Alou Not the Answer

I do not like the Mets' signing of Moises Alou.

1) He is 40 years old and will turn 41 on July 3rd. He has struggled with injuries his whole career and especially the past 2 years.
2) The Mets could use an extra bat in their lineup to protect David Wright but it is far from the biggest concern and shouldn't have been a priority.
3) This stunts the growth of Lastings Milledge. Omar Minaya says he could use another year in the minors, but I don't think he'll get anything out of it. He'll be pissed he isn't the majors and sulk and pout all season. But more likely Milledge will be traded, and for 10 cents on the dollar compared to what the Mets could have gotten for him in July.
4) I know it's only money and the Mets have plenty but they do say they are trying to stay within a budget. Spending $8m on a luxury is not the best idea when the Mets need a lot of pitching help.
5) This is a move the Yankees would have made. The Mets chose an expensive, aging veteran over a promising, young player. From a philosophical standpoint, that does not work.

Maybe Alou will stay healthy and have a good year. But if he's constantly hurt he's going to give you exactly what Cliff Floyd did last year, say .250, 15 homers and 60 RBI. And Shawn Green will probably produce about the same numbers in right field. Even worse, injuries would mean that Endy Chavez would once again be our starting left fielder.

And it doesn't matter how well those guys do, if the Mets don't get some better pitching, this team isn't going anywhere.

Song of the Week

For this week's song I decided to pull a page out of the Scza's book and pick a song that could double as a "Classic Coach" post. Coach loved "Angel" by Shaggy and on a four hour ride home from Baltimore, Coach and I listened to it on repeat 754 times.

The NFL is Poop - Week 11

Da Bears
Since the Redskins are horrible, I've adopted the Bears as my surrogate squad for this season. After seeing them in person I still beleive in their defense but their offense remains suspect. In addition to the Bears, Ohio State beat Michigan so I had a very successful weekend rooting for other people's teams.

I Still Believe
A few weeks ago I predicted the Jets would make the playoffs. Since then they lost to Cleveland, beat New England and got shut out by the Bears. They are 5-5 but I still expect a 10-6 or maybe even 11-5 season and the final AFC playoff berth. I'm assuming New England, Baltimore, Indianopolis, Denver and San Diego will all make it. That leaves the Jets to the battle with Jacksonville, Kansas City and possibly a rejuvenated Cincinnati team for that final spot. Their upcoming schedule: , 11/26/06 vs Houston
12/03/06 at Green Bay
12/10/06 vs Buffalo
12/17/06 at Minnesota
12/25/06 at Miami
12/31/06 vs Oakland

Game of the Week
Dallas Cowboys 21 Indianapolis Colts 14
A huge statement game for the Cowboys. The Colts did lack motivation, but they were trying to win, but the Cowboys did a great job stopping their offense and putting enough points on the board. Notice we haven't talked much about T.O. being a jerk ever since Parcells yanked that statue Drew Bledsoe. Tony Romo is playing great, and that's keeping T.O. happy, for now.

Game to Watch
Chicago at New England
There is a strong chance this game will be a Super Bowl preview. New England is always a threat and the Bears seem sure to beat the dregs of the NFC. I do think the Bears will win this game because it never seems that New England plays these regular season games with a purpose. Plus, the Bears main problem has been offense and New England's defense is vulnerable.

A Brief Rant About the Redskins
The Jason Campbell era begins with a loss. He didn't play great, but he didn't play badly either. The truth is, there is hope for the future with him. Even though it was only one game. In general I think sitting for a while before starting your first game is beneficial to the growth of a young quarterback. And the Redskins have had great success with black quarterbacks who wore #17.

Travesty
I had planned to name a cheerleader of the week from the squad of the winning team of the Bears-Jets game. But neither the Bears, nor the Jets have cheerleaders on their websites. And this comes despite the fact that we saw the Jets cheerleaders, and we'd even picked out a hot one. Oh well, their loss.

Cheerleader of the Week
Sandy of the San Diego Chargers' Charger Girls.
Sandy from San Diego. Cool. Sandy has been a Charger Girl for four years and likes traveling, reading and learning new things. She hates that Josh calls her home city "Whale Vagina." Presumably.








If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
San Diego 34 Chicago 13
Right now the Chargers are the best team in the NFL. Even though they keep getting down by 17 points or more in the first half, but two weeks in a row they came back to win. They have the best offense (better than the Colts), they have the best player (LT is better than Peyton right now) and their defense is ok, and should improve once Merriman gets back.

Jesus, Take Her Top Off

That is the text message I received from Pizza Parlor Derek, an unabashed Carrie Underwood fan, during her performance during halftime of the Cowboys game.



This is still my favorite look for her though.

Good Grief

Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving special. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving

As Seen on CNN

To celebrate the merger between Bank of America and MBNA, a zealous employee wrote a song praising the deal and the new company, to the tune of "One" by U2. Although the guy is a really good singer he's a little too earnest in his performance. The video got spread around the internet thanks to youtube and now it turns out Universal, which owns rights to the original recording is not too happy. I think the Poop's legal expert, The Concierge would say Universal doesn't have much of an infringement case here. The BofA version is parody, it's not a commercial enterprise and it's not likely to be confused with the original recording.

Weekly Picks

A very poor showing last week, 2-6 for me, 21-24 overall and Adam and Harley are so far out of it there's almost no chance for recovery. But we still have to plug away.

DALLAS COWBOYS -10.5 tampa bay buccaneers
I think everyone is getting a little too excited about the Tony Romo era. Yeah the guy is good but I've already heard him being placed over Eli Manning and Ben Roethlisberger as far as young QBs go. He's started 3 games! I think the Cowboys will win but we've just seen so many underdogs hang in, and the Buccaneers have been game for the most of the season.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS -0.5 denver broncos
This is a pickem game. I think homefield advantage is overrated. The Broncos are a really good team coming off a tough loss. Just what I like.

CLEVELAND BROWNS +3.5 cincinnati bengals
I can't figure out the Bengals, but I'm starting to see that this season teams are running in streaks, not just win one, lose one. The Bengals have to get hot to beat out Jacksonville and the Jets for that last playoff spot. I think the Bengals will build on last week's victory with another big win.

ST. LOUIS RAMS -5.5 san francisco 49ers
This spread makes no sense. The Rams have lost 5 in a row while the 49ers have gotten into playoff contention. Right now I think San Fran is the better team. Every time I've had a game like this I went with my gut and it turned out to be wrong. I'll try it one more time but if the 9ers don't cover next time I see an obvious choice, I'll go the other way.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS -13.5 oakland raiders
The Raiders have hung tough in a lot of games, fending off double digit spreads against Denver and Kansas City and losing 17-13 both times. Other than their Seattle disaster they've covered 4 of the last 5 games. But the Chargers are the best team in the NFL. They won't let that happen.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -3.5 chicago bears
I still believe in the Bears. Because they can lose by a field goal and still cover the spread, I'll take the Bears.

Can't Stuff This

Happy Thanksgiving from MC Hammer.

Nancy Grace Must Pay

Relatives of a missing boy's mother who killed herself after aggressive questioning by CNN's Nancy Grace sued the network and the talk-show host, claiming Grace caused emotional distress that led to the suicide.
Melinda Duckett committed suicide Sept. 8, a day after Grace's show on CNN Headline News aired a segment in which Grace grilled Duckett about her whereabouts on Aug. 27, the day 2-year-old Trenton Duckett was reported missing.
Authorities, who said last week they believe the boy is alive, have named Melinda Duckett as the prime suspect in his disappearance.
Jay Paul Deratany, the attorney representing Duckett's estate, said that Grace encouraged Duckett to appear on her show by saying the goal was to draw public attention to help find Trenton.
"It's not just about the questioning, it's about the misrepresentation with the knowledge that she was emotionally distraught," Deratany said. The attorney said Grace improperly took on the role of a law enforcement officer.
CNN Headline News declined to comment specifically on the lawsuit, which seeks unspecified damages.
"We stand by Nancy Grace and fully support her, as we have from the beginning of this matter," a spokeswoman said in a news release Tuesday.

Two Skinny Little Bitches

Clay Aiken co-hosted "Live With Regis and Kelly" last week and Kelly Ripa was clearly unhappy with his attitude. The road got rocky when they played a clip of Kelly impersonating Aiken on Halloween a few years ago ... from there on, Clay got into the mud.
Ripa claims that Aiken was hostile toward her and feels that he wasn't "respectful in any way." Tensions ran high throughout the taping, but Clay pissed off the talk diva when he put his hands over her mouth to try to keep her from talking while interviewing "Dancing With The Stars" winners Cheryl Burke and Emmit Smith.
Ripa was not amused, and let Clay know that he had crossed a line by touching her million-dollar cakehole. "Oh that's a no-no... I don't know where your hands have been." She has a point.





Rosie O'Donnell ripped her, as that was a supposedly homophobic remark and a nod to the fact that Clay is reportedly into fisting.

Da Bears

Went to the Bears-Jets game with Billy on Sunday. As a lifelong Bears fan, Bill seldom gets to see his team play in person (says it's been about 15 years) so when we found out the Bears were playing in the Meadowlands 2 weeks in a row we knew we had to get tickets. The Giants game was tough, especially once it was moved to Sunday night. So Bill got the tickets via stub hub and off we went.

We grabbed sandwiches and a cooler full of beer and headed off. We got to the Meadowlands at about 11, and got a pretty good spot, somewhat of a walk from the stadium, but good access to the way out. Then we sat, ate our sammiches, drank our beer, urinated in the tall grass and listened to Sirius Radio. I hate Adam Schein.
That seems like a modest tailgate compared to these douches parked in front of us. They had a full grill (not just a Hibachi) on which they cooked two thick steaks (manly) but they were eating cheese and crackers (gay) also. Then Bill asked why they had cottage cheese a tailgate. When he pulled out two baked potatoes wrapped in foil we realized they actually brought sour cream. After they were done eating they wrapped their utensils in a nice plastic bag. But the weird thing about them is that they were doing shots of something called Apfel Korn. Bill and I both remarked that it sounds like something Anton would drink.

On the walk to the stadium we saw a lot of Bears fans, inclduing one group with a Bears tent. Bill was wearing a Walter Payton jersey and I put on his old Muhsin Muhammad (nee Tom Waddle) jersey. I behaved as if I had been a Bears fan my whole life. Jets fans were 20 times more courteous than the assholes I run into at Giants-Redskins each year. When we finally got into the stadium -- security was ridiculous -- Bill pushed his luck and got one more beer. That would haunt him later.

We were seated in the next to last row of the upper tier but the view was good, and we were surrounded by Bears fans. There was little action in the first half as the score ended 0-0. The Jets chose to try an onside kick to get something started in the second half, but the Bears recovered and kicked a field goal for the game's first points.

At the end of the third quarter there was a timeout, so Bill decided he could use that and the quarter break to get to the bathroom (to drop off that last beer) and come back without missing any game action. He was wrong. On the first play of the fourth quarter Mark Bradley took a short hitch for a 57-yard touchdown. Bill did not see the play, but he did have his dick in his hands while Bradley was running down the sidelines.

The Jets couldn't do anything and the Bears even covered the 7 point spread. And traffic getting home wasn't so bad.

The Bears look really good and this was our one chance to see a potential Super Bowl Champion in action.

I love Da Bears!

The Big Game Recap

The Ohio State-Michigan game lived up to its billing. It was a well-played (if not well defended) game that was exciting almost all the way through.
Michigan was unable to find enough good cornerbacks to defend OSU's three great receivers (Robiskie, Gonzalez and Ginn). Add in a couple long runs and you can see how it happened.
But Michigan was also very effective on offense and might have learned a strategy for a potential rematch. Which could be likely because Michigan is still #2 in the BCS rankings. But the USC-Notre Dame winner could get a bump, especially if it's USC.

One final word on the penalties, the game was well officiated. The helmet-to-helmet hit on Troy Smith was duly flagged, and the faceguarding call which set up the last Michigan touchdown was also the right call.

Cosmo Kramer, the Asshole

Statement from Jerry Seinfeld:

"I am sick over this. I'm sure Michael is also sick over this horrible, horrible mistake. It is so extremely offensive. I feel terrible for all the people who have been hurt."

Fox has Scruples

Fox will not air a 2-part special in which they interviewed OJ Simpson about his new book. Also, the book will not be published. The book was called "If I Did It: Here's How It Happened" and explained what would have happened had OJ actually been the killer. Although the book was hypothetical it did say "I have never seen so much blood in my life."
OJ then explained his reason for writing that "I don't think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood."
I think all the black people who think he was innocent (including John Salley) have now changed their minds.
Maybe now that this deal was kiboshed OJ can write a book called "How To Get Away With Murder."

Square States Hate CNN

A Midwest hotel chain has pulled CNN from the TV channel lineup in its guest rooms, saying the cable network was aiding terrorism with the broadcast of a video showing Iraqi snipers shooting at U.S. troops.
The broadcast, which aired Oct. 18 on both CNN and CNN Headline News, featured edited portions of a tape the network said it obtained from a rebel group called Islamic Army of Iraq.
The video, which first appeared on "Anderson Cooper 360," shows uniformed U.S. soldiers mingling with Iraqi civilians in a public area. An American gunner is seen standing guard in a turret atop a U.S. military vehicle.
After the insurgent sniper confers with a spotter — presumably the person operating the video camera — a shot rings out. After a fade to black, the soldier in the turret slumps forward as the sniper's car drives away.
In a CNN Web log entry defending the segment, producer David Doss wrote that the network excluded the "actual impact of the rounds" because "a number of us felt airing that precise moment was simply too horrific."
Only portions of the rebel-supplied tape — which CNN said featured a total of 10 sniper attacks — were included as part of a broader news story that also featured interviews with a U.S. sniper in Iraq and a network military analyst, Doss noted.
Thompson called his response "a moment of conscience." He said the decision to yank CNN and CNN Headline News from his hotels is permanent.
Guests at the Stoney Creek Inn's 10 properties in Missouri, Iowa, Illinois and Wisconsin can still view Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC and other cable news channels.

Kramer Pulls a Gibson

Michael Richards was doing a standup act at the Laugh Factory in LA this weekend. During the performance he was heckled by a black man. Richards then yelled "he's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger!" Not a good idea.

Coincidence?

Saturday's winning number in the Ohio lottery's Pick 4 was 4-2-3-9.
The same numbers of the score of Ohio State's 42-39 victory over Michigan.
401 $1 bets picked 4-2-3-9 in that order, winning $5,000 each.
913 $1 bets picked 4-2-3-9 in another order, winning $200 each.
It's not clear how many of those bets were placed after the game, but probably quite a few.
The game ended at 7:13 p.m. and the drawing was at 7:45 p.m.