Valentine's Day Movie

Valentine's Day is a time to put your spouse first and remind her that her needs come before your own.

It is with this in mind that I offered to take Mrs. Poop to the movies this weekend to see "Valentine's Day."

This would break our long-standing policy against doing things that would make the other partner miserable. We don't go see chick flicks, she just rents them on DVD. We don't go to sporting events together save the rare Mets game which she went to on my birthday, in part because she wanted to see CitiField.

This stands in stark contrast to the Freedos who are perfectly happy to make each other unhappy. Amber risks life and limb (and even wears a jersey) to sit amongst 100,000 uneducated violent criminals at Penn State games.



In return Freedo goes to the symphony and even misses NFL Playoff games to check out the Genghis Khan exhibit at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. He must have found this preferable to cutting off his balls and storing them in formaldehyde, but I'm not so sure.

Which brings me back to Valentine's Day. The Freedos are spending it at the ballet and then the strip club (something for everyone) while Mrs. Poop and I are going to the movies.

Yes, seeing "Valentine's Day" was my suggestion, not only because I wanted to do something nice for a change, but also because I'm interested in the movie.

It has quite possibly the greatest cast ever assembled, with at least 15 actors with instant name recognition. There are:

-the legit stars (Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner)
-the try-a-little-too-hard stars (Ashton Kutcher, Anne Hathaway)
-the black stars (Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah)
-the hot stars named Jessica (Alba, Biel)
-the hot young stars named Taylor (Lautner, Swift)
-the stars of Gray's Anatomy with the goofy nicknames (McDreamy, McSteamy)
-the old stars (Kathy Bates, Shirley MacLaine)
-the old Hispanic stars (Hector Elizondo, George Lopez)
-the star Mrs. Poop would prefer to go to the movies with instead of me (Bradley Cooper)



This movie is only 125 minutes long. That doesn't leave much screen time for each one. And how much did they pay them all? And did each of them know what the other was getting? It will be interesting to see if this highly paid bunch produces a championship like the 2009 Yankees or if they flop and become the Worst Cast Money Could Buy like the 1992 Mets.

New Year, New T-Shirts

The other day I clicked on the ad on this blog (possibly a violation of my Terms of Service agreement) and was led to an hilarious t-shirt store. It got me thinking about shirts that would be appropriate for several Poopheads to wear in 2010:

TON:


Courtney Friel:


Me:


Freedo:


Nails:


VW:


Master Bates:


Amber:


Mrs. Poop:


The Concierge:


Anonymous hot girlfriend wife of anonymous Poophead (look down if you think I'm talking about you)


Me:


Juice:


And a shirt so fantastic, so digusting and so offensive I couldn't even put its picture on this blog: click here if you dare.

Note: if you didn't get a t-shirt dedicated to you make it your New Year's resolution to have more personality in 2010.

Focks Wedding

Matt and Julie looked cute enough to be the bride and groom on top of the wedding cake -- and short enough too. Badum chhh, thanks Juice.



The Focks affair was a delightful event at the Bethpage State Park, right near the famed Bethpage black course which occassionally hosts golf's US Open.

The grounds were so nice they elected an outdoor ceremony -- in the middle of August. Being the sweaty Jew that I am, I was schvitzing before the bride even made her way down the aisle. In retrospect it might have been our fault for choosing to sit on the empty side rather than the crowded side, which was crowded because it was in the shade.

I survived the ceremony, which was beautiful by the way and made it to the cocktail hour, thankfully. I have heard that the food was delicious, but I wouldn't know because I spent all my time at the mashed potatoes station. This is something I was praying would be at another wedding since I didn't really get to enjoy it at my own.

This would be just the beginning of the delicious food I would enjoy, but more on that later.

The fireworks really started when somehow Juice convinced Mrs. Poop to do a shot of Patron with him. Feeling left out the Juicette and I felt we had to one up them, so we did a shot -- and had sex.



Later Juice tried to order a huge round of Patron shots for all assembled until a woman intercepted a shot intended for her daughter, chastising Juice with a "she's only 16."



