Disappointment

Despite our best efforts (and hers) Pizza Parlor KeriAnn did not make the Celtics Dance team. The info is shoddy at best right now but this picture is of the new team, and KeriAnn isn't in this picture. She must be terribly disappointed right now.

British Invasion

David Beckham and Posh Spice have arrived in the U.S. And they are trying to make their presence felt with sexy pictures in W Magazine.

The Long and Short of It

The world's tallest man (7'9") and the world's shortest man (2'5") get together for a photo op.
Basically the short guy (He Pingping) is as long as the tall guy's (Bao Xinshun) upper arm.

World Series of...Pop Culture

VH1 is airing the two week tournament for the second year now.
It's a really cool concept, everyone thinks they know a lot about TV, music and movies. And because it's only 8 episodes it doesn't require a huge time commitment to watch.
The show got a big boost in its second season, as people watched the first season in reruns and thought "hey, I can do that."
Even Mrs. Michael sent out an e-mail to her 100,000 friends to get them to watch.
I e-mailed the show's wry host Pat Kiernan and in typical PK fashion all he'd give up was "I think we got some good stuff on tape this year."
I hope you will watch the first four episodes this weekend if you haven't already seen them. Then next week catch the second wave of episodes Mon-Thurs at 9pm on VH1.
PK appreciates your support.

1983 World Series of Poker

Part I:


Part II:


Part III:


Part IV:


Part V:



108 players entered this year, twice as many as in 1979. The winner still took home exactly half the prize pool, in this case $540,000.
Gabe Kaplan is back again and he busts out defending champ Jack Strauss. Strauss won in 1982 when he was down to his final chip, and coined the expression "a chip and a chair." They showed the last hand from last year, when Strauss had A-10 vs. Dewey Tomko's A-4. A four came on the flop, but Strauss won on the river with a 10 to take the title.
They talked about female players and how one of them brings a fan because she doesn't like the cigarette smoke. Then Curt Gowdy and Bobby Baldwin discussed the possibility that someday smoking will be banned at WSOP events, which of course now it is.
Doyle Brunson makes the top 3. He is much heavier here than he is now, his fingers don't look like shriveled little sausages. Doyle gets eliminated in third place going all in with his flush draw against three nines.
When it got down to heads up between Tom McEvoy and Rod Peate, the players' wives/girlfriends were actually seated at the table, right next to them.
This heads up match lasted 7 hours, the longest in history until the 2006 HORSE matchup between Andy Bloch and Chip Reese.
McEvoy won with pockets Queens vs King-Jack suited. After he won he stood on his chair and screamed, "all right, all right."

I Warned You

Mrs. Poop almost vomited at these pics of douchebags getting gored by bulls in Spain. I hope she doesn't look at this one. You can actually see the horn in the guy's leg, under his skin.

Note: To get the full effect please click on the photo to make it larger.

2007 World Series of Poker - Day 3

I've decided that I'm having too much fun following the updates on pokernews, so I'm just going to stick with it, maybe I'll stop on the last two days so I have some surprise left when ESPN airs the thing.

But for now I'm gonna file a recap everyday, if you don't want to see it, skip this post.

After day 3 337 players are still left. Lots of notables (in order of chips):

Dario Minieri: This year's Jamie Gold. Very aggressive player, has a huge chip stack at this point (twice the total of all but 3 other players).

Kenny Tran: Finished 4th in the HORSE event, now he's 3rd in chips.

Gus Hansen: He's 9th in chips. Because he plays so many hands he needs to keep getting lucky. But he does have an uncanny ability to throw away hands when he's beat. I'd be surprised if he didn't have a massive flameout soon though.



Bart Hanson: Finished 8th at the $1,500 Hold Em event that was broadcast on ESPN this week. Poker announcer for the Bicycle Casino.

Pete de Best: De Best name left in the field.

Kirk Morrison: Finished 7th the Mixed Hold Em event, first event of this year's WSOP, that was broadcast on ESPN this week. Profiled on that show, used to roll with Negreanu, Juanda and Cunningham until he gave up poker and moved to New Zealand. Now he's back.

Huck Seed: 1996 Main Event Champion. One of my favorite players. He's very quiet at the table and he folds a lot of hands, but he employs selective agression. He's also very tall and wins a lot of prop bets with his ability to shoot a basketball.

Darrell Dicken: Douchebag but popular internet player under the name Gigabet. You maybe have seen him if you watched the USPC on ESPN.

Hal Lubarsky: He's blind. Not in the big blind. He can't see. He has a helper telling him his cards and reading him the board.

