What Would You Do If a Kangaroo Had Your Dog in a Headlock?

A hunter in Australia saw that a kangaroo had a headlock on one of his dogs.



I totally agree with doing whatever you can to protect your pets, but I really don't think it was absolutely necessary for him to strike the kangaroo, at least not at that point. He clearly startled the 'roo who relinquished the hold. The man could have waited and seen what happened next before punching the kangaroo, more for his own safety more than his opponent's.

Good thing he wasn't facing Killer Willard.

Graphic Video of a Panda Giving Birth

I would have liked to see Mrs. Poop try to lift Lincoln in her mouth after he was born.

I Would Have Shot the Parents Too

The tragic death of Harambe the gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo is the direct result of negligence by the parents of the child who ended up in the gorilla enclosure.

Yes accidents happen. Small children do things and go places they are not supposed to. But any good parent would have rounded up their child before they even thought of getting close enough to the gorilla enclosure to fall in.
As sad as I am about the death of the gorilla I feel the Zoo had no other choice. A tranquilizer dart wouldn't work fast enough on an animal that large. Entering the enclosure, even a trained professional could have frightened the animal.
They did what they could to do save the child's life. Now if they could only do something about his parents.

I Hope We Find Them a Nice Warm Jail

A bison calf had to be put down after a pair of tourists to Yellowstone National Park put the animal in their car because they thought he was cold.

The idiots took him away from his herd, and efforts to reunite him were unsuccessful and he had to be euthanized for his safety and the safety of others because he kept approaching people and cars.

The tourists, who are not American, say they found him alone, thought he was freezing and wanted to drive him to a park facility.

That's bullshit. I don't know if they wanted to take him home, or just have a good instagram picture of a bison calf in their rental car but everyone knows you don't fuck with nature.

The park rangers said the tourists thought they were caring for the animal. I am not forgiving. They should be prosecuted.

Family Swims in a Backyard Pool

Did I mention it was a family of bears? This happened in Rockaway, New Jersey.

If Mike Tyson Were a Groundhog

Jimmy, the official groundhog in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin bit the mayor's ear during a Groundhog Day celebration.
Why was he so close to the Mayor, was it to simulate him whispering in his ear?

Story Suggested by Razor.

I Knew Horses Didn't Belong on Staten Island

Whenever I go to Staten Island to visit Mama and Papa Poop I always take the first exit after the Goethals Bridge to avoid the occasional backup on the Staten Island Expressway. I take the service road to South Avenue and then a left on Travis Ave to Richmond Ave. There are two things Chase likes about Travis, this big dip in the road that makes his stomach drop, and the horses in the backyard on the corner of Travis and Victory.
We have seen these horses several times and on each occasion we commented on how out of place these animals were in Staten Island, especially on this busy intersection, and how feeble the fence around their area was.
Our fears were realized as the Shetland pony and a zebra escaped and ran down Victory Boulevard.



Apparently the homeowner has the animals for petting zoos. And that is why he recently acquired the zebra (explaining why we had never seen it before). He says the animals escaped when he was feeding them, though I have my doubts and suspect the breached the fence.

I now wish I had photographed and written about these animals before this incident occurred.

Legal Sea Food Ads

My favorite seafood joint, Legal Sea Food is out with a series of cheeky new ads. They start as faux-environmental ads with messages like "Save the Trout" but they end with "save the trout so we can grill that baby up real nice."
As an environmentalist, an animal lover, a food lover, someone who believes the natural order of the universe allows even requires animals to eat other animals, and an avowed smartass, I love the ad campaign.
But of course the PETA wackos are up in arms over it.

The Animals Knew

An amazing story in the Washington Post about the strange behavior of animals at the National Zoo before last week's earthquake.

Here are some examples:
-About five to ten seconds before the quake, many of the apes, including Kyle (an orangutan) and Kojo (a Western lowland gorilla), abandoned their food and climbed to the top of the tree-like structure in the exhibit.

-About three seconds before the quake, Mandara (a gorilla) let out a shriek and collected her baby, Kibibi, and moved to the top of the tree structure as well.

-The red ruffed lemurs sounded an alarm call about 15 minutes before the quake and then again just after it occurred.

-The Zoo has a flock of 64 flamingos. Just before the quake, the birds rushed about and grouped themselves together. They remained huddled during the quake.

Here's one possible scientific explanation: An earthquake generates two types of seismic waves. The first is the relatively weak, fast-moving P wave, or primary wave. Then comes the more powerful S wave, or secondary wave, which lumbers along at a leisurely pace and heaves the ground up and down.

The first P waves would have reached Washington about 15 seconds before the S waves. The animals may have been responding to the P waves before humans noticed the ground shaking.

That's why some of the animals moved to higher ground, because they felt the earth shaking.

But that doesn't explain the lemurs sounding their alarm 15 minutes before.

Maybe that was just an aberation.

Maybe the lemurs knew.

We will never know why animals pick up on these things before we do. Unless they decide to tell us.

