Throughout my education I was convinced I was smarter than most of my teachers, few of whom cared about their jobs, they were just in it for the pension.
Obviously many people including my parents disagreed (hard to fathom a 9-year old being smarter than Mrs. Manifold, but I was) with one notable exception. By far the dumbest teacher to ever disgrace the profession was our 7th grade math teacher Mr. Bailey.
There is a website that allows you to look up salaries and pensions of New York City and State public employees.
Master Bates and I have been feverishly looking up old teachers and other personnel ($57k per year for David Dinkins? really?) but the one person I couldn't find (maybe that's good because I would be outraged that even a dime of taxpayer money is going to that asshole, is Mr. Bailey, because I don't remember his first name. I tried George but that didn't work, even though it sounded right. I guess the reason it sounded right is because of James Stewart's character in "It's a Wonderful Life."
So I still don't know how much the city is paying that incompetent hack for his years of service playing hardball.
Showing posts with label links. Show all posts
Showing posts with label links. Show all posts
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Padding My Year End Stats
The Poop has seen an incredible surge in activity the last two days of 2010 thanks to being linked from si.com's Hot Clicks. It linked to my post of Rex Ryan taking his jersey off as a little something for the ladies this year.
5,000 hits over two days, that's probably the most hits we've gotten since Matt Leinart knocked up his girlfriend.
I'm actually proud my Rex Ryan post was used because I often go through a lot of hard work to make sure Poopheads get to see full and complete pictures of something worth seeing. I hate when there's something that you absolutely have to see, yet no blogs have the pictures of it. The internet, like TV is a visual medium. Must show pictures.
5,000 hits over two days, that's probably the most hits we've gotten since Matt Leinart knocked up his girlfriend.
I'm actually proud my Rex Ryan post was used because I often go through a lot of hard work to make sure Poopheads get to see full and complete pictures of something worth seeing. I hate when there's something that you absolutely have to see, yet no blogs have the pictures of it. The internet, like TV is a visual medium. Must show pictures.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Enduring Tribute to Enrico Pallazzo
Patrick Hruby of espn.com's page 2 penned a brilliant tribute to Enrico Pallazzo, unconventional opera singer, umpire and doctor.
Enrico Pallazzo, an acclaimed Italian opera singer who achieved greater international fame by thwarting an assassination attempt on the queen of England while working as a baseball umpire, died Sunday. He was 84.
Pallazzo died from health complications at a hospital, a large building with patients, near his home.
In 1988, Pallazzo was invited to sing the national anthem before a baseball game between the California Angels and Seattle Mariners that was attended by Queen Elizabeth II. After the game's seventh inning, Angels outfielder Reggie Jackson attempted to assassinate the queen while under the influence of hypnotic suggestion.
Jackson was thwarted by Pallazzo, who fired a tranquilizer dart from his cuff link that struck an obese woman in the stands. The woman fell on Jackson, knocking him out of commission and prompting jubilant spectators to chant Pallazzo's name.
Pallazzo subsequently proposed to his girlfriend, Jane, who instead of shooting him said yes. Arab-Israeli peace talks resumed shortly thereafter.
After delivering an avant-garde rendition of the anthem, Pallazzo umpired the game. Calling balls and strikes from behind home plate, his style was flamboyant, characterized by sidestepping, pirouetting, bowing to the crowd and a Michael Jackson-inspired moonwalk. Players recalled Pallazzo as being unusually hands-on in his approach, liberal in his stance on illegal ball doctoring and possessed of an uncanny ability to determine strikes before pitched balls reached home plate, a trait that contributed to his inimitably eccentric strike zone.
Pallazzo was the first -- and only -- umpire to eject another umpire from a major league game. He also is believed to be the first -- and only -- umpire to use an upright vacuum cleaner to tidy up home plate.
Born Dutch-Irish to a Welsh father, Pallazzo began his career as a locksmith and later practiced medicine. After discovering that Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev's famed birthmark was actually a wine stain, Pallazzo declined the offer of a Cabinet position by President George H.W. Bush.
Pallazzo is remembered by friends for his appreciation of stuffed beavers and his desire to find good, clean love without utensils. Pallazzo was romantically snake-bitten: One early relationship ended with a tragic blimp accident, another because of his girlfriend's musical career -- she spent 300 days a year on the road with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony despite not being able to carry a tune; when Pallazzo bought her a harp as a gift, she asked what it was.
Pallazzo's relationship with Jane, by contrast, brought him happiness and led him to notice things he previously had ignored, including birds singing and stoplights.
