Saturday, January 12, 2008
Rice Was Steamed
Glen Rice, formerly of the New York Knicks and Michigan Wolverines, was charged with felony battery after Miami-Dade police said he beat a man he found hiding in his estranged wife's bedroom closet.
Rice turned himself in to authorities soon after the incident and quickly posted bail.
Rice went to Christina Rice's home near Coral Gables Friday afternoon, demanding to know the identity of the man she was with and asking why the man was in her house, according to a police report. Glen Rice then quickly found Alberto Perez, 37, hiding in the closet, police said.
Perez called 911 about 1:30 p.m. after Glen Rice hit him several times on the head and Perez was able to run out of the house, police said. Perez's facial injuries, mainly a laceration on his forehead, required nine stitches, according to the report.
Rice turned himself in to authorities soon after the incident and quickly posted bail.
Rice went to Christina Rice's home near Coral Gables Friday afternoon, demanding to know the identity of the man she was with and asking why the man was in her house, according to a police report. Glen Rice then quickly found Alberto Perez, 37, hiding in the closet, police said.
Perez called 911 about 1:30 p.m. after Glen Rice hit him several times on the head and Perez was able to run out of the house, police said. Perez's facial injuries, mainly a laceration on his forehead, required nine stitches, according to the report.
Friday, January 11, 2008
What Do You Say?
Mrs. Poop is back at work after her maternity leave and tonight is the first night that I am home alone with Chase. She put him to bed before she left so hopefully he will sleep through the night.
Friday Night Lights Can't Get It Right
Friday Night Lights, struggling to survive, has made another huge misstep.
Although this Variety article from last month says the writer's strike is actually helping the show because they still have episodes left while most shows are in reruns (5 left including tonight's).
The show's producers have fallen back on every lame TV gimmick to try to boost ratings (though thankfully they didn't overdo the tornado gimmick, and just when they had a good thing going, they wrote Kim Smith off the show.
They still have Lyla Garrity played by the incredibly hot Minka Kelly, but instead of keeping her as a two-timing slut bag in bra and panties, they turned her into a Jesus loving goody-two shoes.
But the most preposterous thing they've done is try to make us feel sorry for Tim Riggans. He moved out of his brother's house, then stayed with Tyra and her stripper sister. Then he moved in with the meth maker, and after that in with Coach Taylor until he got caught in a compromising position with Julie.
Now he has no place else to go.
And we're supposed to feel sorry for him?
Not gonna happen. We remember that last season he banged Lyla Garrity.
I'd gladly sleep on the streets if I had thoughts of sex with Lyla Garrity to keep me warm at night.
Judging from these pictures, I'd say you'd be hard-pressed to disagree with me.
Thanks to the folks at Barstoolsports for the photo gallery of Minka Kelly. It has a lot more pictures and it is completely safe for work. We know they're jerks but they're incredible at compiling comprehensive photo galleries of hot chicks.
Although this Variety article from last month says the writer's strike is actually helping the show because they still have episodes left while most shows are in reruns (5 left including tonight's).
The show's producers have fallen back on every lame TV gimmick to try to boost ratings (though thankfully they didn't overdo the tornado gimmick, and just when they had a good thing going, they wrote Kim Smith off the show.
They still have Lyla Garrity played by the incredibly hot Minka Kelly, but instead of keeping her as a two-timing slut bag in bra and panties, they turned her into a Jesus loving goody-two shoes.
But the most preposterous thing they've done is try to make us feel sorry for Tim Riggans. He moved out of his brother's house, then stayed with Tyra and her stripper sister. Then he moved in with the meth maker, and after that in with Coach Taylor until he got caught in a compromising position with Julie.
Now he has no place else to go.
And we're supposed to feel sorry for him?
Not gonna happen. We remember that last season he banged Lyla Garrity.
I'd gladly sleep on the streets if I had thoughts of sex with Lyla Garrity to keep me warm at night.
Judging from these pictures, I'd say you'd be hard-pressed to disagree with me.
Thanks to the folks at Barstoolsports for the photo gallery of Minka Kelly. It has a lot more pictures and it is completely safe for work. We know they're jerks but they're incredible at compiling comprehensive photo galleries of hot chicks.
Weekly Picks
I did well last week but didn't pick up any ground. I have to go 3 for 3 on best bets over the next 3 weeks to win any cash at all. How I do on the other 4 games (3 this week, 1 next week) will determine how much cash, but I absolutely positively have to hit the best bet. Also, my normal strategy in the playoffs is to take all 4 favorites, hope 3 of them hit and that I get my best bet. This week I'm doing 2 and 2, which could pay off, but if it goes 1 and 3, and I've got the wrong 2, I'm fucked.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -13 jacksonville jaguars
I'm sorry but I just am not hitching a ride on the Jaguars bandwagon. In a week when all the spreads are more than a touchdown this spread looks infinitesimal to me. I think people have forgotten that the Patriots are the best team of all time, just because they've had a few close games. The fact is this team is built to destroy, like Ivan Drago. And these are the playoffs. I fully expect an old-fashioned as skicking, and by old-fashioned I mean from the first two months of the season.
san diego chargers +8 INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
Yes the loss of Antonio Gates (who's still questionable) will hurt the Chargers but I think people are forgetting that other than in the passing game (QB, receivers) the Chargers have way more talent than the Colts do. I've been burned many times by a Chargers team that just can't seem to put it all together, but with more than a touchdown in play, I have to stick with them as my upset special.
new york giants +7 1/2 DALLAS COWBOYS
The Cowboys have already beaten the Giants twice this season, and by my logic and past history, that would make it likely that they would win again. But history also shows that sometimes teams that have lost twice do rebound in game 3. And for that to happen you'd think they would have played at least once early in the season, then the two teams starting going in opposite directions, plus a big injury to the previous winner and some outside distractions and you've got a team that could lose the third game. And that's exactly what we have here. The Giants are playing better lately, the Cowboys are playing worse, TO is hut and Romo is thinking about Jessica Simpson in a bikini. Ok that last one doesn't matter but the other factors make me pick the Giants with the points.
GREEN BAY PACKERS -7 1/2 seattle seahawks
I think the Seahawks are just a little faster lion in the jungle than the Tampa Bay Bucs were. I know they won by 21 last week but they were trailing with 9 minutes to go, and they should have been trailing by at least 4. The key will be how the game starts. If the Seahawks can run the ball they have a chance but if Shaun Alexander is turtling at the end of every short run (he turns his back into hits) and the Seahawks get in a lot of 3rd and longs, I think the Packers can force Hasselbeck into mistakes. Plus I have this faith in Favre that he will not let them lose this game.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS -13 jacksonville jaguars
I'm sorry but I just am not hitching a ride on the Jaguars bandwagon. In a week when all the spreads are more than a touchdown this spread looks infinitesimal to me. I think people have forgotten that the Patriots are the best team of all time, just because they've had a few close games. The fact is this team is built to destroy, like Ivan Drago. And these are the playoffs. I fully expect an old-fashioned as skicking, and by old-fashioned I mean from the first two months of the season.
san diego chargers +8 INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
Yes the loss of Antonio Gates (who's still questionable) will hurt the Chargers but I think people are forgetting that other than in the passing game (QB, receivers) the Chargers have way more talent than the Colts do. I've been burned many times by a Chargers team that just can't seem to put it all together, but with more than a touchdown in play, I have to stick with them as my upset special.
new york giants +7 1/2 DALLAS COWBOYS
The Cowboys have already beaten the Giants twice this season, and by my logic and past history, that would make it likely that they would win again. But history also shows that sometimes teams that have lost twice do rebound in game 3. And for that to happen you'd think they would have played at least once early in the season, then the two teams starting going in opposite directions, plus a big injury to the previous winner and some outside distractions and you've got a team that could lose the third game. And that's exactly what we have here. The Giants are playing better lately, the Cowboys are playing worse, TO is hut and Romo is thinking about Jessica Simpson in a bikini. Ok that last one doesn't matter but the other factors make me pick the Giants with the points.
