Eight years ago, when Pizza Parlor Derek and I were trying not to cry during the Columbine memorial, Cho Seung-Hui was trying not to smile. While we were sicked by "Eric and Dylan," Cho was emboldened by them.
Right now, and all this week as most of us are watching the coverage of the Virginia Tech shootings thinking "how horrible," there is a handful (or terrifyingly, much more than a handful) of fucked up kids thinking "how cool." We think Cho Seung-Hui was a sick, demented fuck, but some kids view him as a hero.
And that freaks me out the most.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Urlacher's Hat
Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher was fined $100,000 by the NFL because he wore a hat that said Vitamin Water at Super Bowl Media Day.
After possum and hide the salami, devil's advocate is my favorite game to play.
Everyone has been killing the NFL for this stiff fine and it's lax attitude towards its players' misbehavior. I think they whacked Chris Henry and Pacman Jones pretty good.
The better analogy would be to compare it to the NFL's stringent enforcement of its copyright, like going after a church for charging admission to the showing of the Super Bowl.
To quote Mike Francesa in a rare good moment "If you have a church bazaar in Walla Walla, Washington and you hang a sign that says "Super Bowl" in the window on the back of a paper plate, the NFL will be there with its lawyers 5 minutes later."
But I said I was going to defend the NFL on this one. Gatorade pays a lot of money to the NFL to be the "exclusive" energy drink provider of the NFL. If they fail to ensure that exclusivity, not only could the value of all its endorsement contracts (which pay the players' salaries) go down, they could be subject to a lawsuit. And they had to make the fine big because otherwise companies could offer a guy 10 grand to wear the hat, and pay his fine, another 10 grand and get a bunch of advertising.
After possum and hide the salami, devil's advocate is my favorite game to play.
Everyone has been killing the NFL for this stiff fine and it's lax attitude towards its players' misbehavior. I think they whacked Chris Henry and Pacman Jones pretty good.
The better analogy would be to compare it to the NFL's stringent enforcement of its copyright, like going after a church for charging admission to the showing of the Super Bowl.
To quote Mike Francesa in a rare good moment "If you have a church bazaar in Walla Walla, Washington and you hang a sign that says "Super Bowl" in the window on the back of a paper plate, the NFL will be there with its lawyers 5 minutes later."
But I said I was going to defend the NFL on this one. Gatorade pays a lot of money to the NFL to be the "exclusive" energy drink provider of the NFL. If they fail to ensure that exclusivity, not only could the value of all its endorsement contracts (which pay the players' salaries) go down, they could be subject to a lawsuit. And they had to make the fine big because otherwise companies could offer a guy 10 grand to wear the hat, and pay his fine, another 10 grand and get a bunch of advertising.
The Ohio State Exodus
Anybody reasonable knew that Greg Oden was going to leave Ohio State for the NBA after his freshman season. Only the morons in the media will be shocked (shocked!) to find out that despite claims that both Oden and Kevin Durant love college they would like to find out if they love the pros more.
Minor digression: of course they love college. I loved college. Now imagine how much I would have loved college if I never had to do any work and I could get laid whenever I wanted. That would be what college is like for Oden, Durant and a lot of other guys who are only forced to attend school because of the NBA's unconstitutional rule against high school kids.
Oden reportedly took 12 credits during the winter quarter - 5 for history of rock n roll and 2 for basketball. Tough life.
Anyway, Oden is gone.
Mike Conley Jr. is also leaving for the NBA, not a big surprise because he really played great during the tournament especially during those times when Oden was out with foul trouble. He likely won't get another chance to show a better side without Oden around.
But I am surprised with Daequan Cook for declaring. I said several times during the season that he was my favorite Buckeye because he was capable of some sick moves, but his game is far from complete. But we see this time and time again in the NBA, talented but raw players get drafted because of the NBA Draft's buzzword: upside.
I don't think Cook will be drafted and I hope he sticks with his current plan not to sign with an agent. Conley of course won't sign because his father's going to be his agent, and he can accept anything from his father that an agent would give him.
Add in the graduations (or loss of eligibility) of Ron Lewis and Ivan Harris and Ohio State is down to David Lighty, Jamar Butler, Othella Hunter and another strong recruiting class.
Minor digression: of course they love college. I loved college. Now imagine how much I would have loved college if I never had to do any work and I could get laid whenever I wanted. That would be what college is like for Oden, Durant and a lot of other guys who are only forced to attend school because of the NBA's unconstitutional rule against high school kids.
Oden reportedly took 12 credits during the winter quarter - 5 for history of rock n roll and 2 for basketball. Tough life.
Anyway, Oden is gone.
Mike Conley Jr. is also leaving for the NBA, not a big surprise because he really played great during the tournament especially during those times when Oden was out with foul trouble. He likely won't get another chance to show a better side without Oden around.
But I am surprised with Daequan Cook for declaring. I said several times during the season that he was my favorite Buckeye because he was capable of some sick moves, but his game is far from complete. But we see this time and time again in the NBA, talented but raw players get drafted because of the NBA Draft's buzzword: upside.
I don't think Cook will be drafted and I hope he sticks with his current plan not to sign with an agent. Conley of course won't sign because his father's going to be his agent, and he can accept anything from his father that an agent would give him.
Add in the graduations (or loss of eligibility) of Ron Lewis and Ivan Harris and Ohio State is down to David Lighty, Jamar Butler, Othella Hunter and another strong recruiting class.
Father of the Year
Alec Baldwin leaves a heart-warming voice mail for his daughter (with Kim Basinger) Ireland. Ireland is 11.
Billy is Not Gay Just Healthy
A fruity cocktail may not only be fun to drink but may count as health food. Adding ethanol -- the type of alcohol found in rum, vodka, tequila and other spirits --boosted the antioxidant nutrients in strawberries and blackberries.
Slutty Rangers Dancer
The story of former Rangers City Skater Courtney Prince keeps getting more interesting. She claims she was sexually harassed by a Rangers executive who approached her at a bar and tried to talk her into a 3some. The Rangers say "she suffered from bipolar disorder, a classic symptom of which is hypersexuality."
