Weekly Picks

Another debacle best bet. I have lost a best bets in many ways, but never on an 8 turnover performance. That was ugly.

CHICAGO -3 seattle
Jay Cutler is back. Seattle is off the Adderall. Maybe I'll have more on this Adderall thing in the NFL is Poop on Tuesday.

NEW YORK JETS -6 arizona
How can a team that bad be a 6-point favorite? Things tend to turn around quickly, espcially when things go that wrong.

indianapolis +6 DETROIT
I wanted to avoid the overcrowding on the Colts bandwagon but taking the points here makes too much sense.

OAKLAND +2 cleveland
Maybe I am continuing to underrate the Browns.

BEST BET
new york giants -3 WASHINGTON
Again, this is not a reverse jinx. This is a serious bet that Giants are once again ready to go on one of their ridiculous Super Bowl runs. And the Redskins only looked good the past two weeks because the Eagles and Cowboys are miserable.

Last Week: 2-3 (1 point)
Season: 26-34 (20 points)
Best Bets: 0-1 (3-9)
Home Favorites: 0-0 (5-16)
Home Underdogs: 0-1 (6-3)
Road Favorites: 1-1 (9-9)
Road Underdogs: 1-1 (6-6)

Splitting the Baby

NBA Commissioner David Stern fined the Spurs $250,000 for resting their best players, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili and Danny Green against the Miami Heat. Not just resting them, sending them on a plane back to San Antonio.
Mostly I side with David Stern on this, not because of what Popovich did, but they way he did it. He didn't alert the league in a timely fashion as he is supposed to, which is the official rule Stern used to support his fine. And he didn't do it because his players needed rest, because if that were the case he could have given them different nights off.
He did it as a fuck you to the league for what he thought was unfair scheduling. It was the Spurs 6th road game in 9 nights so Pop was being a dick about it. I think he tanked the game in what should have been a great showdown between two top teams and a potential Finals preview. But there a lot of circumstances in Pop's favor. First of all, it's his team and he can do what he wants. Stern intervening creates a slippery slope argument. He never gets involved when playoff bound teams rest their stars late in the season. And he seldom says anything about covert tanking by bad teams trying to get a draft pick.
Don't forget, the Spurs almost won the game.
Also, Pop has done stuff like this before, resting the Big 3 all at once, I presume risking only one game, instead of 3 if he spaces out their rest days. I think he track record also speaks in his favor which is why I am so torn about this.
I really don't like punishing people based on their intentions or motivations but I totally agree that what he did and the way he did it is in fact contrary to the best interests of the league.

I Knew Horses Didn't Belong on Staten Island

Whenever I go to Staten Island to visit Mama and Papa Poop I always take the first exit after the Goethals Bridge to avoid the occasional backup on the Staten Island Expressway. I take the service road to South Avenue and then a left on Travis Ave to Richmond Ave. There are two things Chase likes about Travis, this big dip in the road that makes his stomach drop, and the horses in the backyard on the corner of Travis and Victory.
We have seen these horses several times and on each occasion we commented on how out of place these animals were in Staten Island, especially on this busy intersection, and how feeble the fence around their area was.
Our fears were realized as the Shetland pony and a zebra escaped and ran down Victory Boulevard.



Apparently the homeowner has the animals for petting zoos. And that is why he recently acquired the zebra (explaining why we had never seen it before). He says the animals escaped when he was feeding them, though I have my doubts and suspect the breached the fence.

I now wish I had photographed and written about these animals before this incident occurred.

Does Dennis Leonard Deserve a Cut?

Two people split the $588M ($384M lump sum) Powerball jackpot. One of the tickets was purchased in Missouri, so speculation has run rampant as to whether the winner picked his or her numbers based on the jerseys of Royals greats from their Golden Years of the 70s and 80s.

Here are the winning numbers: 5, 16, 22, 23 and 29. And the powerball was 6.

And here are the 6 players who supposedly inspired the winner.

George Brett, Bo Jackson, Dennis Leonard, Mark Gubicza, Dan Quisenberry and Willie Wilson.

Dennis Leonard, really? No #34 for Paul Splittorf? Or #31 for Brett Saberhagen? That's why I find this a little hard to believe. I think you could probably do this for almost any team for almost any lottery. So I am a little skeptical.

I am also a little skeptical of this video which purports to show the other winner, the Arizona ticket, checking his numbers at a convenience store. Witnesses say he scanned the ticket, shouted "I won" and took off. He hasn't surfaced since. And what was he doing in Maryland just days after buying a ticket in Arizona?

This is The Poop on Drugs

Please click on this link.