Julian Gardner: Finished second at the Main Event in 2002.

John Spadavecchia: Finished third at the Main Event in 1994. Has one WSOP bracelet and a really bad toupee.



Peter Feldman: Chubby internet pro who beat Gavin Smith at a televised circuit event last year. Won another circuit title this year.

Chad Brown: Popular player and announcer. Banging Vanessa Rousso.

Robert Varkonyi: 2002 Main Event champion. The beginning of the amateur winners. Phil Hellmuth shaved his head when he won. But he has turned into a pretty decent pro.

Carlos Mortensen: 2001 Main Event champion. El Matador is a really good player, but like Gus he gets aggressive and could get caught by an amateur.

Scotty Nguyen: 1998 Main Event champion. "You call it's gonna be all over baby."



Humberto Brenes: The shark is hungry once again. Finished 37th in last year's main event, one of the last pros to go out. Made famous by his shark antics. Also finished 4th at the Main Event in 1988, the famous Chan-Seidel final.

Daniel Alaei: Played a couple times on GSN's "High Stakes Poker."

Hasan Habib: A great name. Trying yelling it out. WPT once did a feature on his name. People use it as a good luck cry. HasanHabib!

Sully Erna: The lead singer of Godsmack. I guess that's impressive, more impressive is, this is his second cash in a row. But he was almost the bubble boy. He was all-in with 622 players left. He flopped a set of 10 but his opponent turned a straight. Sully got furious, then rivered a full house.

Tuna Lund: A sweaty fat guy who has two bracelets, one from 1978 and one from 1996.

Billy Baxter: Has 7 bracelets, a true old school veteran.

Tobey Maguire: Spider-man is widely known as the best celebrity player. But he hates attention at the table. Strangely he was seated right next to Sully Erna for a time, and actually got a hooded sweatshirt so he could hide from the media crush. If he wins this thing it would bring poker back to the mainstream.



Berry Johnston: 1986 Main Event Champion. The last of 5 champs still alive.

Not too many notable knockout on Day 3. Jesus went out early, Todd Brunson and his sister got booted. Gavin Smith went out just after the money. Ted Forrest, Chip Jett and Minh Ly all busted. So did Leif Force, Monkey Boy from last year when he finished 11th.

Players will play 5 levels (2 hours each) Friday starting at noon Vegas time.
On Saturday they will play until they reach 27 players.
On Sunday they cut down to the final table.
Monday is an off day.
Tuesday is the final table. Starting at 3pm eastern. It's available for pay-per-view, but it's $20. I'd buy it for $5, or even $10, but $20 seems like a lot for something you might need to fast forward through. Or if it goes long, I'll have to leave for work before it ends.

BORE-ring

A "scandal" begins when Miss New Jersey Amy Polumbo is "blackmailed" by someone who threatens to reveal pictures of her that were once on her own Facebook site. The pictures are pumped up to be "embarrassing" and "unlady-like." The word that should have been used for them was lame. Polumbo goes on the "Today Show" to reveal the photos herself. The pageant committee ruled Polumbo pictures are so boring they aren't even going to bother taking her crown away.

Miss Nevada knows how to take some truly scandalous photos.

Vanessa Minillo Likes It From Behind

Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo having hot tub sex at a resort in Mexico.

The Bulls Get Even

7 people were gored and several others injured in a good day for the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.
This event is so stupid and so cruel to the bulls.
As Mrs. Poop likes to say "mess with the bull, you get the horns."

Piping Hot At the Pizza Parlor

Pizza Parlor Derek is back. I guess this is going to be his M.O. now, take three weeks off, post a few things for a couple days, then retreat into another funk. Imagine how pissed all you Poopheads would be if I allowed this blog to lay dormant for three weeks?

Here's what Derek has for us:

Thoughts on this All-Star game and All-Star games in general.

A clip from the saddest movie ever, which I probably shouldn't have watched at this particular time in My Life.

A recap of his trip to Washington DC. He loves Kevin too.

Oh Mamma Mia!

Guaranteed you can't watch this clip of Major League 2 without laughing. Oh yeah, it's in Italian. How do you say "too high" in Italian?

Love is Blind

Steve Lavin and Mary Ann Jarou
The former UCLA basketball coach is 42, and I couldn't find how old Jarou is. I also couldn't find a picture of them together.
But here's what I did find: Lavin and Jarou had planned a wedding for next month at The Montage Resort in Laguna Beach.
But 95% of the people they invited said they could come. That was too many people for the Montage to hold. So instead they moved the wedding to Europe and cut everyone off the invite list.
Real classy.

