Messiest Cheeseburger Ever

A drunk David Hasselhoff tries to eat a burger while his daughter records the whole thing and makes him promise to stop drinking.

My New Best Friend

Dorky Lounge Singer Ruins A Classic

Michael Bubbly has a new CD on which he covers the classic "Me and Mrs. Jones."

For his next CD:

(please read like one of those cheesy promotional music collection commercials)

"All those soul classics you love…like you’ve never heard them before.

Michael Buble’s Got Soul!

The new CD from the artist behind hits like “Home” and “Feelin Good”

Hear Michael sing your favorite soul standards:

“it’s just another love TKO”

And :

“big wheels keep on turning, proud mary keep on burning”

But that’s not all, you’ll also hear

“I’m leaving (leavin) on a midnight train to Georgia. I’d rather live in his world, than without him, in mine.”

And what collection would be complete without the Betty Wright classic

“tonight, you make me a woman…”

All these songs and much more on the new CD “Michael Buble’s Got Soul”

Only $18.98 plus $4.95 shipping and handling

CD not available in stores"

What To Do at Shea Stadium If You Can't Watch The Game

Jacob Nasser, 68, drove a bus full of kids from an intermediate (middle school for non-NY Poopheads) school to Shea Stadium on a field trip to see Wednesday afternoon's game. When the next bus pulled up to park next to Nasser's bus, they saw him with his pants down masturbating with the aid of a mechanical device, believe to be a penis pump.
Nasser apparently wasn't shy when the passengers in the other bus saw him, he reportedly enjoyed the attention.
Police arrested him for public lewdness, confiscated his penis pump and found Valium on him, and tacked that onto the charges as well.
I imagine the bus was disinfected and driven home by one of the teachers.

I Don't See Anything Wrong With This

This billboard promoting the Bob & Tom radio show in Idaho is being taken down because it's too racy.

Protect and Serve

A frantic woman rushing to the hospital to meet her ailing father was pulled over and roughed up by an overzealous cop. And the whole thing was caught on dashcam.
She was pleading with the cop to let her go, and explained her reason. The cop obviously didn't believe her because he took license, registration and insurance.
After a couple minutes, the woman did something stupid, she started driving. The cop chased her down then got pissed. He grabbed her out of the car and slammed her down and the trunk and coughed her. When she pleaded that she was just trying to get to see her father he asid "good now you're not going to because you're going to jail."
Well, she was telling the truth, and the asshole cop is suspended

Inexcusable!

I know a lot of people think too much of a big deal is being made of Tom Brady being photographed while wearing a Yankees hat. But I think it's pretty bad because it just shows that athletes don't give a shit about their fans. Or about their cities. Or about anything but themselves. Athletes don't care whether they win or lose half as much as the fans do, because either way they get pee ay eye dee.
I bet it didn't even occur to Tom Brady that the same people who idolize him, despise the Yankees. And if it did, he probably couldn't understand how much it would upset the people of Boston.
Focks, please send this dude a Michigan hat.
It does seem like the tables have turned on Brady. For a long time it seemed like he could do no wrong, now, everything he does is wrong.
He gets criticized for not wearing a hat, and criticized for wearing the wrong hat.

I Hate the Whole Damn Vick Family

Marcus Vick is an asshole, but at least he does his evil deeds to Elvis Dumervil and kids in McDonald's. Michael Vick, tried to hide his marijuana and got away with it. Then he tried to hide the fact that he is involved in raising dogs for dogfighting, one of the most despicable things a person can do, but he couldn't. Vick claimed that he left the house, where dogs the fighting dogs were being bred and trained, in the care of family members and had no idea what was going on there. But he does own the website for a dog breeding kennel which bears his name.
Police found 66 pit bulls on the property as well as treadmills, vitamins, antibiotics to treat wounds...all things associated with dog fighting.
Vick vows to change his life. I hope he really does.

Derby Day

Poopheads, it's time to play the ponies. ESPN has a pick 6 game and of course I've created a group called Paul's Poop. It's best to follow that link because the game is kind of hidden on ESPN's website.
Here's how it works. You have 15 picks to spread out over the last 6 races on Derby Saturday, the last race of course being the Derby. You have to pick all 6 winners, or as many as possible.
Hopefully, we can get resident experts Pa Beers and Brother-in-law Derick into the group for this one.
Michael will put his 2-game winning streak on the line.

