Digital Good Samaritan

Trusted friend, caring sister, beloved Aunt and former shaving products magnate Razor is adding a new title to her long list of superlatives, she is now a digital good Samaritan. Over the weekend she found instagram posts threatening the police like one from "Woodgramflexinn" which said he was on his way to New York to kill two more cops. She forwarded it to a tipline for the NYPD, which then alerted authorities in his area (Tennessee) which went to the guy's house and determined the threat was not serious. The Fox affiliate in Memphis contacted Razor and eventually wrote this article about the incident.

Syracuse Soccer Star's Slurs

Syracuse University soccer player,Hanna Strong, got "Riley Coopered." She's caught on video saying "F-ggot" and "N-gger." We have no other context of the video.


She's been suspended from the team and may face even more punishment as is appropriate in this day and age, you just can't say those words.
It was late at night so she was probably drunk, though that's not an excuse. And as with any video, we don't know what happened before it. What if the camera-holder called a dirty, skanky slut? We also know through research that she's friendly with a lot of black guys. They were with her that night, she knows a lot of black athletes, and is even fucking one.
So she's probably not a racist, more likely, she hears that language and it slipped out at the worst time. She even caught herself and said "n-word" the second time.
My bigger question is about who released the tape? Why would you want to hurt someone in this way, knowing this video would get spread around the internet and ruin her reputation, and perhaps her soccer and educational career.
I hope Ms. Strong speaks for herself, apologizes for her stupid comments and explains the circumstances of that night.
And as always, I hate incidents that cast my beloved alma mater in a negative light.
Oh, and she should add an H to the end of her first name.

Subtle Racism

Let's look at the winners of the Grammy Awards in the rap and R&B categories:
Best rap performance:“Thrift Shop,” Macklemore and Ryan Lewis featuring Wanz
Best rap song: “Thrift Shop” Ben Haggerty & Ryan Lewis
Best rap album: “The Heist,” Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

Best R&B performance: “Something,” Snarky Puppy With Lalah Hathaway
Best R&B song: “Pusher Love Girl,” James Fauntleroy, Jerome Harmon, Timothy Mosley and Justin Timberlake
Best R&B album: “Girl On Fire,” Alicia Keys
Best urban contemporary album: “Unapologetic,” Rihanna
That's 7 categories, 5 wins for (songs performed by) white men and 2 for black women.

Where are the black men? Eric Benet and Anthony Hamilton both had excellent albums in the R&B categories and Kendrick Lamar and Drake also had great entries in the rap categories but somehow the white people keep winning. And there is a history of this happening in these categories.

The reason is some kind of subtle, unintentional racism. The people who vote for these awards are not exposed to enough of the music in these categories so they go with who they know. And invariably and unfortunately, the white acts (Macklemore, Eminem, Justin Timberlake and Robin Thicke) seem to get all the media attention, making this a self-fulfilling prophecy of institutional racism.

There's also the fact that these artists seem to have embraced the more pop side of their genres, in order to appeal to a mass audience, so once again, we have this vicious cycle.

I am not saying anyone does this intentionally, or even realizes it's going on, which makes it so hard to stop.

One thing I do notice from this is a kind of reverse racism, the Donovan McNabb Effect. Everyone in the white media feels guilty about this inherent racism so when they see a black person doing well, they totally exaggerate how great this person is as if to say "I'm not a racist, I loved Lupita Nyong'o in 12 Years a Slave."

I love Lupita and think she is gorgeous and wonderful, and surely a fine actress. But it is clear to me, at least some of the attention focused on her is out of guilt or an attempt to prove one's open-mindedness, not based on her looks or talent or performance.

What Do You Give Me For? Charles Ramsey and Clarence the Barber from Coming to America

You all know how I feel about those racist autotune videos that make fun of black people saying crazy shit on the local news.
Our racist autotune hero of the week is Charles Ramsey who helped Amanda Berry call 911 to free her from her 10-year kidnapping ordeal.
Not to be racist, but he sure looks a lot like Clarence the barber played by Eddie Murphy in "Coming to America"

What Do You Give Me For? Bill Russell and Morgan Freeman

George Stephanopoulos made a major fuckup during the inauguration coverage. The camera panned to an older black man with a white beard. Stephanopoulos said "that's Morgan Freeman, I think" but it was Bill Russell. Live TV is tough, and this certainly doesn't make him a racist, but does it make him bad at this game?

