More Pedro News

Pedro confirmed that he recently married Carolina Cruz, a Dominican reporter for ESPN.
As for his ailing right big toe, which might force him out of the World Baseball Classic, Pedro is still waiting for the specially designed shoe from Nike that, he hopes, will provide the necessary cushion.

"I have faith in God, and I know I'll be ready," Martinez said. "I'm being optimistic that I'll be able to play the World Baseball Classic and the 2006 season." The injury, Martinez said, resulted from "irregular movement" from his pitching delivery, damaging the cartilage of the toe.
"The pain became insufferable during the 2004 season, and I had to take a cortisone shot in order to tolerate the pain and be able to help Boston win the World Series," he said. "Last year, the pain returned in June, but the doctors recommended that, rather than ignoring the wound by applying cortisone, I rehabilitate the foot instead, which is what we're doing right now."

Pedro Slaps A-Rod

After much consternation, Alex Rodriguez chose to play in the World Baseball Classic for the United States. Pedro Martinez says A-Rod should have followed the lead of Mike Piazza and Nomar Garciaparra, who both chose to play for the countries of their origin over the countries of their residence. Pedro warns:

"Now Alex must prepare for the nasty comments that will arise in the Bronx, where almost half of the citizens are Latino and purely Dominican. In fact, when Alex gets [to the Dominican Republic] it's possible that not even the reporters will be here to welcome him."

Greed

Remember when Doug Flutie drop kicked the extra point in the Patriots' final game of the regular season against the Dolphins? Because they lined up in the 2-point conversion formation they never put the net up. The ball went into the stands and was caught by a fan. The Pro Football Hall of Fame wanted the ball. The Patriots tracked down the fan and these were his demands:

''1. Payment of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND ($100,000.00) DOLLARS [lawyer's capitals] on delivery of the football.

''2. A guarantee of eight (8) season tickets for 25 years in the end zone (preferably sections 142 or 143).

''a. The season tickets will be paid for annually by my client at the then going price for season tickets. The Patriots would not be expected to pay for the tickets

''3. Delivery by the Patriots to my client sometime in September, 2006, of a Tom Brady Patriots' football jersey signed by all the team members as of the beginning of the next football season."

''4. One sexual encounter with Bridget Moynihan, girlfriend of Tom Brady."

Ok, so I made #4 up, but would you really be surprised?

The Patriots told the guy to go fry ice. And I don't blame them.

Picture of Josh and Erin

A Good Day for Guys With Funny Names

Kevin Pittsnogle had 19 points, including a clutch 3-pointer late that ended St. John's comeback. He also grabbed 8 rebounds.
Matt Haryasz had 24 points (fifth straight 20 point game) and 10 rebounds as Stanford beat #9 Washington in overtime.
He was also part of an amazing play at the end of regulation.
Lawrence Hill inbounded from beneath Washington's basket to a lunging Haryasz, who flipped the ball to Chris Hernandez, who quickly released a 3 from the right wing and got fouled by Justin Dentmon as the buzzer went off. The officials quickly huddled to review the play, put .2 back on the clock and gave Hernandez three free throws. He made all three and sent the game into overtime.

Big Momma

``Big Momma's House 2'' debuted in first place this weekend with $28 million in North American ticket sales. It was the second best-ever January opener. I guess they don't make too many good movies premiere in January.

More Poker

The Travel Channel is launching a new tournament, The Professional Poker Tour. Seems like it will basically be the same as the World Poker Tour, airing in the same 9-11 time slot on Wednesday nights. That will mean 44 weeks of the year will be a new tournament. But on the PPT only professionals will play. I hope they keep around Vince Van Patten, I love him. Shana Hiatt is also definitely a must, especially if they visit tropical locations. I saw the season 3 Caribbean Poker Adventure, she was wearing this green bikini, good lawd.

He's Out of My Life

Rumors that Piazza would resign with the Mets after May 1 were put to rest when Piazza took a $2m 1-year deal from the Padres. The contract includes a mutual option for next year at $8m. That's never gonna happen.
He believes he can catch 100 games and play some first and DH in interleague games.
He should have gone to an American League to play DH and pad his stats. Unfortunately he's too married to catching, which is why he never wanted to give first base a shot with the Mets.
Good riddance Mike, good luck in San Diego, and stay classy.

Another Horrid Showing

SU dropped its fourth straight game yesterday to Seton Hall in the Dome. SU was victimized by hot shooting by Jamar Nutter who's long 3-pointer gave me flashbacks of the Vermont game. The worst part was, three straight times down the court Seton Hall missed the front end of a 1-and-1 but SU couldn't capitalize.
Another great game for Gerry McNamara 5-17 shooting (3-12 from 3), with 2 assists and 5 turnovers.
One bright spot, Derek did find a new favorite player.

Big Screen TVs Rule

Josh and Erin are in today's USA Today regarding the size of their TV. Erin hates it, Josh loves it.


"The days when you could pick up a TV yourself and all you had to do was just plug it in? So over.
Erin Hughes, 28, kind of wishes they weren't. When she got married in 2004, her wedding present was permission to hold a wedding for 500 guests; husband Josh's present was permission to buy a big-screen TV. Then a 51-inch TV arrived at their 1,100-square-foot apartment in Centreville, Va.
"I cried and begged him to return it," she says. "I actually almost returned my brand-new living room furniture because of the gigantic TV. It seems 80 feet big."
A year later, she still wishes she could hide the Hitachi floor unit that comes with its own stand. Josh, also 28, sees no need for that — in fact, he jokes about putting lights around it.
"It's a wonderful thing," he says. "It actually dominates the room. That's how I wanted it. For people in my age range, the size of your TV is the new golf handicap — you now define yourself by the size of your TV."
When they buy a house, he says, they'll get an even bigger TV. His wife sighs."

The picture on the front page of the D section is priceless. I will scan it in when I get home.

Celebrity Sex Tapes

CNN gives a nice long history of celebrity sex tapes. Marilyn Monroe made one. Rob Lowe made one. And maybe you hadn't heard but Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee made one also. And then there's this Paris Hilton. The article delves in why Paris' tape basically made her career. It also mentions our good friend Vincent Gallo. His movie, "The Brown Bunny," ended with a prolonged oral sex scene between him and co-star Chloe Sevigny. I saw it, there was no simulation, his dick was in her mouth. So what's so different about a sex tape?

Are Tights Lucky?

The Cleveland Cavaliers are 5-0 since LeBron James began wearing tights under his shorts. Anywhere else that we've seen great fortune be visited upon a man wearing tights?

TallSkott Needs to Answer This Ad

On Craigslist:

I have a fantasy that I would like to live out. As you guessed it. You come over in a Roethlisberger jersey, bend me over and fuck me. I don't want a relationship but would like this fantasy filled before the Super Bowl. Thanks. Send a picture and maybe we can meet up.

Happy Anniversary

This is the 500th post on the Paul's Poop (formerly News U Can't Use). To celebrate the occassion I've gone back and created a list of my 20 favorite posts. Some of them are more than one link relating to either the same story or the same premise. Please feel free to share any thoughts on the list or something you may remember that I left off.

Now on to our countdown:

20. I love Eva Longoria, and the pop-up captions on this one are great

19. I still think this is the funniest name in college basketball But Derek likes Chris Porn better

18. How to test a toilet

17. How I Met Your Mother is a good show

16. Knicks naked shower fight, Sobel loves this one

15. Sex Boat Legal proceedings, poor Smoot

14. The FSU slut

13. For sheer coincidence this should be #1

12. ESPN caption fuck up, you won't find this one anywhere else but here

11. Carrie Underwood and puppies, ladies love puppies

10. How I won the football pool for Adam and Harley

9. Pictures of me and my jerseys and a new jersey and we can't forget my jersey recommendations for our readers

8. Pictures of Diesel and Diesel's trip to the hospital

7. Pictures of a hot black chick with a big ass and Pictures of a hot white chick with long legs

6. Melo and LeBron, surely a running theme on this blog for the next 15 years

5. Combining two Justins, Justin is great with photoshop, Justin rules

4. The Program -- greatest comments section of any post

3. Pittsnogle

2. Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders bathroom sex

1. Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation

Birdman High on Something

New Orleans Hornets forward Chris Andersen was kicked out of the league for failing a drug test. He has to wait two years for reinstatement. It seems Andersen tested positive for a "drug of abuse" like meth or cocaine. Those are the drugs for which you get kicked out of the league on the first offense. Only on the fourth positive for steroids is that the penalty. Andersen never tested positive for steroids, and I don't think steroids are a big problem in the NBA. Pot is a huge problem in the NBA but the penalties are much less severe.

Bode Miller Pops Off

I ignored it when skier Bode Miller said he's skied drunk. I didn't pay attention when used a bunch of cursewords to describe U.S. ski officials. But this time I figure I'll give the guy a little pub, since that what he seems to be looking for.
Miller told Rolling Stone magazine regarding drug testing policies:

"Right now, if you want to cheat, you can: Barry Bonds and those guys are just knowingly cheating, but there's all sorts of loopholes. If you say it has to be 'knowingly,' you do what Lance [Armstrong] and all those guys do, where every morning their doctor gives them a box of pills and they don't ask anything, they just take the pills."

He is 100% right. Bonds reportedly told a grand jury that his trainer gave him "the clear" and told him it was flaxseed oil. That's just the excuse everyone uses so they can have plausible deniability. I feel exactly the same way Miller does. We know Bonds used steroids, and I'm pretty sure Armstrong did too. But they know how to beat the tests. At least Major League Baseball didn't let Palmeiro off the hook on the Sargeant Schultz "I know nothing" defense.
Only thing about Miller, maybe he shouldn't have used names, or if he had to, he could have mentioned Rafael Palmeiro and other known users. Oh and this better not be like Raffy's "thou dost protest too much" act in Congress. If Miller fails a drug test, he's done. And he should probably win a gold medal or two.

Iconoclasm Rewarded

The Pennsylvania kid who was persecuted by his high school teacher for wearing a Denver Broncos jersey before the AFC Championship game was given a chair by former Denver quarterback John Elway (the man honored on the #7 jersey the kid wore that day.)
Elway designs furniture for Bassett Furniture. Elway sent him a reclining massage chair. He said "No Broncos fan should have to sit on the floor."

Mike Loves Registries

The Pittsnogles are expecting their first child any day now. The due date is Thursday February 2nd (Groundhog Day and Helaine's birthday). You can buy them a gift off of their registry at Babies R Us. May I suggest the "My Family Tree is Full of Nuts" onesie and hat set.

Oprah Apologizes

You may remember that Oprah got scammed by Jame Frey, the author of "A Million Little Pieces." The book was a memoir of the author's experiences with drugs. Turns out he exaggerated a lot of it. Oprah stood by him. Now Oprah is changing her mind.
Oprah said she felt conned and embarrassed, and she wishes she hadn't called Larry King to defend Frey.
"I regret that phone call. I made a mistake. I left the impression that the truth does not matter, and I am deeply sorry about that. That is not what I believe. I called in because I loved the message of his book. At the time, every day, I was reading e-mail after e-mail from people who were inspired by his story. And I have to say I allowed that to cloud my judgment. To everyone who has challenged my position, you are absolutely right."

I challeneged her position. I said that when this first happened she should have thrown him under the bus. She should have said all of this then. That she was duped, but still believe the book has an interesting story to tell and point to make.

Nice Name Asshole

Reissberg's dad is probably the only fan of MLS in America. So he was probably furious to find out that when the San Jose Earthquakes moved to Houston, they chose the name 1836. Not the 1836ers (like 76ers or 49ers), just 1836, the year Houston was founded. That is an incredibly stupid team name.