Fight of the Century

Floyd Mayweather vs. Oscar De La Hoya is being billed as the fight to save boxing. This is ridiculous. Boxing is dead. It will never again be anything more than a niche sport in the United States. In certain countries, especially Spanish speaking ones, certain fighters will be popular (apparently Manny Pacquiao can't walk down the streets of the Philippines) but it will never again be a big time sport in the U.S.
First of all, it doesn't appeal to women, but it never did.
Second of all, the young male audience that used to love boxing now spends its pay-per-view dollars on wrestling and UFC (which apparently gets incredible buyrates).
And no worthwhile boxing is ever on free TV. Every once in a while HBO has a good fight but mostly it's a good fighter against a chump.
And here's the main problem with boxing, it's a group of individuals, instead of an organized unit with a governing body to protect, nourish and grow the sport. UFC and WWE both have that.
For instance, this fight is so big, it could have drawn a huge audience on a Saturday night on NBC or Fox. But that means instead of a $35 million purse, maybe the fighters would have had to split $15 million. But there was no incentive for them to do it, because all boxers are essentially individual contractors.
Imagine how big this fight would be if it were on free TV. Everyone would watch. It would get better ratings than every show this year except for the Super Bowl and the American Idol finale.
But instead it's relegated to PPV for $55 and only a few crazies (Nails, Michael) will convince their friends to get together and chip in to buy the thing. Most of the money will come from bars which will have to shell out big bucks and maybe even charge admission to cover the cost.
All of this for a fight that probably won't be all that entertaining. Mayweather is good but mostly he runs around the ring trying not to get hit. He'll probably dance for 6 rounds, then catch a frustrated De La Hoya with a few good shots and win a very boring decision.

Piazza Injured

Mike Piazza will miss 4-to-6 weeks with a strained right shoulder he injured when he dove into third base in an unsuccessful attempt to avoid being tagged.

With two outs in the sixth and runners at first and second, Bobby Crosby hit a grounder to Boston third baseman Mike Lowell. Piazza and Lowell both hustled for the bag and collided near it. Piazza was tagged out and stayed on the ground in pain for a short time.

"It's frustrating," said Piazza, his arm in a sling. "I felt like I was starting to swing the bat a little better and it's a tough setback. It's really frustrating."

Piazza is batting .282 with 1 home run and 8 RBI in 103 at bats.

"I just wanted to get my at-bats in now and just keep seeing pitching," he said.

Oakland was leading 3-2 when Crosby grounded to Lowell. Piazza thought Lowell would throw to first and that was Lowell's initial intention, but he saw his best chance was to race Piazza to third.

Piazza said he saw "a little sliver of daylight" and dove headfirst rather than slide feet first. He first thought he had separated his shoulder, but the injury later was diagnosed as a strained AC joint.

"He just kind of landed on my arm," Piazza said. "It's just a freak thing, just a freak play, and he was obviously concerned."

Lowell lingered briefly at the base.

"When I said, 'are you all right?' he said, 'It's my arm, my arm,'" said Lowell, who called the Oakland clubhouse to see if Piazza was OK. "You hate to hear he's going to be out."

Britney is Back! And She's Hot Again!

Britney Spears gave an unpublicized concert at the House of Blues in San Diego Tuesday night. Word got out that it would be her, in her first concert since 2004. Even though the concert was billed as "The M&Ms" (I love M&Ms, especially those that are nuts, like Britney), many fans decided to buy tickets from scalpers.
Including this lucky guy who got a lapdance from Britney and her four slutty friends.

Does this remind anyone else of Janet Jackson's incredible performance during her HBO special from Hawaii?

Rich Eisen Update

It's possible that we may have rushed to judgment on those photos Rich Eisen received from Alycia Lane.
Lane says the pictures were vacation photos, showing her and her friends in bikinis on the beach and dancing at bars, they weren't boudoir photos like the ones Rose took in Mrs. Poop's favorite episode of "The Golden Girls."