You Have Time For This

I used to think it was borderline racist to make fun of black people like Antoine Dodson and those in Alabama who thought there was a leprechaun in their neighborhood either by autotuning their comments or simply passing the video around the internet.
But thanks to Pres. Obama and the enlightened people who voted him to not one but two terms, I don't think America is racist anymore. This is actually a sign of progress, black people can be made fun of for being stupid just like any other racial or ethnic group.
With that said, and with a clear conscience I present to you Sweet Brown:



Mrs. Poop has played that video so many times that if I ask her to do something, no matter what it is, she says "ain't nobody got time for that." And Chase is running around the house screaming "oh lord Jesus it's a firrrrre."

But if you are a little more enlightened, a little more politically correct and would prefer to laugh with as opposed to laugh at your African-American brothers, here is Billy's favorite video, the actual funeral for Willie McCoy who sang the Chili's baby-back ribs jingle:



"I'm not sure if having pigs at the funeral was the brightest idea."

Hot Racist Kicked Off Olympic Team

Greek triple jumper Voula Papachristou was kicked off the Olympic team for this racist tweet:

"With so many Africans in Greece, the West Nile mosquitoes will be getting homemade food!!!"

It's a shame about her being a miserable racist because she is really freakin hot.

Racist Onomatopoeia

Every Friday Mrs. Poop takes Julian to "Storytime" at the local public library, it's basically 20 minutes of singing, a 10-minute story and 15 minutes of destructive free play. On the rare occasion that I am off on a Friday I have taken him. But I hate it for several reasons:
1) The old lady running it has disdain for children. She doesn't like when the children get up and walk around.
2) The songs they sing are ridiculous. "Hot Cross Buns," really? We really need to teach our kids 19th century British imperial songs? Better than slave songs, but still.
3) It's all women, mostly chatty women who want to be nice and friendly and talk to the new guy. But I hate socializing, especially with psycho-mommies.

Against my better judgment a couple Fridays ago while I called in Madness and Mrs. Poop took Chase to the circus, I decided to go to storytime. Mrs. Poop's friend was also going to the circus so I expected her husband to be there as well. Plus, he gets laid a lot so I thought I could score some brownie points with Mrs. Poop. But he faked an illness so I was the only father there.

I lip-synched my way through the songs until we got to "The Wheels on the Bus." First of all they add a verse about daddies saying "shh shh shh." Probably because the mommies never shut the fuck up. Then they sang about the money on the bus. And I swear they were saying "the money on the bus goes chink chink chink." I was shocked. I thought this was maybe a holdover from 200 years ago, like "Hot Cross Buns" and since everyone learned it that way, no one changed it.
I came home and googled it and it turns out there are two alternate versions, clink and ching. Maybe some mommies were singing "clink, clink, clink" and when combined with the other mommies singing "ching, ching, ching" it sounded to me like "chink, chink, chink."

I'm just glad Jeremy Lin wasn't there.

Now I'm in the Mood for Chipotle

The town of East Haven, Connecticut is grappling with tension between its Latino community and the police force, which has no Latino officers. But don't worry Mayor Joseph Maturo has a plan to reach out to the Latino community:



"I might have tacos when I go home, I'm not quite sure yet."

While this was obviously a distasteful and inflammatory thing to say I once again want to point out how ridiculous it is to call someone bigoted for merely suggesting a certain ethnic group likes to eat a certain type of food. That's why they're called ethnic foods.

It is not racist to say Mexican (not all Hispanics) people like to eat tacos.
It is not racist to say black people like collard greens and fried chicken.
It is not racist to Jewish people like matzo ball soup.

But this mayor is still a moron.

I Think I Would Still Hate a White Dog-Killer

ESPN the Magazine recently ran a fascinating article "What If Michael Vick Were White."

Along with the article was a picture, Michael Vick reimagined and digitally altered to be a white man.



Juding from just the headline alone, I was pleased they used proper grammar but disappointed that they were going say Michael Vick was persecuted and punished harshly, because he is black.

Then I read the article: "I'm certain white privilege would not be enough to rescue a white NFL star caught killing dogs."

And it goes on to make the point that separating Vick or any of us from our race would be impossible. If Vick were white, he would have grown up in different circumstances and quite possibly never have been exposed to dogfighting in the first place. Maybe he wouldn't even play football, who knows?

Regardless of color Vick has turned his life around. He seems to be on the straight and narrow and personally, and on the basis of his play on the field he signed a new 6-year, $100m contract with the Eagles. I hope he uses that money to repay his creditors and uses these lessons to live an honest life.