GREEN BAY PACKERS -7 1/2 seattle seahawks
I think the Seahawks are just a little faster lion in the jungle than the Tampa Bay Bucs were. I know they won by 21 last week but they were trailing with 9 minutes to go, and they should have been trailing by at least 4. The key will be how the game starts. If the Seahawks can run the ball they have a chance but if Shaun Alexander is turtling at the end of every short run (he turns his back into hits) and the Seahawks get in a lot of 3rd and longs, I think the Packers can force Hasselbeck into mistakes. Plus I have this faith in Favre that he will not let them lose this game.
What I Should Have Said Theater
This is what Tiger Woods should have said about a comment by Golf Channel anchor Kelly Tilghman, who said the only way for young golfers to compete with Tiger Woods was to "lynch him in a back alley."
"Kelly and I are friends, and I have a great deal of respect for Kelly. Regardless of the choice of words used, I know unequivocally that there was no ill-intent in her comments. I consider the story a non-issue."
Amazingly, that is exactly what Tiger Woods said (give or take a few pronouns since it was released through his agent it was done in the third person). That is exactly why people of all races respect Tiger Woods because he carries himself with class, grace and frequently uses common sense. Unlike the idiot race baiters who are once again trying to gain power by bringing down a white person. In most of these cases the comments are pretty innocuous (something about fried chicken or nappy hair), but in this case lynching was definitely the wrong word to use. But intent matters here. She didn't mean it in a racial sense, she was laughing and joking and used the wrong word. That is not a crime against humanity. Kudos to Tiger Woods for having the balls to do what's right and not punish a woman for a simple stupid mistake. By the way, the Golf Channel caved and suspended Tilghman for two weeks. It will be interesting to see if they can resist the pressure to fire her that is already starting to build.
"Kelly and I are friends, and I have a great deal of respect for Kelly. Regardless of the choice of words used, I know unequivocally that there was no ill-intent in her comments. I consider the story a non-issue."
Amazingly, that is exactly what Tiger Woods said (give or take a few pronouns since it was released through his agent it was done in the third person). That is exactly why people of all races respect Tiger Woods because he carries himself with class, grace and frequently uses common sense. Unlike the idiot race baiters who are once again trying to gain power by bringing down a white person. In most of these cases the comments are pretty innocuous (something about fried chicken or nappy hair), but in this case lynching was definitely the wrong word to use. But intent matters here. She didn't mean it in a racial sense, she was laughing and joking and used the wrong word. That is not a crime against humanity. Kudos to Tiger Woods for having the balls to do what's right and not punish a woman for a simple stupid mistake. By the way, the Golf Channel caved and suspended Tilghman for two weeks. It will be interesting to see if they can resist the pressure to fire her that is already starting to build.
Knew Knut
You may remember the old cuddly little German polar bear who was abandoned by his mother. Well move over Knut, there's a new sheriff in town.
This little cub, whom you can see in between Vera's legs, was also abandoned by her and now has to be bottlefed by zookeepers.
The thinking is that the polar bears become distracted or angered by the visitors taking pictures of them and their new babies, so they abandon them. This leads me to believe that Britney Spears is a polar bear.
Anyway here is the new guy (or girl, we don't know yet) with the zookeepers at the Nuremberg Zoo who may have staged this whole thing in order to get as much attention as Knut got for the Berlin Zoo.
This little cub, whom you can see in between Vera's legs, was also abandoned by her and now has to be bottlefed by zookeepers.
The thinking is that the polar bears become distracted or angered by the visitors taking pictures of them and their new babies, so they abandon them. This leads me to believe that Britney Spears is a polar bear.
Anyway here is the new guy (or girl, we don't know yet) with the zookeepers at the Nuremberg Zoo who may have staged this whole thing in order to get as much attention as Knut got for the Berlin Zoo.
Save the Puppies
Brilliant article from Jack Coyle of the Associated Press. Even the byline at the end is clever and funny.
Dear Hollywood directors, producers and screenwriters:
Though hardened against many of life‘s cruelties, one subject touches a frayed nerve that, though small, has the power to instantly shatter an otherwise stoic front.
But please, spare the puppy dogs.
Yet my letter is not prompted by such heartwarming four-legged tales; it‘s your holiday blockbuster "I Am Legend." (If you haven‘t yet seen this movie of yours, beware of spoilers ahead.)
But in protecting her owner — no, partner — Sam is bitten by a hairless zombie. (There‘s an ad for an invisible fence.) Despite Mr. Smith‘s best efforts, she quickly contracts the rabies-like disease that has decimated the planet. When our hero is forced to strangle his only friend with his bare hands, he can‘t even stand to watch her death, gazing helplessly away.
Alfred Hitchcock once said he erred when he suspensefully killed a boy with a bomb in 1936‘s "Sabotage." Well, I like kids fine, but it‘s the dogs I can‘t stand to see die on the big screen. It‘s an exploitation of pathos that should be restricted by law — or at least by a "Curb Your Dog Movies" sign.
In Vittorio De Sica‘s "Umberto D" (1952), an old man, played by Carlo Battisti, is insensitively thrown out into the street, where the bleakness of homelessness awaits. He eventually tries to part with his best friend — a little pup named Flike — to save the fella from sharing in his inevitable fate.
And if that‘s not enough, here are two words to consider: Old Ye-- ... no, I can‘t even discuss that one.
The fact is that we humans are a mean bunch, so our downfalls are usually our own fault. But the soul of a dog is pure before the Michael Vicks of the world interfere.
Or, to simplify, puppy dogs never hurt nobody.
Hollywood, in the name of Lassie, throw a dog a bone.
___
AP Entertainment Writer Jake Coyle also roots for horses in Westerns.
Dear Hollywood directors, producers and screenwriters:
Though hardened against many of life‘s cruelties, one subject touches a frayed nerve that, though small, has the power to instantly shatter an otherwise stoic front.
But please, spare the puppy dogs.
Yet my letter is not prompted by such heartwarming four-legged tales; it‘s your holiday blockbuster "I Am Legend." (If you haven‘t yet seen this movie of yours, beware of spoilers ahead.)
But in protecting her owner — no, partner — Sam is bitten by a hairless zombie. (There‘s an ad for an invisible fence.) Despite Mr. Smith‘s best efforts, she quickly contracts the rabies-like disease that has decimated the planet. When our hero is forced to strangle his only friend with his bare hands, he can‘t even stand to watch her death, gazing helplessly away.
Alfred Hitchcock once said he erred when he suspensefully killed a boy with a bomb in 1936‘s "Sabotage." Well, I like kids fine, but it‘s the dogs I can‘t stand to see die on the big screen. It‘s an exploitation of pathos that should be restricted by law — or at least by a "Curb Your Dog Movies" sign.
In Vittorio De Sica‘s "Umberto D" (1952), an old man, played by Carlo Battisti, is insensitively thrown out into the street, where the bleakness of homelessness awaits. He eventually tries to part with his best friend — a little pup named Flike — to save the fella from sharing in his inevitable fate.
And if that‘s not enough, here are two words to consider: Old Ye-- ... no, I can‘t even discuss that one.
The fact is that we humans are a mean bunch, so our downfalls are usually our own fault. But the soul of a dog is pure before the Michael Vicks of the world interfere.
Or, to simplify, puppy dogs never hurt nobody.
Hollywood, in the name of Lassie, throw a dog a bone.
___
AP Entertainment Writer Jake Coyle also roots for horses in Westerns.
Cool New Word
Googleganger
It's a person with the same name (or similar name) who comes up when you Google yourself. Derived from my favorite word, doppleganger.
My Googleganger owns several coffee and gelato shops in Texas.
Note: If you wish to comment on my Googleganger, your Googleganger or someone else's Googleganger, please leave last names out of it
It's a person with the same name (or similar name) who comes up when you Google yourself. Derived from my favorite word, doppleganger.
My Googleganger owns several coffee and gelato shops in Texas.
Note: If you wish to comment on my Googleganger, your Googleganger or someone else's Googleganger, please leave last names out of it
Looks Like She Really Wants a Pearl Necklace
An actress is suing a jewelry store for doing a bait and switch on her.
Jane Doe (she didn't file suit under her real name) claims that Szul.com misled her in their advertising campaign.
Doe said she originally thought the ad was going to be funny and 75% of the shoot when that way.
