Friday, November 13, 2009

Chase Cheers for Laurie

A brief low-quality, low-light clip of Chase from the Laurie Berkner concert.

Happy Anniversary Blessing in Diguise

A year ago today I was called into an office and told my services were no longer needed.

The month that followed was extremely difficult, filled with anger and worry about what was to come of my family and my future.

The other 11 months have been filled with hope, hard work and a renewed discovery of my skills and value. And some extra cash, thanks to the 12 weeks of severance I collected while working at my new job.

While I didn't know it at the time, on that day one year ago, The Universe gave me exactly what I needed.

I said it back then, that this would work out for the best and unquestionably getting laid off was the best thing that could have happened for me.

I'd Pay $1000 For This

The government is selling all of Bernie Madoff's shit including this too-sweet 80s-era Mets satin jacket personalized with Madoff on the back.
The Wall Street Journal says this item will go for $500 - $720 but I think it will fetch $1000 easily.

Bernie Madoff's Mets satin jacket

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Furious George Did This

In a shocking episode of Oprah they unmasked Charla Nash, the woman whose face was destroyed by Travis the domesticated (or so we thought) chimp, dubbed Furious George.

Nash lost her nose, hands, an eye lid and lips. Surgeons had to remove her eyes in April due to an infection.

She walks around with a hat and veil, but Oprah lifted that veil. Nash has bandages over her scalp, no eyes, a bloody scar where her left eye used to be and a chunk of skin, transplanted from her thigh, in the middle of her face where her nose and mouth once were.

Underneath that hunk of flesh is a hole where her surgically rebuilt tongue is, allowing Nash to softly speak. She is hoping to get a face transplant (like Connie Culp and James Maki) including a mouth and new lips, so she can eat again.

I did not include the picture in this post because it would be disturbing to most if not all of you, but if you want to see it, click here, but don't say I didn't warn you.

A Long List of Very Specific Rules

I have never worked as a waiter or held any other job in a restaurant but I like rules, espcially ones that only sticklers follow. Other than that I can't really explain why I enjoyed the New York Times's list of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do.

I recommend reading the entire list but for those of you with ADHD (Juice and the Juicette) here are some selected favorites with my own commentary.

2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.
I would go to the movies, even to sporting events alone, but I would never eat out alone. Isn't that why they invented takeout. Even so, I can see how "are you waiting for someone?" is a bad question to ask.

12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.
Keep your grubby fingers away from where I put my mouth.

23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
This would never happen with me but seems like a good idea for the oenophiles among the Poopheads.

38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”
39. Do not call a woman “lady.”
I guess that would make singing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" a double no-no. I can see the prohibition on "dude", especially at a classy place, but what's wrong with lady? I actually prefer it to woman, and I think most ladies would prefer it to ma'am.

41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.
I say no problem all the time but I'm working hard on using "you're welcome" instead.

62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.
This one's for The Concierge.

73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.
As someone who orders soup nearly everywhere I go, this one is particularly close to my heart. Though I can say it doesn't happen too often. But I think this rule may have been inspired by the old joke. "taste the soup -- ah-cha."

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Best Mets Seasons All-Time

Mets Weekly did a series this year on the best individual season by a Met in team history. The only rule, no player could have more than one season on the list.

10. Johan Santana - 2008
9. John Olerud - 1998
8. Jerry Koosman - 1969
7. Jose Reyes - 2006
6. Mike Piazza - 1999
5. Carlos Beltran - 2006
4. Darryl Strawberry - 1987
3. David Wright - 2007
2. Tom Seaver - 1971
1. Dwight Gooden - 1985 [corrected]

Number one is easy, and reviewing it, the rationale for making 1971 Seaver's year is fine with me as well. David Wright's 2007 is a little too high, as is Santana's 2008. I like some seasons by lesser lights like Robin Ventura (32 and 100 in 1999), Bernard Gilkey (30 and 117 in 1996), Lance Johnson (in 1996 he had exactly the same OPS as Reyes in 2006) and Craig Swan (led the NL in ERA in 1978). But I think the biggest omission is Howard Johnson's 1989 (36 and 101 plus 41 steals).

Proud to Be An American

On this Veteran's Day I had the privilege of meeting Marine Corporal Aaron Mankin. I shook his hand (his left one) and thanked him for his service.

In 2005, Mankin was a Marine combat correspondent assigned to cover Operation Matador, a mission to root out insurgents near the Syrian border north of the Euphrates River. Mankin was riding in an amphibious assault vehicle when a massive explosion from an IED made from old artillery ammunition rocked the 26-ton vehicle.

The violent blast threw Mankin down inside the vehicle. When the instant haze of chaos and concussion cleared, Mankin opened his eyes. He was on fire.

The incident left Mankin with 25 percent of his body burned. His genetic predisposition to generate unusually high amounts of scar tissue caused his facial features to gradually contort, eventually twisting and fusing his nose and mouth area so much that his mouth shrank to a tiny, taut opening about an inch below an asymmetrical half-nose that, without its natural tip, displayed irregularly large nostrils and an upturned look.

Mankin underwent about 40 surgeries, including myriad skin grafts and an operation to open his mouth back up so he could eat normally.

Cpl. Aaron Mankin

I hope all of you take the time today to think about those who are risking their lives so we can continue to write blogs or whatever shit you do that you wouldn't be able to do in most other countries in the world.

Sammy Sosa is White

A shocking new picture of Sammy Sosa shows the slugger's skin has dramtically whitened since his baseball career ended.
Several possible explanations: vitaligo, some kind of condition caused by steroid use or perhaps he's bleaching his skin like Michael Jackson.



One theory ruled out, bad lighting. His wife looks the same in both pictures:




"It's a bleaching cream that I apply before going to bed and whitens my skin some," Sosa said during the "Primer Impacto" program at the Univision Spanish network.

"It's a cream that I have, that I use to soften [my skin], but has bleached me some. I'm not a racist, I live my life happily," said a smiling Sosa during the interview.

Song of the Week

"SpottieOttieDopaliscious" - Outkast
This might be the most universally revered song in the history of music. Every single person I've ever spoken to about it absolutely loves it. When I first met Mrs. Poop she owned "Aquemini" and I asked her which her favorite track is. After saying "Rosa Parks" at first, she changed her mind and said "track 12."
That's when I knew I found my SpottieOttieDopaliscious angel.
Or maybe it was because "her neck was smellin sweeter than a plate of yams in extra syrup and her eyes were beamin like four carats apiece just blindin a [African-American gentleman]."



"Funny how shit come together sometimes ya dig
One minute you frequent the booty clubs
The next four years you and somebody daughter
Raising your own young'n"

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Shouldn't They Have Let Albany Score 5 More Points?

Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim got his 800th career victory in a 75-43 win over Albany.
In 1976, Syracuse beat Harvard 75-48 to give Boeheim his first career win.

Note: Syracuse forced Albany into 32 turnovers with its trademarked 2-3 zone. In the previous game, a loss to LeMoyne, SU worked on its man defense -- and allowed 50 points in the second half





Boeheim didn't let the occassion stop him from displaying some classic stupid faces.






I feel old because I was at the game when Boeheim won his 500th.
Even though I hate Boeheim I do kind of like the t-shirt which Manny's is selling for $15, only problem is, shipping is $10. But if anyone wants to order one maybe we can join forces and defray shipping costs.


.

I'm Not a Playa I Just Crush A Lot

Tali:



Cora:



Marissa:



Sarah:



Shayna:



Isabella:



Alyssa:

Monday, November 09, 2009

Harbinger

Syracuse lost to LeMoyne, a Division II cross-town rival. There's a chance this just was just a temporary blip, one that doesn't even count because this was just an exhibition game. It's possible Syracuse will be galvanized by this loss and with Arinze Onuaku inside, Andy Rautins outside and Wes Johnson in between they will make another run to the Sweet 16.

What I fear is more likely is that with the departure of Jonny Flynn, and Boeheim having run off two other good players (Paul Harris and Eric Devendorf), this could be an entire season full of embarrassing losses -- which could (looking on the bright side) finally lead to the retirement of Jim Boeheim and the ascension of Mike Hopkins.

If the latter situation is to happen one of those losses will come December 29th. That's because Nails and I are going to see the Orange play Seton Hall at the Prudential Center in Newark. Anyone wishing to join us should notify Nails soon because we are getting the tickets shortly.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Can't Blame the Cat for Trying

Uri Man hits on Fox News's Ainsley Earhart during an interview. Only problem is, he was too transparent. First rule of pick-up lines, the girl shouldn't know they're pick-up lines. But looking at her in the yellow dress I can understand what motivated his feeble attempt.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Weekly Picks

Damn, I can't seem to get anything going. But I do have a new guiding theory this week -- there aren't just two types of teams in the league (the really good and the really bad) there's also those that are good enough to beat the really bad but not good enough to beat the really good. The hard part is deciding which teams fit in that category, do the Giants?

INDIANAPOLIS -9 houston
The Colts are definitely one of those top teams. They played poorly last week but the offense will rebound this week.

ATLANTA -9.5 washington
I can't explain how bad the Redskins are but we're going to find out as they get into a tougher stretch of schedule.

detroit +10 SEATTLE
I think this is too big for a bad team like Seattle to cover. Even against a bad team like Detroit.

PHILADELPHIA -3 dallas
Dallas's last three wins came against Kansas City, Atlanta and Seattle, they might be one of those teams I was talking about. Or maybe the Eagles are. But with Philly's newfound firepower I think they can outscore Dallas.

BEST BET
SAN FRANCISCO -4 1/2 tennessee

The Titans burned me last week but I am trusting my read here. They did it all with the running game and I think the 49ers have a much better defense than Jacksonville. They played a pretty good game against the Colts but couldn't get the win. They should have better luck this week.


