What I Should Have Said Theater

This is what Ohio State Buckeyes quarterback Terrelle Pryor should have about the message he was trying to send by writing "Vick" on the eye black strip he wore during OSU's game against Navy:

"I just wanted to show support for the guy. Some people are saying he should never be allowed to play football again but I believe in second chances. He committed horrible acts but he paid his debt to society. He served nearly two years in prison. I'm glad he's getting a second chance and I support him in it and I hope he doesn't squander it."



You'd have to admit that's definitely better than what he did say:
"I know what happened with him and, I mean, I don't want to talk much. I'm just going to be very short and sweet with it. But I just feel he made his mistake and I think he just needs more support. Not everybody is the perfect person in the world. Everyone does -- kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me. I just feel that people need to give him a chance. I always looked up to Mike Vick and I always will, because I still think he is one of the best quarterbacks. I love Mike Vick."

Weekly Picks

A new season and a new start. First weeks are always difficult though because you don't always have a good idea of who is good and who isn't yet.

san diego -9 OAKLAND
I think the Raiders are going to be putrid again this year. And I picked the Chargers to win the Super Bowl. Because I think the Chargers can earn home field by beating up on their weak divisional foes. They always kill the Raiders. And if the Chargers do underachieve, as so often happens, they often wait until late in the season to disapppoint.

detroit +13 NEW ORLEANS
I think the hype surrounding the Lions winless season has helped push this spread up by about four points over where it should be. I would still take New Orleans in a knockout pool this week but this spread is large and the Saints defense isn't good enough to keep the Lions from putting up between 10 and 17 points. I'm expecting 24-13 here. But I am going against my rule not to pick an underdog unless you think they can win.

st. louis +8 SEATTLE
I really don't see any evidence the Seahawks are going to be any good this year. And the Rams will either be improved, or at least decent until they start to get injured again.

chicago +3 1/2 GREEN BAY
I refuse to underestimate the importance of Jay Cutler. I think he is going to have a huge psychological impact on this team, and on the field as well, making the receivers better and turning Matt Forte into a top back. I do like the Packers and think Aaron Rodgers is going to have a great season but that extra half point makes this game look juicy.

BEST BET
CINCINNATI -4 denver
I'm making this pick after watching the final episode of "Hard Knocks" so I might be a little biased. But this is more a selection against Denver, than in favor of Cincinnati. I think the Kyle Orton/Jay Cutler trade has been incorrectly analyzed in the same way people overstate the importance of wins for a baseball pitcher. You really think Jorge De La Rosa is having a better year than Zack Greinke? Throw in the fact that Josh McDaniels has completely botched his coaching chance and probably alienated his team, I see Denver having an historically bad season. Plus, Chad Ochocinco has a surprise for us.

Things I Thought Today

Caster Semanya should not be allowed to run against women. She is a hermaphrodite but she has no ovaries or uterus. She has internal male organs which produce three times the amount of testosterone as an average female. She shouldn't be stripped of the medals she already won since she didn't cheat. But she should not be allowed to compete on equal footing with women.

*****

I met George Pataki. After years of saying "'ello Gubna" I finally got to say it to an actual Governor.

*****

I'm having a hard time determining which person put more premeditation in their career boosting moment, Erin Andrews or Rep. Joe Wilson. I think the answer is Erin Andrews because hers involved great planning. But Wilson doesn't look as good naked.

I know from experience dude.

*****

Megan Fox is hosting the season premiere of "Saturday Night Live" on September 26th. I might check that one out.

*****

On the World Series of Poker Jason Alexander said his favorite line from all 9 seasons of Seinfeld is: "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?" That line of course occurred when George banged the cleaning lady on his desk and was confronted by his boss. George followed up with "Because if anyone had told me when I started here that kind of thing was frowned upon..."

9/11 Thoughts

I will always remember where I was that day and even 8 years later the anger and sadness I felt that day is just as vivid in my mind and in my heart.
And with the recent distressing news that a 9/11 denier was in our government, it's even more important to make sure we never forget what really happened that day.

We Survived

The first day of school went very well. We dropped Chase off and he immediately ran to the back of the classroom and played with a toy. We put his stuff down and left quietly without fanfare. Mrs. Poop and I got a little sad, but I think it's absolutely normal.
The first month is only 90 minutes so it seemed as soon as we got home we had to go back and get him. Evidently, one mother was more impatient than we were because when we got back one kid was already gone, and several others were in the process of leaving.
Chase was in his chair eating raisins and crying. But the teacher said he didn't cry the whole time, not until the first mom came.
That's when he probably realized that we were gone.
But as soon as he saw us he lit up, said "all done raisins" and that's when I screwed up.
I picked up to give him a hug and he said "wash dishes."
So I jokingly said to Mrs. Poop, "they made him wash the dishes."
Well the teacher (Miss Joanne, there's also a Miss Rosanne, but Chase calls them both Miss Josanne) heard me and said "we don't make him do anything. We do have a play sink and he was probaly playing with that."
Then I think she realized I was joking because she said "but if he likes doing dishes he can come to my house."
But she also told us sometimes the second and third days at school are worse because the kids are more aware of what's happening.
So we'll see how that goes.

I Think I Would Have to Agree

"Albert Pooh Holes is really, really good."
-Adam Wainwright, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher

Ok, so I took that a little out of context for humor. Here's Wainwright's full quote: "I don't know how anybody could ever be better than he is. Ever. No offense to Henry Aaron and all those guys. I'm sorry, Hank. But Albert Pujols is really, really good."

