She Loves My Smile, No Matter How Chipped My Tooth Is

We finally found Aaron Judge's Achilles heel. And it's not his achilles heel, it's his tooth.
Judge, who is about a foot taller than Brett Gardner, took Gardner's helmet right in the kisser during the celebration after Gardner homered in the bottom of the 11th to give the Yankees a 6-5 walkoff win against the Rays.



Judge is all right and will resume his duties as the face of baseball just as soon as he gets back from the dentist.

Why Does This Keep Happening To Me?

I try to walk carefully, but I just always manage to kick things and stub my toes in the most gruesome possible ways.
I am currently hobbling around with a severely injured pinky toe on my right foot.
But according to this montage it looks like the most mild of my injuries.

Let's Remember to Take Him On All Family Trips

A while back Mrs. Poop let Chase watch "Home Alone" for the first time. And the worst thing that happened was he came back saying "hell" as in "why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?"



Other than that, we thought it was mostly harmless fun, until I read this article which asked a doctor diagnose the injuries Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern) would have sustained had those attacks been real.

For instance, getting smashed in the face with an iron could "fracture the bones surrounding the eyes. This is also known as a 'blowout fracture,' and can lead to serious disfigurement and debilitating double vision if not repaired properly."

How about walking barefoot on Christmas ornaments?

"Walking on ornaments seems pretty insignificant compared to everything else...If I [were] Marv, I'd be more concerned about my facial fractures."

And then there's Joe Pesci who touched a burning doorknob.

If this doorknob is glowing visibly red in the dark, it has been heated to about 751 degrees Fahrenheit, and Harry gives it a nice, strong, one- to two-second grip. By comparison, one second of contact with 155 degree water is enough to cause third degree burns. The temperature of that doorknob is not quite hot enough to cause Harry's hand to burst into flames, but it is not that far off... Assuming Harry doesn't lose the hand completely, he will almost certainly have other serious complications, including a high risk for infection and 'contracture' in which resulting scar tissue seriously limits the flexibility and movement of the hand, rendering it less than 100 percent useful. Kevin has moved from 'defending his house' into sheer malice, in my opinion."

And my personal favorite, the blowtorch to the scalp.

Harry has an interesting reaction to having a lit blowtorch aimed directly at his scalp. Rather than remove himself from danger, he keeps the top of his skull directly in the line of fire for about seven seconds. What was likely a simple second-degree skin burn is now a full thickness burn likely to cause necrosis of the calavarium (skull bone)." That means the skin and bone tissue on Harry's skull will be so damaged and rotted that his skull bone is essentially dying and will likely require a transplant.

On second thought, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to show Chase this movie.

Getting Carted Off

Several people injured when a cart (the kind that normally takes injured players to the locker room) went out of control, despite no driver being aboard. You gotta keep your eye on the guy in blue who got run over but held onto the wheel and was steering it while it was careening recklessly. Good job by the guy who finally jumped on and was able to stop it.

I Think His Nose is Broken

Watch the UFC long enough and you will see some pretty gruesome things. Usually it's just a lot of blood (like Diego Sanchez after a beating from BJ Penn). You even see cuts so bad they get their own nickname like Marvin Eastman's Goat's Vagina. Sometimes you see a guy get his eye punched swollen shut like Josh Koscheck after GSP got through with him. And there is the occassional broken bone, like the freak broken leg Corey Hill suffered when his kick was checked.

But Saturday night during UFC 125 Brandon Vera's broken nose was so bad it even disgusted Vera himself. He saw his hideous visage on the Jumbotron and shielded his eyes.

Toe-Tastic

For some reason my toes have a special ability to find furniture in the dark.

This is an injury from back in 2007.



This one happened earlier this year.



And I've been limping around for the last week because of this.

Adrian Beltre's Nuts

Seattle Mariners third baseman Adrian Beltre was put on the 15-day disabled list with an injury to a testicle after taking a hard one-hopper off the bat of Chicago's Alexei Ramirez to his groin area.

Seattle manager Don Wakamatsu said the Gold Glove infielder is out indefinitely, and could need surgery because of bleeding in a testicle.

After fielding the grounder in the ninth inning, Beltre rushed a throw wide of first base for an error. He winced in pain but finished the game, which the Mariners won in 14 innings.

Beltre does not wear a protective cup because he says it's uncomfortable.

How does a major leaguer, a third baseman especially, not wear a cup? A lifetime of wearing a cup can't be as uncomfortable as one shot to the groin.

I'm actually shocked he finished the game.

