Giambi Finally Admits It, Sort Of

Two years after he almost killed himself with steroids (or HGH), and his press conference where he apologized but if you didn't know what for, he wasn't going to tell you, Jason Giambi finally admitted to using steroids.
He told USA Today, "I was wrong for doing that stuff."
He also said Major League Baseball should have come out and apologized early in the steroids scandal, instead of turning a blind eye to it.
He claims he's tested more often than anyone else, and of course, steroids never help him hit home runs.
So why did he take them at all? "Maybe one day I'll talk about it, but not now."

Why I Don't Play Fantasy Sports

Master Bates has Ryan Dempster on his fantasy team.
Brother-in-law Derick turned down tickets to Saturday's game because Glavine is on his fantasy team and either his pitcher gets bombed or his team loses (yes, Step On Me married a Yankees fan), so he'd rather not be there for that.
I suspect his decision was also influenced by his desire to watch and wager on the Preakness.

Rain, Rain Go Away

I have tickets for the first two games of the Subway Series, but rain is in the forecast for both days.
Thanks to an imprudent miscalculation by Papa Poop, our tickets for tonight are terrible and under an overhang but I don't want to wait out a 3-hour rain delay like Wednesday's.
I predict that tonight's game will be rained out (after a long delay), and played at 1 on Sunday as part of a day/night doubleheader.
I fear Saturday's game will be played through intermittent showers which will surely disappoint Mrs. Poop and Mama Poop who agreed to go to the game but will probably end up registering for infant clothes at the clubhouse shop instead of sitting in the rain.

Subway Series Preview

It's that time of year again. The Mets and Yankees get set to play the first of two 3-game series against each other that puts them at a competitive disadvantage against other teams in their divisions and leagues.

Interleague play was a gimmick and it should be abolished. The novelty has clearly worn off as in recent days me and Master Bates both received offers for tickets to the evidently undersold games.

The Mets enter this series with an 7 1/2 game lead on the Yankees. The Mets are 1 1/2 games ahead of second place Atlanta. The Yankees are 1 game ahead of last place Baltimore (with the Blue Jays and Devil Rays only a 1/2 game back).

As for pitching matchups, considering Oliver Perez's history of one good-one bad, the Yankees will have the advantage Friday night with Pettitte. But Saturday (Glavine vs. Rasner) and Sunday (Maine vs. Clippard) leans heavily towards the Mets.

Plus the Mets are coming off a big win against Chicago and the Yankees off a loss to the other Chicago.

One other factor, each team faces a series with it's real rival (Braves, Red Sox) right after. And if the Mets had to go 3-3 over these next 6 games I'd rather get swept by the Yankees and sweep the Braves than the other way around.

Immigration

I generally avoid addressing serious topics on this blog because I find it more fun to write about boobies than to write about people dying in Iraq.
But this immigration issue has me fired up. Because it seems like common sense somehow seeped into our government for a few hours and some Senators wrote a bill that will solve a problem without being overly punitive.

Through all the vitriol spouted on this issue by Bill O'Reilly (whom I now love), Lou Dobbs (whom I now hate) and Pa Beers (still undecided on him), I always advocated for a reasonable solution.

We needed to prevent people from pouring into this country and living off the fat of the land without contributing anything. I don't view it as much of a national security issue because few terrorists come from Mexico. I also don't think the country needs to go into lockdown everytime an illegal commits a crime. I don't believe in a national language, etc, etc.

But I do admit there was a problem. So the new plan is this, stop people from getting here so often and so easily and then deal with the people who are here.

Bill, Lou and Pa Beers wanted angry mobs with pitchforks to herd illegals on the bus and ship them back to Omaha, and they don't even live there.

A more reasoned approach is this: Let's find the illegals who are here, and get them in the system. Sign them up to work hard and pay taxes. For the large majority of them that's all they wanted anyway.

Blackmail and Bikes

Crazy story about Greg LeMond and Floyd Landis. It's long and detailed so I'll try to break it down for those of you with no attention span (Juice & Josh), but I encourage the rest of you to read more about it.

The USADA is holding hearings on Landis's doping. Greg LeMond was scheduled to testify even though he didn't really know anything firsthand.