Later that same girl was telling Amber and I that her cell phone had been taken away because she went over her minutes and sent too many texts. Sounds like cute, very typical teenage girl behavior. Little did we know.




One of my favorite parts of a Jewish wedding is of course the Hora. Over the years TallSkott and I have become very good at orchestrating the lifting of the bride, groom and immediate family members in the chair. This time we were joined by TON and Juice making a very powerful quartet. We probably could have lifted Brock Lesnar, which is good because it seemed like just about everyone in the place got a ride.



One of the people we lifted -- I think (please forgive any inaccuraccies or omissions in this post, my memory is faulty and my notes were incomplete) was the mother of the groom [corrected: ok, we didn't lift her, the following is accurate anyway]. She was an occassional substitute teacher when I was in elementary school and she still carries those scars to this day. She confronted me about my behavior those many years ago and then proceeded to inform Mrs. Poop about what a "pain in the ass" I was. When I laughed and tried to convince I had changed and become a good man, she didn't seem convinced. Then I told her I had a son of my own now and would probably be cursed by him turning out just like I did, she said "you can't let him."

After that, I was kind of hot and tired again so I went to the bar for a beer and a shot or two.



Dinner, like the cocktail hour, was delicious. I had the filet mignon, Juice has the duck, which I assumed he liked because he screamed out "I want to fuck this duck" while eating.

After a good deal more dancing and partying and drinking, it was time for dessert. Fresh baked cookies, a sundae bar, and a whole bunch of other shit I don't remember eating or seeing because I was too drunk from the Patron, too full from the ice cream or perhaps both.

It started off with a crazed Amber licking sprinkles out of the palm of her hand and saying "they let you eat as many sprinkles as you want."




I then got my own sundae loaded with just about everything you can think of, M&Ms, gummi bears and who knows what else. I also had several chocolate chip cookies and a lemon sorbet to clean my pallette. I never even made it to the other side of the room.

Despite the great location, the great music and dancing and of course the great food, the best part of the Focks wedding was the great friends. The entire crew was there, so were all the ladies (including Mrs. Reissberg, less than two weeks after delivering Darren) and we all had a great time together.

Thanks to Matt and Julie.

This Must Be Heaven

Tee and Cakes bakery in Boulder, Colorado has come up with the perfect combination of breakfast and dessert, the bacon cupcake.
One customer described the allure of this treat perfectly, "I like bacon, I like chocolate, I like cupcakes, so why not?"
I couldn't agree more.



The Tee and Cakes bakery is about 30 minutes from where the Freedos live so I expect them to go next Saturday (they only make these delightful confections on Saturdays) and come back with a full report.
Hell, if they send me pictures of Juice eating balls, it shouldn't be too much to ask for a picture of Amber stuffing a bacon cupcake down her gullet.

Houseguest

If you a friend with whom you would trust to host another friend of yours traveling to his city, that friend would be Freedo.
If you had a friend who you wouldn't dare suggest stay with another friend of yours, that friend would be Juice.
But despite reservations that Freedo might never talk to him again, Nails sicced Juice on Freedo and Amber this weekend.

Here's Freedo's version of how it went down:

"He arrived Saturday morning in a blaze of glory and departed Sunday evening via red-eye back to the Big Apple just as quickly as he entered our town. After a quick meal at Little Anita’s for some New Mexican food, he enjoyed the sights and sounds of the Cherry Creek Arts Festival. We then departed to show him what true baseball is all about, Coors Field and the Colorado Rockies. His one wish was to get some Rocky Mountain Oysters...cow testicles fried up Rocky Mountain Style!!!





They actually serve them at the Park, and I tried some for the first time (not bad actually). I’ve learned that up north near Fort Collins there is a place called Don’s Bar where they are world famous and have all-you-can-eat Sunday rocky mountain oysters. We had awesome seats 6 rows on top of Rockies dugout and it was a great game (12-6 Rox – Holliday 440 foot bomb to center sealed the deal).




