NBA Fashion Police

The Gestapo known as the NBA is now threatening the Orlando Magic. The Magic went back to the original pinstriped uniforms and won. So they decided to keep wearing them at home until the streak ends. But David Stern and the NBA Fashion Police only allow certain teams to wear alternate jerseys, and only 10 times per year. The Magic may be willing to pay the fine. I love throwback jerseys and hate this NBA nonsense. I hope they keep winning and keep wearing them.

Back in the day Jay Leary and I both had the black Penny Hardaway Magic jerseys and the first Knick game I ever went to, Sobel and I saw the Magic in their inaugural season.

Building Team Unity

Clinton Portis got some of his Redskins teammates to dress up in costume this week. The gimmick was that Jerome from Southeast who had died earlier this season made it to heaven and met up with his friends:

• “Luscious” (Rock Cartwright)
• “Pretty Teeth” (Robert Royal)
• “Pied Piper Piccalo” (Ryan Clark)
• “Biggie Short” (Nehemiah Broughton)
• “Sweet Feet Jenkins” (Ladell Betts)
• “Johnny White Guy” (Chris Cooley)

How Tall Scott Wants to Go Out

Ed Lorenz of Michigan bowled the third and last 300 game of his life.
He started the next game, and when he got up to bowl the fifth frame he collapsed and died, presumably of a heart attack.
Lorenz was 69.
"If he could have written a way to go out, this would be it," said Johnny D Masters, who was bowling with Lorenz.

Weekly Picks

The Final Week!
4-3 record last week season total of 43-25. Harley and Adam rose to the occassion, going 8-1, getting 12 points for the week, earning the degree check mark and taking a one point lead on Goodman/Glantz for the whole ball of wax. Barring a major collapse, second place is a likely consolation prize for the loser of this battle. Our magic number is 16. Any combination of our wins and their losses equaling 16 gives us the title.

With all that being said, let's go:

FALCONS +3.5 panthers: Inconsistent doesn't mean always bad, it means sometimes good, sometimes bad. Two weeks ago I banked on Carolina to beat New Orleans big. They won by 17. Last week I fingered them as inconsistent and thusly, I took Dallas. Not only did Dallas get points, they won outright. Atlanta is out of the playoffs, and Carolina has a lot to play for. They can miss the playoffs if they lose, or win the division if they win. Plus I hate Mike Vick.

COLTS -6.5 cardinals: This is too many points to lay for a team that doesn't care about this game. The Dungy element is certainly a wrinkle, but even if Indianoplis is leading 20-7 at halftime, Arizona only needs to outscore them by one touchdown in the second half to cover. Eliminate Manning from this discussion and you have Josh McCown versus Jim Sorgi. Over the past two years, Arizona is 9-9 when Josh McCown starts, 2-11 when he doesn't. So I think Arizona will win this game outright, but then again, look what I'm wearing.

BUCCANEERS -13.5 saints: Tampa Bay needs this game. New Orleans lost to Detroit. This is a lot of points though for a team that is actually in the playoffs. I'm going to hope that Tampa Bay puts in the effort. Plus New Orleans has a great history of quitting on Jim Haslett at the end of the season.

JETS -1.5 bills: New York is so awful right now. Buffalo at least showed heart. I can't see New York giving points to anyone.

VIKINGS -3.5 bears: Chicago has nothing to play for and Minnesota should be pissed that they lost last week with huge playoff implications. Btw, Harley and Adam picked Baltimore which is the game that gave them the current one point lead. I think Chicago will play well enough to keep it close because they want to keep working Rex Grossman into the offense.

PACKERS -2.5 seahawks: I know this could be Brett Favre's last game ever at Lambeau Field. Maybe he'll throw three bad interceptions for old time's sake. That should be fun. I have a feeling Seattle will keep their regulars on the field long enough to get Shaun Alexander that touchdown record. Hopefully that will be enough to beat this putrid Green Bay team.

JAGUARS -3.5 titans: This will definitely be Steve McNair's last game for Tennessee. But he is not going to play. Matt Mauck is. Who knows what that means? Even though Jacksonville is locked into the 5th seed will they really lose this game to Matt Mauck. I guess I'll buy into the hype that teams actually do care about going into the playoffs with momentum and hope Jacksonville plays their starts so that they will "stay sharp."

More Birthday Wishes

Decemeber 30th is a great day for sports birthdays. I find it incredible that the two greatest child prodigies since Mozart are born on the same day. And it's a day like December 30th, the penultimate day of the year.

Jersey #29

As you may remember I previously declared my love of the jersey. Every year I ask my mom for at least one jersey for Hannukah. Last year I got Denver Nuggets Melo and San Diego Light Blue Tomlinson. Fred Smoot alternate color Redskins and Boston Celtics Paul Pierce jerseys were the year before. This year I did not ask for New Orleans Oklahoma City Chris Paul (i'm tired of basketball jerseys) nor did I ask for David Wright or Jose Reyes (though I am dying to get at least one of those. I asked and received an Arizona Cardinals Larry Fitzgerald jersey. Thanks mom.