It all started with a phone call last summer. Landis called LeMond to rip him publicly criticized Landis about doping. During that phone conversation, LeMond told Landis he had been sexually abused as a child. He said he made the disclosure to encourage Landis to come clean for his own sanity and to save the sport. He Landis basically admitted doping in their phone call.

Now fast forward to Wednesday night, before the hearing. LeMond gets a call from a man who said "I'm your uncle, and I'll be there tomorrow." He also made several references to pedophilia. LeMond paid to trace the call and found it came from Will Geoghegan (pronounced GAY-gun), Landis's business manager.

After LeMond testified about the call, Geoghegan apologized to him. After the hearing Landis fired Geoghegan.

Ironically, prior to this no one would have taken LeMond too seriously because he didn't have any firsthand knowledge. Now this call, if it doesn't prove, it definitely suggests that Landis did have something to hide.

Eight Years Ago

May 17, 1999, I went to Mrs. Poop's apartment (before she was Mrs. Poop). That one decision changed my life more than anything else I've ever done. But I'm not going to go into a whole big thing about IT because she made me start counting over again from zero when we got married.

Vanna White on a Different Game Show

In the hoopla surrounding Bob Barker's impending retirement from "The Price is Right" (which I plan to cover in great detail when it actually happens), Pizza Parlor Derek's employer has uncovered a great gem.
A picture of a young, smoking hot, Vanna White in contestant's row.




The low quality video:

How Long Would It Take To Sort by Color?

A man caught removing tires from a truck has been charged with stealing the tractor-trailer containing $250,000 (street value) worth of Skittles.
Seven pallets of the 28 in the truck are still missing.
As many of you know, one of my strangest habits is that I eat all colored candies in order of color (worst to best).
Skittles are my favorite candy and it's always red-purple-yellow-green-orange.

L Millz Pisses Off The Mets

Lastings Milledge has a record label. Back in March this seemed like a good idea.
Now the first song by artist Manny D is out and the Mets aren't too happy about the lyrics of "Bend Ya Knees."




I'm not too happy about two things. First I can't find the video or audio of "Bend Ya Knees" on souljaboirecords.com and videos is spelled "vidoes."
I'm also not sure if Milledge is actually saying the words or just posting up with his boy, Manny D.
Not that it matters. It's rap music. This is what it is. If you don't like it don't listen but don't make baseball decisions based on it.
Although I hope L Millz does someday make a record with Jose Reyes as a reggaeton artist.

Manny D freestyling:

Love is Blind

Joe Hardy and Kristin Georgi
Hardy is 84 years old and founded 84 Lumber, the third largest home improvement chain in America. It's a distant 3rd behind Lowe's and Home Depot, but Hardy is still a billionaire. I'm not sure about that figure because he didn't make Forbes list of 400 Richest Americans which encompassed all the billionaires. But for the purposes of this discussion we'll call Hardy a very rich man.

Kristin Georgi is 22 years old and used work in the salon at a Hardy family resort in Pennsylvania.

Hardy married his first wife in 1947, and stayed married for 50 years. When they divorced he jumped right on his next wife who was 26 at the time (a mere age gap of 48 years). Now he's 62 years older than his current wife.

Unlike all the other relationships featured in "Love is Blind," I can actually understand this one. Hardy says he wants to spend all his money before he dies and he wants to have a good time doing it. So he's buying as much Viagra as the law allows and banging the hottest chick who is willing.

Georgi wants Gucci shoes, and purses and a lifetime of happiness. For that, she's willing to endure this old fat guy for a few years until he croaks while she's riding him.

Or there is another possibility. Maybe they're really in love?

Idol Chatter

Glad to see Melinda go. She was the best singer but I don't think the American Idol should be a 30 year old woman who's been singing professionally.

I think what did in Melinda was "Nut Bush City Limits." What the fuck was that?

Jordin Sparks is going to win.

What the fuck was on top of Elliott Yamin's head?

Can't Happen Soon Enough

Syracuse University has named Mike Hopkins their next head coach. Problem is, there is no timeline on the departure of Jim Boeheim.
Basically, this is a move to prevent Hopkins from leaving. If he gets an offer from some small school, he'll probably stay knowing the top job will be his eventually.
Hopkins already does most of the coach's show on local cable (Boeheim does 5 minutes, Hopkins does the rest).
I'd like to see a change at the top because I think Boeheim has lost his edge in recruiting and I can't stand his stubborness and his whining.