There's an hysterical site out there gizoogle.net that "shizzles" any website. It changed The Poop to Da Shizzle.

Try it with any site. The more serious the better.

Story suggested by Razor

Who the Hell Does Google Think You Are?

Google thinks I am a male, age 25-34 who speaks English. Google thinks I like basketball, politics, soul music and poultry. Google tracks all my activities and creates a profile for me, so it can better tailor its advertising to my interests. I'm sure Gogole does the same for you. Click here to find out what Google thinks of you: https://www.google.com/settings/ads/onweb/

That Meth Addiction

Those of you who were avid viewers of "That 70s Show" like Mrs. Poop, or married to an avid viewer, you may not know the name Lisa Robin Kelly. But you may know her pretty face. She played Eric Forman's hot sister.

This is what her face looks like now.

Kelly was arrested in North Carolina after a fight with her 61-year old husband. She's 42 which means she was playing a college age hottie while in real life she was 28-32. They were charged with assaulting each other. But you can clearly see Kelly has bigger problems. Her looks have been damaged by what is clearly a years-long meth addiction.

You can also see the years of meth abuse on the face of Jael Strauss. In 2003, she was a contestant on America's Next Top Model. In 2012, she is America's Top Methhead.

What Do You Give Me For? Richard Trumka and Alex Karras aka George Papadopolis

What do you give me for detested union leader Richard Trumka and beloved actor and athlete Alex Karras, better known as George Papadopolis.

Laugh Just a Little

While Staten Island is still recovering from Superstorm Sandy comedian Louis CK did a benefit show there (two actually) and raised $150,000 for the relief efforts.

And apparently, he texted Chris Rock the afternoon of the show, convinced him to come along and Rock was persuaded to be the opening act.

"Nothing but Wu-Tang and Republicans out here!" is how Rock described Staten Island.

And he joked about September 11th (is that possible?), saying "You know we're 10 years away from 9/11 sales: ‘Come down to Red Lobster, where everything's $9.11 all day!’"

Louis CK took the stage for a solid hour, and mostly stayed away from joking about the circumstance, instead focusing on his normal topics, like dating

“Why would a woman ever want to meet a man, alone, at night, ever? Men are the number one threat to women!”

Jerry Seinfeld will be performing next week at the same St. George Theater. And even though this was planned before Sandy (it was actually scheduled for November 1) Seinfeld will still donate all the proceeds to Sandy relief.

Song of the Week

"First Date" - 50 Cent featuring Too Short

The "Boy" is Back

I am at once delighted and apprehensive about the news I heard today, confirmation of a rumor that surfaced a while back.
Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel have officially signed on to play Cory Matthews and Topanga Lawrence-Matthews in a Disney Channel pilot.
The show would be called "Girl Meets World" and it would be from the point of view of their daughter, 13-year-old Riley.

Note: Cory and Topanga graduated high school in 1998. Meaning they were born in 1980. They would be 33 in 2013. That means they would have had a baby when they were 20, which seems kind of young.

There's no word on whether Mr. Feeny will still be teaching at John Adams High School when young Riley enrolls.

Or if Uncle Eric and best friend Shawn will be involved.

All we know is that Billy, Jleary and I have very high hopes for this series. But I'm a little nervous that this show will be written for 13-year-old girls. And considering I couldn't relate to 13-year-old girls, when I was a 13-year-old boy, not sure the show will appeal to me now.

But either way, I will be watching.

The NFL is Poop - Week 12

Make a Tackle
The San Diego Chargers are once again cementing their status as a perennial disappointment. After winning 3 of their first 4, they have lost 6 of 7 since. The latest one an epic collapse against the Ravens punctuated by a humiliating 4th and 29 conversion. After a holding penalty, and a 9-yard loss on a sack, the Ravens faced 4th and 29 at their own 37. Flacco threw a short pass to Ray Rice who weaved through the entire Chargers defense and came down with just enough yardage for the first down (the initial ruling was overturned on review). It was the longest 4th down conversion (non-penalty) since Rob Johnson hit Peerless Price for a 40-yard touchdown on 4th-and-34 in 2001. Baltimore got a last-second field goal on that drive to tie, and eventually won in overtime.

I Can't Make Up My Mind About This
The Atlanta Falcons won again, beating the ExpensiveCornPrices 24-23 to improve their record to 10-1. A controversial decision by Greg Schiano may have helped them. Many people are killing him for it, but I am really undecided. Here's the situation: 4th and 7 from the Atlanta 38. 3:30 left, 3 timeouts. Schiano sent his kicker out for a 56-yard try which missed. Should he have punted instead and tried to play defense? Unless you get a perfect punt, chances are they're going to take over from their own 20. After a missed FG, they took over at the 46. So would you trade 26 yards of field position for a field goal attempt. I think you have to try. Because even if you miss, and you stop them on 3 downs and make them punt, you still get another goo offensive possession. As it turned out, the Falcons picked up two first downs and pretty much salted the game away.