Disappointed that he was unable to fulfill his lifelong ambition to die by a parachute not opening or by getting caught in the gears of a combine, Pallazzo told friends and family gathered by his deathbed to "win one for the Zipper," adding that he did not know where death would take him but that it wouldn't smell good. When a relative said that Pallazzo surely couldn't be serious, Pallazzo replied that he was and requested that he not be called Shirley.
Offered a last meal of steak or chicken, Pallazzo chose lasagna.
Enrico Pallazzo, an acclaimed Italian opera singer who achieved greater international fame by thwarting an assassination attempt on the queen of England while working as a baseball umpire, died Sunday. He was 84.
Pallazzo died from health complications at a hospital, a large building with patients, near his home.
In 1988, Pallazzo was invited to sing the national anthem before a baseball game between the California Angels and Seattle Mariners that was attended by Queen Elizabeth II. After the game's seventh inning, Angels outfielder Reggie Jackson attempted to assassinate the queen while under the influence of hypnotic suggestion.
Jackson was thwarted by Pallazzo, who fired a tranquilizer dart from his cuff link that struck an obese woman in the stands. The woman fell on Jackson, knocking him out of commission and prompting jubilant spectators to chant Pallazzo's name.
Pallazzo subsequently proposed to his girlfriend, Jane, who instead of shooting him said yes. Arab-Israeli peace talks resumed shortly thereafter.
After delivering an avant-garde rendition of the anthem, Pallazzo umpired the game. Calling balls and strikes from behind home plate, his style was flamboyant, characterized by sidestepping, pirouetting, bowing to the crowd and a Michael Jackson-inspired moonwalk. Players recalled Pallazzo as being unusually hands-on in his approach, liberal in his stance on illegal ball doctoring and possessed of an uncanny ability to determine strikes before pitched balls reached home plate, a trait that contributed to his inimitably eccentric strike zone.
Pallazzo was the first -- and only -- umpire to eject another umpire from a major league game. He also is believed to be the first -- and only -- umpire to use an upright vacuum cleaner to tidy up home plate.
Born Dutch-Irish to a Welsh father, Pallazzo began his career as a locksmith and later practiced medicine. After discovering that Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev's famed birthmark was actually a wine stain, Pallazzo declined the offer of a Cabinet position by President George H.W. Bush.
Pallazzo is remembered by friends for his appreciation of stuffed beavers and his desire to find good, clean love without utensils. Pallazzo was romantically snake-bitten: One early relationship ended with a tragic blimp accident, another because of his girlfriend's musical career -- she spent 300 days a year on the road with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony despite not being able to carry a tune; when Pallazzo bought her a harp as a gift, she asked what it was.
Pallazzo's relationship with Jane, by contrast, brought him happiness and led him to notice things he previously had ignored, including birds singing and stoplights.
Disappointed that he was unable to fulfill his lifelong ambition to die by a parachute not opening or by getting caught in the gears of a combine, Pallazzo told friends and family gathered by his deathbed to "win one for the Zipper," adding that he did not know where death would take him but that it wouldn't smell good. When a relative said that Pallazzo surely couldn't be serious, Pallazzo replied that he was and requested that he not be called Shirley.
Offered a last meal of steak or chicken, Pallazzo chose lasagna.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Best Football Player to Get Away With Murder Since OJ Simpson
A great article in GQ explains how former Syracuse and Indianapolis Colts receiver Marvin Harrison got away with murder.
It's a long article so I'll summarize it. Marvin Harrison owns several businesses in North Philly including a bar called Playmakers and Chuckie's Car Wash. When Dwight Dixon was denied entrance to Playmakers, he took the insult personally. Eventually he was denied service at the car wash, the bar again, and when he tried to get a car wash for the second time, Harrison shot him. Dixon didn't die then, but he was killed later, probably at Harrison's request.
Despite having what seemed like an open and shut case against Harrison including eyewitnesses, physical evidence and incriminating statements from Harrison himself, the DA elected not to pursue, not wanting to have her career ruined by being wrong in such a high-profile case.
Read the whole article, and the update that the DA is considering reopening this case.
It's a long article so I'll summarize it. Marvin Harrison owns several businesses in North Philly including a bar called Playmakers and Chuckie's Car Wash. When Dwight Dixon was denied entrance to Playmakers, he took the insult personally. Eventually he was denied service at the car wash, the bar again, and when he tried to get a car wash for the second time, Harrison shot him. Dixon didn't die then, but he was killed later, probably at Harrison's request.