My Idea for the Sopranos

This season of the Sopranos is obviously setting us up for something great in the finale. And unlike the writers of "Lost" who are making shit up as they go along, I believe David Chase has had this planned for years.

My belief is that they are using every episode to create someone (Carm, Bacala, Paulie, Christophuh, Phil Leotardo, Heche) else who has a potential ax to grind against Tony, trying to convince they audience that one of them will kill him. I don't think that's going to happen. I believe the show will end with some of the ancillary characters getting killed off (starting with Christophuh) in an homage to Corleone taking care of business day. But the last scene will be Tony with his family.



Here's what I would have done:

I would have taken this same angle they've been exploring so far, showing all the reasons why everyone hates him. And in the very last episode I would have had an unidentified gunman kill Tony, and end the series on that mystery. It might have felt a little hollow, but it could have led to some great internet furor.

One side note on last Sunday's episode:
Most men said three things while watching it.
1) Damn that girl is hot.
2) Who is she? She is Sarah Shahi. SCZA has more, including commentary from Coach Neil, SCZA's dad.
3) Who fucks with their clothes on? Pizza Parlor Derek explained this to me in an e-mail: "Any actress asked to do a nude scene would say “you didn’t make Annabella Sciorra get naked” and then people are having sex with clothes on. Slippery slope."

Topless Teacher

A teacher at an Oklahoma High School want a teacher fired after a topless photo of her was passed around school.
She had a picture of herself licking her own tit on her cell phone. Someone stole her phone and sent the picture around.
Now I respect her right to have tits, to lick them and to photograph herself doing so. But she should have been more careful about what she did with the picture.
And here's another question: the kids who stole her phone, they just got lucky? Or did they somehow know she had a topless photo on there?
Either way, the parents should relax, no one ever got hurt by seeing boobies. Well, no one other than this guy.

Idol Chatter

A very uninspiring night of performances.

I think Blake was the best, overall, and his Maroon 5 song was the best of them all. That's the kind of music he should make when he does a record. And he very slyly slipped in some beat boxing without making it sound like overkill. He also did a cool duet with Sir Mix-a-Lot during his day in Seattle.

His version of "Roxanne" really sucked though. The whole point of that song is to yell "Roxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxanne." He was a little subdued on those notes.

I hated that gay Robin Thicke song but Blake can actually sing it better than he did.

Strange moment with Jordin, not sure if anyone else noticed this. When the mayor of Glendale told her she'd be singing that Rose Royce song, she seemed excited. Then she later said she'd never heard of it. I think she did it pretty well though. Her last song was haunting, the way she looked into the camera with her arm extended. Creepy.

I'm starting to hate Melinda. I looked at the TV during a commercial and thought I saw her, but it was actually Shrek.

She's a good singer who is just not American Idol material. They should have made her sing a JoJo song so she could have seemed a little younger. That last song "Woman" is so old-fashioned, it's just horrible. And it sounded like she fucked up the words at one point.

I think Melinda will go and I think Jordin will win next week.

Song of the Week

"Still D.R.E" - Dr. Dre
This was his comeback song after taking several years off after "The Chronic."
I still believe Dre is the best producer in the history of hip-hop even though he sold out when he started making Eminem's crappy radio songs.
The beat on this song is one of the best I've ever heard.
As an added bonus, I put this song on a CD for The Concierge and for the rest of the year he walked around saying "9-5 plus fo' pennies. Add that shit up."

Common Sense Goes Out the Window

I love rules, and the strict enforcement of them. Without rules there is chaos. But the problem with rules is that they often eliminate common sense. Every rule should be enforced after a rational study of the events.

The NBA suspended Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for one game for leaving the bench after Robert Horry mugged Steve Nash.

While technically correct, this penalty was ridiculous.

The rule was put in place to prevent fights or in this case, standoffs, from escalating. Because Stoudemire and Diaw only made it a few steps from the bench area, and did not involve themselves in the situation that was occurring and center court, they should not have been penalized.