Duce Staley

If you don't get the Duce Staley reference (I bet only Harley will) hidden in the previous post then click here for a 30 second refresher.

Does Vin Juice Work for ESPN Magazine?

Read the captions to these pictures. And these are scanned directly from ESPN Magazine, JusTON did not alter these photos.




How did this happen? Apparently magazines use something called FPO (for position only) when designing the layout. They put any words in to hold the space, with the intention to replace them with the correct caption later. That part never happened in this case. Vin Juice did the same thing once, causing several girls to be misidentified as NHL players in the 1996 Wagner High School yearbook.

You Picked the Wrong Time

Lavar Arrington is declaring an end of his career with the Redskins.
"I'm not wanted here. I believe in my heart that the Redskins faithful love me as Ravens fans love Ray Lewis or Packers fans love Brett Favre. Some individuals hate it that there are more of my jerseys in the stands than anyone else's."
I love Lavar and he has been my favorite player on the team from the day we drafted him. Bill was right that Bulluck would be a better pro, so far. But I still love Lavar. I just wish he wouldn't have done this right before a huge quasi-playoff game.
I agree with him that the Redskins screwed him over. He got hurt, they stopped playing him, then trashed him by calling him a freelancer. And the defense has played much better and forced turnovers since he started playing again. And yes, its true, the Redskins won't pick up his option next year, they'll cut his ass and save a bunch of money (He is due $12 million in 2006, and he likely will be cut before a July 15 deadline in his contract that calls for him to be paid $6.5 million if he still is on the roster), even though he restructured to help the team in the past.
If Lavar goes to another team (he hinted at retirement), I will get his jersey on whatever team he goes to (NFC rivals excluded).
I think I would cry if I had to see him in Giant blue.

The End of Marbury?

Last night Stephon Marbury took only 7 shots from the field, missing them all and scoring only 5 points in a loss to Orlando. He had 3 assists and no steals. During the game Mike Breen and Johnny Hoops commented that it seemed as if he had gone into a funk and refused to shoot. This spurred a war of words between Marbury and Coach Brown after the game:

Coach Brown: "I think he just didn't want to shoot the ball. I thought he'd have 15, 20 assists. To me, by accident you can get a steal, that shows maybe you weren't real aggressive defensively."

Marbury: "I wasn't aggressive on defense?" To which he added that he was guarding a bigger man, Grant Hill.
"I had confidence in my shot, whenever I shoot the ball, I have confidence in my shot. Tonight I was just trying to do everything that Coach wanted me to do as far as running the team."

If this were baseball the Knicks would trade him for a bag of balls. But in basketball they will get a rack of balls. As soon as Zeke finds a taker Marbury will be shipped out of town. And hopefully the Knicks will experience the same turnaround all his ex-teams experienced after he left.

For Our Female Readers

Saw this new Carrie Underwood ad in a magazine. The puppies were a good choice. Show this to your wife/girlfriend and I can pretty much guarantee an "awwwwww, so cute." Mike, TallSkott, are you listening?

Click on the picture to enlarge it, an icon will appear in the lower right of the picture and you can blow it up again.

This reminds me of when we went to pick up Diesel. Except Kate wasn't wearing two different shoes.

One time Alan accidentally wore two different shoes. Someone said to him, "you know you're wearing two different shoes?"
Alan said "I know, I have another pair just like this at home."

Happy Birthday Reissberg

The straggler in the group Reissberg is finally turning 27 today.
He has spent the last 15 years serving good-naturedly as the butt of jokes from Sobel, Leary and me.
He has run into light poles, thrown house parties, been slapped and even got married.
You can see the size of a man's face, but not the size of a man's heart.
So please join me in celebrating this day 27 years ago when the doctor said to Reissberg's dad, "Congratulations its a boy."
And he responded "give me my baby, asshole."

SNL Did Something Funny?

People have been going nuts about this Chronic of Narnia rap that appeared on Saturday Night Live. I know most of you think that SNL hasn't done anything funny in five years. You are right. I haven't seen this video yet so I'm leaving it up to you to decide. CNN did a brief mention of it, saying over a million people have viewed it already. Adam watched it three times this morning, but he has a terrible sense of humor so we can't judge by him.

Embarrassing Prom Pictures

A girl who claims to have gone to some high school dance (too casual to be the prom) with Ben Roethlisberger made this amusing sign and held it up at the Steelers-Browns game in Pittsburgh.

Longoria/Parker Update

The Smoking Gun posted the police report for the Eva Longoria/Tony Parker traffic stop.

According to this Eva Longoria weights 130 pounds. Not sure how they arrived at that number.

Note: Tony Parker is referred to as AP for Anthony Parker. Eva Longoria is FC, presumably for Female Companion.