Throw the Book at the Shoe-Thrower

Sure the guy is guilty of “initiating an aggressive act against a head of a foreign state on an official visit” (which is an official criminal charge in Iraq) but of graver concern is that his actions wrought on one of my favorite WYB? Contestants. White House Press Secretary Dana Perino had her beautiful face disfigured in the skirmish following the shoe-thrower’s action. She appeared in front of the White House Press Corps sporting a black eye.

How Could They Not Have Shown This?

Last night I watched UFC's Fight for the Troops ("they fight for us, now we fight for them") and I enjoyed a pretty good night of action. But then I saw that this happened on one of the fights on the undercard (those not shown on TV) and I'm shocked that they didn't fit this into the telecast.

Here's Corey Hill vs. Dale Hartt



"Stop the fight! Stop the fight!" Joe Rogan is so awesome.

Ridiculous! And I thought the guy who chose "snap" in a snap or tap situation got a bad injury, but that was nothing compared to this.



By the way, I started watching the show a little late and to catch up I scanned through all of the stories about the troops who got injured in Iraq and are now suffering traumatic brain injury. Is that wrong?

Still Not Worth It

One-point-two million dollars. That's the going rate for a fastball to the groin.
Lhyvann Felipe was helping pick up the baseballs at a batting cage in Florida two years ago when a pitching machine unexpectedly (the round was finished and its lights were off) fired, hitting the poor schlub right in the onions. And whenever onions are smashed, someone cries. And Felipe did.
He was hospitalized for several days incurring $160,000 in medical expenses.
The extra million was for pain and suffering.
I couldn't find out what happened to his nuts, but I imagine had the fastball rendered him infertile he would have gotten a lot more than a million.
So, if there was no permanent damage, just excrutiating pain, several days in the hospital perhaps an operation, was it worth it?
I say no.

Bad Place to Park

Houston wide receiver Patrick Edwards runs into a cart parked in the back of the end zone during a game at Marshall.



Edwards shattered his right leg and had immediate surgery to put a rod in his leg. Doctors say he might be able to come back and play next season. He's only a redshirt freshman so hopefully he has time to come back and prove himself to NFL teams.
“I never saw (the cart),” Edwards said. “All I saw was the ball. It (the pass) was coming down, and I was concentrating on that. I didn’t see (the cart) until I hit it. I could see my leg, but it really didn’t hurt. The thing is that as soon as it (the injury) happened, my leg just went numb. I couldn’t feel anything.”
I have a feeling Edwards has a pretty good case against Marshall for having unsafe playing conditions. Marshall's AD says the carts have been parked there for two years without incident, but will be moved now.

And if you haven't already lost your lunch, here's the injury in a still picture.

Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Fire

Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy's balls on fire. Matthew Craig Pillers and Jack Brent Nicholas Keiffer pleaded no contest to a felony great bodily injury charge.
Elliot Tuleja was passed out when the men poured cologne on the man's groin and set him on fire. Tuleja had second-degree burns on his testicles.
Pillers, who was out on parole, got 2 years for this.

Bloody Mess

UFC 86 will be remembered as the night Forrest Griffin chopped down Rampage Jackson.

But the undercard featured Josh Koscheck bloodying Chris Lytle like I've never seen a man get bloodied before.




The cut was so ridiculous that I think Joe Rogan called it a goat's vagina. It wasn't quite clear because that idiot Mike Goldberg was stepping on what Rogan was saying, but I think Rogan was actually referring to this cut on Marvin Eastman, the original goat's vagina.



Josh Koscheck wrestled collegiately at Edinboro were Josh was involved with the wrestling program. I know that Josh loves Kos because of this.

One Ball, No Strikes

One ball may be all Marlins catcher Matt Treanor has left after taking this pitch off the stones.



I could listen to Harry Kalas talk about anything but he seems less than concerned about Treanor's pain.

And if Treanor needs to lay off his husbandly duties for a while, I'm sure TON would be happy to help out around the house.

Damn Spear Chuckers

A photographer for the Ogden Standard-Examiner got a little too close to the Utah state high school track championships.
Ryan McGeeney got hit with a javelin in the leg.
He received 13 stitches, but suffered no serious damage to any ligaments or tendons. McGeeney took this picture himself while medical personnel were working on him because "If I didn't, it would probably be my editor's first question when I got back."



That picture reminded me of this.

Onions!

Antawn Jamison gets kicked in the apple bag.

Nasty Hockey Injury

Richard Zednik of the Florida Panthers got his throat slashed by a teammate's skate in the team's game against the Buffalo Sabres.
The youtube video doesn't show it too well because obviously TV doesn't want to show blood spurting out of the guy's neck.
Zednik had surgery to repair the deep cut to his neck and his is in stable condition.

Welcome To The Velodrome

Crazy bike crash in Australia. Be sure to pay attention to the guy at the top who goes sliding along the rail.