Melo's New House

Apparently, Melo outgrew his old house because he just traded it (yes traded his house) plus cash for a brand new crib. Hopefully our Denver real estate specialist Amber can row over to this new house and get some pictures for us.


Carmelo Anthony bought the sprawling Sognare Estate mansion near Littleton. It was listed for almost $12 million.

He bought the 25,000 square foot home from a former Qwest executive who, as part of the deal, will get his old house in Lakewood.

The home was originally listed at $17 million in 2004, which was then the most expensive house the market, but last year the price was slashed to $11.95 million.

"I heard it sold for less than $12 million," said Edie Marks, a broker with the Kentwood Co.

"It’s a fabulous house on a fabulous location," Marks said. "But if it were in Cherry Hills...it would have sold for $30 million."
While one of the bigger houses in the metro area, Marks said there are even larger ones in parts of Cherry Hills and the Temple Buell Mansion subdivision.

The estate was built in 2002. It includes seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, a 5,000-bottle wine center, an 11,000-square-foot barn, hand-cut limestone floors, a Brazilian mahogany paneled library, and a cutting edge recording studio.

But basically, Anthony doubled the size of his 12,130-square-foot Lakewood home, which he bought on April 15, 2004 for $3.5 million.

"This has more space, and (Anthony) liked some of the amenities of the house. It has a little more isolation than he had before and gives him more privacy."


Why does Melo need an 11,000 sq. ft. barn?
And what kind of books will he keep in the Brazilian mahogany paneled library? He already had a batting cage, a basketball court and a giant shoe/hat closet in the old crib. Now he has to commission a contractor to rebuild att that stuff for him. Plus transport his half-nekkid picture of LaLa without nicking the corners. He shoulda just stayed where he was.

The Most Quoted Man on TV

One of the great things about Syracuse University, especially the Newhouse School, is the Center for Television and Popular Culture. The man behind it all is Professor Robert Thompson who knows more about TV than anyone.
Basically, it just exists for Newhouse kids to take one maybe two cool classes. I took TRF 345, I don't remember what it was called but we watched "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "The Love Boat". Of course we also watched "St. Elsewhere" his favorite show ever. He told us about the clever puns in the show such as when they'd refer to a patient as "Connie" in one episode, then three episodes later call her "Mrs. Lingus." In one episode, on the hospital PA, 20 or so doctors were paged. Thompson couldn't understand why they took the time to name all these people and he couldn't understand their relevance. So he called the producer, Bruce Paltrow, who told him those were the names of the kid's in his daughter's (Gwenyth) class at school.
My funniest moment in his class was when he was talking about William Daniels, the main character on St. Elsewhere. He asked if anyone liked Daniels current (at the time) show "Boy Meets World." Of course, I raised my hand, expecting a few other people to join in. He looked right at me and said "only one person, good. He's being absolutely wasted on that show." William Daniels also was the voice of KIT.
His first class of every course is basically proving why he and the program exist. Television is a study of our society, what we watch is a reflection of what we are. And he's right. And he's a really smart guy and he loves to talk and I once got two points back on a test during a discussion with him during his office hours. We chatted for about 15 minutes. I think I got the two points for being a good audience more than because I was correct in my argument.
As the only program of it's kind Thompson is interviewed thousands of times on TV and for print articles about television.
The AP did a nice article on him, which I won't post here because it's long, but I encourage all of you to read it, even those of you who went to stodgy Ivy League schools whose professors are only interviewed about boring shit like nuclear physics and advanced molecular theory.
I know Josh took one of his classes, SCZA probably did, Greco must have taken every course at SU in his 12 years there, anyone else want to share fond memories of Professor Thompson?

The Spurs Are Dirty

After the league let Bruce Bowen off the hook for kneeing Steve Nash in the nuts, the Spurs took another liberty in Game 4.
With the game basically over the Spurs had to foul, so instead of going for the ball, Robert Horry just lowered his shoulder into Steve Nash and sent him flying into the press table.







Needless to say this resulted in a little bit of a fracas. Problem is Amare Stoudemire stepped out of the bench area during it.