Reardon Update

Reardon blamed his actions on medications he was taking for depression and apologized for what he did when he was taken into custody, the report said.
``I completely lost my mind and tried to rob a jewelry store,'' the arrest report quoted Reardon as saying. ``I flipped on my medications and didn't realize what I was doing.''
Police Sergeant Jack Schnur said in a telephone interview that Florida law allows for an armed-robbery charge when someone simulates the use of a weapon or implies that they have one.
Reardon, who's lived in the town for about 20 years and has never caused any problem for police, was granted bond, placed on house arrest and ordered to undergo a mental-health evaluation, his attorney, Mitchell Beers, said.
Beers said in a telephone interview that Reardon has been taking antidepressants since his youngest son's death in February 2004. He also had been taking medication following an angioplasty last week.

If You Love Poker and Have a DVR

The World Series of Poker 2005 Tournament of Champions will reair on December 31 from 8-11p. Record it. Three hours is a long time to watch poker but you don't have to watch it all in one sitting. I haven't finished watching it yet. Phil Hellmuth and Mike Matusow really go at it.

Good News NPH Fans

You can now watch two episodes of "How I Met Your Mother" for free. The Pineapple Incident is a great episode. We've all had nights like that. And look for a cameo from the incredibly sexy and brainy, Danica McKellar, aka Winnie Cooper.

Good News for Beers: Two and a Half Men episodes are also available.

Good News for Andy: The Halloween episode with NPH in a penguin suit will reair on January 2.

To answer questions, Andy wore the penguin costume on Halloween, not nudey magazine day.

Come On Down

Funny Price is Right blooper.

She's Just a Mexican Actress

But we love Eva Longoria. Her and Tony Parker got into a confrontation with San Antonio Police after the Spurs beat the Raptors on December 23rd, the incident technically happened on Christmas Eve.
According to the police report, Parker was behind the wheel of a car stopped and impeding traffic.
A bicycle officer used a flashlight to indicate that Parker needed to move along. When the car didn't move, the officer approached and rapped the hood with the palm of his hand.
Parker and Longoria "began screaming in a verbally abusive and demeaning manner," police said, and Parker questioned why the officer touched the car.
Then the officer asked Parker for his driver's license. At that point, according to the police report, Parker instead began to drive away and nearly hit a man standing several feet in front of his car.
Police ordered Parker to turn off the ignition and step out of the car. The officer who wrote up the citations said Longoria then shouted out the passenger window: "He's just a Mexican bike cop. He only wants your autograph."
The officer also said that, while he was writing the citations, Parker complained: "This is all the cops do, just mess with people."
During the traffic stop, Parker displayed what he identified as a French driver's license. The officer issued the second citation after a records check showed Parker has a current Texas driver's license, which he did not present.
At some point Longoria also said to the cop "well, fuck you then."
Eva denies this, she said she never used racial slurs, being a Mexican herself.

James Dungy's MySpace Profile

Interesting. Seems as if every teenager in the news has a profile on myspace.com. Myspace took his profile down but someone captured the screen. He logged on the day before he died, whatever that means.

Dungy Questions

On Oct. 21 James Dungy was taken into custody by police because of a possible drug overdose.
The Hillsborough County sheriff's office released a statement that said Dungy called Emergency Medical Services "because he had overdosed." The statement continued: "He stated that he was depressed and had taken 4 (Hydrocodone) and 9 or 10 (Naproxen)."
Dungy was taken to the hospital, but no other details were released because of privacy laws. Hydrocodone and Naproxen are painkillers.

This really shocked me. Two months ago, he took pills, then called the EMS. That seems like the typical third-grade psycho-babble "cry for help."
What did they do to try to help him with his depression over the past two months? I just can't help but think that something could have been done to prevent this.
As insensitive as that may sound on the day of his funeral.

Oprah's a Bird Killer

From MSNBC:

Oprah Winfrey’s private jet was forced to return to the airport after its windshield was cracked in a collision with a bird.
Winfrey and her boyfriend, Stedman Graham, were not hurt in the incident (Thank God), just after the GulfStream jet had taken off from Santa Barbara Municipal Airport.
“This is not a totally unusual thing,” Ahlman said of the cracked windshield. “We see these things pretty frequently.”

Too Bad He Wasn't a Base Stealer

Former relief pitcher Jeff Reardon was arrested and charged with robbing a jewelry store in Palm Beach, Florida.
According to police, Reardon walked into Hamilton Jewelers at the Gardens Mall about 11:50 a.m. Monday and handed an employee a note that said he had a gun and the store was being robbed.
Reardon fled the store with an undisclosed amount of cash. Police found him at a nearby restaurant, recovered the stolen money and charged him with armed robbery.
What thief robs a store, flees the scene, then stops for a lunch at a local P.F. Chang's. I did not make that part up. He was really caught at P.F. Chang's China Bistro. Tradition Chinese cuisine in a contemporary American bistro setting.

Sometimes the World is a Strange Place

Last night the Jets played in the last Monday Night Football game on ABC. They lost to New England 31-21.
35 years ago the Jets played in the first Monday Night Football game on ABC. They lost to Cleveland 31-21.
You can't make this stuff up. Well, Josh could, but no one would believe him.

My Shirt

Why am I writing about the shirt I'm wearing today? This is why: