Whole Lotta Problems

An FDA inspector visited a Whole Foods plant in Massachusetts.
Here are the findings, as recorded in a letter from the FDA to the company:

On February 10, 2016, you were mixing ready to eat pesto pasta directly under an area in the Assembly Room where condensate from ceiling joints was dripping onto the surface below.
On February 16, 2016, you were storing an uncovered rack of ready to eat mushroom quesadilla in the same area of the Assembly Room where condensate from ceiling joints was dripping onto the surface below.
On February 10, 2016, your employee transported uncovered ready to eat vegetables through a doorway, from the Veg Prep Room into the Prepared Veg Cooler. A significant amount of condensate had formed above the doorway and was dripping onto the surface below.
On February 10, 2016, your employee was cutting chives and beets on a work surface directly underneath a leaking condensate drainage pipe in the Veg Prep Room.
On February 16, 2016, you were holding uncovered ready to eat egg salad in large white barrels that were placed in an area below the condenser. Condensate was observed to be dripping at a rate of approximately once per second from the condenser fan bolts in the K8/K9 Room.
On February 16, 2016, your employee transported uncovered ready to eat couscous through an area in the K8/K9 Room where condensate was dripping from an area around the condenser fan bolts at a rate of approximately once per second.
On February 10, 16, & 18, 2016, you were holding ready to eat vegetables, utensils such as cutting boards, mandolins, stainless colanders and yellow plastic totes in close proximity to hand a washing station in the Veg Prep Room. The hand washing station does not have splash guards and is foot operated releasing water from the faucets with significant pressure causing water to splash outside the sink while employees were observed washing soiled hands. Water splashed onto covered and uncovered ready to eat vegetables, utensils and food containers.
On February 16, 2016, your employee measured the strength of peracetic acid from the faucet in the Veg Prep Room with an (b)(4) Peracetic Acid test strip that indicated its strength over 160 ppm (maximum level on the test strip). This concentration exceeds the maximum level recommended by the (b)(4) product information sheet and the maximum level allowed under 21 CFR Part 173.315(a) (5) for use of peracetic acid for surface treatment and soaking and rinsing of vegetables.
On February 16, 2016, your employee was performing multiple tasks in the Pre-Pack Room including filling and weighing ready to eat egg salad in retail packs. The employee was observed cleaning and directly contacting work surfaces and then packaging and handling exposed product without hand washing or changing gloves in between tasks.
On February 16, 2016, your employee in the Bulk-Pack Room was observed assembling bulk cartons while also packaging exposed ready to eat quinoa cakes without hand washing or changing gloves in between tasks.
On February 16, 2016, your employee in the Pre-Pack Room was spraying (b)(4) quaternary ammonium based sanitizer to clean work surfaces while another employee in close proximity was packaging exposed ready to eat mesculin salad. This resulted in the sanitizer being sprayed onto an open colander of salad leafy greens.
On February 16, 2016, your employee’s unprotected upper sleeves were frequently touching ready to eat leafy salad greens as leafy salad greens were packaged into retail packs in the Pre-Pack Room.

So a lot of it is about a drippy air conditioner, and most of it is minor, but I admire the detail. Here's a government employee working hard for the people.

Mrs. Poop's Pussy -- Tonsils

Mrs. Poop had strep throat. Her throat was so sore and irritated, she wanted me to take a picture so she could she what her tonsils and uvula looked like. As you can see, lots of pus on her tonsils, pussy tonsils.
Thanks to modern photography, I got this crystal clear picture.

That Meth Addiction

Those of you who were avid viewers of "That 70s Show" like Mrs. Poop, or married to an avid viewer, you may not know the name Lisa Robin Kelly. But you may know her pretty face. She played Eric Forman's hot sister.

This is what her face looks like now.

Kelly was arrested in North Carolina after a fight with her 61-year old husband. She's 42 which means she was playing a college age hottie while in real life she was 28-32. They were charged with assaulting each other. But you can clearly see Kelly has bigger problems. Her looks have been damaged by what is clearly a years-long meth addiction.

You can also see the years of meth abuse on the face of Jael Strauss. In 2003, she was a contestant on America's Next Top Model. In 2012, she is America's Top Methhead.

Is There a Lot of Dry Air in Chicago?

Check out this story on bed bugs from CBS 2 in Chicago.



I can sympathize with this women. I really can. I know what it's like to have dry, hard boogers in your nose. You need to clean house but there is a TV camera and a person talking to it a few feet away. I understand all that. But eating it is where she lost me. She needed to flick it onto the floor and pretend nothing happened.

But good for CBS for exercising their copyright and removing this video from youtube. If you're going to stand in the way of content sharing, doing it to protect an employee from worldwide embarrassment is a pretty good reason.

Toe-Tastic

For some reason my toes have a special ability to find furniture in the dark.

This is an injury from back in 2007.



This one happened earlier this year.



And I've been limping around for the last week because of this.

What's She Complaining About, Her Team Won

It's almost trite at this point to make a joke about Philadelphia fans being the worst, the most disgusting, uncouth, unwashed masses on the face of the earth. But I still think it's funny. Funny because it's true.

An Easton, Pennsylvania cop, Michael Vangelo brings his two young daughters, 11 and 7, to a Phillies game for some wholesome fun.
Unfortunately seated right behind them were two loud, disgusting fat drunks. Which is not unusual at a Phillies game.