It Happens to the Best of Them
I think the percentage of teams that win when they allow a defensive touchdown is about 15-20%. Allowing two defensive touchdowns is probably a death sentence. And so it was for the Saints against the 49ers. The first one was a real game-changer. The Saints had just picked off Kaepernick, and had the ball around midfield, right before the end of the first half. A couple first downs and a field goal would have meant a 17-7 halftime lead. Instead it was 14-14. The second one pretty much ended it. The 49ers scored on their first possession of the second half and then Brees threw the INT on second down. 3 touchdowns in 4 minutes of game time.

And to the Worst of Them
The Cardinals started off 4-0 and haven't won since. Their latest horrible quarterback, John Lindley, threw 4 interceptions total, 2 of them returned for touchdowns by Janoris Jenkins. Jenkins started off his college career at Florida but was arrested twice in 2009 for bar fights, and cited by police twice in 2011 for marijuana. He was dismissed from the team and played one season at the University of North Alabama. He was taken with the 39th pick in the draft, despite clearly having first round talent. He seems to be well on his way to repaying the Rams for the faith they placed in him.

Worst Game of the Week
Cleveland Browns 20 Pittsburgh Steelers 14
Just an incredibly embarrassing and poorly played game. The Steelers were starting their 3rd string quarterback, Charlie Batch. But he is a 16-year veteran, they treated him like he was a rookie. They ran on almost every down, except obvious passing situations. By the middle of the second quarter they opened it up a little and he passed for 52 yards (and got another 25 on a pass interference call) on a touchdown drive that gave Pittsburgh a 14-13 lead at the half. Too bad they had to play the second half. The Steelers had the ball 8 times in the second half: punt, interception, punt, interception, punt, interception, fumble, fumble. 5 turnovers in the second half, 8 in all, 3 more fumbles that the Steelers either recovered or went out of bounds.

Worst Game of Next Week
Carolina Panthers at Kansas City Chiefs
I actually think the Panthers should be big favorites here, even though they're on the road. As much as Cam Newton has regressed, he's better than anyone Kansas City can throw out there.

Game of Next Week
New York Giants at Washington Redskins
The Giants can really announce themselves as reborn and on their way to another incredible Super Bowl Run with a win here. The Redskins can announce themselves as playoff contenders, which considering the injuries, the cap hit and the lack of talent in year 1 of the RGIII era would be an amazing accomplishment.

Picture of the Week
The sprinklers go off in the middle of the Dolphins-Seahawks game.

Cheerleaders of the Week
Megan Meadors & Crystal Anne LastNameWithheld of the Indianapolis Colts Cheerleaders Megan promised to shave her head in solidarity with cancer-stricken coach Chuck Pagano if fans raised $10,000 for the IU Simon Cancer Center. They raised $22,000 so Crystal Anne offered up her hair as well.

If the Super Bowl Were Played Today
Atlanta Falcons 24 Houston Texans 23
Neither of these teams was particularly impressive and they both got lucky (Houston especially) to win. But so far Baltimore and San Francisco haven't done enough to dethrone them.

Worst. Restaurant Review. Ever!

Celebrity chef Guy Fieri opened a new restaurant. The New York Times reviewer Pete Wells did not like it. What ensued was one of the worst reviews in restaurant history.

"Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret — a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers — called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?"

As you can see, Guy Fieri and Emily Dickinson don't look alike at all.

"Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?"

Why is the watermelon margarita blue? That doesn't make sense.

"How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeños instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?"

"Somewhere within the yawning, three-level interior of Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, is there a long refrigerated tunnel that servers have to pass through to make sure that the French fries, already limp and oil-sogged, are also served cold?"

"And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?"

"Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?"

If you want to read the entire epic takedown of this restaurant here is the full New York Times review of Guy's American Kitchen and Bar.

But consider this: I don't think this is going to hurt the restaurant's business. The likely clientele of this establishment, budget tourists and families with children, probably have far less discerning tastes than a New York Times food critic. And there are few other affordable and appropriate food options for them in Times Square. I'm sure the Olive Garden would have gotten a similarly dreadful review from the New York Times, but the one in Times Square is packed. More importantly though, this could foment an entire new kind of tourism, people going there just to see how bad it is. Like a food version of a train crash. Our team has even discussed having our annual holiday lunch there, just to see how it is. If we do, I will let you know.