The NBA's rule that bit the Knicks several years ago states:
"During an altercation, all players not participating in the game must remain in the immediate vicinity of their bench. Violators will be suspended, without pay, for a minimum of one game and fined up to $35,000. The suspensions will commence prior to the start of their next game."

I think they can give the Suns some leeway because Amare did technically stepped past the bench line, but it can be argued that he was still in the vicinity of the bench.

I don't know why Robert Horry would resort to such harsh tactics. He should have just waited until the next game and hit a big 3 in overtime like he normally does.

Griffey Gives a Supporter and Earns a Supporter

A Dodgers fan was heckling Ken Griffey at Friday's game so Griffey got back at him.

The guy kept heckling Griffey with the normal insults "you suck! shouldn't you be on the DL!"

The guy posted his version with pictures on his myspace page.

And a reporter for the Cincinnati Enquirer even got Griffey to confirm what happened next.

Because the dude was a little overweight Griffey asked him ‘Shouldn’t you be wearing a support bra?'”

Around the sixth inning, Griffey sent an unknown accomplice back to the visitors' clubhouse at Dodger Stadium to find the biggest jockstrap they could find and bring it to him.

That person scrawled the number “3” and “JR.” on the waistband of the XXL athletic supporter. Griffey put the supporter in a brown paper bag he found, rolled it up and tossed the bag to the man when he ran back onto the field to play defense.

“Here,” Griffey said, “I got you a little something.”

The man opened the bag, pulled the athletic supporter out of the bag and began twirling twirled it on his finger. Stadium cameras broadcast the man’s reaction on the scoreboard.

Virginia Tech Recruit Backs Out

Augustus Gilchrist signed a letter of intent to play basketball at Virginia Tech next season. After the shootings he decided that he doesn't want to go there anymore.
"I'm not mentally prepared to go there for this year. I think the campus needs time to heal. The campus needs time to mourn the first year. I don't know if I'm prepared to do that next year."
I don't think he could be legitimately scared that something like that will happen again.
I get the impression that Gilchrist thinks college is going to be one big party with drunk sluts. And now he's worried that this shooting will tighten the panties of Virginia Tech's loose women.
I don't think that's very honorable or very true. If promiscuous white girls stop sleeping with handsome black athletes then the crazed Asian kids (and the terrorists) win.
Everything will be back to normal on campus by the time Gilchrist arrives.
The university and the coach, Seth Greenberg, haven't decided yet on whether or not to release Gilchrist from his commitment, but I suspect they're hoping to wait him out and get him to come.

Good Thing I Wasn't in Columbus This Weekend

If you've ever been driving on a highway and hungry, you may know the Big Boy, a beacon for starving motorists.
But this big boy ended up on the roof of a school in Gahanna, Ohio, a suburb of Columbus.
The 200 pound fiberglass statue was stolen from frisch's big boy.
A school maintenance crew retrieved Big Boy from the roof with a forklift.
He was returned safely back to his post in front of the restaurant welcoming famished travelers.
Pizza Parlor Daren has not yet been questioned in the investigation.

Barely Legal Internet Sensation

18-year old Allison Stokke is 18 years old, but she's a still a senior in high school. She's also one of the best pole vaulters in the country. Not that kind of pole vaulting. Although, it would be legal because she's 18. Did I mention that? She's 18 years old.
Apparently, Simmons mentioned her in his column and ESPN pulled that paragraph a few hours later.
There's an overly earnest interview with her on youtube. She doesn't look that great in it but it has gotten 85,000 views.

As Seen on CNN

Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables.
The mock attack Thursday night was intended as a learning experience and lasted five minutes during the weeklong trip to a state park, said Scales Elementary School Assistant Principal Don Bartch, who led the trip.
"We got together and discussed what we would have done in a real situation," he said.
But parents of the sixth-grade students were outraged.
"The children were in that room in the dark, begging for their lives, because they thought there was someone with a gun after them," said Brandy Cole, whose son went on the trip.
Some parents said they were upset by the staff's poor judgment in light of the April 16 shootings at Virginia Tech that left 33 students and professors dead, including the gunman.
During the last night of the trip, staff members convinced the 69 students that there was a gunman on the loose. They were told to lie on the floor or hide underneath tables and stay quiet. A teacher, disguised in a hooded sweat shirt, even pulled on a locked door.
After the lights went out, about 20 kids started to cry, 11-year-old Shay Naylor said.
"I was like, 'Oh My God,' " she said. "At first I thought I was going to die. We flipped out."
Principal Catherine Stephens declined to say whether the staff members involved would face disciplinary action, but said the situation "involved poor judgment."