Silly Hats

Mama and Papa Poop recently traveled to Alaska. She spent every day shopping and came back with these ridiculous hats for her very put upon grandchildren.

Now This is Getting Ridiculous

I liked the ObamaGirl video because I thought the chick was smoking hot, but now there is a video "inspired" by that one, and the gimmick is, a girl has a crush on Hillary.

The singer is Taryn Southern, who made the top 50 on Season 3 of American Idol.
The lesbian gimmick is ok, there are a couple good lines, and she's pretty hot, but Hott4Hill is pretty lame.

How Not To Get Out of Jury Duty

I enjoyed my jury service and I think it's a greater civic duty than voting, but not everyone agrees with me.
Most people try to come up with some way to get out of it.

But Daniel Ellis went a little too far.


"On a questionnaire that all potential jurors fill out, Ellis wrote that he didn't like homosexuals and blacks. He then echoed those sentiments in an interview with Judge Nickerson.
"You say on your form that you're not a fan of homosexuals," Nickerson said.
"That I'm a racist," Ellis interrupted.
"I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it," Ellis added.
"I'm sorry?" Nickerson said.
"I said I'm frequently found to be a liar," Ellis replied.
"So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked.
"Well, I don't know. I might be," was the response.
Ellis then admitted he really didn't want to serve on a jury.
"I have the distinct impression that you're intentionally trying to avoid jury service," Nickerson said.
"That's true," Ellis answered.
Nickerson ordered Ellis taken into custody. He was released later Monday morning.
Ellis could face perjury and other charges."

Journalistic Ethics

Amy Jacobson a reporter for a local station in Chicago got fired for going swimming. Problem is, she went swimming with the husband of a missing woman, a story she was covering. A rival station filmed her and her kids at a pool party at Craig Stebic's house. Stebic's wife, Lisa has been missing since April 30th.
Jacobson says she was taking her kids swimming when Stebic's sister called and invited her over to discuss the case. The fact that she was wearing a bikini didn't stop her from doing her job. But it did make the pictures of her sticking her large knockers out the back door in clear view of the rival station's cameras, more interesting.

The video isn't that great because the kids are blurred out and Jacobson never drops her towel. This picture says 1000 thousand words

Song of the Week

"Hand on the Pump" - Cypress Hill
A classic old school rap by one of the best groups of the early-90s. They sold out a little bit after they had huge mainstream success with "Insane in the Membrane" and never again reached the heights they achieved with this and with "How I Could Just Kill a Man."
Hand on the Pump is also the inspiration for one of my favorite songs, "Da Rockwilder," the live performance of which I once described as "the best 2 minutes and 20 seconds of my life."
La la la la la la la la

Master Bates Will Be My Porn Name

A woman is suing a former high school classmate who uses her name as her porn pseudonum.
Kristen Syvette Wimberly, is asking that Lara Madden and film distributor Vivid Entertainment Group stop using or publicizing her name. Madden has appeared in about a dozen adult movies under the name Syvette Wimberly.
The two met in ninth grade at Kingwood High School. According to the lawsuit, they "were friends but eventually that friendship ended due to conflict."
Wimberly says people have been asking her about her career in porn. She says she isn't looking for millions of dollars, she just wants her name back.
Madden says she didn't choose the name maliciously she just liked the sound of it. She also said she no longer performs in adult movies.
So how do you unring a bell? You can't recall all the DVDs and resell them with a new name?

2007 World Series of Poker Spoilers

The 2007 World Series of Poker Main Event is well underway. Day 1 was split into four parts, and Day 2 into 2 parts. By Day 3 (Thursday) there will be about 700 players left.
6,358 players started, fewer than the 8,773 last year. This is because of restrictions on online gambling which reduced seats given away in satellites by the poker sites.
I've been addicted to following the developments on pokernews, which are awesome because they are going on while I am at work.
I think I'm going to stop reading them once we get down in the field because knowing everything will be too much and it will ruin the ESPN shows.

Here's what I know so far (skip if you don't want to know):
Jamie Gold was eliminated. He's a terrible player and will never make it past the first day again.

Phil Hellmuth also got knocked out, a day after he crashed a racecar in the Rio parking lot.

The most overrated player ever, Phil Ivey is out.

Scotty Nguyen moved on to Day 3. So did Tobey Maguire, the best celebrity player. A lot of lesser known pros also moved onto day 3.

A ton of good people busted out on Day 2A, Barry Greenstein, Brad Garrett, Montel Williams (yes, that Montel, he had 150,000 on Day 1), Joe Hachem, Paul Wasicka, Dan Harrington and Jane Gold (yes, Jamie's mother).