3000 Words

Bears at the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago stay cool by licking giant blocks of ice.



Bryan Devonshire stacks his chips at the World Series of Poker



Justin Bieber wears a Kelly Kapowski t-shirt

Do Bumblebees Have Sex?

I think I saw two bumblebees fucking. They landed on a leaf on a bush where I was standing and they were not disturbed at all by my flash photography.




The internet says they do in fact mate, and they usually mate with the male hanging on to the queen's back.

Don't Fuck With Mrs. Poop

Recently our home has been terrorized by a groundhog. He is living under our sunporch and tearing up the insulation.

One day Mrs. Poop sent me the following e-mail:

"Just pulled into the driveway and the big fat fucking groundhog was up in that tree near the AC. He was so fat he was bending the tree. He jumped off it so fast as soon as I pulled in. We need to get rid of that mother fucker. He just came out again while I was sitting here and I blasted the horn at him. He's staring at me. Too bad I don't have a gun. I could shoot him right now. With just a tranquilizer dart of course and relocate him."

The next day she e-mailed me this:



She insists she is not the person who ran over our cuddly little pest. Poor groundhog looked like Henry Waxman.

The unfortunate postscript to this story is that there is at least one more of his relatives still inhabiting the space beneath our home. And I think we are going to have to construct a fence, as relying on reckless drivers doesn't seem to be a sound philosophy.

Look What the Cat Dragged In

A quiet California neighborhood is being terrorized by Dusty the Klepto Kitty.



My favorite part is Dusty coming down the street with a bra hanging out of his mouth.



But there are so many questions:
1) Why can't they lock Dusty inside the house? How does he keep getting out?
2) Why can't the neighbors lock up their stuff? I can see the bathing suits, but why are your tighty whiteys outside?
3) Why do his owners still have a collection of the stuff he's taken? Don't they give it back? Why are the holding onto their neighbors' dirty drawers?
4) Why do people own cats?

I Fight Authority But Authority Always Wins

For quite a while Mrs. Poop has wanted to get Chase a fish. I have always resisted because of the obvious, fish don't live very long and then we're stuck with either getting fish after fish to hide the death, or explaining death to Chase and dealing with the hysteria.
Normally I'm all in favor of a child having a pet (especially one he can care for like a fish) but since we already have Diesel and teach Chase about the importance of feeding him and taking him for walks, I thought the responsibility lessons would be redundant.

But Mrs. Poop has retained her undefeated record.



Meet Roddy. Chase wanted to name him Porange, because that rhymes with orange, but we discouraged him and he came up with Roddy instead.

Chase won him at the Purim carnival, throwing a ping pong ball into a fish bowl. They didn't even need to cheat for him (though they would have), the kid has a pretty good throwing arm.

Don't worry, since the above photograph was taken his bowl has been appointed with all the necessary accoutrements, including green (Chase's favorite color!) gravel. And so far Roddy has lived a happy and healthy week with us.

Now that I'm into this fish for $25 I hope he lives long enough that we can push off getting his replacement until next year's Purim carnival.

We didn't plan this but there is a powerful metaphor in the above picture. Chase stares at Roddy while Diesel is lingering, heartbroken, in the background.

Suck My Horn Bitch

Bullfighting is a lot more fun when the bull wins.



Julio Aparicio was coming off a high having just killed two bulls in France and proudly showing off their ears.
The next day at a bullfight in Madrid he let his guard down against “Opiparo.”
Just as he was about the deliever the “death blow” to the badly injured Opiparo, he tripped and fell, and Opiparo took advantage.
He charged at Aparicio and put his right now through his throat and out his mouth.
Aparacio needed major surgery but he will live.
Which is more than I can say for Opiparo who was immediately killed by another bullfighter.

Manu Ginobili Kills a Bat

Spurs guard Manu Ginobili (whom I blame for ruining the NBA by popularizing the head down run into defender at full speed offensive move that has become so popular recently) killed a bat during a game Halloween night.
Someone released a bat (evidently) during the game and after several failed efforts to catch it, Ginobili took a swipe at it and knocked it out of the air.



Notice Ginobili got a spritz of Purell from the trainer, just to make sure.

Smarter Than the Average Bear

A bear wandered into a skate park in Colorado and couldn't get out.
Police dropped a ladder into the skate park then sat back and watched as the bear climbed it, then wandered off back into the woods where he came from.

If the Fires Don't Get You the Ovarian Cysts Will

You migth remember this picture of a poor little koala burned in a fire, rehydrated by a nice fireman. That little act of kindness bought Sam six more months on this earth. But destiny caught up with her, she died of ovarian cysts.

We Must Protect This Nest

Crazed blackbird in San Francisco swoops down to attack unsuspecting passersby. The last woman, the one in the red jacket is the best. She acts as if she's been shot.

Hooves + Linoleum = Hilarity

Few things I've seen in my life amuse me more than the few times I've seen deer run into a store.



Poor deer, they never can get their footing on those slippery floors.