Prince pretended to simulate sex on the ice during one practice and regularly coached skaters to appear more "fuckable." She also grabbed other skaters' breasts and used explicit terms to describe their anatomy.
She said that we needed to make the audience feel like they want to be in your pants. She told skaters they had to look less like a "mom" or a "housewife" and coached them on how to enhance their God-given attributes.
"Play up your chest at the game... wear a good bra, you can even pad it a bit if you feel the need."
Prince pretended to simulate sex on the ice during one practice and regularly coached skaters to appear more "fuckable." She also grabbed other skaters' breasts and used explicit terms to describe their anatomy.
She said that we needed to make the audience feel like they want to be in your pants. She told skaters they had to look less like a "mom" or a "housewife" and coached them on how to enhance their God-given attributes.
"Play up your chest at the game... wear a good bra, you can even pad it a bit if you feel the need."
What I Should Have Said Theater
What NFL team executives should have said to Calvin Johnson, Amobi Okoye and Gaines Adams. All three admitted in private interviews, according to Pro Football Weekly, that they have used marijuana in the past. We don't know how team executives did respond but we know in the past that drug rumors have caused prospects (Dan Marino, Warren Sapp and Randy Moss - though Moss had other issues) to slide way down the draft board.
"Young man, we want to thank you for your honesty. We were all young once and we understand that young people make mistakes. And if occassional marijuana use is the worst thing about you, then any organization would be lucky to have such a good player and good young man. But marijuana is illegal. And it is forbidden by league rules. As you know the league currently has a major image problem and the last thing we want is our first round draft pick to fail a drug test. And the last thing you want is to have a promising career derailed by failed drug tests and the subsequent suspensions. We assume from the fact that you've disclosed this information to us voluntarily that you realize using marijuana was a mistake, one you don't plan to make again. We will not use this against you in evaluating you; in fact your candor is viewed by us as a positive in regards to your character. But we also want to remind you that this is the NFL, that stands for Not For Long, and without guaranteed contracts, it wouldn't be wise to make that mistake again."
"Young man, we want to thank you for your honesty. We were all young once and we understand that young people make mistakes. And if occassional marijuana use is the worst thing about you, then any organization would be lucky to have such a good player and good young man. But marijuana is illegal. And it is forbidden by league rules. As you know the league currently has a major image problem and the last thing we want is our first round draft pick to fail a drug test. And the last thing you want is to have a promising career derailed by failed drug tests and the subsequent suspensions. We assume from the fact that you've disclosed this information to us voluntarily that you realize using marijuana was a mistake, one you don't plan to make again. We will not use this against you in evaluating you; in fact your candor is viewed by us as a positive in regards to your character. But we also want to remind you that this is the NFL, that stands for Not For Long, and without guaranteed contracts, it wouldn't be wise to make that mistake again."
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Vick Gives Back
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has teamed up with the United Way to donate $10,000 to assist families affected by the massacre at Virginia Tech, his former school.
“When tragic things like this happen, families have enough to deal with, and if I can help in some small way, that’s the least I can do,” said Vick, who played for the Hokies before being drafted No. 1 overall by the Falcons in 2001.
Vick’s foundation said the money will be used to provide help with funeral expenses, transportation for family members and other support services.
“When tragic things like this happen, families have enough to deal with, and if I can help in some small way, that’s the least I can do,” said Vick, who played for the Hokies before being drafted No. 1 overall by the Falcons in 2001.
Vick’s foundation said the money will be used to provide help with funeral expenses, transportation for family members and other support services.
Creepy
Among the pictures sent by the killer Cho Seung-Hui is one of him with a hammer.
This picture looks a lot like a movie poster for a South Korean movie called "Old Boy." Old Boy is about a guy who is in prison for 15 years then gets out and hunts down his captor.
There's also this picture of Cho with a gun to his head.
And this one from "Old Boy." This is less remarkable because the pose is less unusual than the hammer pictures. But together they at least make you believe that he saw this movie and was influenced by it.
According to his former roommates Cho also like the song "Shine" by Collective Soul. I don't think these lyrics were his motivation though, they seem pretty benign. I think I even remember this song being popular ten years ago.
This picture looks a lot like a movie poster for a South Korean movie called "Old Boy." Old Boy is about a guy who is in prison for 15 years then gets out and hunts down his captor.
There's also this picture of Cho with a gun to his head.
And this one from "Old Boy." This is less remarkable because the pose is less unusual than the hammer pictures. But together they at least make you believe that he saw this movie and was influenced by it.
According to his former roommates Cho also like the song "Shine" by Collective Soul. I don't think these lyrics were his motivation though, they seem pretty benign. I think I even remember this song being popular ten years ago.
This is What I Need
Clocky, the alarm clock that runs away.
You can set it to let it snooze once or twice.
When it starts beeping it starts moving.
First it rolls off your bedside table.
Then it rolls around the room so you have to get up to turn it off.
You can set it to let it snooze once or twice.
When it starts beeping it starts moving.
First it rolls off your bedside table.
Then it rolls around the room so you have to get up to turn it off.
Why NBC?
Does anyone have any idea why the killer decided to send his manifesto, pictures and video to NBC News?
Does he like Brian Williams?
Does he hate Katie Couric?
Is 30 Rockefeller Plaza the easiest to remember?
What's so hard about 1 CNN Center?
Does he like Brian Williams?
Does he hate Katie Couric?
Is 30 Rockefeller Plaza the easiest to remember?
What's so hard about 1 CNN Center?
It's A...
BABY!
The 19-week ultrasound went well, Baby Poop is very active and wouldn't cooperate so we will go back in a few weeks to make sure they can see everything they need to see. But everything they did see is just fine, which means everything they will see next time will probably be fine as well.
As far as gender, Mrs. Poop is dying to know but for some strange reason she chose this as the one time to let me have my way. She can't stand the fact that the ultrasound tech knows the sex of our baby and we don't. I'm glad the lady was able to see because I know Mrs. Poop was trying to figure it out. But they move the thing so fast, and it's hard to see what's what, especially when it's really magnified that I don't think the untrained eye can see the gender unless it's pointed out.
