Penn State says it has received six complaints about the shirt, including one from the Anti-Defamation League's Philadelphia branch, from people who say it connotes a Christian cross. The logo design also has become the focus of controversy in the student newspaper, "The Daily Collegian," which has received several letters to the editor on both sides of the issue.

Song of the Week

"Could It Be" - Jaheim
The age-old question, does she love me for me, or for my money?

Maybe Syracuse Needs Their Players to Get Hotter Girlfriends

Texas Tech coach Mike Leach blames his team's poor performance on their fat little girlfriends.

Ah-Nuld's Fuck You to the Legislature

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently vetoed a spending bill and included this evidently not so subtle message in the letter attached to his veto.



I've read the chances of spelling FUCK YOU with the first letter of seven lines of a letter are approximately 8 billion to 1. Now that seems totally high, but in the course of human history I'm sure 8 billion letters have been written, making this event a statistical likelihood -- eventually (something to do with the Infinite Monkey Theorem).

But if you only include the letters that were likely to be subjected to this level of scrutiny and public attention, the odds are Arnold meant to say fuck you.

Story suggested by Master Bates and the Concierge

Manu Ginobili Kills a Bat

Spurs guard Manu Ginobili (whom I blame for ruining the NBA by popularizing the head down run into defender at full speed offensive move that has become so popular recently) killed a bat during a game Halloween night.
Someone released a bat (evidently) during the game and after several failed efforts to catch it, Ginobili took a swipe at it and knocked it out of the air.



Notice Ginobili got a spritz of Purell from the trainer, just to make sure.

Funny or Douchey?

John Savio and Reko Rivera had this great idea for Halloween, they are going to be "guyphones" -- life-sized iPhones.
Basically they hooked up their iPhones to 42" flat-screen TVs which they used as the display. They're powered by a battery which hangs between their legs.
The costumes cost $1000 but the duos planned to make that money back by winning costume contests.
It took 90 hours of work to create the guyphones which are heavy, hot and hard to walk in.

Happy Halloween

Chase in 2009:




Chase in 2008:



Chase in 2007:

Weekly Picks

Giants fucked me last week which really sucks because the favorites came up big last week meaning it was easy pickings. I'm a little worried about the favorites this week coming off a week like that, especially those trying to cover big spreads, so I'll go with some unusual tactics and see what happens.

denver +3 BALTIMORE
I'll believe until someone beats them. This could certainly be the game they get their first loss but I just have a feeling.

BUFFALO +3 houston
Time for another home underdog.

CHICAGO -13 cleveland
Something tells me the Bears and Jay Cutler will bounce back from last week's embarrassment with a strong performance against the putrid Browns.

INDIANAPOLIS -12 1/2 sam francisco
I know I said I was a little nervous about the big favorites this week but this is Alex Smith versus Peyton Manning.

BEST BET
jacksonville +3 TENNESSEE
How do the Titans give points to anyone? I am going to keep picking against the Titans until the oddsmakers figure out how bad they are.



Last week: 3-2 (2 points)
Season: 18-17 (19 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (4-3)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (4-3)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (1-0)
Road Favorites: 3-0 (8-7)
Road Underdogs: 0-1 (5-7)

I Before E

British schools are asking teachers not to teach their students "I before E."
That's because there are too many exceptions to that mnemonic device.
And not just "except after C or when sounding like A as in neighbor or weigh."
The old saw "is not worth teaching" because of words like sufficient, veil and their.

Hotel Clerks Presumably Also in Cahoots with Erin Andrews's Videographer

The guy who taped Erin Andrews naked has been arrested and we are learning more about his scheme -- and thus far nothing to incriminate Andrews as being in on it.

Michael David Barrett was actually arrested for this "crime" and the whole thing kind of reminds me of George Costanza's famous speech in "The Fire."

"Instead of castigating me you should all be thanking me. What kind of topsy-turvy world do we live in where heroes are cast as villains, brave men, as cowards."

Note: his entire speech begins at about 55 seconds of this clip



Barrett risked his personal freedom to perform a great service to mankind and by all accounts never profited from his selfless act.

If we are to hold anyone responsible it should be the hotel clerks who granted Barrett's request when he asked for the room next to Erin Andrews.

I mean seriously how do you work at a hotel for even five minutes and think it's a good idea to grant someone's request for the room next to a hot sexy bitch like Erin Andrews. The only way I can understand it is if Barrett paid them a huge bribe.

Based on her actions in the clip (who straightens her hair naked?), all the hoopla and attention she garnered, as well as her faux outrage, I thought for a minute Andrews might have covertly or possibly overtly been involved in this scheme. But I am now starting to doubt that and I'm ready to believe she really was victimized by a crazed stalker.

A crazed stalker, through whose efforts we were able to see Erin Andrews's titties, but a crazed stalker nonetheless.

What Do You Give Me For? Chase and the Cobra Kai on Halloween

For Halloween/Laurie Berkner pajama party concert Chase dressed up in the same costume the guys from Cobra Kai wore on Halloween.

My Personal Crusade to Cure America's Social Ills

I have long said the biggest problem confronting America today is a lack of personal responsibility. In this country we don't make mistakes, we make excuses. We don't hold each other to a high standard of behavior, we don't hold one another accountable for misdeeds. But I do.

Note: for those of you bitterly remembering an incorrect answer on my Facebook quiz, that question referred to the most DISTURBING trend in America. Under that criteria the women who pay thousands of dollars to have their lips look like mine still disturbs me more than anything else.

Today while swiping my metrocard to pay $2.25 for a subway ride a young man hopped the turnstile. As I walked past him I said "next time you should pay like everyone else."
He replied, very dismissively, "ok."

If Mama Poop is reading this she is about to plotz thinking "are you crazy? He could have had a gun."

But I didn't say it in a confrontational manner and being somewhat bigger than this guy I didn't fear a physical reaction.

I just wanted him to know that his criminal behavior did not go unnoticed in my city.

Maybe if more people were as diligent in policing each other as I am the MTA wouldn't have to constantly jack up fares.

Song of the Week

"Love Like This" - Natasha Beddingfield featuring Sean Kingston

I know I'm not supposed to like pop music but everything this chick does is fire.

Can We Finally Stop Talking About This Now?

I'm sick of hearing reports that Mets owners the Wilpons lost millions in the Ponzi Scheme and therefore can no longer afford players and may be forced to sell the team.
Like any Ponzi scheme those who are first in make out like bandits while everyone else was holding the bag.
The Wilpons throughout the years invested $522.8 million dollars with Madoff. And over that time they withdrew $570.6 million.
Yes, they made money.
Now psychologically the Wilpons -- like many of Madoff's other "victims" -- took a huge blow because they thought they still had millions of dollars and all that went poof and disappeared.
But facts are facts, the Wilpons made money on Madoff, and may even be forced to repay some since they made out so well.
I hope that ends this discussion once and for all and get back to calling them cheap Jews when they fail to spend like the Yankees this offseason.