Daniel Negreanu (my favorite player had a decent Day 1 and plays in Day 2B).

Also eliminated is the hottest female player, Evelyn Ng (who once dated Daniel, maybe that's why I like him so much).

The Concierge's Birthday

The Concierge celebrated his 29th birthday Saturday night at the Blue Owl in the East Village. It's down the street from a defunct gay bar, appropriately named "Dick's." The Owl is next to the local neighborhood rub-n-tug.



I was only involved in two conversations the whole night: people only wanted to talk to me about The Poop and Baby Poop.

Half the people wanted to make their own baby and half the people want to make The Poop.

Juice's new gal pal seemed willing to do anything to make the blog and I stupidly forgot to ask her to show her tits. TallSkott and I spent 15 minutes grilling Michelle (we want Juice to find someone special). The leggy 24 year old seems really cool and I think her and Juice will get along very well as long as they can keep their ADHD medications separate.



Funniest moment of the night of course goes to the Concierge on his own birthday. For some reason there was a locked door, behind where we were standing. We had no idea what was behind it, but The Conch said "I bet I can jimmy this lock in 10 seconds." Two seconds later he slams his credit card through crack in the door and 'click' the door opened. Turns out it was just a hallway.



Focks made it out despite his injuries. But here he looks like he's about to vomit on Julie's cleavage.





Juice and his new paramour wanted to dance (probably because neither of them can sit still) so they begged the DJ to play something other than 1920s jazz. Turns out he had an old Tribe record and played about 3 songs in a row. He also played "Respect" off "Ready to Die" and we argued about who the reggae singer was, I said Diana King and of course I was right.

The Blue Owl is the only Manhattan bar I've ever been in that's crowded at 10 and empty at 1. So we cleared out pretty early and while some went back to Focks's sister's to play Guitar Hero I went home secure in the notion that although the Concierge had gotten a year older, he definitely hasn't gotten a year more mature. And that's a good thing.

This Time It Still Doesn't Count

No one cares about the Major League Baseball All-Star Game (or the NBA All-Star Game or the Pro Bowl or the NHL), so they should stop trying to pump the thing up. The only times people talk about it anymore are when it is a debacle, the tie in 2002 and this give-up by Tony LaRussa.
If you didn't see it, the NL made a furious comeback and had the bases loaded down a run in the bottom of the 9th, with Aaron Rowand up against Francisco Rodriguez.
LaRussa did not use his own player the Fantabulous Pooh Holes to pinch hit. LaRussa said he was keeping the Brilliant Pooh Holes in reserve in case the game went long because he could play a lot of positions.
First of all, the managers shouldn't try to get every single player and pitcher in. This is what caused the tie game a few years ago, keep some guys back to play in case of extra innings.
Second of all, how long was he going to wait to use him? He could have put Soriano in center and Pooh Holes in left if he took out Rowand. Plus it was already the bottom of the ninth inning, with the bases loaded and 2 outs extra innings are actually somewhat unlikely. A hit wins the game, an out loses it, a walk ties it, but in that spot a walk is unlikely, K-Rod had walked two in a row, I think he was going to just throw something over the middle.
Here's the real point: the All-Star Game is irrelevant, stop with the contrived ways to generate fan interest. Give the best team the home field in the World Series.

Best Commercial Ever

I don't know why, I love this like I do, it can't be because the guy on the right looks like Napoleon Dynamite (minus the hair). But it's just so hysterical, and "I'm into nuggets y'all."

Fat Slob Screams at Wolf Blitzer

Michael Moore went off on CNN's Wolf Blitzer after CNN ran a piece by the real life Dr. McDreamy (Dr. Sanjay Gupta) which questioned some of the facts in "Sicko." Moore said CNN criticized his movie because CNN is bought and paid for by the pharmaceutical companies. Then he accused Wolf of lying about the war three years ago.

Sometimes the Little Guy Deserved To Get Stepped On

Sprint has canceled roughly 1,000 of its cell phone customers because they call customer service too much. The initial knee-jerk reaction is "you bastards!" We are conditioned to hate the big bag mutli-billion dollar corporations. Customers are supposed to call customer service, they do it because cell phone companies suck, we say.
But sometimes you have to realize people are assholes. These douchebags called customer service 40 to 50 times a month.
So while you were waiting on hold for 20 minutes, these thousand dickwads were tying up the lines asking the representatives for info on other people's accounts.