We missed a foul ball by inches because I had a beer in my hand and Juice had slow reaction time. On Sunday we spent almost 5 hours watching the Wimbledon final. I had to endure the stress of Juice as he paced my basement trying to will his boy RodgeFed to victory, only to see Rafa Nadal win one of the greatest tennis matches of all time. He went to a wedding in Boulder on Sunday before heading back to the Big Apple via Jet Blue at 12:55AM. I’m sure he is dying right now at his desk reading this.

All I can tell you is we had an awesome time."

And Amber's version:

"It was memorable!! Crazy Justin definitely lived up to his name. I was shocked and awed by Crazy Justin on numerous occasions, the most being when he ate fried cow balls at the Rockies Game. The Rocky Mountain Oysters were DISGUSTING and some substance began oozing out of them as he ate them."

I asked Juice to respond and all he said was "you can just add was how beautiful their house is and how great hosts they are. Also, that I encourage anyone who has the opportunity to pay them a visit to do so."

Freedo is a Mush

Got this e-mail from Freedo before the Mets began their series with the Rockies:
"Headed to the Mets/Rockies tonight and tomorrow!!!"

The Mets lost both those games. I guess Amber wasn't with him because she is good luck. So I hope he stays home and the Mets can salvage one game of the series.

I hope you enjoyed the fireworks, asshole.

Melo Not Wanted

According to our spy in Denver, Amber, Melo's new mansion "is in the Columbine Country Club area. Everyone in this neighborhood belongs to Columbine Country Club. Carmelo tried to join and was given a big NO! The members don’t want the club to have that image."

They Shoulda Kerriganed Him

The story from Freedo:

"We were walking to brunch on Sunday after game 3 [Saturday night], and the Spurs were staying in our neighborhood. They were on their way across the street to brunch, when we saw Ginobili, Duncan, Popovich, Bowen and Tony Parker. My friend had a Florida Gators shirt on, and Matt Bonner, being a Gator, yelled "Gator Nation!!" We asked Timmy if we could grab a pic, and the valet at the hotel took this picture. Duncan was freaked out about the whole thing to be honest. He looked so scared. He has the biggest hands i've ever seen."

Which is why Freedo did not want Amber standing next to Duncan.

Thank You Come Again

Denver police ticketed a friend of Carmelo Anthony's after the man allegedly punched an unruly fan at a convenience store last month.
Melo and his friend Rahchine Craig were heading out of a 7-Eleven store in the 1800 block of South Sheridan Boulevard (I leave those directions in for Freed and Amber) early March 18 when some young men approached.
One of them asked for Anthony's autograph and when Melo declined the guy called him a punk and started arguing with Craig.
Craig allegedly punched, pushed and slammed the victim onto the floor.
When asked Friday night if the report was accurate, Anthony said, "No, man. Hell no. We beat Dallas tonight. I'm not talking about that. We beat Dallas tonight. That's all I'm worried about. We've got Clippers tomorrow. Thanks."

Amber Needs a New Jersey

Now that Iverson is a Nugget Amber Freed needs to get herself a new jersey. Earl Boykins? Please. I think Amber is really going to enjoy the run and gun style of the Nuggets will now play and of course she'll fall in love with Iverson's hustle. It may not work out, but it's gonna be a show.

Freed's Wedding

Freedo and Amber got married this weekend in Colorado. The bride looked stunning in an elegant gown by Reebok, the Earl Boykins collection. The debonair groom wore white, choosing a Kenyon Martin tuxedo for the occassion.

Real wedding pictures expected shortly.

Mazel Tov!

A hearty Mazel Tov goes out to Freedo and Amber (Colorado's second hottest couple after Melo and LaLa) on their wedding this weekend. Freedo has graciously invited all Mets fans out to Colorado for the August 29-31 series. I only met Amber briefly but she is very sweet and very good looking and she accompanies Freedo to all the Nuggets games, while wearing a Melo jersey (I wish I had saved that picture that was posted on the fantasy baseball message board last year). Sounds like a good woman to me. Congratulations to both of them.