Mrs. Poop will have another chance to ruin the surprise in a few weeks.
The 19-week ultrasound went well, Baby Poop is very active and wouldn't cooperate so we will go back in a few weeks to make sure they can see everything they need to see. But everything they did see is just fine, which means everything they will see next time will probably be fine as well.
As far as gender, Mrs. Poop is dying to know but for some strange reason she chose this as the one time to let me have my way. She can't stand the fact that the ultrasound tech knows the sex of our baby and we don't. I'm glad the lady was able to see because I know Mrs. Poop was trying to figure it out. But they move the thing so fast, and it's hard to see what's what, especially when it's really magnified that I don't think the untrained eye can see the gender unless it's pointed out.
Mrs. Poop will have another chance to ruin the surprise in a few weeks.
Missing the Point
A lot of media coverage of the Virginia Tech shootings is focused on blaming someone. Why did it take two hours to notify students? Why was this kid allowed in school after he been deemed a danger to himself and others? I haven't heard one person mention the fact that in his rambling manifesto sent to NBC, he spewed a lot of hatred about the rich kids drinking and having sex. He hated those kids. Probably because they alienated him. They made him feel weak. They made him feel insignificant. They made him feel powerless. So he took back power the only way he knew how. But maybe if he hadn't been taken out of class. Maybe if girls hadn't called campus police on him. I'm not blaming anyone because I understand that his roommates tried to talk to him and he wouldn't speak. So he obviously was fucked up long before he came to Virginia Tech. But the fact that he was shunned and ignored and completely disassociated from the rest of the students made it easier for him to justify this killing spree.
Yesterday, in an e-mail to Jhughes I suggested that some of descriptions of the killer reminded me of descriptions of our former roommate Anton. If you don't know Anton this may not make much sense. But I didn't want to bring Anton into it because that would be making light of it. But Billy brought up Anton as well so it can't be a coincidence. And it also helps me make that point. Because we were friends with Anton he never descended to this point. But what if the girls Anton drew and photographed got freaked out and called campus police. What if he got kicked out of studio? Who knows?
Yesterday, in an e-mail to Jhughes I suggested that some of descriptions of the killer reminded me of descriptions of our former roommate Anton. If you don't know Anton this may not make much sense. But I didn't want to bring Anton into it because that would be making light of it. But Billy brought up Anton as well so it can't be a coincidence. And it also helps me make that point. Because we were friends with Anton he never descended to this point. But what if the girls Anton drew and photographed got freaked out and called campus police. What if he got kicked out of studio? Who knows?
Idol Chatter
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sanjaya is gone. We can all get on with our lives.
Fergie was awful. She looks so horrible. Kids, don't do crystal meth. And who wants to hear her sing a slow song. I think both Baby and Mrs. Poop were disappointed that she didn't sing "Glamorous." Mrs. Poop blames Luda. She thinks he wouldn't take short money to appear and that Fergie didn't want to do that song without him.
Mrs. Poop also said (she may be shy in front of all of you but when we're at home she never shuts up) that she would "have a stroke" if Blake got voted off. It was a surprising bottom 3. Other than Sanjaya once, I don't think those three had been in the bottom three, definitely not in the past few weeks. Hopefully this will light the fire under LaKisha and Blake fans. I really want to see the Blake-Jordin-LaKisha-Melinda Final Four. I think one of the country guys will beat out LaKisha though.
Nice of Simon to apologize for rolling eyes during Chris' Virginia Tech comments. I think Simon is a dick but I don't think he would do that, even though he may have thought Chris was doing it just to get votes. It's always annoyed me that Simon is constantly talking during the show. He does it when Paula is speaking and that's probably 90% of the reason (the other 10% being prescription medications) why Paula always sounds like such a rambling idiot. Hopefully, the producers have enough balls to tell Simon to shut the fuck up during the show. Here is the original eye roll.
Sanjaya is gone. We can all get on with our lives.
Fergie was awful. She looks so horrible. Kids, don't do crystal meth. And who wants to hear her sing a slow song. I think both Baby and Mrs. Poop were disappointed that she didn't sing "Glamorous." Mrs. Poop blames Luda. She thinks he wouldn't take short money to appear and that Fergie didn't want to do that song without him.
Mrs. Poop also said (she may be shy in front of all of you but when we're at home she never shuts up) that she would "have a stroke" if Blake got voted off. It was a surprising bottom 3. Other than Sanjaya once, I don't think those three had been in the bottom three, definitely not in the past few weeks. Hopefully this will light the fire under LaKisha and Blake fans. I really want to see the Blake-Jordin-LaKisha-Melinda Final Four. I think one of the country guys will beat out LaKisha though.
Nice of Simon to apologize for rolling eyes during Chris' Virginia Tech comments. I think Simon is a dick but I don't think he would do that, even though he may have thought Chris was doing it just to get votes. It's always annoyed me that Simon is constantly talking during the show. He does it when Paula is speaking and that's probably 90% of the reason (the other 10% being prescription medications) why Paula always sounds like such a rambling idiot. Hopefully, the producers have enough balls to tell Simon to shut the fuck up during the show. Here is the original eye roll.
Baseball is Poop
Welcome to the Baseball is Poop curse. I mention the great F-Her and then he gives up 3 runs in a third of an inning and leaves the game with tightness in his elbow. Oops.
It was 2 and 1/2 years between no-hitters (Randy Johnson to Anibal Sanchez) but it only took another 7 or 8 months of mostly offseason for Mark Buehrle to pitch one. I have followed his career pretty closely and never would have pegged him as a guy with no-hit stuff. He doesn't blow hitters away, he just throws strikes. He would have had a perfect game but he walked one batter, then picked him off first base.
That reminds me of one of my favorite games in baseball history. Babe Ruth pitching and he walks the first guy. He gets ejected after that batter. Ernie Shore comes in to relieve Ruth, picks the guy off first and retires everyone else in order. That used to be considered a perfect game until they changed the rules to count only no-hitters and perfect games of at least 27 outs from the beginning of the game.