I'll let Antontella Barba illustrate the point.
This is ok:



But this is not:

Handy Manny and His Talking Tools

Children in New Jersey got more than they bargained for when they tuned in to "Handy Manny" on the Disney Channel this week - hard-core pornography.
Cable giant Comcast is investigating how the porn was broadcast during the popular cartoon, which is about a bilingual handyman, Manny Garcia, and his talking tools.
Customer Paul Dunleavy was stunned to find his 5-year-old son watching the broadcast.
"It was two people doing their thing; it was full-on and it was disgusting."
Comcast spokesman Fred DeAndrea confirmed that the programming error occurred around 9:30 a.m. Tuesday. He declined to provide the duration of the porn broadcast but described it as an "isolated issue in a local New Jersey facility."

What Are They Nuts?

When you go to a baseball game you expect to see two things in the stands: people drinking beer and people eating peanuts.
To my knowledge pretty much every stadium has at least one alcohol free section. Anyone who has ever had their enjoyment of a game lessened by a drunk asshole seated nearby or next to them as was the case with me and the Concierge during Game 6 of the NLCS can understand why some people might opt for booze-free seating, especially those with children. What can I say, I'm growing old.

Now there will be a peanut-free section at Minnesota Twins game. A lot has changed since we were kids and if you are not aware somehow peanut allergies have become a huge thing and a lot of kids are so severely allergic they could die just by being in the same room as someone eating peanuts. There are apparently nut-free lunchrooms in every school. Every food you buy says "caution: may contain nuts." As someone with a peanut allergy (though evidently not very severe because I enjoy peanut M&Ms), I can understand the abundance of caution. It's probably not a good idea to wait until a kid dies to institute these changes.

You Asked For It, You Got It

A sideline reporter for Toronto's TSN chats up a drunk Bruce Willis during the Nets-Raptors game, and ends the interview 5 seconds too late.

Under Armor's Next Marketing Slogan

The great people who brought you "We Must Protect This House" and the infinitely less fun "Click, Clack" have a new slogan thanks to an employee who got drunk at Armor Day, a company outing at Camden Yards.



Under Armor, having a fuckin great time.

Btw, the reporter says I'm going to stand by "Boog's" as in Boog Powell's barbecue joint. It might sound like she says something else.

Does Anyone Know How To Read Anymore?

The reaction to a study written about in the New York Times, about racial bias by NBA officials has puzzled me.
Supposedly intelligent people like Michael and SCZA and an idiot like Charles Barkley all said the same thing, "of course there are more fouls called on black players, most of the NBA players are black."
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard because that's not what the study says. The study says fouls are called on black players at a higher rate than white players by white referees.
At a higher rate. Not in total, but at a higher rate.
In fact, the study adjusted for factors like the players’ positions, playing time and All-Star status; each group’s time on the court (black players played 83 percent of minutes, while 68 percent of officials were white); calls at home games and on the road; and other relevant data.

Now that we understand what the study is saying (I hope), let's explain logically why it is nonsense.

1) The study states that white referees call 4.1% more fouls against black players than white. 4.1% is not negligible, but I don't view it to be enormously significant. It's within an expected range of variation.
2) They didn't study individual officials, only crews as a whole which often have a mixed racial makeup. So no consideration was taken about which ref actually made the call.
3) There's no way to determine which calls were correct and which were incorrect and which were questionable. And if you want to prove bias I think you have to show that black players were unjustly called for fouls white players wouldn't have been.
4) In correct for playing time and other factors, some of those (such as a player's all-star status, and even his position) are subjective factors.
5) As SCZA, correctly points out, most of the European players (minus Tony Parker and Boris Diaw) are white, and they tend to play less aggressively and therefore may realistically be expected to commit fewer fouls. Also, and I'm not sure about this but I think white players are more likely to play less foul prone positions (point guard) than black players (most of the centers are black).
6) What did they do about Yao Ming? And Jason Kidd? Did half his fouls count against each race?

In summary this study is stupid and pointless but not as stupid as people who say of course more fouls are called on black players, there are more black players in the NBA.