But then she was told to sit and feign excitement for a few seconds while a young man put the necklace on her.
After that scene, she was told to fake excitement while lying down, without smiling.
And she was asked to keep repeating it until the director got the best stuff.
What they got was a woman in lingerie, wriggling in a bed faking an orgasm.
The video is safe for work, but the sound may not be.
Jane Doe (she didn't file suit under her real name) claims that Szul.com misled her in their advertising campaign.
Doe said she originally thought the ad was going to be funny and 75% of the shoot when that way.
But then she was told to sit and feign excitement for a few seconds while a young man put the necklace on her.
After that scene, she was told to fake excitement while lying down, without smiling.
And she was asked to keep repeating it until the director got the best stuff.
What they got was a woman in lingerie, wriggling in a bed faking an orgasm.
The video is safe for work, but the sound may not be.
They Found Me, I Don't Know How But They Found Me
These are actual Google searches that people have typed in and used to get to The Poop:
Pictures of her poop coming out
Pooping their bikinis
Girls Pooping in the Woods
Blonde Poop (Searched in Japanese)
Cheerleader Poop Story
Thong Poop Smell
How To Snort Poop
Is your spleen what holds the poop
Tub Poop Upside Down
Joe Paterno Poop
Redskins Poop on Cowboys
jessie "there's no time, there's never any time"
Pictures of her poop coming out
Pooping their bikinis
Girls Pooping in the Woods
Blonde Poop (Searched in Japanese)
Cheerleader Poop Story
Thong Poop Smell
How To Snort Poop
Is your spleen what holds the poop
Tub Poop Upside Down
Joe Paterno Poop
Redskins Poop on Cowboys
jessie "there's no time, there's never any time"
Thursday, January 10, 2008
New Kid on the Block
From the proud father:
Talia Bari was born today at 5:50pm and weighs 7lbs 1oz, length to be determined.
Mom and Tali are doing well!
The Poop's sincere congratulations go out to Daddy Nails, Mommy Nails and Uncle Concierge
Talia Bari was born today at 5:50pm and weighs 7lbs 1oz, length to be determined.
Mom and Tali are doing well!
The Poop's sincere congratulations go out to Daddy Nails, Mommy Nails and Uncle Concierge
Here She Comes
From the proud father-to-be:
"Today is judgment day for Baby Nails
Mrs. Nails received the flaxseed oil last night. The B-12 might come today around 11am.
The letters of the day for Mrs. Nails are FTP [fuck the pain].
Bidding for Baby Nails pictures start at $750,000.00.
Nails has made a fantasy baseball trade in the labor and delivering room. In case you were wondering Nails received [Roy] Oswalt for [Francisco] Liriano and [Evan] Longoria."
Good luck!
"Today is judgment day for Baby Nails
Mrs. Nails received the flaxseed oil last night. The B-12 might come today around 11am.
The letters of the day for Mrs. Nails are FTP [fuck the pain].
Bidding for Baby Nails pictures start at $750,000.00.
Nails has made a fantasy baseball trade in the labor and delivering room. In case you were wondering Nails received [Roy] Oswalt for [Francisco] Liriano and [Evan] Longoria."
Good luck!
Movies Are an Inspiration to Us All
After I saw "The Natural" I wanted to get shot with a silver bullet and make a bat out of a tree.
After she saw "Mannequin" Mrs. Poop tried to get locked in a department store over night.
After he saw "Cool Runnings" Josh searched for Jamaican ancestors and tried to build a bobsled.
After seeing "Weekend at Bernie's" and presumably the sequel "Weekend at Bernie's 2," David Dalaia and James O'Hare wheeled their dead buddy Virgilio Cintron around Manhattan in a desk chair.
Their last stop was at the local Pay-O-Matic, a check-cashing store, where they tried to cash Cintron's Social Security check.
Witnesses said the two guys had to keep propping him up because he was flopping from side to side. If only they had tried playing music, that worked for Bernie.
When they left Cintron outside to cash the check a crowd formed around the body. A policeman saw the crowd and immediately figured out, he's not sleeping, he's dead.
Dalaia and O'Hare were arrested for check fraud because apparently there's no crime in wheeling a dead guy around the city. That's just fun. But when you try to defraud the government by fraudulently cashing his check, that's when the law has to take over.
After she saw "Mannequin" Mrs. Poop tried to get locked in a department store over night.
After he saw "Cool Runnings" Josh searched for Jamaican ancestors and tried to build a bobsled.
After seeing "Weekend at Bernie's" and presumably the sequel "Weekend at Bernie's 2," David Dalaia and James O'Hare wheeled their dead buddy Virgilio Cintron around Manhattan in a desk chair.
Their last stop was at the local Pay-O-Matic, a check-cashing store, where they tried to cash Cintron's Social Security check.
Witnesses said the two guys had to keep propping him up because he was flopping from side to side. If only they had tried playing music, that worked for Bernie.
When they left Cintron outside to cash the check a crowd formed around the body. A policeman saw the crowd and immediately figured out, he's not sleeping, he's dead.
Dalaia and O'Hare were arrested for check fraud because apparently there's no crime in wheeling a dead guy around the city. That's just fun. But when you try to defraud the government by fraudulently cashing his check, that's when the law has to take over.
Tough Love
Jane Hambleton bought her 19 year old son a used car over Thanksgiving.
She gave it to him with 2 rules: No booze and always keep it locked.
Assuming it goes without saying that he had to abide by all state laws (don't speed, wear a seatbelt, use a hands free device when talking on the phone), she still allowed other behaviors that perhaps a mother would deem undesirable such as eating potato chips and leaving crumbs or getting roadhead.
When she found a bottle of alcohol under the front seat (her son says a passenger was drinking it) she decided to sell the car. This is the ad she placed in the paper:
"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."
She says she sold the car, and received lots of calls congratulating her for her actions. I'm sure she'll get one from noted tough love advocate jusTON.
She gave it to him with 2 rules: No booze and always keep it locked.
Assuming it goes without saying that he had to abide by all state laws (don't speed, wear a seatbelt, use a hands free device when talking on the phone), she still allowed other behaviors that perhaps a mother would deem undesirable such as eating potato chips and leaving crumbs or getting roadhead.
When she found a bottle of alcohol under the front seat (her son says a passenger was drinking it) she decided to sell the car. This is the ad she placed in the paper:
"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."
She says she sold the car, and received lots of calls congratulating her for her actions. I'm sure she'll get one from noted tough love advocate jusTON.
That Line Never Works For Me Either
I normally never post scurrilous internet rumors because even though I don't try to pass this blog off as a bastion of journalist ethics I do have some standards. Plus there is so much good stuff that is true that I don't have to make up shit or post someone else's made up shit.
But every once in a while I find something too good to pass up.
Supposedly a reporter from Radar (palindrome!) was at a Manhattan bar and overheard this conversation between Adrian Grenier (who evidently thinks he is Vinny Chase) and some chick.
Adrian: Hi, what's your name?
Brunette: [Giggling. It is obvious she knows who he is; she is flattered that he has approached her] Elizabeth. What's yours?
Adrian: Adrian.
Brunette: Nice to meet you! And what do you do, Adrian?
Adrian: I make documentary films.
Brunette: Oh really?
Adrian: Yeah. And some other stuff on the side. What about you?
Brunette: I'm in fashion.
Adrian: That's cool. So how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you?
Brunette: [Staring, somewhat flabbergasted] Excuse me? I don't really know you well enough to do that, I don't think.
Adrian: Well, let's get to know each other. Where are you from, Elizabeth?
Brunette: I'm from Houston, Texas.
Adrian: [Pauses. Warily.] Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
Brunette: Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to talk about politics and religion at a party?
Adrian: Well who did you vote for in the last election?
Brunette: Not that it's any of your business, I voted for Bush.
Adrian: [Upon hearing the name Bush, Adrian works himself into a minor frenzy] Wow. I mean, how could you? Are you serious? Do you know what he's done to this country? I mean ... well, who are you voting for in this election?
Brunette: I haven't decided yet.
Adrian: Hmm. Well how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you and we talk about it in the morning?
Brunette: No thanks.