In 2003, there were 3 American League games that lasted less than 2 hours. All three were pitched by Mark Buehrle and Mark Mulder. This no-hitter last 2 hours and 3 minutes.
A-Rod is on fire. Nine homers and 23 RBI. That puts him on pace for 112 HRs and 287 RBI.
Nice touch by Dmitri Young and the Washington Nationals to wear Virginia Tech hats during a game. Apparently the suggestion came from an e-mailer and then a team employee ran to a store and picked up as many hats as he could find.
It was 2 and 1/2 years between no-hitters (Randy Johnson to Anibal Sanchez) but it only took another 7 or 8 months of mostly offseason for Mark Buehrle to pitch one. I have followed his career pretty closely and never would have pegged him as a guy with no-hit stuff. He doesn't blow hitters away, he just throws strikes. He would have had a perfect game but he walked one batter, then picked him off first base.
That reminds me of one of my favorite games in baseball history. Babe Ruth pitching and he walks the first guy. He gets ejected after that batter. Ernie Shore comes in to relieve Ruth, picks the guy off first and retires everyone else in order. That used to be considered a perfect game until they changed the rules to count only no-hitters and perfect games of at least 27 outs from the beginning of the game.
In 2003, there were 3 American League games that lasted less than 2 hours. All three were pitched by Mark Buehrle and Mark Mulder. This no-hitter last 2 hours and 3 minutes.
A-Rod is on fire. Nine homers and 23 RBI. That puts him on pace for 112 HRs and 287 RBI.
Nice touch by Dmitri Young and the Washington Nationals to wear Virginia Tech hats during a game. Apparently the suggestion came from an e-mailer and then a team employee ran to a store and picked up as many hats as he could find.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Song of the Week
"Unanswered Prayers" - Garth Brooks
In honor of country music night on Idol, the song of the week this week is the best country song of all time.
Just listen to the lyrics and tell me it doesn't make perfect sense. There was a time where you wanted something more than anything, but you never got it. And now you realize that you're better off. Sort of like the Mets fans who wanted the Mets to go after A-Rod when he was a free agent.
Added bonus, this video is from Garth's concert in Central Park which I attended with jusTON and BC.
In honor of country music night on Idol, the song of the week this week is the best country song of all time.
Just listen to the lyrics and tell me it doesn't make perfect sense. There was a time where you wanted something more than anything, but you never got it. And now you realize that you're better off. Sort of like the Mets fans who wanted the Mets to go after A-Rod when he was a free agent.
Added bonus, this video is from Garth's concert in Central Park which I attended with jusTON and BC.
You're No Sanjaya
Paula Abdul tried to get preferential treatment in boarding an airplane. When she was told that there was no first class on the flight from San Jose to Burbank, she said "I'm famous. I need to go on first."
Another passenger yelled out "You're no Sanjaya."
Another passenger yelled out "You're no Sanjaya."
Tough Love
A soccer mom, upset at her teenage daughter’s performance at a game Saturday, stopped along Interstate 80 and left her there.
The woman yelled at her 15-year-old in her car and asked her to repeat lines about improving her performance. When the girl messed up the lines, she slapped her. Finnell said the teen told her mom to pull over along I-80 near the downtown exit, so she did. That’s when the girl says her mom yelled at her to get out. She did and her mom drove away.
A teammate’s parent saw the girl and took her to their home, where they called police.
The woman yelled at her 15-year-old in her car and asked her to repeat lines about improving her performance. When the girl messed up the lines, she slapped her. Finnell said the teen told her mom to pull over along I-80 near the downtown exit, so she did. That’s when the girl says her mom yelled at her to get out. She did and her mom drove away.
A teammate’s parent saw the girl and took her to their home, where they called police.
Stern Bitchslaps Referee
NBA commissioner David Stern suspended referee Joey Crawford after Crawford freaked out and ejected Tim Duncan for laughing.
We all know refs and umps have a huge ego and the only power they have is the whistle. The hate behavior that is perceived to be showing them up. This behavior was inexcusable by Crawford though. Stern was right to suspend him. Apparently Crawford insisted that he did nothing wrong and abruptly quit. Real Sports did a nice piece on Crawford and his brother Jerry (a MLB ump) and his father, Shag (also a major league ump).
Joey Crawford just lost his freakin mind. But I think this happens a lot, refs and umps feel inferior to the athletes so they exercise whatever power they can, sort of like cops.
We all know refs and umps have a huge ego and the only power they have is the whistle. The hate behavior that is perceived to be showing them up. This behavior was inexcusable by Crawford though. Stern was right to suspend him. Apparently Crawford insisted that he did nothing wrong and abruptly quit. Real Sports did a nice piece on Crawford and his brother Jerry (a MLB ump) and his father, Shag (also a major league ump).
Joey Crawford just lost his freakin mind. But I think this happens a lot, refs and umps feel inferior to the athletes so they exercise whatever power they can, sort of like cops.
Gun Control
I hope this Virginia Tech incident leads to major changes in gun control laws. I know this would never happen but here is my proposal. I think it's simple and it makes sense.
No more guns!
No more guns will be manufactured or sold in the United States. Everyone who has one registered legally, we'll come to your house and pick it up and give you twice the money you spent on it. Everyone who has one illegally, (which under my rule is everyone else) getting caught with a gun is one year in prison.
I love the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, so let's amend the Constitution, we'll repeal the Second Amendment. It will no longer be your Constitutional right to kill someone.
A couple problems with this:
1) hunters. If you really wanted to hunt, use a bow and arrow, a knife or fight a deer with your bare hands. If you have the right to bear arms I should have the right to arm bears. That would teach the fuckin hunters a lesson. You've lost your right to sit in a tree and kill a deer for no good reason. Sorry. Use a pellet gun to shoot clay pigeons or something.
2) self-defense. I read the news a lot and I never remember anyone killing a crazed gunman and saving his whole family. And even if that does happen once every 100 years, those poor people who would have been saved will have to sacrifice themselves for the hundreds of kids who blow their heads off fucking around in Crazy Uncle Larry's gun closet
3) the police. Give the police, rubber bullets, tasers, tranquilizer darts, but no more guns!