Karma Smacks Pooh Holes

In Monday's game against the Brewers Pooh Holes was up against Jeff Suppan.
Suppan got ahead of Pujols 0-2 before Pujols fouled off a pitch, took two balls and fouled off another. After the next pitch he was awarded first base by home plate umpire Dan Iassogna.
No one noticed the mistake.
Pooh Holes was promptly erased on a double play by Scott Rolen to end the inning.

Nice Pants

A Washington D.C. judge named Roy Pearson is suing Jin and Soo Chung and their son, who own Custom Cleaners and two other dry cleaning shops in the Fort Lincoln section of Washington, D.C. for $67 million because they lost his pants.

Pearson says in court papers that he took a pair of pants into Custom Cleaners in Fort Lincoln that year, and the pants were lost.

So Jin and Soo Chung gave Pearson a $150 check for a new pair of pants.

Three years later, Pearson says he returned to Custom Cleaners.

This time he was about to start a new job as an administrative judge. He wanted to wear a nice suit on his first day of work, but he tried on five other suits from his closet, but found them all to be "too tight."

He brought one pair of pants in for alterations and they went missing, again.

First, Pearson demanded $1,150 for a new suit. Lawyers were hired, legal wrangling ensued and eventually the Chungs offered Pearson $3,000 in compensation.

He said no.

Then they offered him $4,600.

Nope.

Finally, they offered $12,000 for the missing gray pants with the red and blue stripes.

Pearson said no.

And this is what happens when you piss off a judge. He cites DC's consumer protection laws, claiming he is entitled to $1,500 for each violation, each day during which the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign and another sign promising "Same Day Service" was up in the store -- more than 1,200 days.

And he's multiplying each violation by three because he's suing Jin and Soo Chung and their son.

He also wants $500,000 in emotional damages and $542, 500 in legal fees, even though he is representing himself in court.

He wants $15,000 for 10 years' worth of weekend car rentals as well, because he has to drive to a different dry cleaner farther away from his home.

Pearson plans to call 63 witnesses to support his claim.

Ironically, less than a week after Pearson dropped off the missing pants the dry cleaner found them.

They tried to return them to Pearson but he said they were the wrong pants.

It is amazing to me that a judge would abuse the law this way. I think they should be forced to buy him a cheap polyester suit and it should be the only suit he's allowed to wear for the rest of his life.

Rich Eisen Sleeps on the Couch

NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen (Wagner High School, Class of '86) is in a little hot water with his wife, Suzy Shuster, a sideline reporter for ABC's college football.

Eisen received e-mails from Philadelphia TV reporter Alycia Lane. Along with the e-mails were 7 photos of Lane in a bikini. Problem is, she sent them to an e-mail account Shuster and Eisen share.



When she saw the photos Shuster wrote back:
""Boy, do you look amazing in a bikini . . . congrats! Whatever you're doing, (Pilates? yoga?) keep doing it - it's working for you. Anyway, sorry but those seven e-mails you sent to my husband, Rich, well, oops, they came to the e-mail address we both use from time to time, but no worries, I'll forward the beach shots as well as the ones of you dancing with your friends on to his main address. Do you have it? Since you surely are trying so hard to get his attention. I mean, what better way to get a guy's attention than with skin! Best - Suzy Shuster Eisen"

Idol Chatter

I think figuring out how this 2 week voting thing will play out is going to be very interesting. Were more votes cast last week because NewsCorp was pledging for each vote? Will that skew the results to those who did well last week?
I'll stand by my call of Jordin and Chris but other than Blake I don't think anyone is safe.

Speaking of Blake, jhughes says he liked his new version of "You Give Love a Bad Name."

But he hated when Melinda and LaKisha put their own spin on their songs. JBJ even told Melinda to take it to church. Jhughes says that shit don't sell, but when was the last time you saw a beatboxer on the Billboard charts?

Strange that it's three white men vs. three black women in the final 6. This will be a referendum on how far we've come as a people.

How To Solve the Iraq War

The presence of U.S. forces is getting blamed for increased violence in Iraq. I think we should drop pamphlets, buy ad time on Al-Jazeera and say "The United States promises to leave Baghdad when all bombings and assassinations cease for a period of three months."
If they really want us out of there that badly all they have to do is stop killing each for three months and we'll leave.