The pair were rowdy - cursing, spitting and spilling beer. When Vangelo complained to an usher, one of the drunks was escorted out the stadium.

That pissed off the other drunk slob, Matthew Clemmens who announced he was going to throw up.

Vangelo told police Clemmens put his fingers down his throat and intentionally vomited on the 11-year-old.

Clemmens then punched Vangelo in the side of the head, prompting two witnesses, to jump in. One of the witnesses punched Clemmens in the face before he gave up the struggle.



Fat Clemmens was charged with simple assault, reckless endangerment, harassment, disorderly conduct and 11 other offenses. But really can you blame the guy. He's a Philadelphia fan, he probably does the same thing at Eagles games and nobody notices.

But seriously, you have to go pretty far to give Philadelphia fans a bad name. Congrats Fat Matt Clemmens, you're digusting, vile and obnoxious, even for a Phillies fan.

And I think there's a lot of Mets fans who would be willing to get puked on if it meant the Mets would win a game.

Chan-Ho Park Explains a Bad Outing

"I had a lot of diarrhea."

I love Mariano Rivera chuckling in the background.

No Negatives

In Chase's potty-training we've learned that negatives are a negative. It should be a positive experience where the child is rewarded for his successes but not shamed or scolded for his failures.
Because the word "accident" sounds pejorative I have been calling any urinary misfires, "Fergies."



Thankfully we haven't had too many Fergies in week 1 post-potty training boot camp.

Seems Like He's Ready

This weekend we began potty-training Chase.
Our pediatrician told us to wait until he showed signs of being ready for it and we think these three things he did recently are the hints we needed:
1) Mid-poop he looked at me and said "Poopies coming out of my butt daddy"
2) He actually told us he had to Poop and made it to the potty in time for a successful poop and received his M&M reward
3) He was too late with the next poop but before we knew was happened he had removed his pants, and his diaper, got on his stool and dumped the poop in the toilet. He even wiped his ass (with his shirt). And he expected M&Ms for this.

So the potty training started Saturday. It's a three-day method that requires Mrs. Poop to basically be looking at him every second for signs he has to go. He's been doing pretty well, but he's not quite there yet, only a few accidents each day and no gross poop stories, so we think he's doing all right. It was supposed to have clicked by now and we can't say for sure if it has, but he is definitely on the right track.

An Idea for Razor's Next Pitch Meeting

TV commercial:

Hi, I’m Monique. When I won the Academy Award for my role in precious I gave my acceptance speech with hairy legs. I used to hate shaving, but ever since I got the Schick® Intuition Plus® I shave everyday.

It lathers, shaves and moisturizes in one easy step so there is no need for shave gel, soap or body wash.

Now my legs are smooth and my husband doesn’t sleep with random women and I don’t have to pretend I’m ok with it. All thanks to the Schick® Intuition Plus®.

Ice Dancing Is Like Kissing Your Sister

Of the 23 couples who will be competing in ice dancing at the Olympics, four are brother-sister combinations. That can be complicated when the compulsory dance is the sensuous tango.
All you need to know about how weird this will be is evidenced in this picture of John and Sinead Kerr:



The Wall Street Journal explains how these teams deal with the awkwardness.

Is This Getting a Little Creepy Now?

Senator-Elect Scott Brown was criticized by whiny liberal babies upset they lost the Senate seat and the chance to shove health care reform down the throats of the American people for "pimping out" his daughters in his acceptance speech, by saying they were "available."
Now they have some new evidence to support their claims.
This picture surfacing of Scott Brown and his daughters Ayla and Arianna.



It's obvious they are at some Hawaii-themed party which can sort of explain the seashell bikinis. But still some people might think it's a little weird to wear that in front of your father and pose for a picture with -- making him look like the second-coming of Joe Pimpson.
I'm not really sure what to think of this so I asked around and a lot of girls said they'd be around their father while wearing a regular bikini, but that seashell bra is a little too much for paternal eyes.

By the way, check out the Would You Bang? Ayla Brown. Looks like none is needed for Arianna because she looks good enough to be the cream of the crop at Faegan's at 1:45 am. For those who don't know, Arianna is pre-med at Syracuse and Faegan's is the bar where the rich kids hang out.

Furious George Did This

In a shocking episode of Oprah they unmasked Charla Nash, the woman whose face was destroyed by Travis the domesticated (or so we thought) chimp, dubbed Furious George.

Nash lost her nose, hands, an eye lid and lips. Surgeons had to remove her eyes in April due to an infection.

She walks around with a hat and veil, but Oprah lifted that veil. Nash has bandages over her scalp, no eyes, a bloody scar where her left eye used to be and a chunk of skin, transplanted from her thigh, in the middle of her face where her nose and mouth once were.

Underneath that hunk of flesh is a hole where her surgically rebuilt tongue is, allowing Nash to softly speak. She is hoping to get a face transplant (like Connie Culp and James Maki) including a mouth and new lips, so she can eat again.

I did not include the picture in this post because it would be disturbing to most if not all of you, but if you want to see it, click here, but don't say I didn't warn you.

The Impossible Sit-Up

Very few details on this but it looks like it happened in the Detroit Tigers locker room. You tell a rookie he can't do a sit-up with his eyes covered. So you place a towel over his face and goad him into it.
To hilarious results.
But be careful, this video may not be suitable for all workplaces.


Impossible Situp Prank - Watch more Funny Videos