Last week: 1-4 (0 points)
Season: 19-21 (19 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (4-4)
Home Favorites: 1-1 (5-4)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (1-1)
Road Favorites: 0-0 (8-7)
Road Underdogs: 0-2 (5-9)

This is Why I Created the "Oversensitive Babies" tag

Suicide prevention groups aren't laughing over a scene in "The Office" where Steve Carell's character tries to scare young children by struggling in a hangman's noose.
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and other mental health organizations say NBC and other entertainers should stop using suicide as a punchline. They worry that depiction of a method of suicide might encourage mentally ill people to take their own lives.
"We try not to be zealots about this," said Robert Gebbia, the foundation's executive director. "But this one ... kind of crossed the line."
"The Office" Halloween episode last Thursday opened with the paper company hosting a haunted house for young children. Carell's socially clueless office manager Michael Scott promises a scare, and pops out with his depiction of a hanging.
Afterward, Scott speaks like an exaggerated public service announcement: "Kids, just remember, suicide is not the answer. It is the easy way out."
Gebbia said it's impossible to imagine a death due to breast cancer, for example, being used as a joke. He said he wants entertainers to be aware of the impact of their work.
Two years ago, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention protested a General Motors commercial that showed a robot leaping off a bridge, and a Volkswagen ad with a man standing on a ledge threatening to jump.
"We're not trying to be censors or fall into the trap of wanting everything to be PC, politically correct," Gebbia said. "But on the other hand, it's offensive to some people who have lost relatives to suicide by hanging.


Michael Scott's mock hanging

I'm so sick of this crap. How do you depict a socially inept character if you can't have him do socially inept things?

Friday, November 06, 2009

Soccer Catfight

Unbelievable catfight at a women's soccer game between BYU and New Mexico.



What the hell does Elizabeth Lambert have to do to get a redcard?

Thursday, November 05, 2009

The Worst Train Ride of My Life

I don't normally consider myself a friendly or outgoing person. I'd much prefer quiet and the comforts of my own thoughts to the awkward conversation of a stranger.

But I do try to be helpful and last night that put me on the worst train ride of my life. Even worse than when a suicidal teenager delayed my commute by two hours.

A British gentleman asked me which side of the tracks our train was arriving on. Then he asked which direction we'd be going, should he transfer at hoboken or secaucus and what time we'd arrive at Penn Station. When I answered all his questions he decided he'd just follow me to Penn Station.

Problem was, he didn't stop talking for 45 minutes. I tried to look disinterested. I pecked away at my blackberry, I stared out the window but nothing deterred him. Eventually I gave in and here's what I learned about David:

-he's Jewish but he didn't put on his yarmulke until I told him I was too
-as a kid his family used to go to a hotel every year for Pesach
-Dinkins was a bad mayor
-Giuliani was a good mayor (but he misses the working girls he used to see on the West Side of Manhattan)
-Koch was a good judge on "The People's Court"
-he was in the diamond business, which took him to India where he got his shirts custom-made
-the diamond business went south and now he is working at Jared (and I should come see him if I want to buy something nice for the Mrs.)
-he's recently divorced (why is he telling me this?)
-her father was a thief (he stole one of the custom-made shirts from India in a story eerily reminiscent of a run-in I once had with Pizza Parlor Derek)
-he thinks his former father-in-law is a cunt, or so he said five times (again, why is he telling me this?)
-him and his ex-wife never had much of a sex life. She just didn't turn him on, he faked headaches, pretended to be tired and she even accused him of being gay (seriously, can anyone tell me why?)

But this is the worst thing he said "I'll be taking this train every night from now on, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow night."

The Two Things I Hate About the Yankees and Their Fans

1) Right after the game YES Network fonted Derek Jeter as "5-time World Champion."
2) Everything else

Note: Every comment posted by TallSkott, the fakest Yankees fan ever will be deleted as soon as possible.

Congrats to Michael, for correctly guessing the winner of 6 of the 7 playoff series in our playoff predictions game.

Pizza Parlor Derek got 5 out of 6 but lost because the World Series was not canceled due to an H1N1 outbreak. Though I appreciate his plucky optimism.

Should I Give Her a Dollar?

For my birthday, Mrs. Poop got me this awesome Mitchell and Ness Mets jacket.



Because my birthday is in the summer I hardly if ever wore it until recently. One day when I came home from work Mrs. Poop asked if anyone at work liked my jacket. No one had said anything yet. The next day a Mets fan did say he liked my jacket. The day after that someone else complimented me on it as well. But the best compliment came from the crazy homeless lady who lives on 32nd street. I was so surprised at her "nice jacket" that I walked right by and didn't think about it until later that I probably should have given her a dollar.

Actually, I had been considering giving her money from an incident a couple weeks earlier (yes, I do see her every single day). As she was begging for money she said something to the effect of "please help me, I'm destitute."

A homeless woman with a good vocabulary and a love of the Mets, should I give her a dollar?

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Penn State Pushes Christianity

Penn State's White Out T-shirts are emblazoned with the sign of the cross.
The vertical blue line intersects with the words "Penn State White Out" to create an unmistakable image of the cross.



Penn State says it has received six complaints about the shirt, including one from the Anti-Defamation League's Philadelphia branch, from people who say it connotes a Christian cross. The logo design also has become the focus of controversy in the student newspaper, "The Daily Collegian," which has received several letters to the editor on both sides of the issue.