I know some people will think this story is embarrassing to Grenier, but I don't. If you're a famous actor you can try this on ten girls and reasonably expect one to agree. So why would he waste time trying some other more mainstream approach when he can have 10 2 minutes conversations and achieve his goal of getting laid.
But every once in a while I find something too good to pass up.
Supposedly a reporter from Radar (palindrome!) was at a Manhattan bar and overheard this conversation between Adrian Grenier (who evidently thinks he is Vinny Chase) and some chick.
Adrian: Hi, what's your name?
Brunette: [Giggling. It is obvious she knows who he is; she is flattered that he has approached her] Elizabeth. What's yours?
Adrian: Adrian.
Brunette: Nice to meet you! And what do you do, Adrian?
Adrian: I make documentary films.
Brunette: Oh really?
Adrian: Yeah. And some other stuff on the side. What about you?
Brunette: I'm in fashion.
Adrian: That's cool. So how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you?
Brunette: [Staring, somewhat flabbergasted] Excuse me? I don't really know you well enough to do that, I don't think.
Adrian: Well, let's get to know each other. Where are you from, Elizabeth?
Brunette: I'm from Houston, Texas.
Adrian: [Pauses. Warily.] Are you a Democrat or a Republican?
Brunette: Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to talk about politics and religion at a party?
Adrian: Well who did you vote for in the last election?
Brunette: Not that it's any of your business, I voted for Bush.
Adrian: [Upon hearing the name Bush, Adrian works himself into a minor frenzy] Wow. I mean, how could you? Are you serious? Do you know what he's done to this country? I mean ... well, who are you voting for in this election?
Brunette: I haven't decided yet.
Adrian: Hmm. Well how about we go home and I fuck the shit out of you and we talk about it in the morning?
Brunette: No thanks.
I know some people will think this story is embarrassing to Grenier, but I don't. If you're a famous actor you can try this on ten girls and reasonably expect one to agree. So why would he waste time trying some other more mainstream approach when he can have 10 2 minutes conversations and achieve his goal of getting laid.
I Guess Hurricane Katrina Was Worse Than We Thought
At the end of August 2005, Hurricane Katrina hit, destroying New Orleans and a lot of the rest of the Gulf Coast. That very weekend Mrs. Poop and I got married and went on our little honeymoon to Hawaii, and although we watched a little bit of the news, I don't think either of us really understood just how bad the damage was. I don't think anyone did. I've seen estimates that Katrina did $100 billion of damage, maybe as high as $150 billion. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off!.
According to the claims filed by Katrina victims for assistance from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, here's a by the numbers recap of just how bad things were"
489,000 - total number of claims
3,014,170,389,176,410 - dollar value of claims
3 quadrillion - the above figure expressed more eloquently
a quadrillion - a one followed by 15 zeros, comes after trillions when counting from one
$13.2 trillion - an estimate of U.S. Gross Domestic Product in 2007
.4% - expressed in percentage terms the relationship between GDP and the cost of these claims
228 - number of years we'd have to spend every dollar of our GDP on reimbursing these victims, to finally pay them off
247 - number of claims by people, business and government agencies for over $1 billion
1 - asshole whose claim was for $3 quadrillion, skewing all these numbers
14.2 trillion - dollar value of all the claims excluding that one asshole, still bigger than U.S. GDP
According to the claims filed by Katrina victims for assistance from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, here's a by the numbers recap of just how bad things were"
489,000 - total number of claims
3,014,170,389,176,410 - dollar value of claims
3 quadrillion - the above figure expressed more eloquently
a quadrillion - a one followed by 15 zeros, comes after trillions when counting from one
$13.2 trillion - an estimate of U.S. Gross Domestic Product in 2007
.4% - expressed in percentage terms the relationship between GDP and the cost of these claims
228 - number of years we'd have to spend every dollar of our GDP on reimbursing these victims, to finally pay them off
247 - number of claims by people, business and government agencies for over $1 billion
1 - asshole whose claim was for $3 quadrillion, skewing all these numbers
14.2 trillion - dollar value of all the claims excluding that one asshole, still bigger than U.S. GDP
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Oh, To Be Young Again
Sometimes the hypothetical question comes up "if you could be any age again, how old would you want to be?" And every time I answer the same way "8, that was a very good year."
The year I was 20, I lived in the Kliq and started dating Mrs. Poop, and that was the most fun year, and in retrospect the most important.
The year I was 29, Chase was born, and that was the most exciting, amazing, life-changing year.
But both of those have something that age 8 did not, worry.
When you're 8 nothing matters. Girls were still icky so who cared if they didn't think I was cute. I didn't have a job or any bills to pay. Sure I had homework but I was the smartest kid in the class so the spelling and vocabulary words and math problems that taxed the brains of the mere mortals in my class were a breeze for me.
Here's how good things were for me when I was 8, when I got in trouble in school, which was often, my punishment was that I had to go sit in another teacher's classroom.
That other teacher was The Concierge's (and Nails's) mom.
The most important thing to me when I was 8 was the New York Mets.
I loved the Mets. I worshipped the Mets. I played outside and pretended I was the Mets, all of them. I pitched like Dwight Gooden, hit like Darryl Strawberry, and so intense was my devotion that I even pretended to field like Rafael Santana. You're never too young to appreciate the value of a slick-fielding shortstop.
I wrote the lineup in my notebook. I memorized the stats, which in those days were only printed in the newspaper, and the boxscores didn't have current batting averages or RBI totals you had to wait for Sunday to see that (unless there was a light day and Mets and Yankees totals were printed).
And on October 25, 1986 I stayed up late into the night to see the ball roll through Bill Buckner's legs.
And when it did, I jumped up and down on my parents bed and was the happiest kid in the whole world.
The fact that I was all-consumed with a team full of drug users, criminals and all around bad guys demonstrates the innocence I had at that age, and lost along the way.
I bring this up because currently there are young girls all across the country who are as consumed with something as deeply as I loved those Mets. The object of their affection is Hannah Montana.
They are sleeping on Hannah Montana sheets, they are listening to Miley Cyrus songs (they are catchy), they are wearing Hannah Montana wigs and they are watching youtube clips of Billy Ray Cyrus doing the achy-breaky (ok, no illogical hero worship extends that far), but they love Hannah and Miley.
They beg their parents to take them to Hannah concerts, tickets to which are impossible to get and incredibly expensive on the seconday market.
They scream when someone so much as mentions the name Hannah Montana.
And they stay kids just a little bit longer because of it.
In an age when young girls are looking up to sluts like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton (who is best known for having sex), the admiration of Miley is downright refreshing to me.
And these girls will all grow up and out of the Miley Cyrus phase and they'll still become teenage sluts in high school in a few years. And Miley will be forgotten about until 20 years from now when people will ask "what happened to Miley? Why wasn't she a bigger star?" the same way we ask now why the Mets didn't win more than one World Series in the 80s.
But for now I think the young girls and their idol worship is endearing and I hope that Miley doesn't end up in drug rehab like Gooden and Strawberry.
The year I was 20, I lived in the Kliq and started dating Mrs. Poop, and that was the most fun year, and in retrospect the most important.
The year I was 29, Chase was born, and that was the most exciting, amazing, life-changing year.
But both of those have something that age 8 did not, worry.
When you're 8 nothing matters. Girls were still icky so who cared if they didn't think I was cute. I didn't have a job or any bills to pay. Sure I had homework but I was the smartest kid in the class so the spelling and vocabulary words and math problems that taxed the brains of the mere mortals in my class were a breeze for me.
Here's how good things were for me when I was 8, when I got in trouble in school, which was often, my punishment was that I had to go sit in another teacher's classroom.
That other teacher was The Concierge's (and Nails's) mom.
The most important thing to me when I was 8 was the New York Mets.
I loved the Mets. I worshipped the Mets. I played outside and pretended I was the Mets, all of them. I pitched like Dwight Gooden, hit like Darryl Strawberry, and so intense was my devotion that I even pretended to field like Rafael Santana. You're never too young to appreciate the value of a slick-fielding shortstop.
I wrote the lineup in my notebook. I memorized the stats, which in those days were only printed in the newspaper, and the boxscores didn't have current batting averages or RBI totals you had to wait for Sunday to see that (unless there was a light day and Mets and Yankees totals were printed).