Despite having what seemed like an open and shut case against Harrison including eyewitnesses, physical evidence and incriminating statements from Harrison himself, the DA elected not to pursue, not wanting to have her career ruined by being wrong in such a high-profile case.
Read the whole article, and the update that the DA is considering reopening this case.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
God Is In The Details
In the Jets-chargers playoff game everyone is breaking down two coaching decisions: Norv Turner going for an onside kick with a little more than 2 minutes to go and Rex Ryan going for it on 4th and 1 in field goal range.
Ryan's team made the yard, Turner's team didn't recover the kick. And the reactionary press is praising Rex and killing Norv.
I would have chosen the opposite in both cases. But the point is an argument can be made on both sides.
But one decision for which there is no defense is getting very little attention because it turned out to have little or no impact on the game.
Norv Turner saving his final time out until after the 2-minute warning, a indefensible move that could have cost his team valuable seconds.
Sports Illustrated's Joe Posnanski (who is fast becoming my favorite sports writer not named Peter King) uses the Turner timeout as an example of a larger trend plaguing the leage's coaches: they are horrible at clock management.
Coaches in the NFL have no idea how to use the clock.
This is astounding to me. As you no doubt know, football coaches will spend hundreds of hours every week studying film to get the tiniest advantage in a game. They will look for almost imperceptible flaws -- a lineman looking down at specific moments, a linebacker who tends to get overaggressive on reverses, a quarterback who drops his arm on certain throws, a receiver who does not run out his routes on running plays. They are looking for any edge, even an edge that, 99 percent of the time, will not matter. Coaches coach for that one percent of the time.
And yet: They treat the clock like college students treat their alarm clock. If there was a snooze button on an NFL clock, coaches would hit it repeatedly.
Papa Poop and I have often had the same discussion about the 2-point conversion. We fail to understand why coaches still don't know how (and more importantly, when) to utilize it, because it can play such an important role in deciding a game. And its so simple.
I can't understand why guys who work 18 hours a day don't devote 15 minutes one time to understanding the simple but important concepts of timeout management and the correct use of the 2-point conversion.
I recommend reading Posnanski's entire article and his detailed analysis of the best players in baseball from 1970 until now. You will gain a new appreciation for Ken Singleton, Will Clark and OPS+.
Ryan's team made the yard, Turner's team didn't recover the kick. And the reactionary press is praising Rex and killing Norv.
I would have chosen the opposite in both cases. But the point is an argument can be made on both sides.
But one decision for which there is no defense is getting very little attention because it turned out to have little or no impact on the game.
Norv Turner saving his final time out until after the 2-minute warning, a indefensible move that could have cost his team valuable seconds.
Sports Illustrated's Joe Posnanski (who is fast becoming my favorite sports writer not named Peter King) uses the Turner timeout as an example of a larger trend plaguing the leage's coaches: they are horrible at clock management.
Coaches in the NFL have no idea how to use the clock.
This is astounding to me. As you no doubt know, football coaches will spend hundreds of hours every week studying film to get the tiniest advantage in a game. They will look for almost imperceptible flaws -- a lineman looking down at specific moments, a linebacker who tends to get overaggressive on reverses, a quarterback who drops his arm on certain throws, a receiver who does not run out his routes on running plays. They are looking for any edge, even an edge that, 99 percent of the time, will not matter. Coaches coach for that one percent of the time.
And yet: They treat the clock like college students treat their alarm clock. If there was a snooze button on an NFL clock, coaches would hit it repeatedly.
Papa Poop and I have often had the same discussion about the 2-point conversion. We fail to understand why coaches still don't know how (and more importantly, when) to utilize it, because it can play such an important role in deciding a game. And its so simple.
I can't understand why guys who work 18 hours a day don't devote 15 minutes one time to understanding the simple but important concepts of timeout management and the correct use of the 2-point conversion.
I recommend reading Posnanski's entire article and his detailed analysis of the best players in baseball from 1970 until now. You will gain a new appreciation for Ken Singleton, Will Clark and OPS+.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A Long List of Very Specific Rules
I have never worked as a waiter or held any other job in a restaurant but I like rules, espcially ones that only sticklers follow. Other than that I can't really explain why I enjoyed the New York Times's list of 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do.
I recommend reading the entire list but for those of you with ADHD (Juice and the Juicette) here are some selected favorites with my own commentary.
2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.
I would go to the movies, even to sporting events alone, but I would never eat out alone. Isn't that why they invented takeout. Even so, I can see how "are you waiting for someone?" is a bad question to ask.
12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.
Keep your grubby fingers away from where I put my mouth.
23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
This would never happen with me but seems like a good idea for the oenophiles among the Poopheads.
38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”
39. Do not call a woman “lady.”
I guess that would make singing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" a double no-no. I can see the prohibition on "dude", especially at a classy place, but what's wrong with lady? I actually prefer it to woman, and I think most ladies would prefer it to ma'am.
41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.
I say no problem all the time but I'm working hard on using "you're welcome" instead.
62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.
This one's for The Concierge.
73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.
As someone who orders soup nearly everywhere I go, this one is particularly close to my heart. Though I can say it doesn't happen too often. But I think this rule may have been inspired by the old joke. "taste the soup -- ah-cha."
I recommend reading the entire list but for those of you with ADHD (Juice and the Juicette) here are some selected favorites with my own commentary.
2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.
I would go to the movies, even to sporting events alone, but I would never eat out alone. Isn't that why they invented takeout. Even so, I can see how "are you waiting for someone?" is a bad question to ask.
12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.
Keep your grubby fingers away from where I put my mouth.
23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
This would never happen with me but seems like a good idea for the oenophiles among the Poopheads.
38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”
39. Do not call a woman “lady.”
I guess that would make singing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" a double no-no. I can see the prohibition on "dude", especially at a classy place, but what's wrong with lady? I actually prefer it to woman, and I think most ladies would prefer it to ma'am.
41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.
I say no problem all the time but I'm working hard on using "you're welcome" instead.
62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.
This one's for The Concierge.
73. Do not bring soup without a spoon. Few things are more frustrating than a bowl of hot soup with no spoon.
As someone who orders soup nearly everywhere I go, this one is particularly close to my heart. Though I can say it doesn't happen too often. But I think this rule may have been inspired by the old joke. "taste the soup -- ah-cha."
Thursday, May 22, 2008
License Plates of the Stars
Truth is stranger than fiction which is why I love this list of real license plates of famous athletes.
But recently I saw on Food Court Lunch a list of fake plates for athletes.
I post this for two reasons, because I like the fact that he actually made images of the plates, and because the Reggie Bush one works on so many different levels.
But recently I saw on Food Court Lunch a list of fake plates for athletes.
I post this for two reasons, because I like the fact that he actually made images of the plates, and because the Reggie Bush one works on so many different levels.
Monday, April 07, 2008
The New York Times Gets RickRoll'd
You may remember a few months ago when I introduced Poopheads to the RickRoll.
In case you forgot RickRolling is when you send someone a link, promoting it as something they would really enjoy, but actually the video is Rick Astley singing "Never Gonna Give You Up."
Since then the RickRoll has become a cultural phenomenon, leading to this awesome video.
The New York Times, not quite the trendiest paper, tried to catch on to the trend but evidently didn't do their fact checking.
According to the local station, the above stunt did not actually happen at a basketball game, it was edited to look that way though. Trust me, watch this, the guy who did it is awesome.
And then there's this, the best RickRoll ever.
In case you forgot RickRolling is when you send someone a link, promoting it as something they would really enjoy, but actually the video is Rick Astley singing "Never Gonna Give You Up."
Since then the RickRoll has become a cultural phenomenon, leading to this awesome video.
The New York Times, not quite the trendiest paper, tried to catch on to the trend but evidently didn't do their fact checking.
According to the local station, the above stunt did not actually happen at a basketball game, it was edited to look that way though. Trust me, watch this, the guy who did it is awesome.
And then there's this, the best RickRoll ever.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Why I'm Waiting Until He's Older To Take Chase to CitiField
With Shea Stadium closing down this year it has dawned on me (and some of you) that I should take Chase to a game this season so he can get to experience Shea, even if he'll never remember it. But I decided I really want his first game to be one he can recall, which is why I'm hoping that the Mets will be home on August 21, 2012.
This article explains the reasoning.
Hopefully, Chase will have the same impact on the Mets that Daniel Fritz had on Clay Buchholz and the Red Sox.
Story suggested by Master Bates
This article explains the reasoning.
Hopefully, Chase will have the same impact on the Mets that Daniel Fritz had on Clay Buchholz and the Red Sox.
Story suggested by Master Bates
Your Tax Questions Answered
Did you receive a home as a gift from a relative and don't know how to treat it on your income taxes? Then you'll want to read this tax tip from the USA Today. Even if you didn't click on the link.
Story suggested by Master Bates
Story suggested by Master Bates
Friday, February 08, 2008
Recommended Reading (and Watching)
Victory and Ruins - The Seattle Times is running an exhaustive examination about the 2000 Washington Huskies, the last great Huskies team. The series examines the off-field problems of many of the team's players. The most interesting part is the article about Jerramy Stevens.
