The Judge Has a Grudge

Obnoxious teenager Penelope Soto was picked up by the cops in Miami when she crashed her bike while high on Xanax. Police discovered 26 more Xanax pills or "bars" as they are called on the street. She appeared in front of the judge at a bail hearing.



Awesome!
I totally agree with Judge Jorge Rodriguez-Chomat for smacking this young punk down. She was not being serious, or respectful.
"It's worth a lot of money" "Like what" "Like Rick Ross."
He should have held her in contempt after that answer.
But then the "adios" and finally the "fuck you."
Hopefully this dumb slut will use her 30 days in the hoosegaw to reflect on her behavior and come out a rehabilitated young lady.

When Everyone's Wrong, No One is Right

A 31-point blowout win in the NBA normally doesn’t garner much attention but the Rockets-Warriors game was so interesting it merits discussion. The Rockets had a great night, nailing a bunch of 3s, until they tied the NBA record with 23 3-points, with 3:41 left in the game. After that, Houston tried several more attempts to get the record. Eventually, Mark Jackson ordered the Warriors to foul Houston, so they couldn’t get a 3-pointer off. Draymond Green fouled Patrick Beverly so hard he got a flagrant foul, started a fight and got ejected. But the Rockets didn’t get that 24th 3-pointer. I think both teams are wrong here. First, records and accomplishments achieved outside of the normal flow of the game are not real records. Famous examples include: Ricky's Davis's triple-double, Nykesha Sales hobbling on court on crutches, Brett Favre taking a dive for Michael Strahan or Grinnell college feeding Jack Taylor over and over until he scores 138 points. Those accomplishments are hollow and I think those teams and players are wrong to pursue them in that way. But if your opponent is doing something like that, or running up the score, or doing an annoying touchdown celebration, the answer is: stop them! Don't resort to physical or dirty play, stop them. You don't like what they do when they score, don't let them score. I will not choose sides in this one because I think both teams are wrong here.

A Bad Angle

A photo is making the rounds on the internet, purporting to show Justin Bieber grabbing the breast of a young fan.

As Mrs. Poop can attest, this is not a boob grab just a picture taken from an unfortunate angle at an unfortunate time. He was pulling his hand away from a hug and the picture was snapped. I'm sure there's a inch or two between his hand and her boob, but you just cannot tell from this angle.

What I Should Have Said Theater

Where was Steve Tasker when the lights went out? In the dark.
CBS did a horrible job updating the fans throughout the entire blackout, but none worse than Steve Tasker, who despite being a television reporter, couldn't coherently report what was going on.
Remember, fans at home saw the lights go out, then 30 seconds or so of ambient crowd noise, then a commercial. We knew nothing, and they came back to Tasker who said "welcome back to New Orleans, I'm Steve Tasker sideline reporter for the uh, Super Bowl 47, if you're expecting to hear our friend Jim Nantz it may be a moment before he gets on. Half the power in New Orleans Stadium, the Superdome here, almost a perfect semicircle of the lights, half the stadium, went out, the scoreboard is also not working as well."

Here's what Steve Tasker should have said:
"I'm Steve Tasker, there has been a power failure at the Superdome. Half the lights are out. There is no power in our broadcast booth where Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are. There are enough lights still on, so no one is panicking. We do not know what caused this, and we do not know how long it will take to fix it. Both teams are just milling around wondering when they will be able to resume play."

Granted, I have the benefit of time, he didn't, but a reporter should always say his most important thing in his first sentence. If he practiced that enough, it would become habit. The first thing he said should have been about the blackout or the lights going out, not about the Superdome and our friend Jim Nantz.

Song of the Week

"Kill Fuck Marry" - Nikki Williams
This is an incredibly weird song, not even particularly good. Obvious they picked the title, knew it would get attention, and then wrote the song around it.

The Super Bowl is Poop

Another Great Game
I feel like I have written this every single year but this was another exciting Super Bowl. I guess I am going to have to let go of the fact that nearly every Super Bowl for the first 20 years of my viewing experience was a blowout. Starting with Rams-Titans, practically every game since then has at least been tense and fun to watch. Now I wouldn’t classify this game as great, not in the class of Giants-Patriots I or Steelers-Cardinals, but it certainly was a lot of fun and a game we will all remember for a long time.

No Such Thing as Momentum
The most popular thing to talk about surrounding this game seems to be how the 49ers were suddenly given a tremendous lift by the unexpected 34-minute blackout delay. The poor Ravens who were dominating the game until that point suddenly lost focus and never regained it. It’s bullshit. Thank god the 9ers didn’t win so we don’t have to listen to this crap for all eternity. Did the long halftime show not give the 49ers a boost? That big pause in the game certainly didn’t help them on the opening kickoff when the Ravens, robbed of their momentum, were still able to muster a kickoff return for a touchdown. And then when the lights came back on, the 49ers failed to convert a 3rd and 13. Momentum didn't help them there. The 49ers came back because they are a good team, and they have fallen behind and come back before. They made plays, nothing to do with the blackout.

Controversial Calls
There were a number of controversial calls by officials and coaches in this game that are worth examining.
Michael Crabtree was clearly held/interfered with on that 4th down pass from the 5-yard line late in the game. I guess there is a new rule, The Golden (Tate) Rule, when officials stop calling penalties late in close games at key situations. Obvious penalty, horrible no-call.