Baseball is Poop

Yankee Phenom
The second career start for Yankees pitching phenom Phil Hughes was going great. He had a no-hitter going and a 9-0 lead. Then he became the 53rd Yankee to hurt his hamstring this season. He limped off the mound then Mike Myers blew his no-hitter. Now Hughes will miss four to six weeks.




Back in 1998, Roy Halladay took a no-hitter into the ninth inning of his second career start. If Hughes has as good of a career as Halladay is having, Yankee fans are going to be very happy, and very obnoxious for a long time to come.

That's Gratitude For Ya
A few days after he almost got suspended for three years for giving the Royals champagne , he got hit in the face with a pitch by Royals pitcher Zach Greinke. At least he had a good sense of humor about it.



Better Late Than Never
With runners on first and third and one out in a game against the Indians, Orioles catcher Ramon Hernandez hit a line drive that was snared by Indians centerfielder, Grady Sizemore. Nick Markakis tagged up and came home from third, then Sizemore threw to first to double up Tejada. By rule, on double plays that are not the result of a force, a run will be allowed if it crosses the plate before the third out is recorded. The umpires did not allow Markakis' run. The Orioles complained, but not right away. Then several innings later the umpires gave the Orioles the run...three innings later. That led to a protest from the the Indians. That protest should certainly be upheld and the game should be replayed from that point, with that run credited to the Orioles. A protest hasn't been upheld in more than 20 years.

Song of the Week

"Bless the Broken Road" - Rascal Flatts
I had never heard this song or this group until Carrie Underwood sang it on American Idol.
I do like country music and I do like the sentiment of this song. It's similar to the theme expressed in Gerald Levert's "Made To Love Ya." That is, all the things that happen to you are what make you they way you are, and lead you to the person you eventually fall in love with.

Growing Old

It happens to all of us. We start out as cute little babies and we turn into awkward, gangling douchebags. Yes, even I started out as a cute kid. My mom has the pictures to prove it.

Remember Knut? The polar bear who captured your heart when he was abandoned by his whore of a mother?




Now Knut has grown up (he's 5 months now) and he's not quite as cute as he used to be. He's twice as big (up to 37 pounds), he's got sharp teeth and his fur is no longer pure snow white in color. Plus he has acne and his palms get sweaty around female polar bears.

They've Got Issues

Right now the Mets are a .600 team but they've lost four of six and the two wins were lucky. Injuries have started to hit and cracks are starting to show. The Recap analyzes three issues confronting the team and what should be done about them.

Idol Chatter

Phil Stacey could have played the gay cowboy in Young Guns? Was there a gay guy in Young Guns? If not they should have cast Phil. I didn't love his performance, I just don't like his style.

Jordin was horrible on "Living on a Prayer." She was singing like she was dead. This song is all about screaming and passion and energy and she sounded like a zombie. I think she was handicapped by the fact that she didn't live through the Living on a Prayer hysteria of the mid-80s. She is also isn't old enough to have been in a Jersey shore bar when this song is played. She's never seen 20 drunk girls stop using their beer bottles to simulate fellatio and start using them as a microphone to scream "whoa - oh, we're halfway there."

I did like LaKisha and I don't think I have ever heard that Bon Jovi song before. Obviously the kiss will be the most talked about thing from this episode but I think she saved herself with this because she was in real danger of going home. Why couldn't she sit down in that outfit?

I think Blake is trying to get himself kicked off because he knows if he wins he'll have to do the kind of album the pussy American Idol producers can sell to 13 year old girls. But Blake wants to do his own edgy new-age album instead. But I actually thought it was cool. He hasn't overdone it with the beat boxing this season and I think this was actually a good time to do it. But clearly Jon Bon Jovi did not want him fucking with his song. Mrs. Poop did not like his dark hair. I liked his large breasted fan they showed. Anyone notice her?

Chris Richardson sucks. He needs to go.

Melinda was really good but I'm so sick of her sheepishness.

As they dwindle the number of people left the shows get less exciting. Especially now that we don't have Sanjaya's stupid hair and Haley's slutty clothes.

Love the message from Mr. and Mrs. Bush. The President put the em-FAH-sis on the wrong sil-AH-bull when he said af-RICK-uh. I also liked the joke they made about his dancing.