Poor judgment? You don't say? How do things like this happen. It sounds like there were several teachers involved, how come not one of them thought, "hey, maybe this isn't such a great idea, we're going to scare these kids shitless."

Just proves one of my greatest theories: Every bad idea gets its start with someone saying "that's a really good idea."

Baseball is Poop

I'm American Honey, Our Names Don't Mean Shit
In Sunday night's Tigers-Twins game, Placido Polanco stepped up to the plate to bat against Boof Bonser.

We Hardly Knew Ye
On April 29th the Braves traded Ryan Langerhans to Oakland. He was 3-44 (.068) with Atlanta.
In two games with Oakland he went 0-4 (lowering his average to .063), then the A's had seen enough and they sent him to the Washington Nationals on May 3. He's caught fire with Washington going 4-14 (.286), raising his season's average to .113.

But Langerhans' two week odyssey is nothing compared to the past two years for Jorge Julio.
Before the 2006 season the Mets acquired Julio from the Orioles, for Kris Benson. The Orioles also threw in a minor league pitcher named John Maine.
Julio didn't work out with the Mets so they traded him to Arizona on May 24, for Orlando Hernandez.
Then in the offseason, the Marlins needed a closer so they acquired Julio from the Diamondbacks for Yusmeiro Petit (whom they got from the Mets for Carlos Delgado).
Julio was terrible this season for the Marlins getting blitzed every single time he pitched in April. When he gave up the game winning grand slam to Ryan Zimmerman, the Marlins gave up. They sent Julio and his 12.54 ERA to the Rockies for Bung-Hole Kim.
That's 5 teams in a little more than a year, Orioles, Mets, Diamondbacks, Marlins, Rockies.

Not Missing Piazza
The Oakland A's are not missing their decripit DH, Mike Piazza. When Piazza, not surprisingly got injured, the A's called up Jack Cust. Cust used to be a top prospect but never reached his potential. Until now. In 7 games, Cust has 6 homers and 14 RBI. Prior to this point in his career, he'd hit 5 homers in 70 games.

Trivia Question
Brother-in-Law Derick aka BILD, posed this one:
Name the three pitchers who won 10 games in a season at the age of 44 or later.

Happy Mother's Day

Once again many baseball players used pink bats and wore pink armbands to celebrate Mother's Day and raise awareness...and money for breast cancer research.

Mets' Heads

Jose Reyes joined the party and according to reports the only Met without a shaven dome is Aaron Sele who can no longer hide behind his wife and a family portrait. I haven't seen Glavine yet but I'm sure he looks silly.

The Dream is Dead

Read a brilliant article in Fortune Magazine about Jeff Zucker, the boss over at NBC. Turns out it doesn't matter if he does in fact marry Courteney (or Nikki) Cox, because he pronounces his last name like looker (Zooker). I've never been more disappointed in all my life.
At least we have the Mohr-Cox wedding.

Love Is Blind

Nikki Cox and Jay Mohr are getting married.
I know there are some who are not big fans of Nikki's because her tits are so big and so fake and she hasn't once worn a brasseire in 5 seasons of "Las Vegas".
Anyway, I don't know what she sees in that douchebag Jay Mohr.
And I am pissed I wasn't invited to the Mohr-Cox wedding. The Concierge texted me that joke.

Things You Can Learn While Watching a Yankees Game

After a long fly ball by Alex Rodriguez was caught, Ken Singleton said it's a big park "that's one of the reasons he left Seattle." I always thought he had 252 million reasons to leave Seattle and the size of the ballpark wasn't one of them.

Michael Kay expressed shock that A-Rod said he was treated better in Seattle than in any other city. He does know that Yankee fans boo A-Rod every time he makes an out right?

The reason Jason Giambi struggled a couple years ago was because of his legs. Your legs are your base. I guess it had nothing to do with the pituitary tumor he got from using steroids.

I love when the Yankees are on the West Coast.