It'll Be 40-Feet Tall When Fully Erect(ed)

A giant hotel and condo tower planned for downtown San Diego has some tongues wagging. Because it looks like a giant penis. The designer says you can find sex anywhere if you look hard enough, but you don't have to look too hard to see it here.
Thankfully they scrapped plans to put a giant fountain on the roof.

Welcome Back

Tueday night marks the return of World Series of Poker coverage to ESPN. They'll start with a few weeks of bracelet events. Then in late August they start with coverage of the Main Event with the Final Table on October 9th. Then three weeks (6 hours) of the $50,000 H.O.R.S.E event, and by Halloween it's wait until next year.

The best part of this is it means the return of the best announcing team in poker, and probably any sport (or game) on TV. Lon McEachern & Norman Chad.



I love Norman Chad and wish he would still do guest spots on PTI.
I love Chad's gimmicks about all his ex-wives, plus his lines like "he just flopped a full house and he looks like he's waiting for a bus!"

When David Williams's mother thanked Jesus for a river card Chad said "why is she thanking Chris Ferguson?"

He always has something funny to say about the hand or the players, but what I like most about him is the way he analyzes the action. Unlike the WPT announcers who think every hand is the dramatic end of the world and every player is great, Chad calls out bad plays and often calls people to task for displays of poor ettiquette. And every year he awards the Flushies.

One side note about Norman Chad:
When Mrs. Poop was pregnant the first time, we told Poop On Me that baby was going to be named Norman Chad because it fit the letters she thought we would be using. She immediately said "that's a stupid name," proving why we don't want people to know our name selections. When we got pregnant the second time, and avoided the predicted miscarriage I left a message for Poop On Me that said "Hi Aunt Poop On Me, it's Norman Chad. I've been here the whole time. I'll see you in about 8 months. " That was nice.

Phillies Wind

The Phillies-Rockies game on Sunday was interrupted by rain. And it would have been a much longer delay for "dead groundskeeper" had the Phillies not gotten off their bench and helped the grounds crew hold down the tap.
Seriously, one guy got pulled across the field, and a couple guys got swept under.
Surprisingly, only one Rockie, LaTroy Hawkins pitched in. I guess Yorvit Torrealba was already in the clubhouse.

My Three Babies

"Let sleeping dogs lie" is not a motto that Mrs. Poop lives by.
More truthfully she prefers "go over and disturb the sleeping dog."
But this is one time when Diesel was too tired to get up and run away from her.

Diesel's 3rd Birthday

Diesel spent his 3rd birthday recovering from an illness, eating his traditional birthday meal of wet food mixed with dry food, and posing for pictures for his photophile (made-up word) grandmother

The Incredible Shrinking Sheldon

Papa Poop has lost about 85 pounds in the last 14 months or so.

This is what he used to look like:




This is what he looks like now:

Long Lines for Fish Tacos

Sunday night at Petco Park was...how to describe this...gay night. The Padres gave discount tickets to a gay group of about 1,000 and The Gay Men's chorus sang the national anthem. Sounds like a Will & Grace episode. Maybe Rottweiler Tom went to this game.
Anyway, because the game was also Floppy Hat Night, meaning all kids got Floppy Hats, religious groups did not like this. Kids and gays should be kept apart. Otherwise some horny 13-year old will look at two gay guys watching a ball game and say "that looks like fun, I want to take it in the ass for the rest of my life." I'm not sure how people become gay, but I'm quite certain that ain't it.
Set-Free Ministries, which normally provides some of its members as concession workers to raise money, boycotted the game.
They refuse to stand quietly by, serving hot dogs and beer while the Padres allow young children in floppy hats to be led into a life of homosexuality.

Fight Complacency

Thanks to our grassroots campaign Pizza Parlor KeriAnn has vaulted into second place in the voting on Celtics.com.
We must not give up the fight. Continue to vote for PPKA and wish her well in Thursday's final audition at Avalon.

Maybe He's Auditioning for the Bengals Radio Job

Former NFL player and Fox Sports broadcaster Bill Maas was charged with drug possession and weapons charges following a roadside safety check.

The 45-year-old Maas and a passenger in his Hummer, Sarah J. Murphy, 27, were arrested late Friday by Illinois State Police in Peoria. During the stop, police indicated Maas seemed nervous, and he agreed to a search of his vehicle.

Police found a .22-caliber revolver, 5 grams of suspected marijuana, 6 grams of suspected cocaine and 28 pills of Ecstasy. Maas and Murphy were charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of marijuana. Maas was also booked on a charge of unlawful use of a weapon.

Shouldn't be long now before Sam Rosen is looking for a new broadcast partner.

Beltran's Catch

Poor quality but worth watching