There was also a horrible no ejection when the Ravens Cary Williams blatantly shoved an official.

And how about the horrible call for running into the kicker? David Akers missed the kick, saw a guy behind him and flopped. He was falling even before he was touched. The officials bailed him out and gave Akers another shot, which he made.

John Harbaugh made the right move going for the safety at the end of the game. I also like his fake punt early in the game. It didn't work out but if it had it would have been a dagger in the 49ers back. And the risk wasn't all that great, it still pinned the 9ers deep.
Jim Harbaugh made a questionable decision going for 2 with 10 minutes left. Normally I would say kick and be down by 1 in the first three quarters, but the first part of the 4th quarter is a real gray area. A good case could be made either way.
Jim's biggest failing was the play-calling on that late sequence when the 9ers came up short. With time only a small factor I would have tried a Kaepernick designed run, a draw, to at least get the ball a little closer, if not score the TD.

The voters also made a questionable decision giving the MVP award to Joe Flacco over Jacoby Jones. If it had been a most outstanding player, or most spectacular, Jones would have gotten it, but because of value, the way Flacco controlled the game earned him the award.

A Crazy Game for Box Pools
Almost every Super Bowl spectator participates in some kind of box pool. And I never remember as much intrigue involving the numbers that were seemingly locked up, then ripped away. Obviously the decision to take the safety at game's end stole thousands of dollars from people with 4, 9.
Those of us with 8, 0 got screwed at the end of the 3rd when David Akers was given a re-kick with 3 minutes to go. That might not have mattered had Ray Rice not fumbled a minute earlier. If he holds onto that ball, even if Ravens had to punt, any other 3rd quarter scoring play was unlikely.
The half ended with a FG to give the money to those who held 1, 6, but that wasn't really an unusual or unfair play. Not like the one that happened a few minutes earlier, the aforementioned fake punt, though it came with lots of time to play, it certainly affected the outcome of those crazy box pools.

Joe Millionaire
Joe Flacco picked a pretty good time to have the best postseason for any quarterback in history. He's a free agent and likely to get a long-term deal with average annual salaries of $20M. The guy is not a great regular season quarterback, he's very good but has never had more than 25 TDs or fewer than 10 interceptions. He's not in the class of Peyton Manning, Drew Brees or Aaron Rodgers. But now all four of these quarterbacks have exactly one Super Bowl ring. Flacco has won at least one playoff game in all 5 of his NFL seasons. With Ray Lewis retiring (he says) and Ed Reed leaving (possibly), the defense may be weakened to the point where the Ravens offense will have to produce even more. But now they know they have a quarterback who can perform well enough to win the Super Bowl. And that's why they're going to lock him up for big money.

The End of the Road
The career and personal life of Ray Lewis is complicated and varied. Yes, he was involved in a horrible incident, but there's no reason to believe he did anything other than aid his friends, which on its face isn't that bad, except when you realize he helped them avoid apprehension for a murder. But since then, he has been an exemplary character, a great player and a good ambassador for the league. He may have taken a questionable substance so he could more quickly return to health for this "last ride" but that remains to be seen. I will always remember Lewis as a great player, a dominant linebacker and a fun player to watch and listen to.

Super Bowl Ads

I thought this was a pretty weak crop this year. No real standout laugh out loud funny ones.

"Brotherhood" - Budweiser
They always have a good Clydesdales ad, this one was really sweet.



"Miracle Stain" - Tide
I love this satire of the dumbest thing in American culture in the last 10 years, the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. "Stain on a stick!"



"Fashionista Daddy" - Doritos
Fathers who have daughters can relate to this one.



"Whole Again" - Jeep
Narrated by Oprah Winfrey, a pretty nice ad.



"Space Babies" - Kia
Pretty funny description of where babies come from.



"Goat 4 Sale" - Doritos



"Deion Sanders Returns" - NFL
Leon Sandcastle



"Prom" - Audi
It was totally worth it.



"Viva Young" - Taco Bell
"Nosotros somos jovenes." I guess the song really was in Spanish. I didn't pick this up the first time.



"Get Happy" - VW
The only borderline racist commercial in this year's Super Bowl. I didn't find it offensive, actually found it mildly amusing, but not necessarily a great ad for VW. "Respect bossman!"



"Big Kiss" - Go Daddy
I read where they had to do 65 takes of this.

Weekly Picks

Ending a horrible season on something of a positive note. When I started doing these picks every week they really were golden. But the last few seasons have been horrible. And I have thought about giving up, but being bad isn't a reason to quit. So I guarantee I will be back with this feature every week next season.

San Francisco -4 1/2 Baltimore
I am actually quite nervous about this because I am predicting scores like 21-17, 20-16, 23-20, something in there. But if I'm going to err a little bit, I'll err on the side of the 9ers winning this a little bit bigger. So 21-16 is my official score prediction.

Last Week: 1-1 (2 points)
Season: 43-52 (35 points)
Best Bets: 1-0 (6-14)
Home Favorites: 0-1 (15-23)
Home Underdogs: 0-0 (6-4)
Road Favorites: 1-0 (12-15)
Road Underdogs: 0-0 (10-10)