4) gun store owners. Assholes! How do you live with yourself knowing that your job is to help people kill animals and worse, other people. Even Mr. Pipe had an attack of conscience once in a while for peddling cancer. This prick who sold the Va Tech gunman the gun didn't even seem remorseful. The guy who taught the 9/11 assholes how to pilot a plane (but never taught them how to land one), was grief stricken, and this douchebag says "you can't prevent these kind of things." It assholes like that who believe "if the first victim also had a gun maybe 30 people would have been saved." Maybe that's a good solution, let's all carry guns, that way you'd be unlikely to live long enough to kill more than one, maybe two people.
5) the military. Let's stop giving them guns. Let's stop sending them to war. When we get mad at a country, we drop a massive fuckin bomb right in the heart of their capital. Then we say "stop doing what you're doing or we'll kill every last one of you mother fuckers."
I know this plan would never happen, but imagine what it would be like if it did.
No more guns!
No more guns will be manufactured or sold in the United States. Everyone who has one registered legally, we'll come to your house and pick it up and give you twice the money you spent on it. Everyone who has one illegally, (which under my rule is everyone else) getting caught with a gun is one year in prison.
I love the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, so let's amend the Constitution, we'll repeal the Second Amendment. It will no longer be your Constitutional right to kill someone.
A couple problems with this:
1) hunters. If you really wanted to hunt, use a bow and arrow, a knife or fight a deer with your bare hands. If you have the right to bear arms I should have the right to arm bears. That would teach the fuckin hunters a lesson. You've lost your right to sit in a tree and kill a deer for no good reason. Sorry. Use a pellet gun to shoot clay pigeons or something.
2) self-defense. I read the news a lot and I never remember anyone killing a crazed gunman and saving his whole family. And even if that does happen once every 100 years, those poor people who would have been saved will have to sacrifice themselves for the hundreds of kids who blow their heads off fucking around in Crazy Uncle Larry's gun closet
3) the police. Give the police, rubber bullets, tasers, tranquilizer darts, but no more guns!
4) gun store owners. Assholes! How do you live with yourself knowing that your job is to help people kill animals and worse, other people. Even Mr. Pipe had an attack of conscience once in a while for peddling cancer. This prick who sold the Va Tech gunman the gun didn't even seem remorseful. The guy who taught the 9/11 assholes how to pilot a plane (but never taught them how to land one), was grief stricken, and this douchebag says "you can't prevent these kind of things." It assholes like that who believe "if the first victim also had a gun maybe 30 people would have been saved." Maybe that's a good solution, let's all carry guns, that way you'd be unlikely to live long enough to kill more than one, maybe two people.
5) the military. Let's stop giving them guns. Let's stop sending them to war. When we get mad at a country, we drop a massive fuckin bomb right in the heart of their capital. Then we say "stop doing what you're doing or we'll kill every last one of you mother fuckers."
I know this plan would never happen, but imagine what it would be like if it did.
Pizza-Gate
Angels outfielder Garrett Anderson goes over to the stands to pursue a foul ball. He reaches into the crowd but can't make the catch.
The Boston Herald says the pizza thrower, Matt Madore, was aiming for Jason Sole because Sole had been giving him shit for eating pizza at a ballgame. When Sole turned to concentrate on the foul ball Madore cried out "you want some pizza now?" then fired.
The Boston Herald says the pizza thrower, Matt Madore, was aiming for Jason Sole because Sole had been giving him shit for eating pizza at a ballgame. When Sole turned to concentrate on the foul ball Madore cried out "you want some pizza now?" then fired.
Corzine's Accident
When New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine was nearly killed in a car accident on his way to the meeting between the Rugters women's basketball team and Don Imus, his Chevy Suburban, driven by a state trooper was traveling at 91 mph on the Garden State Parkway.
The car had it's emergency lights on to clear traffic from the left lane (of two).
Drivers in both lanes moved over but one nearly ran into a roadway mile marker. He moved back left to avoid it, and the driver from the left lane who had been moving over also veered to the left.
The Governor's Suburban hit the rear left of this car with its front right.
"This impact caused Trooper Rasinski to lose control and travel toward the wooded center median. Subsequent corrective steering to the right caused the Suburban to slide clockwise from the paved roadway and shoulder into the western grass berm. There it struck a milepost marker, and then impacted the end of the guide rail. The rail hit immediately behind the left front wheel and penetrated the vehicle's body, continuing through the front seat floorboard area. The SUV abruptly rotated 180 degrees, before coming to rest with its back portion on top of the guide rail."
Mama Poop wants the state trooper to be given a speeding ticket and Corzine to be cited for failure to wear his seatbelt. I don't really see the point.
The car had it's emergency lights on to clear traffic from the left lane (of two).
Drivers in both lanes moved over but one nearly ran into a roadway mile marker. He moved back left to avoid it, and the driver from the left lane who had been moving over also veered to the left.
The Governor's Suburban hit the rear left of this car with its front right.
"This impact caused Trooper Rasinski to lose control and travel toward the wooded center median. Subsequent corrective steering to the right caused the Suburban to slide clockwise from the paved roadway and shoulder into the western grass berm. There it struck a milepost marker, and then impacted the end of the guide rail. The rail hit immediately behind the left front wheel and penetrated the vehicle's body, continuing through the front seat floorboard area. The SUV abruptly rotated 180 degrees, before coming to rest with its back portion on top of the guide rail."
Mama Poop wants the state trooper to be given a speeding ticket and Corzine to be cited for failure to wear his seatbelt. I don't really see the point.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Idol Chatter
This definitely is the genre for Phil Stacey. I hope they vote him off and he can have a long successful country music career like previous Idol Josh Gracin; and I will never hear a single one of his songs.
Jordin Sparks could seriously win this competition. She does have something that makes you like her.
I'm just glad that Sanjaya wasn't wearing assless chaps. He was however wearing a bandana like Josh predicted he would be. It actually was a good look for him. "Something To Talk About" is one of my favorite country songs. I didn't think he was so bad but I constantly sing that song around the house and I definitely sing it better than he did.
I have a feeling that Pizza Parlor Derek did not enjoy LaKisha's version of "Jesus, Take The Wheel" as much as he loves it when Carrie Underwood sings it. I really thought that LaKisha was going to have problems this week but she can definitely sing and she found a song she likes and could relate to, so I thought she did pretty well. Mrs. Poop liked her gold boots.
Chris Richardson sucks. What was that song? That performance is what I would call a hot mess. But I loved his Members Only jacket.
Melinda picked a country song even Martina McBride never heard of. Where does Melinda find these songs? Do you think it's her strategy to pick unknown songs so she won't be compared to the original singer?
Blake was pretty good. Not great. I think he should have song that song Tim McGraw did with Nelly. Would that have counted for country week?
I think Chris, LaKisha and Phil will be in the bottom three and Chris will go home this week.
Writing Idol Chatter isn't as much fun without Haley's legs. Bring back Haley's legs!. We miss you Haley's legs!
Jordin Sparks could seriously win this competition. She does have something that makes you like her.
I'm just glad that Sanjaya wasn't wearing assless chaps. He was however wearing a bandana like Josh predicted he would be. It actually was a good look for him. "Something To Talk About" is one of my favorite country songs. I didn't think he was so bad but I constantly sing that song around the house and I definitely sing it better than he did.
I have a feeling that Pizza Parlor Derek did not enjoy LaKisha's version of "Jesus, Take The Wheel" as much as he loves it when Carrie Underwood sings it. I really thought that LaKisha was going to have problems this week but she can definitely sing and she found a song she likes and could relate to, so I thought she did pretty well. Mrs. Poop liked her gold boots.
Chris Richardson sucks. What was that song? That performance is what I would call a hot mess. But I loved his Members Only jacket.
Melinda picked a country song even Martina McBride never heard of. Where does Melinda find these songs? Do you think it's her strategy to pick unknown songs so she won't be compared to the original singer?
Blake was pretty good. Not great. I think he should have song that song Tim McGraw did with Nelly. Would that have counted for country week?
I think Chris, LaKisha and Phil will be in the bottom three and Chris will go home this week.
Writing Idol Chatter isn't as much fun without Haley's legs. Bring back Haley's legs!. We miss you Haley's legs!
What Was Happening At Virginia Tech Before This
"Girls Gone Wild" has plans to visit Blacksburg next week, and Virginia Tech officials aren't happy about it.
The video franchise is produced by Mantra Films Inc., a pornography production company that achieved fame for filming women stripping and performing sexual acts on spring break and at parties.
The Web site for "Girls Gone Wild" lists Blacksburg as an upcoming destination. Its MySpace page names Oge-Chi's, a restaurant and nightclub near the university in downtown Blacksburg, as the location for a tour stop at 9 p.m. April 20.
The video franchise is produced by Mantra Films Inc., a pornography production company that achieved fame for filming women stripping and performing sexual acts on spring break and at parties.
The Web site for "Girls Gone Wild" lists Blacksburg as an upcoming destination. Its MySpace page names Oge-Chi's, a restaurant and nightclub near the university in downtown Blacksburg, as the location for a tour stop at 9 p.m. April 20.
One of the Victims
A 75-year-old Israeli professor and Holocaust survivor was killed in the massacre at Virginia Tech when he leaped between the gunman and his students.
According to eye witnesses the heroic action of Liviu Librescu saved the lives of an unknown number of students in his class.
He survived the Holocaust but died on Holocaust Remembrance Day.
According to eye witnesses the heroic action of Liviu Librescu saved the lives of an unknown number of students in his class.
He survived the Holocaust but died on Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Funny or Douchey?
Usually I have no trouble calling someone a douchebag but this time I actually find this guy a little bit funny.
Ron Goldspink a bar owner in Tampa, originally from England sends invitations to birthday parties, retirement parties, anything he can think of, to famous people who will never show up in a million years like Queen Elizabeth and The Pope.
He also applies for jobs he knows he'll never get, head chef at the White House, personal butler to The Prime Minister of Britain, head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
The only reason I think it's cool is because he always gets back very earnest letters of regret.
So fair Poopheads, I leave it up to you to decide. Is Mr. Goldspink funny or douchey?
Ron Goldspink a bar owner in Tampa, originally from England sends invitations to birthday parties, retirement parties, anything he can think of, to famous people who will never show up in a million years like Queen Elizabeth and The Pope.
He also applies for jobs he knows he'll never get, head chef at the White House, personal butler to The Prime Minister of Britain, head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
The only reason I think it's cool is because he always gets back very earnest letters of regret.
So fair Poopheads, I leave it up to you to decide. Is Mr. Goldspink funny or douchey?
This Could Happen to TallSkott
A woman arrested for shoplifting said she had to poop.
Helen Gallo was arrested for shoplifting from a grocery store.
She told police she could not wait in line because of her impending intestinal requirement.
Helen Gallo was arrested for shoplifting from a grocery store.
She told police she could not wait in line because of her impending intestinal requirement.
There But For the Grace of God Go I
I've always made a point of not giving money to AIDS related charities. And I don't really worry too much about getting AIDS.
We don't know how to cure AIDS, but we know how not to get it. It's not quite a vaccine but it works the same way.
There is no vaccine for crazy mother fucker with a gun.
That's what is so horrifying when you hear about this Virginia Tech shooting, the deadliest shooting incident in U.S. history.
Previous record holder Columbine (at least as far as school shootings are concerned), really shook me when it happened.
I remember watching the memorial with Pizza Parlor Derek and trying not to cry.
And a few days later I had a dream that Jordan Rubin and Jonathan Marino did a school shooting at Wagner, killing The Concierge, Reissberg and the little blonde kid.
You have no protection against this.
Some crazy bastard got teased, or hated engineering, or lost a lot of money on the Virginia Tech-Southern Illinois game or got crabs from some dumb sorority bitch and decides to end it all take 33 people with him.
What can you do?
And you don't think that you went to school with people capable of this shit?
That's the really frightening part of this whole thing. You see Dr. Gupta on CNN talking about "Chasing Life" but sometimes life chases you. And when it catches you it shoots you in the back.
We don't know how to cure AIDS, but we know how not to get it. It's not quite a vaccine but it works the same way.
There is no vaccine for crazy mother fucker with a gun.
That's what is so horrifying when you hear about this Virginia Tech shooting, the deadliest shooting incident in U.S. history.
Previous record holder Columbine (at least as far as school shootings are concerned), really shook me when it happened.
I remember watching the memorial with Pizza Parlor Derek and trying not to cry.
And a few days later I had a dream that Jordan Rubin and Jonathan Marino did a school shooting at Wagner, killing The Concierge, Reissberg and the little blonde kid.
You have no protection against this.
Some crazy bastard got teased, or hated engineering, or lost a lot of money on the Virginia Tech-Southern Illinois game or got crabs from some dumb sorority bitch and decides to end it all take 33 people with him.
What can you do?
And you don't think that you went to school with people capable of this shit?
That's the really frightening part of this whole thing. You see Dr. Gupta on CNN talking about "Chasing Life" but sometimes life chases you. And when it catches you it shoots you in the back.
The Only Name Worse Than Doody
Much to the chagrin of Pa Beers I seldom post international stories here so you'll seldom read about Thai hookers unless it involves the Concierge, and you won't hear about angry German who shave their dog's ass to win a beauty pageant.
But this story from England was too good to pass up.
"A family is playing a central role in the quest to raise the profile of a forgotten British dish - faggots.
The Doody family has been crowned The Faggot Family in a national competition, and to kick off their reign they will launch National Faggot Week.
The family will be touring the country extolling the virtues of the dish, which is best-known for its links with the Black Country.
The Doody family were chosen to front the campaign after impressing judges at the Savoy Hotel in London in November.
Faggot facts
Faggots were called "savoury ducks" in the Middle Ages
Faggots were named after the Latin word for bundle
Faggots were originally made with pig's liver and offal
Faggots are now made from pork liver and pork
Fans have published the Good Faggot Guide
They displayed their fanaticism for the delicacy during quizzes, role-plays and mock commercials.
"The nation knows that the Cornish pasty, Yorkshire pudding, haggis and fish and chips are great British dishes, but all too often the faggot is left off that list," said Janet Doody.
Her husband Fred added: "It's unfair because faggots were a British delicacy long before any of the others.
"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."
The family, including Lewis, 13, and Grace, 7, eat faggots twice a week, with mashed potato and mushy peas, and will be launching the awareness campaign on Tuesday at Liverpool University, followed by visits this week to Nottingham, Leeds, Sheffield and Birmingham.
The competition was organised by faggot producer Mr Brain's Faggots."
Apparently, a faggot in food terms is some kind of meatball.
All Poopheads who attended Wagner High School (except for old Poopheads, Master Bates, Nails and Step On Me) will remember Mr. Wakeham's proclamation "go and gather me some faggots." He was referring to a different usage, a bundle of sticks.
But this story from England was too good to pass up.
"A family is playing a central role in the quest to raise the profile of a forgotten British dish - faggots.
The Doody family has been crowned The Faggot Family in a national competition, and to kick off their reign they will launch National Faggot Week.
The family will be touring the country extolling the virtues of the dish, which is best-known for its links with the Black Country.
The Doody family were chosen to front the campaign after impressing judges at the Savoy Hotel in London in November.
Faggot facts
Faggots were called "savoury ducks" in the Middle Ages
Faggots were named after the Latin word for bundle
Faggots were originally made with pig's liver and offal
Faggots are now made from pork liver and pork
Fans have published the Good Faggot Guide
They displayed their fanaticism for the delicacy during quizzes, role-plays and mock commercials.
"The nation knows that the Cornish pasty, Yorkshire pudding, haggis and fish and chips are great British dishes, but all too often the faggot is left off that list," said Janet Doody.
Her husband Fred added: "It's unfair because faggots were a British delicacy long before any of the others.
"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."
The family, including Lewis, 13, and Grace, 7, eat faggots twice a week, with mashed potato and mushy peas, and will be launching the awareness campaign on Tuesday at Liverpool University, followed by visits this week to Nottingham, Leeds, Sheffield and Birmingham.
The competition was organised by faggot producer Mr Brain's Faggots."
Apparently, a faggot in food terms is some kind of meatball.
All Poopheads who attended Wagner High School (except for old Poopheads, Master Bates, Nails and Step On Me) will remember Mr. Wakeham's proclamation "go and gather me some faggots." He was referring to a different usage, a bundle of sticks.
Maybe Worse Than Doody
But definitely better than faggot.
Don't think his jersey is going to be a best seller
Don't think his jersey is going to be a best seller
Monday, April 16, 2007
Betting on Pelfrey
This winter I decided to invest in some Mike Pelfrey cards.
I now own 42 Pelfrey cards valued at about $130, but hopefully if he has a good season for the Mets the cards could easily double in value.
I now own 42 Pelfrey cards valued at about $130, but hopefully if he has a good season for the Mets the cards could easily double in value.
A Birthday Present for Michael
Since I started my new, new schedule a couple weeks ago I have been driving home and falling asleep at around 10am. Here in New York that means I can listen to Joe Beningo scream or Max Kellerman pontificate. I choose Max Kellerman. He really is on a higher plane of understanding than the rest of us.
His analysis of the whole Rutgers/Imus thing was brilliant right down to the hypothetical he posted to Mike Greenberg:
"Let's say a team from Israel came here on a barnstorming tour and someone said 'that's a rough looking bunch of jews, they're some big nosed jews, I'll tell you that much.' How would you feel?"
His analysis of the whole Rutgers/Imus thing was brilliant right down to the hypothetical he posted to Mike Greenberg:
"Let's say a team from Israel came here on a barnstorming tour and someone said 'that's a rough looking bunch of jews, they're some big nosed jews, I'll tell you that much.' How would you feel?"
Said During Many Beer Pong Games
Karate Kid fans, click here (make sure your volume is set to an audible level).