I think Chris and Jordin will go home this week but that seems a little too obvious. So I think LaKisha is in danger. I think Phil is safe.

Miss New Hampshire 2007

Something was lacking in this year's Miss New Hampshire pageant. For the first time in several years Pizza Parlor KeriAnn would not be competing. That really took a lot of the fun out of it for Pizza Parlor Derek, and therefore he did not name a Miss Derek's Room. Which means he never got to rename the award Miss Derek's Apartment, even though he finally moved out of his parent's house.

Last year's winner was Emily Ann Hughes, no relation to jhughes, thankfully for her.



Sarah Bixby looks a little too old for this pageant crap. She looks like she's in her mid-30s. And her talent is a clog dance. I can't be sure what that is, but it sounds noisy.



Miss Deerfield Fair, Justine Barker is hot. And not in the pristine pageant way, in the sort of slutty, drink a few beers kinda way. And unlike most of the contestants who want to teach kids how to read, and how to not be obese, or how to read food labels so they are not obese, Justine wants to be on Entertainment Tonight and she calls Mary Hart a "TV icon." She does like Rascall Flatts though? Who is Rascall Flatts? Can someone tell me? Why does every hot girl like him so much?



Allyson Welsh, graduated from Penn State (big deal), and lists dramatic monologue as her talent. I believe she performed this selection from "The Vagina Monologues."

"That’s why I began this piece. I was worried about vaginas. I was worried what we think about vaginas. And I was even more worried that we don’t think about them. I was worried about my own vagina. It needed a context, a community, a culture of other vaginas. There is so much darkness and secrecy surrounding them, like the Bermuda Triangle. Nobody ever reports back from there. In the first place, it’s not even easy to even find your vagina. Women go days, weeks, months, without looking at it. I interviewed a high-powered businesswoman, she told me she didn’t have the time. Looking at your vagina she said, is a full day’s work. You’ve got to get down there, on your back. In front of the mirror, full-length preferred. You’ve got to get in the perfect position, with the perfect light, which then becomes shadowed by the angle you’re at. You’re twisting your head up, arching your back, it’s exhausting. She's too busy. She didn’t have time. So, I decided to talk to women about their vaginas."



I like Jennifer Hatem, because her name reminds me of "He Hate Me." Her platform is "advocating for our elderly" which means she probably likes older dudes and has daddy issues. Awesome!



Rachel Barker went to Hofstra so she probably gets drunk and makes out with other chicks. Her favorite actress is Reese Witherspoon. I guarantee you ask 1000 pageant competitors who their favorite actress is and 900 say Reese Witherspoon and not a single one mentions Eva Longoria. It's not clear if Justine Barker and Rachel Barker are related.




I know they award ancillary prizes for "Miss Congeniality", "Best Talent", I'm not sure if they have one for "Biggest Rack," Caitlin McGlinchey would win.



Alicia Rossman sort of looks like Rachel from Real World: Austin. The most influential person in her life is Shania Twain because "she is a mother, daughter, wife, friend, entertainer, and much more." She's not your friend. And of course her favorite actress is...Reese Witherspoon.




My personal favorite is Erica Lehman. She doesn't have a profile so all I know is that she's hot is a sort of mysterious way. And her platform/charity has a cool, punny name, "Pencilling in a Better Future: Write Here, Write Now." I imagine they teach kids how to write.





So Erika Lehman is my choice. Who do you think should win (the pageant already happened)? I'll post the winner and some other Miss NH news in a few days.

You Make The Call

In 2001, then 19 year-old Victor Harris led Georgia police on a high speed chase through two counties. They reached speeds of over 100 mph, and passed 36 cars, some by crossing double yellow lines. At one point he pulled into a parking lot, but when the cops surrounded him he hit their cars and fled again.
The chase ended when the cops ran him off the road. As a result of the ensuing crash Harris is now a quadriplegic.
The Supreme Court ruled that Harris cannot sue the cops for his injuries because he initiated the chase.
The cops initially tried to pull him over for speeding.
Should the cops pay?
Should the cops be less aggressive in pursuing high speed chases with people who are only wanted for a minor traffic violation?
Is the risk (potential injury), worth the reward (a traffic ticket)?
Should the cops assume that anyone fleeing is wanted for crimes beyond just a traffic ticket?
Or should the jerk who flees the cops be responsible for whatever damage he creates?