The Fantastic Pooh Holes is having a transcendant season, challenging for the Triple Crown. Excluding known steroid users his 2009 numbers may go down as the best year in the past 50 seasons.

The Genius of Chase

Of all the wonderful parts of being a parent, the best part unquestionably is watching your child learn and grow.
I was cleaning out my drawer and threw an old pair of shorts from across the room, right into the garbage pail.
Chase, knowing clothes don't belong in the garbage, said "oopsies, oopsies, oopsies" then picked them up and put them in laundry hamper.

What Do You Say?

What do you say when something bothers you?

Chase is Going to Preschool

I can't believe how time flies. He is already two years old, and now he's going to school. Tomorrow is Chase's first day of preschool. It will be pretty much the first time we have ever left him with anyone besides his grandparents.

2009 NFL Season Predictions

AFC East: New England
AFC North: Baltimore
AFC South: Tennessee
AFC West: San Diego
Wild cards: Pittsburgh, Buffalo
Conference Championship: San Diego over New England

NFC East: New York
NFC North: Chicago
NFC South: New Orleans
NFC West: Arizona
Wild cards: Green Bay, Dallas
Conference Championship: Chicago over New York

Super Bowl: San Diego over Chicago

NFL MVP: Jay Cutler
Offensive Player of the Year: Philip Rivers
Defensive Player of the Year: Shawne Merriman
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Mark Sanchez
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Brian Orakpo
Coach of the Year: Dick Jauron
Comeback Player of the Year: Tom Brady

Last year, only four of us played (and Bill didn't even do the individual awards) and none of us got a Super Bowl team right, and only one of us got any of the individual awards correct (Master Bates: Jerrod Mayo).

Hopefully this year we'll improve in participation and in performance.

Just copy my picks into the comments section then erase my choices and type your own.

Song of the Week

"The Wonder of You" - Elvis Presley

Pretty much the entire song describes the way I feel about Mrs. Poop but especially
"I guess I'll never know
the reason why
you love me as you do
that's the wonder
the wonder of you."



Even more impressive is the use of correct grammar. Most people would say you love me like you do. But that's wrong, "as" is correct. This song is a throwback to an era before the Rolling Stones ruined grammar in music with "I can't get no satisfaction."

Focks Wedding

Matt and Julie looked cute enough to be the bride and groom on top of the wedding cake -- and short enough too. Badum chhh, thanks Juice.



The Focks affair was a delightful event at the Bethpage State Park, right near the famed Bethpage black course which occassionally hosts golf's US Open.

The grounds were so nice they elected an outdoor ceremony -- in the middle of August. Being the sweaty Jew that I am, I was schvitzing before the bride even made her way down the aisle. In retrospect it might have been our fault for choosing to sit on the empty side rather than the crowded side, which was crowded because it was in the shade.

I survived the ceremony, which was beautiful by the way and made it to the cocktail hour, thankfully. I have heard that the food was delicious, but I wouldn't know because I spent all my time at the mashed potatoes station. This is something I was praying would be at another wedding since I didn't really get to enjoy it at my own.

This would be just the beginning of the delicious food I would enjoy, but more on that later.

The fireworks really started when somehow Juice convinced Mrs. Poop to do a shot of Patron with him. Feeling left out the Juicette and I felt we had to one up them, so we did a shot -- and had sex.



Later Juice tried to order a huge round of Patron shots for all assembled until a woman intercepted a shot intended for her daughter, chastising Juice with a "she's only 16."



Later that same girl was telling Amber and I that her cell phone had been taken away because she went over her minutes and sent too many texts. Sounds like cute, very typical teenage girl behavior. Little did we know.




One of my favorite parts of a Jewish wedding is of course the Hora. Over the years TallSkott and I have become very good at orchestrating the lifting of the bride, groom and immediate family members in the chair. This time we were joined by TON and Juice making a very powerful quartet. We probably could have lifted Brock Lesnar, which is good because it seemed like just about everyone in the place got a ride.



One of the people we lifted -- I think (please forgive any inaccuraccies or omissions in this post, my memory is faulty and my notes were incomplete) was the mother of the groom [corrected: ok, we didn't lift her, the following is accurate anyway]. She was an occassional substitute teacher when I was in elementary school and she still carries those scars to this day. She confronted me about my behavior those many years ago and then proceeded to inform Mrs. Poop about what a "pain in the ass" I was. When I laughed and tried to convince I had changed and become a good man, she didn't seem convinced. Then I told her I had a son of my own now and would probably be cursed by him turning out just like I did, she said "you can't let him."

After that, I was kind of hot and tired again so I went to the bar for a beer and a shot or two.



Dinner, like the cocktail hour, was delicious. I had the filet mignon, Juice has the duck, which I assumed he liked because he screamed out "I want to fuck this duck" while eating.

After a good deal more dancing and partying and drinking, it was time for dessert. Fresh baked cookies, a sundae bar, and a whole bunch of other shit I don't remember eating or seeing because I was too drunk from the Patron, too full from the ice cream or perhaps both.

It started off with a crazed Amber licking sprinkles out of the palm of her hand and saying "they let you eat as many sprinkles as you want."




I then got my own sundae loaded with just about everything you can think of, M&Ms, gummi bears and who knows what else. I also had several chocolate chip cookies and a lemon sorbet to clean my pallette. I never even made it to the other side of the room.

Despite the great location, the great music and dancing and of course the great food, the best part of the Focks wedding was the great friends. The entire crew was there, so were all the ladies (including Mrs. Reissberg, less than two weeks after delivering Darren) and we all had a great time together.

Thanks to Matt and Julie.