And on October 25, 1986 I stayed up late into the night to see the ball roll through Bill Buckner's legs.
And when it did, I jumped up and down on my parents bed and was the happiest kid in the whole world.
The fact that I was all-consumed with a team full of drug users, criminals and all around bad guys demonstrates the innocence I had at that age, and lost along the way.
I bring this up because currently there are young girls all across the country who are as consumed with something as deeply as I loved those Mets. The object of their affection is Hannah Montana.
They are sleeping on Hannah Montana sheets, they are listening to Miley Cyrus songs (they are catchy), they are wearing Hannah Montana wigs and they are watching youtube clips of Billy Ray Cyrus doing the achy-breaky (ok, no illogical hero worship extends that far), but they love Hannah and Miley.
They beg their parents to take them to Hannah concerts, tickets to which are impossible to get and incredibly expensive on the seconday market.
They scream when someone so much as mentions the name Hannah Montana.
And they stay kids just a little bit longer because of it.
In an age when young girls are looking up to sluts like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton (who is best known for having sex), the admiration of Miley is downright refreshing to me.
And these girls will all grow up and out of the Miley Cyrus phase and they'll still become teenage sluts in high school in a few years. And Miley will be forgotten about until 20 years from now when people will ask "what happened to Miley? Why wasn't she a bigger star?" the same way we ask now why the Mets didn't win more than one World Series in the 80s.
But for now I think the young girls and their idol worship is endearing and I hope that Miley doesn't end up in drug rehab like Gooden and Strawberry.
No Play For Mr. Gray
It's been more than 5 years since the now famous Just For Men ad featuring Keith Hernandez and Clyde Frazier first aired.
With its signature lines "no play for Mr. Gray" and "rejected!" the ad has really caught on.
The New York Times says a new ad is in the works, this one featuring Emmitt Smith, and a whole slew of new rhymes like "your stache is trash."
The company's advertising deal with both men requires them to keep their facial hair a nice dark shade of black. Just For Men execs even monitor Keith to make sure he's darkening as often as he should, and they get on him if a little gray shows through.
Story suggested by SCZA
With its signature lines "no play for Mr. Gray" and "rejected!" the ad has really caught on.
The New York Times says a new ad is in the works, this one featuring Emmitt Smith, and a whole slew of new rhymes like "your stache is trash."
The company's advertising deal with both men requires them to keep their facial hair a nice dark shade of black. Just For Men execs even monitor Keith to make sure he's darkening as often as he should, and they get on him if a little gray shows through.
Story suggested by SCZA
How Dare She
A woman from Bayonne, New Jersey appeared on "Deal or No Deal" Monday night and insulted Staten Island.
Apparently after the first offer from the banker Howie said " The banker knew he smelled something."
To which the contestant replied, "That's the dump in Staten Island."
Apparently after the first offer from the banker Howie said " The banker knew he smelled something."
To which the contestant replied, "That's the dump in Staten Island."
Staten Island Ninja
A crime wave is sweeping Staten Island.
A burglar recently robbed a house, the 19th home police attribute to this crime spree.
Like the Wet Bandits of "Home Alone" fame this thief has a cool nickname, "The Ninja Burglar."
He earned that moniker during a confrontation with one home owner during which he used nunchucks to fight off his victim and escape.
At least 6 times the residents of the homes he was burglarizing saw him, but they were never able to catch him. And he never said a word to any of them.
He just skulked off, undetected, like a ninja.
Story suggested by the Razor
A burglar recently robbed a house, the 19th home police attribute to this crime spree.
Like the Wet Bandits of "Home Alone" fame this thief has a cool nickname, "The Ninja Burglar."
He earned that moniker during a confrontation with one home owner during which he used nunchucks to fight off his victim and escape.
At least 6 times the residents of the homes he was burglarizing saw him, but they were never able to catch him. And he never said a word to any of them.
He just skulked off, undetected, like a ninja.
Story suggested by the Razor
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Roger Clemens is a Fuckin Liar
Roger Clemens's recent campaign has done nothing to clear his name. In fact, the cleverly orchestrated act makes Clemens look even more guilty to me.
The McNamee Tape
There was nothing in this tape that makes Clemens look good. Yes, McNamee didn't confront Clemens and say "I did tell the truth" but it was clear to me that McNamee was sorry that he had to rat Clemens out to save his own ass.
McNamee said "what do you want me to do?" about 100 times during the conversation and never once did Clemens (who knew he was recording the conversation to play it at the press conference) say "just admit you lied about me."
You know why? Because McNamee would have laughed in his face.
The 60 Minutes Interview
I thought Mike Wallace did a decent job asking Clemens some tough questions but he didn't really hammer him as he allowed Clemens to ask a bunch of rhetorical questions that shouldn't have remained rhetorical.
"If this stuff is so good why didn't I keep taking it?" Clemens answered this one later by saying steroids are just a quick fix.
"Why didn't my tendons turn to dust?" Just be patient Roger.
Clemens also suggested that he never underwent a drastic physical change. And Wallace didn't show him a picture of himself from 1985, that's inexcusable softball journalism.
The best part was when Clemens was asked if he would take a lie detector test and he said "I don't know whether they're good or bad." His lawyers advised him not to take one, they say because they're not reliable, I'd say it's because he would fail.
The Mitchell Report
Using information told him by McNamee, before which McNamee was warned that any false statements would result in criminal charges, Mitchell constructs the picture of McNamee's relationship with Clemens. They met in Toronto when McNamme was hired by the Blue Jays as the strength and conditioning coach in 1998. Clemens who had joined the team the year before was living in the hotel in the Skydome, as was McNamee.
In early June of 1998, the Blue Jays went to Florida to play the Marlins. McNamee and Clemens went to a lunch party at Jose Canseco's house in Florida, Canseco was on the Blue Jays at the time.
Canseco told Mitchell's investigators that he had conversations with Clemens about steroids, and cycling.
It was after this meeting that McNamee says Clemens brought up the topic of steroids, and asked McNamee to inject him.
McNamee claims to have injected Clemens with steroids several times during 1998 and then in later years when McNamee was hired by the Yankees.
At that point in the 1998 season Clemens was 6-6. He went 14-0 the rest of the season. Granted he won the 1997 Cy Young Award after 4 mediocre years with the Red Sox, but this seems to be the beginning of Clemens's resurgence.
Circumstantial Evidence
Clemens had a famous roid rage incident on the mound during the 2000 World Series.
Clemens not only continued pitching at a high level at an age when most pitchers retire, he surpassed his best performances from early in his career at an advanced age.
His head grew.
Several seasons after he retired, he came back but waited until midseason, perhaps so he could cycle back on the roids.
There is zero chance that Clemens did not use steroids and his histrionics lately make him seem even more guilty.
The McNamee Tape
There was nothing in this tape that makes Clemens look good. Yes, McNamee didn't confront Clemens and say "I did tell the truth" but it was clear to me that McNamee was sorry that he had to rat Clemens out to save his own ass.
McNamee said "what do you want me to do?" about 100 times during the conversation and never once did Clemens (who knew he was recording the conversation to play it at the press conference) say "just admit you lied about me."
You know why? Because McNamee would have laughed in his face.
The 60 Minutes Interview
I thought Mike Wallace did a decent job asking Clemens some tough questions but he didn't really hammer him as he allowed Clemens to ask a bunch of rhetorical questions that shouldn't have remained rhetorical.
"If this stuff is so good why didn't I keep taking it?" Clemens answered this one later by saying steroids are just a quick fix.
"Why didn't my tendons turn to dust?" Just be patient Roger.
Clemens also suggested that he never underwent a drastic physical change. And Wallace didn't show him a picture of himself from 1985, that's inexcusable softball journalism.
The best part was when Clemens was asked if he would take a lie detector test and he said "I don't know whether they're good or bad." His lawyers advised him not to take one, they say because they're not reliable, I'd say it's because he would fail.
The Mitchell Report
Using information told him by McNamee, before which McNamee was warned that any false statements would result in criminal charges, Mitchell constructs the picture of McNamee's relationship with Clemens. They met in Toronto when McNamme was hired by the Blue Jays as the strength and conditioning coach in 1998. Clemens who had joined the team the year before was living in the hotel in the Skydome, as was McNamee.
In early June of 1998, the Blue Jays went to Florida to play the Marlins. McNamee and Clemens went to a lunch party at Jose Canseco's house in Florida, Canseco was on the Blue Jays at the time.
Canseco told Mitchell's investigators that he had conversations with Clemens about steroids, and cycling.
It was after this meeting that McNamee says Clemens brought up the topic of steroids, and asked McNamee to inject him.
McNamee claims to have injected Clemens with steroids several times during 1998 and then in later years when McNamee was hired by the Yankees.
At that point in the 1998 season Clemens was 6-6. He went 14-0 the rest of the season. Granted he won the 1997 Cy Young Award after 4 mediocre years with the Red Sox, but this seems to be the beginning of Clemens's resurgence.
Circumstantial Evidence
Clemens had a famous roid rage incident on the mound during the 2000 World Series.
Clemens not only continued pitching at a high level at an age when most pitchers retire, he surpassed his best performances from early in his career at an advanced age.
His head grew.
Several seasons after he retired, he came back but waited until midseason, perhaps so he could cycle back on the roids.
There is zero chance that Clemens did not use steroids and his histrionics lately make him seem even more guilty.
So Hard To Say Good-Bye
Joe Gibbs just resigned as coach of the Washington Redskins.
As angry as I have been with his conservative play calling this season I do not want him to leave.
I still think he is a great coach who does an excellent job preparing his players for Sunday.
Sometimes on Sunday, or in this case Saturday, I question his game management, but I still believe the Redskins are far worse off without him.
As I've said many times I love Coach Gibbs, he's by far my favorite coach or manager any time of mine has ever had.
I have no idea who the Redskins can get to replace him but I'm sure he won't be as good a man, or as good a coach as Coach Gibbs.
As angry as I have been with his conservative play calling this season I do not want him to leave.
I still think he is a great coach who does an excellent job preparing his players for Sunday.
Sometimes on Sunday, or in this case Saturday, I question his game management, but I still believe the Redskins are far worse off without him.
As I've said many times I love Coach Gibbs, he's by far my favorite coach or manager any time of mine has ever had.
I have no idea who the Redskins can get to replace him but I'm sure he won't be as good a man, or as good a coach as Coach Gibbs.
It'll Take Him That Long To Assemble His Shelving Unit
Mark Malkoff is living in IKEA this week.
The madcap moviemaker who starred in the critically acclaimed "171 Starbucks" in which he bought something in every Starbucks store in Manhattan in one day, has a new project.
With his apartment being fumigated, or so the story goes, he needed a place to live for a week. So the good folks at IKEA in Paramus (5 minutes from the Poop House) allowed Malkoff to take up residence amongst their fine Swedish furniture for one week.
The odyssey began Monday January 7th.
Now the kicker to all of this is, Mark's brother lived on the same floor as jusTON, BC and I our freshman year at Syracuse. I only met Mark once, and we started calling him Angry Dave because of his resemblance to an angrier version of his brother, but I might pay him a visit this week just to see how things are going, and what kind of set up he has there.
The madcap moviemaker who starred in the critically acclaimed "171 Starbucks" in which he bought something in every Starbucks store in Manhattan in one day, has a new project.
With his apartment being fumigated, or so the story goes, he needed a place to live for a week. So the good folks at IKEA in Paramus (5 minutes from the Poop House) allowed Malkoff to take up residence amongst their fine Swedish furniture for one week.
The odyssey began Monday January 7th.
Now the kicker to all of this is, Mark's brother lived on the same floor as jusTON, BC and I our freshman year at Syracuse. I only met Mark once, and we started calling him Angry Dave because of his resemblance to an angrier version of his brother, but I might pay him a visit this week just to see how things are going, and what kind of set up he has there.
Monday, January 07, 2008
The NFL is Poop - Wild Card Playoffs
Seattle Seahawks 35 Washington Redskins 14
This was the closest 35-14 game in playoff history. The fact is, the Redskins should have won. But once again Joe Gibbs cost his team a chance with his 1980s playcalling. I know Al Saunders does the playcalling but the buck stops with the head coach.
The first time Gibbs went conservative was when he played for a field goal after the Redskins had just recovered the kickoff after taking a 14-13 lead. Gibbs was content to take a 17-13 lead so he took no shots at the end zone from the 14 yard line. When it resulted in a missed field goal the whole game turned around.
By the way, the Redskins have been haunted by horrible field goal kickers ever since Chip Lohmiller left.
The Redskins got another chance after Matt Hasselbeck threw his second interception to Laron Landry.
Only this one pinned the Redskins at the 9 yard line, and a penalty moved them back to the 5.
And this is what they did, first down run to Sellers 2 yards. Second down, draw to Portis, 2 yards. There were still 9 minutes left and the Redskins were counting on their defense to stop the Seahawks without a first down.
Obviously it didn't happen. The Seahawks took over at the 42 and scored a touchdown. Then on the first play Todd Collins threw his first interception of the year and thanks to Santana Moss who quit on the play, Marcus Trufant returned it for a touchdown. 2 plays, 2 touchdowns. Game over.
Not everything was Gibbs's fault. The team basically played 3 horrible quarters on offense, and the defense was employing a bend but don't break strategy. 5 good minutes shouldn't be enough to win a playoff game, but it almost was, until Gibbs played not to lose.
And one more thing, the emotion from Sean Taylor's death had nothing to do with this game. They were not worn out in the first three quarters, they were not energized in the beginning of the 4th and they didn't collapse because they were emotionally spent. It had zero impact on the game.
Jacksonville Jaguars 31 Pittsburgh Steelers 29
Mike Tomlin cost his team the game in a similar fashion, and he's much younger than Gibbs. First off as usual Tomlin fucked up the 2-point conversion. I don't disagree with going for it down 5 with 10 minutes to go, but when there was a penalty backing them up to the 12, the odds of a successful conversion drop from 40% to probably around 10%. Terrible decision. Even more galling was his putting his whole season in the hands of his defense to give up at the most 1 first down at the end of the game.
With 3:43 left at their own 22 the Steelers tried 3 running plays, including a quarterback draw on 3rd and 6, to get the Jaguars to use their timeouts. They needed a first down, one first down can win the game in that spot. Plus, there was no way the Jags weren't going to be able to score with 2:50 left.
The Jags got the ball at midfield and Pittsburgh's defense almost saved Tomlin. They forced the Jags into a 4th and 2, but David Garrard got free and won the game with his legs.
If you aren't a Steelers fan who now hates your incompetent new coach you probably enjoyed this game very much. Definitely the most fun, back and forth affair of the weekend, and the only game won by fewer than 10 points.
New York Giants 24 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 14
For the first quarter the Giants had negative total yards. The Bucs defense was flying around killing them, but Manning turned the game around by leading a good drive in the second quarter. He took advantage of the Bucs' aggressiveness by pump-faking and was accurate throwing the ball. A real coming out party for Manning. But really the Bucs offense just wasn't all that good.
San Diego Chargers 17 Tennessee Titans 6
This game was closer than it should have been because once again the Chargers didn't play with that do or die attitude that the best teams have. The Titans completely took Tomlinson out of the game early and I think they could have broken the Chargers spirit if they could have done anything on offense. Philip Rivers gets a lot of criticism but he threw a lot of sharp deep passes. Both Chris Chambers and Vincent Jackson had more than 100 yards receiving, and that was without Gates drawing the safeties. I was impressed with Rivers, and with the Shawn(e)s on their defense but the Chargers are going to need a lot better effort if they are going to beat the Colts.
Games of Next Week
Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers
This game will come down to whichever quarterback makes fewer mistakes. Favre definitely has the potential to make more plays but if he gets loose and slings it around the Seahawks secondary will make him pay.
Jacksonville Jaguars at New England Patriots
I am not giving the Jags much of a chance to win this game, they just haven't impressed me. I think their defensive strength (size up front) will be neutralized by the Patriots speed. If Jacksonville can run effectively and dominate time of possession they have a chance, but I just don't see the Patriots losing, they make all the plays when they need to.
San Diego Chargers at Indianapolis Colts
The Chargers are a frequent disappointment but I still believe they have the talent to knock off the Colts. If we get an accurate, smart Peyton Manning hitting Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and Anthony Gonzalez (and Marvin Harrison, if healthy), the Chargers are going to have trouble keeping up. If the Chargers D can pressure Manning and take Addai out of the game, maybe they have a chance, but don't expect 6 more interceptions.
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys
The myth that it's hard to beat a team three times in one season is at work here. Since the NFL-AFL merger in 1970, teams have played three games in the same season 53 times, but only 17 of those included teams that won both regular-season matchups, according to STATS Inc. In 11 of those 17 games, the team that won the first two games also won the third, the last time by St. Louis over Seattle in 2004. The reason being if you won the first two times you're probably better, and if you're better you're probably going to win the third time also. But these teams are headed in different directions right now and if Manning plays with confidence this could be a good one.
This was the closest 35-14 game in playoff history. The fact is, the Redskins should have won. But once again Joe Gibbs cost his team a chance with his 1980s playcalling. I know Al Saunders does the playcalling but the buck stops with the head coach.
The first time Gibbs went conservative was when he played for a field goal after the Redskins had just recovered the kickoff after taking a 14-13 lead. Gibbs was content to take a 17-13 lead so he took no shots at the end zone from the 14 yard line. When it resulted in a missed field goal the whole game turned around.
By the way, the Redskins have been haunted by horrible field goal kickers ever since Chip Lohmiller left.
The Redskins got another chance after Matt Hasselbeck threw his second interception to Laron Landry.
Only this one pinned the Redskins at the 9 yard line, and a penalty moved them back to the 5.
And this is what they did, first down run to Sellers 2 yards. Second down, draw to Portis, 2 yards. There were still 9 minutes left and the Redskins were counting on their defense to stop the Seahawks without a first down.
Obviously it didn't happen. The Seahawks took over at the 42 and scored a touchdown. Then on the first play Todd Collins threw his first interception of the year and thanks to Santana Moss who quit on the play, Marcus Trufant returned it for a touchdown. 2 plays, 2 touchdowns. Game over.
Not everything was Gibbs's fault. The team basically played 3 horrible quarters on offense, and the defense was employing a bend but don't break strategy. 5 good minutes shouldn't be enough to win a playoff game, but it almost was, until Gibbs played not to lose.
And one more thing, the emotion from Sean Taylor's death had nothing to do with this game. They were not worn out in the first three quarters, they were not energized in the beginning of the 4th and they didn't collapse because they were emotionally spent. It had zero impact on the game.
Jacksonville Jaguars 31 Pittsburgh Steelers 29
Mike Tomlin cost his team the game in a similar fashion, and he's much younger than Gibbs. First off as usual Tomlin fucked up the 2-point conversion. I don't disagree with going for it down 5 with 10 minutes to go, but when there was a penalty backing them up to the 12, the odds of a successful conversion drop from 40% to probably around 10%. Terrible decision. Even more galling was his putting his whole season in the hands of his defense to give up at the most 1 first down at the end of the game.
With 3:43 left at their own 22 the Steelers tried 3 running plays, including a quarterback draw on 3rd and 6, to get the Jaguars to use their timeouts. They needed a first down, one first down can win the game in that spot. Plus, there was no way the Jags weren't going to be able to score with 2:50 left.
The Jags got the ball at midfield and Pittsburgh's defense almost saved Tomlin. They forced the Jags into a 4th and 2, but David Garrard got free and won the game with his legs.
If you aren't a Steelers fan who now hates your incompetent new coach you probably enjoyed this game very much. Definitely the most fun, back and forth affair of the weekend, and the only game won by fewer than 10 points.
New York Giants 24 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 14
For the first quarter the Giants had negative total yards. The Bucs defense was flying around killing them, but Manning turned the game around by leading a good drive in the second quarter. He took advantage of the Bucs' aggressiveness by pump-faking and was accurate throwing the ball. A real coming out party for Manning. But really the Bucs offense just wasn't all that good.
San Diego Chargers 17 Tennessee Titans 6
This game was closer than it should have been because once again the Chargers didn't play with that do or die attitude that the best teams have. The Titans completely took Tomlinson out of the game early and I think they could have broken the Chargers spirit if they could have done anything on offense. Philip Rivers gets a lot of criticism but he threw a lot of sharp deep passes. Both Chris Chambers and Vincent Jackson had more than 100 yards receiving, and that was without Gates drawing the safeties. I was impressed with Rivers, and with the Shawn(e)s on their defense but the Chargers are going to need a lot better effort if they are going to beat the Colts.
Games of Next Week
Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers
This game will come down to whichever quarterback makes fewer mistakes. Favre definitely has the potential to make more plays but if he gets loose and slings it around the Seahawks secondary will make him pay.
Jacksonville Jaguars at New England Patriots
I am not giving the Jags much of a chance to win this game, they just haven't impressed me. I think their defensive strength (size up front) will be neutralized by the Patriots speed. If Jacksonville can run effectively and dominate time of possession they have a chance, but I just don't see the Patriots losing, they make all the plays when they need to.
San Diego Chargers at Indianapolis Colts
The Chargers are a frequent disappointment but I still believe they have the talent to knock off the Colts. If we get an accurate, smart Peyton Manning hitting Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and Anthony Gonzalez (and Marvin Harrison, if healthy), the Chargers are going to have trouble keeping up. If the Chargers D can pressure Manning and take Addai out of the game, maybe they have a chance, but don't expect 6 more interceptions.
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys
The myth that it's hard to beat a team three times in one season is at work here. Since the NFL-AFL merger in 1970, teams have played three games in the same season 53 times, but only 17 of those included teams that won both regular-season matchups, according to STATS Inc. In 11 of those 17 games, the team that won the first two games also won the third, the last time by St. Louis over Seattle in 2004. The reason being if you won the first two times you're probably better, and if you're better you're probably going to win the third time also. But these teams are headed in different directions right now and if Manning plays with confidence this could be a good one.
Deeper Thoughts on the Mitchell Report
You've read my broad view of the Mitchell Report, but now it's time to delve a little deeper.
I know it's taken me a long time to get to it but after printing it and reading it, I figured I might as well say what's on my mind.
First off, I've changed my mind a little, I now think all players mentioned (and those not mentioned) should have until March 1 to write and sign an affidavit detailing their steroid use in exchange for full amnesty. Anyone who fails to do so and is later found to have bought or used steroids will be subject to the current penalties, not the penalties in place at the time of the infraction.
*****
The Mitchell report included the names of mostly marginal players who quite possibly would never have had major league careers if not for steroid use. Many people pointed out that it's hard to blame someone for trying it, if they felt they weren't good enough without it, and if they felt they had to in order to keep up with everyone else.
That's exactly the point. Of course they would do it. Maybe we all would do it, if we didn't think we would get caught. That's why strong testing is needed. I won't get into all the specifics of how testing should be done, but obviously it needs to be tougher, it needs to be more frequent (at least 2 tests in the offseason) and they need to test for everything (including a blood test for HGH).
*****
The report named about 60 position players and about 30 pitchers. Since teams usually have about 13 players and 12 pitchers, these numbers are slightly weighted towards the hitters, but not as much as some would have thought. This doesn't exonerate Bonds just because he was hitting his steroid aided home runs against juiced pitchers.
It seems that steroids aid pitchers differently. It helps muscle recovery, helps them pitch longer and even if it does add a few miles per hour on the fastball, steroids did not have the destructive impact on the pitching record books the way they did on the offensive numbers.
*****
Because the main sources of information for the report were New York based, the report shows a dearth of Latin American players. I believe many Latin American players purchased steroids during the offseason (in some countries they're legal), avoiding the paper trail that brought down many of the people in the Mitchell Report. Also, because all the information in the Report can trace it roots to a government investigation, the Latin American players will never be found out, but I believe they were a much larger part of the problem.
*****
The Mets should have won the 2000 World Series. All four games won by the Yankees were started by pitchers named in the Mitchell Report (Clemens, Pettitte, Neagle).
*****
While I'm not surprised at the number of Mets and Yankees who were named, I was shocked at the number of Montreal Expos. Remember the mid-90s when those spunky undermanned Expos always managed to hang tough in the NL East? As it turns out, many of the team's players (David Segui, Mike Lansing, Tim Laker, Rondell White, FP Santangelo) were using steroids.
*****
Load of crap #1: Players were not given the chance to respond to the Mitchell Report.
At the end of every passage involving a player, Mitchell concludes with the sentence, "In order to provide [player's name here] with information about these allegations and to give him an opportunity to respond, I asked him to meet with me; he declined."
Almost all players declined.
*****
Load of crap #2: Mitchell was biased because of his position with the Boston Red Sox.
Mitchell included a conversation between Red Sox GM Theo Epstein and a scout about Eric Gagne. Epstein said "I know the Dodgers think he was a steroid guy. Maybe so." To which the scout replied "steroids IS the issue." But the Red Sox traded for him anyway and he was a disaster.
Also he included a story told by Paxton Crawford to ESPN, that Crawford dropped syringes on the floor of the Red Sox clubhouse, and everyone laughed.
Mitchell, though hired by Selig for this purpose, hammered Major League Baseball, for its inaction and ignorance on steroids, he did not simply blame everything on the players.
*****
Load of crap #3: Mitchell's source weren't reliable.
Kirk Radomski has notes, canceled checks and shipping receipts from many of the players named in the report. And 11 players admitted to being supplied by Radomski. If Radomski had all that credible evidence, why would he bother to make up anything? Because he can prove so much, I believe everything he said, even if he didn't back up every single transaction with every single player with hard evidence.
The same is true of Brian McNamee. Yes, he was forced to cooperate with Mitchell as part of his plea agreement. But his agreement stated that he must give truthful testimony. So if he was telling the truth about Pettitte (which he was), that was enough to get him his deal, why would he make up anything about Clemens? Because if McNamee is found to have lied, his deal with the Feds is off.
A couple side notes on Radomski. When he was growing up he lived near Charlie Samuels, the Mets equipment manager at the time and that's how he starting working with the team in an informal capacity. In 1987, he was hired as a fulltime clubhouse attendant. In 1994 the Mets cut the salaries of the clubhouse guys, leading Radomski to quit and become a full-time personal trainer and bodybuilder.
*****
Paul LoDuca was introduced to Radomski by another Mets catcher, Todd Hundley, after Hundley went to play for the Dodgers. Radomski did at least 6 transactions with LoDuca, produced 3 checks for $3200 each (2 kits) and several notes from LoDuca. One said "I haven't been able to call you back because my phone is TOAST!" Another was written on Dodgers stationary and said "Thanks! Call me if you need anything."
After the 2003 season Dodgers executives said LoDuca "got off the steroids...took away a lot of hard line drives" but warned "if you do trade him, will get back on the stuff and try to show you he can have a good year." He was traded on July 30, 2004. But the Dodgers were wrong because he hit much worse after the trade.
*****
It is my sincere wish that the Mitchell Report goes down as the tipping point for baseball, when the Players Association finally stops fighting testing and becomes a proponent of the type of testing necessary to clean up the sport once and for all.
I know it's taken me a long time to get to it but after printing it and reading it, I figured I might as well say what's on my mind.
First off, I've changed my mind a little, I now think all players mentioned (and those not mentioned) should have until March 1 to write and sign an affidavit detailing their steroid use in exchange for full amnesty. Anyone who fails to do so and is later found to have bought or used steroids will be subject to the current penalties, not the penalties in place at the time of the infraction.
*****
The Mitchell report included the names of mostly marginal players who quite possibly would never have had major league careers if not for steroid use. Many people pointed out that it's hard to blame someone for trying it, if they felt they weren't good enough without it, and if they felt they had to in order to keep up with everyone else.
That's exactly the point. Of course they would do it. Maybe we all would do it, if we didn't think we would get caught. That's why strong testing is needed. I won't get into all the specifics of how testing should be done, but obviously it needs to be tougher, it needs to be more frequent (at least 2 tests in the offseason) and they need to test for everything (including a blood test for HGH).
*****
The report named about 60 position players and about 30 pitchers. Since teams usually have about 13 players and 12 pitchers, these numbers are slightly weighted towards the hitters, but not as much as some would have thought. This doesn't exonerate Bonds just because he was hitting his steroid aided home runs against juiced pitchers.
It seems that steroids aid pitchers differently. It helps muscle recovery, helps them pitch longer and even if it does add a few miles per hour on the fastball, steroids did not have the destructive impact on the pitching record books the way they did on the offensive numbers.
*****
Because the main sources of information for the report were New York based, the report shows a dearth of Latin American players. I believe many Latin American players purchased steroids during the offseason (in some countries they're legal), avoiding the paper trail that brought down many of the people in the Mitchell Report. Also, because all the information in the Report can trace it roots to a government investigation, the Latin American players will never be found out, but I believe they were a much larger part of the problem.
*****
The Mets should have won the 2000 World Series. All four games won by the Yankees were started by pitchers named in the Mitchell Report (Clemens, Pettitte, Neagle).
*****
While I'm not surprised at the number of Mets and Yankees who were named, I was shocked at the number of Montreal Expos. Remember the mid-90s when those spunky undermanned Expos always managed to hang tough in the NL East? As it turns out, many of the team's players (David Segui, Mike Lansing, Tim Laker, Rondell White, FP Santangelo) were using steroids.
*****
Load of crap #1: Players were not given the chance to respond to the Mitchell Report.
At the end of every passage involving a player, Mitchell concludes with the sentence, "In order to provide [player's name here] with information about these allegations and to give him an opportunity to respond, I asked him to meet with me; he declined."
Almost all players declined.
*****
Load of crap #2: Mitchell was biased because of his position with the Boston Red Sox.
Mitchell included a conversation between Red Sox GM Theo Epstein and a scout about Eric Gagne. Epstein said "I know the Dodgers think he was a steroid guy. Maybe so." To which the scout replied "steroids IS the issue." But the Red Sox traded for him anyway and he was a disaster.
Also he included a story told by Paxton Crawford to ESPN, that Crawford dropped syringes on the floor of the Red Sox clubhouse, and everyone laughed.
Mitchell, though hired by Selig for this purpose, hammered Major League Baseball, for its inaction and ignorance on steroids, he did not simply blame everything on the players.
*****
Load of crap #3: Mitchell's source weren't reliable.
Kirk Radomski has notes, canceled checks and shipping receipts from many of the players named in the report. And 11 players admitted to being supplied by Radomski. If Radomski had all that credible evidence, why would he bother to make up anything? Because he can prove so much, I believe everything he said, even if he didn't back up every single transaction with every single player with hard evidence.
The same is true of Brian McNamee. Yes, he was forced to cooperate with Mitchell as part of his plea agreement. But his agreement stated that he must give truthful testimony. So if he was telling the truth about Pettitte (which he was), that was enough to get him his deal, why would he make up anything about Clemens? Because if McNamee is found to have lied, his deal with the Feds is off.
A couple side notes on Radomski. When he was growing up he lived near Charlie Samuels, the Mets equipment manager at the time and that's how he starting working with the team in an informal capacity. In 1987, he was hired as a fulltime clubhouse attendant. In 1994 the Mets cut the salaries of the clubhouse guys, leading Radomski to quit and become a full-time personal trainer and bodybuilder.
*****
Paul LoDuca was introduced to Radomski by another Mets catcher, Todd Hundley, after Hundley went to play for the Dodgers. Radomski did at least 6 transactions with LoDuca, produced 3 checks for $3200 each (2 kits) and several notes from LoDuca. One said "I haven't been able to call you back because my phone is TOAST!" Another was written on Dodgers stationary and said "Thanks! Call me if you need anything."
After the 2003 season Dodgers executives said LoDuca "got off the steroids...took away a lot of hard line drives" but warned "if you do trade him, will get back on the stuff and try to show you he can have a good year." He was traded on July 30, 2004. But the Dodgers were wrong because he hit much worse after the trade.
*****
It is my sincere wish that the Mitchell Report goes down as the tipping point for baseball, when the Players Association finally stops fighting testing and becomes a proponent of the type of testing necessary to clean up the sport once and for all.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
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