Key quote: "It seems highly unlikely that the victim would have consented to anal intercourse with the suspect in a fraternity alley."
Key quote: "It seems highly unlikely that the victim would have consented to anal intercourse with the suspect in a fraternity alley."
Coach Endures Unthinkable Loss One Second at a Time - Possibly the saddest story you will ever read, there's a good chance you will cry.
Key quote: "This event is absolutely, completely your fault. You created it. You could have prevented it. You encouraged it."
And now this story has a new twist.
"The Heart of the Game" - It's a documentary about a girl's high school basketball team in Seattle. But it's incredible. It follows 6 years of the team's play and because it involves girls and not men, as sports movies often do, it focuses a lot on the off the court issues (sexual assault, teen pregnancy). "Hoop Dreams" set the standard for basketball documentaries and this one isn't quite as good, but it's about an hour shorter and a hell of a lot more fun.
Key quote: "Having any fun Colleen?"
Friday, January 11, 2008
They Found Me, I Don't Know How But They Found Me
These are actual Google searches that people have typed in and used to get to The Poop:
Pictures of her poop coming out
Pooping their bikinis
Girls Pooping in the Woods
Blonde Poop (Searched in Japanese)
Cheerleader Poop Story
Thong Poop Smell
How To Snort Poop
Is your spleen what holds the poop
Tub Poop Upside Down
Joe Paterno Poop
Redskins Poop on Cowboys
jessie "there's no time, there's never any time"
Pictures of her poop coming out
Pooping their bikinis
Girls Pooping in the Woods
Blonde Poop (Searched in Japanese)
Cheerleader Poop Story
Thong Poop Smell
How To Snort Poop
Is your spleen what holds the poop
Tub Poop Upside Down
Joe Paterno Poop
Redskins Poop on Cowboys
jessie "there's no time, there's never any time"
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Rap Lyrics Represented by Pictograms
Do you have trouble understanding rap lyrics? Not just the words, but the deeper meanings? Your puzzlement is over, because some creative individual came up with visual representations of the complex math formulas set out in these songs.
When Biggie sang about the difficulties caused by his new found wealth, I never quite understood what he meant until now:
And Skee-Lo had a long list of wishes, but he didn't desire them all the same amount:
And this one finally sheds some light on one of my favorite songs of all time:
Story Idea by jusTON
When Biggie sang about the difficulties caused by his new found wealth, I never quite understood what he meant until now:
And Skee-Lo had a long list of wishes, but he didn't desire them all the same amount:
And this one finally sheds some light on one of my favorite songs of all time:
Story Idea by jusTON
Monday, December 03, 2007
Introducing the Malcontent
A friend of mine has an excellent blog, Deus Ex Malcontent, but I never thought it would appeal to the Poopheads, until now.
The Malcontent usually features long, thoughtful, insightful commentary on political and social issues, almost the exact opposite of what you find here. He almost never covers my touchstones: boobies, sports and Chase.
The Malcontent is a misanthrope who hates just about everything, except "Can't Hardly Wait."
The Malcontent usually features long, thoughtful, insightful commentary on political and social issues, almost the exact opposite of what you find here. He almost never covers my touchstones: boobies, sports and Chase.
The Malcontent is a misanthrope who hates just about everything, except "Can't Hardly Wait."
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Awesome Poker Website
I learned about a new poker website that may interest some of you.
It's called officialpokerrankings.com.
Basically, it tracks tournament play for the top poker websites, you will need to register, but the site is free. You just need a player's screen name.
Hevad Khan, the 6th place finisher in the Main Event, plays a ton on PokerStars, and you can see his activity.
A lot of the Full Tilt Pros play under their full names, so it's fun to see how horribly Mike Matusow is doing.
It's called officialpokerrankings.com.
Basically, it tracks tournament play for the top poker websites, you will need to register, but the site is free. You just need a player's screen name.
Hevad Khan, the 6th place finisher in the Main Event, plays a ton on PokerStars, and you can see his activity.
A lot of the Full Tilt Pros play under their full names, so it's fun to see how horribly Mike Matusow is doing.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
How To Make Love To a Mets Fan
A few female sports fans run a blog called "Ladies..." They are running a 6-part series on how to score with a female fan of your choice. The Mets version is actually kind of funny.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Said During Many Beer Pong Games
Karate Kid fans, click here (make sure your volume is set to an audible level).
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