Baby's All Growns Up
Lil Romeo, now known as just Romeo, the son of Master P, has accepted a scholarship to play basketball at USC.
Romeo is only a junior so he likely won't play with O.J. Mayo but he will be part of a program on the upswing.
Romeo Miller averaged 13.9 points and 5.6 assists per game at Beverly Hills High and more than held his own last summer at the ABCD Camp in New Jersey.
Romeo is 6 feet tall and no longer rocks a Bugs Bunny watch with the matching chain.
Romeo is only a junior so he likely won't play with O.J. Mayo but he will be part of a program on the upswing.
Romeo Miller averaged 13.9 points and 5.6 assists per game at Beverly Hills High and more than held his own last summer at the ABCD Camp in New Jersey.
Romeo is 6 feet tall and no longer rocks a Bugs Bunny watch with the matching chain.
I Play for Dough Not For Show
But this is the most impressive display of beer pong shotmaking I've ever seen. Even better than the night I kicked Horse's ass in one-on-one competition.
I don't even see how half this shit is possible but there don't seem to any camera tricks.
My only explanation is that these guys tried each shot like 300 times and made it once.
I don't even see how half this shit is possible but there don't seem to any camera tricks.
My only explanation is that these guys tried each shot like 300 times and made it once.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Someone Left the Dog Out in the Rain
At first both Diesel and I hated this Mickey Mouse rain slicker. But I must admit that in today's monsoon it served quite useful. He hates having his back wet and I hate having to dry him off. Even if he were to go out for 30 seconds, with the way the rain is coming down, he'd be soaked.
Still can't get him to wear the hood though.
Still can't get him to wear the hood though.
Baseball is Poop
The weather didn't cooperate with Jackie Robinson Day. Five games were rained out in northeastern cities (New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Baltimore).
But the show went on and a lot of players did choose to wear 42 to honor Robinson. I guess because it's been 60 years we are forgetting the historical importance of Robinson breaking the color barrier. A girl I work with (she's 23 years old) never heard of Jackie Robinson. 60 years ago blacks couldn't play on the same teams, ride the same buses or eat in the same restaurants as whites. Now blacks can get whites fired for bad jokes. We've come a long way, baby.
I thought Major League Baseball did a nice job and I think they should do something every year to celebrate it, with bigger celebrations on the milestone years, like 2022 and 2047.
But Sunday wasn't such a great day for the only current major leaguer who wears 42 everyday. Mariano Rivera was handed a 2-run lead and he recorded the first two outs in the bottom of the ninth. Then two men reached base and up came Marco Scutaro (Scootero). Believe it or not Scutaro is like the Robert Horry of baseball. His game winning home run off Rivera was the 9th walkoff hit (or walk or error) of his brief career.
The Tigers found a worse way to lose a ballgame. After Jeremy Bonderman and Roy Halladay matched each other for 9 innings Halladay stayed on in the 10th. In the bottom of the 10th the Tigers went to Fernando Rodney. Now remember the Tigers lost the World Series in part because of atrocious fielding by their pitchers. Then this happened:
Aaron Hill led off the 10th with an infield single that hit Rodney.
Jason Smith bunted back to Rodney, who tried to flip the ball to first from his glove but couldn't get it there in time, putting runners at first and second.
John McDonald followed with a bunt toward third base. Rodney fielded the ball but Brandon Inge had broken in and wasn't on the bag. When Rodney turned and looked at first he decided he had no play.
Bases loaded on three grounders to the pitcher.
Alex Rios hits a sacrifice fly for the win.
But the show went on and a lot of players did choose to wear 42 to honor Robinson. I guess because it's been 60 years we are forgetting the historical importance of Robinson breaking the color barrier. A girl I work with (she's 23 years old) never heard of Jackie Robinson. 60 years ago blacks couldn't play on the same teams, ride the same buses or eat in the same restaurants as whites. Now blacks can get whites fired for bad jokes. We've come a long way, baby.
I thought Major League Baseball did a nice job and I think they should do something every year to celebrate it, with bigger celebrations on the milestone years, like 2022 and 2047.
But Sunday wasn't such a great day for the only current major leaguer who wears 42 everyday. Mariano Rivera was handed a 2-run lead and he recorded the first two outs in the bottom of the ninth. Then two men reached base and up came Marco Scutaro (Scootero). Believe it or not Scutaro is like the Robert Horry of baseball. His game winning home run off Rivera was the 9th walkoff hit (or walk or error) of his brief career.
The Tigers found a worse way to lose a ballgame. After Jeremy Bonderman and Roy Halladay matched each other for 9 innings Halladay stayed on in the 10th. In the bottom of the 10th the Tigers went to Fernando Rodney. Now remember the Tigers lost the World Series in part because of atrocious fielding by their pitchers. Then this happened:
Aaron Hill led off the 10th with an infield single that hit Rodney.
Jason Smith bunted back to Rodney, who tried to flip the ball to first from his glove but couldn't get it there in time, putting runners at first and second.
John McDonald followed with a bunt toward third base. Rodney fielded the ball but Brandon Inge had broken in and wasn't on the bag. When Rodney turned and looked at first he decided he had no play.
Bases loaded on three grounders to the pitcher.
Alex Rios hits a sacrifice fly for the win.
Melo's House
It's hard competing with LeBron's mansion but Melo's Denver home is pretty sweet.
I wonder how much cooking he actually does in this kitchen.
A pretty cool room in which to play video games. Nothing says class like a half-nekkid picture of your wife over the doorway.
Basketball court in the house. Melo from way downtown, bang!
And he also has a batting cage. Apparently he could have played baseball in college too.
Melo's home theater.
Now that's a lot of hats and sneakers. This looks like Mariah Carey's closet.
Nice robe dude.
Evidently, this is LaLa's room. There's a nice picture of her and no TV. This room definitely has a woman's touch.
Diesel's New Bed
We bought Diesel a new bed for our living room. Mrs. Poop would get sad because when we would be watching TV at night he would go upstairs to the bedroom to lie on his bed. Now he has one on each level. Plus he was a little too big for that old bed.
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