I think if the cops want to pull you over, you should pull over. If the cops have to chase you, anything they do is your fault. But I think cops need to be more judicious in initiating chases. I think in a lot of these cases they could go to the guy's house at 6 am on Sunday morning impound the car and arrest him for fleeing a police officer.

As Seen on CNN

Danny Devito is trying to turn an embarrassing moment into a few bucks.
Devito appeared visibly intoxicated on ABC's "The View," and later blamed his drunken ramblings on about seven limoncellos he had during a rough night out with George Clooney.
The endorsement opportunities were obvious, so Devito and Harbrew Imports decided to get together to make danny devito premium limoncello.
Devito says his line will be "the best limoncello you ever tasted."

As Seen On CNN

A candlelight dinner, a bottle of wine and someone special...that may work for people.
But getting pandas to mate isn't quite so easy.
John Vause has the story of some unusual steps researchers in China are taking to put pandas in the mood:

NOTE: I strongly recommending clicking the above link and watching the story...the written words won't do it justice.

They're cute, playful, cuddly...but apparently not so passionate...so, researchers in China have found a way to get male pandas to put down their bamboo, get out of their trees and get in the mood

"We video tape pandas who mate successfully and play that that for pandas who don't know how to do it."

Yes, Panda Porn...the theory is simple...show pandas like Lu Lu, how it's done so he can make the most of the 3 days every year when females are ready to mate.

And its not just the visuals but also the sounds of panda lovin' that does the job.

Scientists here at China's Woolong Research center have found what's good on tape, is even better live...taking pandas who may be a little shy, to watch others who aren't.

Handlers also regularly swap panda partners...so each panda finds that some one special.

All of this has led to a baby panda boom here. 20 cubs like this cute little fella called Cie Doo were born here last year, more than ever before.

Jung Hemin, the park's director boasts his breeding program now has almost a hundred percent success rate.

But not everything has worked...they tried Viagra once - it proved just too much for your average bear.

"They stayed excited for way too long."

Even so, after teetering on the edge of extinction, the future for the giant panda is looking hopeful...and frisky.

The Mavericks Are Like Gloria

Because I think they got your number. Gloria! Glory, glory-uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

A lot of people are finding it hard to believe that the 67 win Dallas Mavericks are going to be eliminated by the 8th-seeded Golden State Warriors, but they are.
Golden State has owned Dallas over the past two years, going 9-2 against them in the regular season and playoffs.

The easy way to explain this would be to give all the credit to Don Nelson because he knows the Mavericks and is outcoaching Avery Johnson in this series. But they did go 3-1 against Dallas last year under Mike Montgomery.

I do think Nelson has figured out a way to stop Dirk who hasn't scored more than 23 points in any game this series.



You can also credit the Warriors fans who wearing wearing yellow "we believe" t-shirts have created a great playoff atmosphere. But they did win Game 1 in Dallas.



Maybe the best explanation for this surprising result is the resurgence of Baron Davis to good health and good spirits. He's played great in this series, scoring 33 each in Games 1 and 4. This reminds me of the epic battle he had with Tracy McGrady a few years back.



But in truth, the die for this series was cast many years ago, in a small Los Angeles private school. There Baron Davis met a kid named Cash Warren who would go on to have sex with Jessica Alba. And because Alba is ten times cooler than any other hot celebrity chick she and Cash were courtside for Game 4. Kate Hudson is also friends with Cash and Baron from high school and she too, was at the game, with Owen Wilson. Wilson is from the Dallas area but he's banging Kate Hudson so he probably didn't want to root too loudly and piss her off and get himself cut off.

This Freakin Guy

The amazing Robert Horry wrote another chapter to his "War and Peace"-esque book of postseason accomplishments.
With about 30 seconds left and San Antonio up 90-89, Horry spotted up in the right corner. Tony Parker drove the lane, dished to Horry, who made a three pointer, over the outstretched arm of Marcus Camby, to seal the game.