But I will always hate him. No matter what color he is.

It's Soul Food People

As Black History Month comes to its conclusion I want to make a point that I feel is long overdue.

Earlier this month Questlove of the Roots posted picture of the menu for a lunch NBC served in honor of Black History Month.

The menu included fried chicken, collard greens, black eyed peas (not the shitty group with Fergie) and cornbread.



Now the obvious reaction is to be outraged. How dare NBC suggest black people like to eat fried chicken and collard greens.

But there is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not an embarrassment to like fried chicken.

These foods are part of black culture. Just like Chinese food, Italian food and kosher food are part of those cultures.

Yes, it can be insulting to pull your eyes back and say “moo shoo pork” in an affected voice or to say Sandy Koufax’s best pitch is the Matzo ball or to say Bobby Engram fumbled because he was eating fried chicken at halftime.

But that doesn’t mean we should rob black people of credit for a valuable contribution to our culture just because of white guilt.

What Really Happened

Long overdue, I know, but here's what really happened when Sgt. James Crowley arrested Henry Louis Gates.

Gates forgot his keys and tried to break into his own house.
A neighbor saw two guys trying to kick the door in and called the cops.
Crowley responded to scene where he was confronted by an already agitated Gates, who was pissed he forgot his keys.
And here's where the thing went off the rails.
Because Gates has spent years studying racial injustice he immediately had it in his head that the cop was there to harrass him because he's black.
In fact, according to the police report, when the cops rolled up to his house and asked him for his ID he said "why, because I'm a black man in America."
And at first Gates refused to show his driver's license, only offering his Harvard ID which didn't have proof of home address.
Gates was screaming and threatening Crowley, when Gates should have known he wasn't being targeted, someone had actually called 911 to report a suspected burglary in progress.
And here's the kicker, when Crowley asked to speak to Gates outside Gates said "I'll speak to yo' mama outside."

The reason why I decided to complete this post which I started about three weeks ago, is because that classic line wasn't reported in the mainstream media.
I had to read it in the police report. Well maybe you will say the police report contains inaccuracies, but Gates doesn't dispute any of this. Even at the famous beer summit he contended he was targeted because he was black.

So here's where the blame lies in this situation:
100% of the blame for his arrest goes to Gates. I don't care what color you are or how many years of oppression your people have suffered, in this situation Gates should have said "sorry officer, I forgot my keys, here's my driver's license to prove this is my residence. Thank you." Had he said that, this whole mess likely would have been avoided.

Blame also goes to the person in the Cambridge Police Department who said the 911 caller had identified the suspected robbers as black men. That wasn't true.

And last but not least, the President who turned the whole thing into a national shitstorm by taking his friend's word and making a half-cocked comment before he had any of the facts.

Tonight's Beer Summit

I am greatly looking forward to tonight's Beer Summit between President Obama, Professor Henry Louis Gates and Sargeant James Crowley, the cop who arrested Gates for breaking into his own home.

I like the idea because I think a lot of the racial problems in this country could be solved by white people and black people getting together for a beer, proverbially of course. But if white people and black people interacted more they'd realize we're not all that different, and we don't all hate the others.

My only problem is the President's reluctance to name his favorite beer for fear of offending someone. I think the President and the Administration try a little too hard to do the popular and politically correct thing, especially annoying when it involves something as stupid as the President's favorite beer.

Speaking of favorite beers, Crowley prefers Blue Moon (hopefully with orange slices) and Gates likes Red Stripe.

Which is humorous because last weekend Pizza Parlor Derek and I were making fun of a guy at the next table for ordering a Red Stripe.

But what nerve these guys have to request their own preferred beers while drinking at Obama's house. Social ettiquette requries that when you go to someone's house you drink whatever they serve. And if you want a special brand of beer, you bring it yourself. Wouldn't that be awesome to see Gates strolling into the White House toting a 6-pack of Red Stripe in a paper bag?

Racist Newscast

A TV station in Rochester does a story about Popeye's running out of chicken on the very day it advertised an 8-piece bucket, normally $7.29, for $4.99.
To confirm an age-old stereotype that black people like fried chicken, the racist news team at WHAM interviews nearly a dozen people for the story, I'll let you count the white people.



Btw, I still love Popeye's and I'm happy to pay full price for the 8-piece whenever Mrs. Poop is out of town.

Please don't tell the Conciergette that I eat an 8-piece by myself.