The Spurs now lead the Nuggets 3 games to 1, which means another first round exit for Melo, AI and the Freeds.

Michael Wins Again

Congratulations to Michael for following up his victory in tournament challenge with another impressive victory in Draft Forecast.
It was a difficult first round to predict with Brady Quinn throwing a monkey wrench into the works by falling from 3rd (where most people had him) to 22.
Michael nailed 6 of the first 8 picks dead on and that was enough for the victory.
I finished last, getting only one pick exactly right (Adrian Peterson).
The biggest surprise thoough was that the little blond kid figured out how to use a computer and actually finished second in our little group.
The overall winner, not coincidentally titled "never kissed a girl," got 12 of 15 picks right on the head. He's going to get a Hummer, definitely the first of his life.

The Emperor's New Room

After months of waiting, our sunroom remodeling project is finally complete. Almost. The contractor still has a few loose ends to tie up but the room is pretty much as it's going to look. And our furniture arrived today also, 4 - 6 weeks early which might have caused a problem, but we were able to fit it all in the living room while the work was being completed, so it actually worked out nicely.
It looks really nice in there and I'm looking forward to relaxing in there this summer with a beer, a book and big black lab.
But the room's new look may preclude Mrs. Poop from allowing us to play beer pong out there during this September's 3rd (or is it 4th, I don't think the wedding counts) annual Poopfest. But by that point she'll be 8 months and 3 weeks pregnant so she probably won't even let me have the damn party anyway.

Forget the Polar Ice Caps, The Roads Are Melting

A gasoline tanker crashed and burst into flames, literally melting a highway overpass in the Bay Area.
That's going to completely fuck shit up for this morning's commute and for the rest of the year before they can get this thing fixed.

Idol Arrested

Former American Idol finalist Jessica Sierra was arrested after she allegedly smashed a glass on some dude's head. Not just any glass, a heavy cafe glass.
Things got worse when the police booked her and found some cocaine on her.
Then things got even worse when she took this mugshot.

The NFL Draft is Poop

The Raiders fucked up, of course. They should have taken Calvin Johnson. The only reason not to was because they had Randy Moss. And then they traded Moss. It's always risky to plop a rookie quarterback onto a horrible team with no offensive line and no weapons. It's a recipe for failure. The trade of Moss wasn't so bad, they got nothing in terms of talent back but got rid of a big salary and a big headache.

I don't know why the Patriots were so desperate to fuck up their team chemistry with Moss after they had already added Donte Stallworth and Wes Welker through free agency. And they also drafted some dickhead from the U. Seems like they are getting away from what made them so successful.

The Browns had a great draft, getting the QB they wanted at 3, at 22. Not sure if they knew Quinn would fall that far but I doubt it was just plain luck. So many teams already have QBs entrenched or just drafted, so they obviously thought the number of potential suitors for Quinn was very limited. This is the Aaron Rodgers postulate. A QB expected to go at the top, slides past one team that was supposed to take him, then sinks like a stone.

I'm pleased with the Redskins choice of LaRon Landry. Teamed with Sean Taylor that should be an awesome duo of safeties. The Redskins biggest problem last year was the fact that they forced so few turnovers (bottom ten all-time, I think). You just can't win games when you are losing the battle of turnovers every week. Now, a lot of turnovers are luck (a tipped ball, a bouncing fumble) but if you can make your own luck, a good way to do it is with two hard hitting safeties.

Not sure what the Dolphins were doing with Ted Ginn at #9. But I always say this in the post-mortem of the draft. Where you take a guy is not important. If Ted Ginn is a really good player for them will people say "yes, but, they should have moved down and still got Ginn at 15 while adding a third rounder." No, all you need to do is pick a good player. If the Patriots had picked Tom Brady in the first round would it be a bad pick because they could have had him in the sixth? No, performance is the only tool for evaluation from this point on.

Nothing Beats an Old Jew

With their last pick in the Israeli baseball league draft, the Modi'in Miracle selects Sandy Koufax.
Koufax is 71 years old and retired more than 40 years ago. Miracle manager and former Mets World Series winner, Art Shamsky, did it as a tribute to Koufax.