Oy Is This a Putz

Jackie Mason is coming under fire for calling President Obama a schvartza (there is no correct spelling, Yiddish is a spoken language not a written one), during his standup.

Mason is one of my favorite comedians, thanks to years of having him forcefed to me by Papa Poop. Also Master Bates used to have this toy that when you pressed a button it would cycle through some of Jackie's best phrases like "he's a schmuck -- the biggest" and "oy is this a putz."

I don't really think there's a problem with schvartza, it literally means black and most old jews use it all the time, not in a demeaning way. Plus, he's a comedian and black comedians due much worse, as Mason pointed out.

Mason said, "I'm an old Jew. I was raised in a Jewish family where 'schwartza' was used. It's not a demeaning word and I'm not going to defend myself."

Is That Really the Best Way to Distinguish These Fighters?

I was watching Affliction: Day of Reckoning and noticed several times during the fight, announcer Jimmy Smith had trouble describing Josh Barnett and Gilbert Yvel. He said "both fighters in black and red trunks, Yvel in the looser-fitting trunks."

Are we that politically correct that we can't say Barnett is the white guy, Yvel is the black guy?

Is This the Way the Rooney Rule is Supposed to Work?

The NFL has a policy called the "Rooney Rule" which requires teams to interview a minority candidate for a head coaching vacancy. Even though this sometimes results in a dog and pony show it's a good rule because the biggest challenge for a young black head coach is getting seen as head coach material. Also, once the name is out there it gives the prospective coach the chance to interview, to get used to the process, and maybe impress some people.
But an unintended consequence of the rule is manifesting itself this year.
The St. Louis Rams, evidently happy with their interim head coach Jim Haslett probably intend to give him the head coaching position. However, doing so would violate the Rooney Rule, so they can't name Haslett without a full offseason interview process.
The San Francisco 49ers are equally impressed with their head man Mike Singletary and if they intend to give him the permanent title, no such obstacle stands in their way because Singletary is black.
Haslett is taking the high road saying he believes in the Rooney Rule so much that he wants it to be followed, even to his own detriment.
Kudos to Haslett, to the Rooneys who followed through on the rule by naming Omar Epps, I mean Mike Tomlin as their head coach, and to the NFL for having such a rule.
But isn't there a way to avoid a system where white coaches aren't penalized for essentially, being white?

Some of His Ex-Teammates Probably Didn't Appreciate That

Texas coach Mack Brown dismissed backup offensive lineman Buck Burnette from the team after an offensive status update on Burnette's Facebook profile.
It said “All the hunters gather up, we have a n-word in the White House.” Except he actually used the n-word.
Burnette claims he got it in a text message from a friend and decided to make it his status update without thinking.
In college football guys beat their girlfriends, drive drunk, steal and get only a game suspension, but using a bad word gets you kicked off the team.
While that might seem incongrous I can imagine that many of his black teammates would be unhappy with Burnette and might take action against him.
But I wonder what would have happened if he had been a better player?

This is Why I Hate LeBaTurd

I find Dan LeBatard to be one of the most objectionable and most troubling of this new breed of sportswriters. He wants so desperately to be a TV star that he constantly feels the need to say something controversial so that people will pay attention to him.
This time I think his point was that NBA teams should be wary of Tyler Hansbrough, only because he's white and it's been a long time since a white American college player has had great success in the NBA.

I'm glad Jay Bilas laid the smack down on his ass.

Racial Stereotypes Proven By Study

A University of Minnesota study of 10 cities has found that alcohol, especially malt liquor, is more widely available in poor, black neighborhoods.

The study found that poor neighborhoods with high concentrations of African-Americans had significantly greater than average numbers of liquor stores, 40-ounce bottles of malt liquor in coolers, and storefront ads promoting malt liquor.

"It wasn't overly surprising, as I think there's been anecdotal evidence to suggest that," said Rhonda Jones-Webb, the study's principal investigator. "We are one of the first to systematically document that."

Malt liquor is of particular concern, the university researchers said, because of its high alcohol content and the fact that its 40-ounce containers are sold cold for immediate consumption at a low price. The study found the average 40-ounce bottle cost just $1.87, less than a gallon of milk.

"It's cheaper than pot, cheaper than crack," said Horace Small, executive director of the Union of Minority Neighborhoods.

Small said malt liquor sales are a contributing factor to the myriad problems that impoverished communities face. "You're more prone to have a chip on your shoulder when you've got two bottles of that ... in you," he said.

This sure sounds a lot like what Furious was saying in Boyz N the Hood.